Humor Poetry posted October 13, 2023

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(The Last Laugh)

...But...You Could Have

by Mimi Linny

Laughter Contest Winner

I gave myself a special treat

When Eighty-Five I turned

So stayed last night at a grand hotel

A gift I thought I’d earned

But checking out sent utter shock

Both up and down my spine

The total for the final bill…

A HUGE Two hundred fifty-nine

“What?” I gasped in disbelief

“This charge is way too high!

I know this is a nice hotel

Explain and tell me why!”

“I only stayed just overnight

And breakfast didn’t eat…

Was in a simple 4th floor room

Where all I did was sleep!”

The clerk said that $259’s

The basic, standard rate

And breakfast was included

Had I chosen to partake

Annoyed, I then demanded

No… insisted... that I speak

To the manager on call that day

So discount I could seek

Forewarned by her, the Manager

Spoke blunt, as if on queue,

“Dear Madam, I assure you

That there’s nothing I can do!”

“This hotel boasts an eight-lane pool

And finest conference hall,

There’s 18 holes for golfing free

And courts for hand or pickleball!”

“Not one of these,” I did respond,

“I used or even would have!”

“But Madam, we do have them all

You know you really could have!”

“Well, just the same,” I spoke up firm

“No extras did I seek…

I didn’t use the spa or gym

To tighten my physique!”

“But ma’am, from round the world each night

The best performers play

And shows are free to all our guests

To aid a pleasant stay!”

“These nice amenities you crow

I didn’t use, nor would have!”

“But Madam, they were here for you…

You know you really could have!”

Round-about and back and forth

In battled conversation

The “could have’s” he kept taunting me

Just heightened my frustration

Exasperated, in defeat

There wasn’t any doubt

I had to give the man a check

Still fuming, wrote one out

The Manager then took my check

And as I scoffed, “So long,”

He said, “Excuse me, Madam,

But I think you wrote it wrong...

“This check is just for Fifty-Nine…”

“But that’s correct, you see,

“I charged $200 bucks a night

For you to sleep with me!”

“But Madam, I did not do that

Nor never, ever would have!”

“Well that’s too bad for I was here…

So now you know…

You could have!”

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This poem was inspired by a funny senior joke found on Facebook - author of joke unknown.
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(The Last Laugh)

...But...You Could Have

by Mimi Linny

Laughter Contest Winner

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