| Satire Fiction posted June 14, 2025 | Chapters: |
...18 19 -20- 21... 
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The changing of the guard
A chapter in the book Milton vs the HOA
Milton vs the HOA - Chapter 20
by Jim Wile
| Background A meek accountant moves into the HOA from hell. |
Recap of Chapter 19: Having been unable to get a table at a fancier place following the concert, Milton and Rosie head into a diner. They attract quite a few looks from the clientele because they are very conspicuous in their nice clothes. Regardless, they end up having a terrific meal of fast food and pie. Both of them share their experiences of bullying in their former lives—Milton by George and Rosie by her ex-husband, who was abusive.
Following that grim conversation, they get lost in talking about music, which is dear to both of them. At the end of the date, Milton awkwardly attempts to kiss Rosie goodnight, but she patiently instructs him after he fumbles his first attempt, ending in a beautiful kiss.
Chapter 20
On Tuesday evening, Milton and Esme got together to plan how they would conduct the meeting that would be held in the conference room at Esme’s church the following Monday.
Before discussing the agenda, Esme asked, “Do you think we should mention the suspected fraud and embezzlement yet?”
“I think that may be premature. Let’s mention the laxity shown in the dues payments by the six individuals because we have the bank records to prove it, but the rest is going to require some further investigation by the authorities. Once they are out of power, we’ll be able to focus our energy and resources to advance that agenda.”
“That’s fine,” said Esme. “Now, if you don’t mind, I would like to kick the meeting off and introduce you, and I will turn the rest of the meeting over to you. I know you’ll do well.”
“Thank you for your vote of confidence. That sounds fine.” Milton then began laying out the points he planned to make.
At 6:45 PM the following Monday, the residents of Riverwood began filing into the church conference room. Forty chairs sat facing a table with a lectern in the middle. The table had two chairs occupied by Esme and Milton.
By 7:00, almost every chair was filled. In the front row on the left side sat Dorothy Clodfelter, Penny Smalls, and four others, whom Milton had not met yet. Presumably these were the four non-paying cohorts of Dorothy and Penny. Betty sat with Rosie in the front row on the right side, well away from this group.
Esme took to the lectern. “Good evening, folks. Thank you all for coming. I’d like to call this meeting to order now. Most of you know me. I’m Esme Green, and I’ve been a longtime resident of the neighborhood. This used to be a friendly place to live, and everyone got along well, but over the years things have continually gotten worse, and I believe it’s time for a change.”
As she scanned the audience, she could see Dorothy and Penny glaring daggers at her, but for the moment, they were silent.
“The impetus for this change has recently come from the arrival of my next-door neighbor, Milton Frobish. What most of you don’t know is that Milton moved in about eight weeks ago with his brother, George, but I will let Milton describe what happened to George.
“Most of you have met Milton when we brought around the petition to sign, but he will be new to a few of you.” She said this while looking at the four seated next to Dorothy and Penny. “I’m going to turn the meeting over to Milton now, since he has been the one to initiate this effort through his diligent work and research. Milton?”
She stepped aside, and Milton took to the lectern. “Good evening. As Esme said, I’m Milton Frobish, and I moved here with my brother George. George was in a wheelchair, and before moving in, I had a ramp installed from the front walk to the front door so George could get up and down the front steps. I met Mrs. Clodfelter the day we moved in. As we were moving items into the house, the first words out of her mouth to me were, ‘You cannot have that unsightly ramp in front of your house. It must be taken down and replaced with one that isn’t so ugly. Do you realize that will reduce the property values in this neighborhood? What’s your name, by the way?’
“Not, ‘Hello, my name is Dorothy Clodfelter. I’m the president of the HOA, and I’d like to welcome you to the neighborhood. Once you get settled in, perhaps we could get together and have a word about neighborhood rules.’ Nothing remotely like that.
“I introduced myself and told her I was new to living in an HOA and unfamiliar with the rules, but I would be more than willing to replace the ramp with a more suitable one that was less obtrusive, and I would address the matter first thing after we got moved in.”
Milton then described how Dorothy had the ramp removed while he and George were at the doctor, leading to the accident that culminated in George’s death upon their return.
This was met with gasps and startled looks by the members, who were unaware of this until now. All eyes turned to Dorothy Clodfelter in the front row, who probably wished she was seated in the back, or maybe wished now that she hadn’t come at all. Even Penny Smalls hadn’t known this and gave Dorothy a look of shock.
Milton then related how he had even been fined for not complying in a timely fashion but had never been told when to comply.
“It was this tragic event that prompted me to begin looking into the rules that govern the HOA.”
“My first step was to ask Dorothy if she could share the governing documents with me, and she claimed not to know what they were or to possess them. I was able to obtain my own personal copies from the county recorder’s office, though. Upon reading these documents, I realized the HOA was being run in an arbitrary, illegal fashion, and some fundamental changes were mandatory.
“The most important violations I saw were the failure to conduct an annual meeting, the failure to produce a budget that the membership could approve or reject, and the failure to hold regular elections of Board members.”
At this, Dorothy Clodfelter stood suddenly and addressed Milton. “Mr. Frobish, as I informed you previously, you are wrong about this. We did hold a meeting every year, we approved the budget, and we held elections. At each of these meetings, we had a quorum, so the results were valid.”
Milton stood there politely looking at her while she addressed him. He then turned to the members and asked, “Does anyone recall seeing written notice of these meetings, as the rules require?”
Four hands shot up, belonging to the contingent surrounding Dorothy and Penny.
“And where did you see this written notice, if I may ask?”
One of them ventured, “I saw it posted on a telephone pole.”
Quite a few humorless snickers and snorts greeted this.
“I’m afraid a flyer on a telephone pole does not constitute valid written notice. We have a number of shut-ins in the neighborhood who do not get out and could not have seen such a posting. Nor apparently had anyone else.”
Milton continued his attack, “I’m intrigued by the fact that it was you six—the four who raised their hands plus Mrs. Clodfelter and Mrs. Smalls—who attended this so-called meeting and provided just enough for a quorum. I’m intrigued, because it is you six who have not paid any dues like everyone else here for at least the last 18 months and probably longer.”
The place erupted with this bombshell. Dorothy’s mouth flew open in shock. As everyone began glaring at this group, she stood up and after regaining her composure, said, “That’s an outrageous lie! You have no proof of that. I ought to sue you for slander.”
Milton was expecting this and calmly removed a sheaf of papers from a folder he had placed next to the lectern.
“I’m certain I do have the proof, Dorothy. Right here are the bank records for all of 2024 and 2025 through last month that clearly show six missing dues deposits each month. I also have a log of monies received by the HOA for dues payments that clearly shows no payments from you six.”
“That’s because all of us prepay our dues at the beginning of the year and don’t pay month by month,” spat Dorothy.
“If that were true, then we should see some rather large deposits of these full-year payments on the January or February bank statements, but there are none. My guess is that you have purposely waived the dues of these other four to buy their support to provide a quorum at your secret meetings and vote to keep you in power.”
Major rumblings and many nods of the head from the members as they considered Milton’s theory.
Dorothy tried another tack. “Mr. Frobish, how did you get your hands on those bank statements? Only the Board should have access to them.”
“That’s where you’re wrong again, Dorothy. We all have a vested interest in the financial health of the community, and we all have the right to see the bank records upon request.” He didn’t actually answer her question, but she didn’t pursue it.
Shot down again, she had one more arrow in her quiver. “I can see how you might have been led to believe these outrageous lies, but don’t you think it’s mighty suspicious that our treasurer, Betty Kleinsmith, very conveniently resigned before this meeting? It’s my contention that she has fooled you into thinking I have been guilty of mismanagement of the HOA’s finances when it was she all along. Who kept the records? Betty did. Who made the bank deposits, or lack thereof? Betty did. If there’s anyone to blame for missing funds, it’s Betty Kleinsmith!”
Pandemonium ensued at this blatant attempt to deflect the blame. Poor Betty turned to Rosie and said, “What’s happening? I don’t understand. Why is Dorothy shouting and pointing at me?”
“Don’t worry, Gram. No one who knows you believes what she said. Try to remain calm,” implored Rosie, but she could tell that her Gram was extremely agitated.
With all the shouting and invective Dorothy had leveled at Betty and all the anger in the crowd that she mistakenly thought was directed at her, Betty’s eyes rolled up in her skull, and she passed out.
Rosie grabbed her as she began teetering and laid her gently on the floor. Milton came quickly from behind the lectern and knelt beside Betty, as did Esme. Betty immediately began seizing, and Milton pulled out his phone to call 911.
In 10 minutes, paramedics arrived. Betty’s seizures lasted a minute or so but repeated several times.
This was a life-threatening situation and the paramedics loaded her onto a gurney and into the ambulance. Rosie accompanied her to the emergency room.
The place was still in an uproar. In an attempt to duck out, Dorothy announced, “I think this meeting is adjourned. I’m leaving.”
The normally meek Milton, who never raised his voice and whom most people tended to ignore and consider inconsequential, stood tall and announced in a loud voice, “Dorothy Clodfelter, as you did not bring this meeting to order, you may not adjourn it. You may leave if you wish, but this meeting is not over. Everyone who wants to remain to complete our business, please take your seats.”
All except Dorothy, Penny, and their contingent of four sat down. All eyes were upon them standing there. Knowing that the tide had turned against her (if it had ever been with her), Dorothy turned and fled from the conference room, followed by the other five toadies.
Milton said, “Do we need some further discussion, or are we ready to vote to remove the current Directors?”
There were many shouts of “Let’s vote!”
“Alright,” said Milton, “How many are in favor of removing Dorothy Clodfelter and Penny Smalls from the Board?”
Every hand in the room shot up, including Milton’s and Esme’s.
“How many are against?” Not a single hand was raised.
“Then they are relieved from the Board.”
The membership responded with much applause and even a few whistles. When folks had quieted down, Esme stood up and said, “We have one more order of business tonight, and that is to elect a new Board. There should be at least three Directors. Do we have any nominations from the floor?”
As might be expected, Milton, Esme, and also Irene Ferguson were nominated.
“Anyone else?” asked Milton of the members.
He waited a few moments for any more nominations, and with none forthcoming, he said, “Are there any objections to these three candidates?” When none were voiced, he said, “Then by acclamation, I think we have our new Board. We will meet in the coming days and let you know who the officers are and what our responsibilities will be. Is there anything that anyone would like to say before we adjourn?”
One lady stood up and said, “I’d just like to thank you, Milton and Esme, for doing what none of us has had the courage to do for a long time.”
Many people responded with “Hear, hear!” and expressed gratitude and applause. Milton and Esme beamed at each other.
When the applause died down, Milton said, “Thank you all very much for your support and for coming tonight. This meeting is adjourned.”
 Recognized |
Milton Frobish: A meek 41-year-old accountant, who moves into an HOA with his brother, George.
George Frobish (Geordie): The 44-year-old invalid brother of Milton. After his death, George becomes a ghost that only Milton can see.
Esme Green (pronounced Ez-may): Milton's next-door neighbor. She is 75.
Dorothy Clodfelter: The president of the Riverwood HOA.
Penny Smalls: The vice president of the Riverwood HOA.
Betty Kleinsmith: The senile treasurer of the Riverwood HOA.
Rosemary Kleinsmith (Rosie): Betty's adult granddaughter. She is 35.
Irene Ferguson: Esme's next-door neighbor.
Picture courtesy of Imagen-3
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