| Spiritual Non-Fiction posted October 9, 2023 |
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Art by my granddaughter, Kenzie Jo Adams
Lies I used to tell Myself
by Debi Pick Marquette
Faith Contest Winner
I have faith in many things in my life. I have faith that the sun will rise again in the morning and that there will most likely always be enough food on our table. I have faith that when I come to FanStory, I will be among friends and a second family. Like many, I sometimes take these things for granted when I don't pray about them enough. But there was a time I lost my faith and stopped praying altogether.
Why? Because there was so much fear instilled in me as a child; the fear of God was pounded in my head. It seemed anything I wanted to do turned out to be a sin. To name just a few, we weren't suppose to go to movies, watch TV, dance, play cards, or wear makeup. Even some childhood games were thought of as evil.
I remember once being told that I shouldn't whistle because it was the sound of satan. Because that fear was pounded in me so hard, I felt shamed. My home life was not following any of these teachings, so I only became more confused. They talked the talk, but did not walk the walk. Yet I still felt like I had to sneak to be with my friends who participated in these so called awful, sinful events.
It didn't leave any room for what I now believe God had intended for us: joy. So, I gave up on religion, Christianity, or whatever they wanted to call it. I thought, "Why bother since I am going to Hell anyway? So I might as well enjoy my life while I am here." That's where even common sense flew out the window, right with my "Faith" that I thought was a thing of the past.
I didn't think the little bit of good memory I had from childhood was active, but I now believe it was.
I found that the longer I tried to drown out my faith, the more corrupted my life became. Then I had children and I became a part-time Christian for the pretense of doing the right thing. It was a matter of convenience for me. On Sunday mornings, if I wasn't too tired or hung over from being out the night before, I would take my kids to Sunday School and Church. My parents were still attending the same church so I decided to give it one more try. After all, they thought it was better.
As I sat there on Sunday mornings, I could see how things changed within my church. That people were not as uptight as they once were and things were not as strict. This was when I realized I had never completely lost my faith or the desire to feel close to my Lord again.
I had been confused about how people determined their faith. I knew a man who didn't attend church because he said he would never sit amongst people there, for they are hypocrites. Even being one of those hypocrites that all those hypocrites complain about, I realized it was precisely why I needed to sit among them. Jesus isn't in business to cater to all the perfect people in the church. He likes to hang out with us ordinary people, as He did in the early biblical times when He walked the earth.
Nice try satan. I'm onto you. I no longer fall for those lies. Yes, I had become one of those whose life was screwed up by the earlier teachings, but delighted in finding the truth. I understood later that God's words were taken out of context, and it was the teachings of the earlier Finnish congregations. So, I no longer had to go on telling myself more lies.
Now, it is a matter of happiness, peace, joy, and love that surrounds me. It is all because I have genuine faith. Faith that God will make it a better life for those who ask, and trust that my children and grandchildren will be cared for because I pray for them and because He loves us all. I know with my illness, I will start to feel insecure at times, but then I feel the love of my Savior holding me close and telling me that it will be okay.
Sometimes, he sends His Earth Angels to step in just at the right time and be there with a kind word when it is needed the most. So many of my Earth Angels are right here among you or my grandchildren and so often, my brother, Greg.
Faith tells me there is a bright side, that it is better to give than to receive, and it is faith that makes my day when someone tells me that I made them smile after posting a story or poem. Not because I was so proud of my post, but because I was able to make someone else smile.
I am so thankful, blessed, and in love with what God has given me in this life. It has nothing to do with materialistic items, but the feeling of joy in my heart. Yet, I know there is so much better in the next life to come.
Am I scared of death? No, maybe, perhaps a little. To be perfectly honest, I don't know exactly what I am feeling right now. But then again, I am only human.
However, I do know it would be much more frightening if I didn't have faith.
I have faith in many things in my life. I have faith that the sun will rise again in the morning and that there will most likely always be enough food on our table. I have faith that when I come to FanStory, I will be among friends and a second family. Like many, I sometimes take these things for granted when I don't pray about them enough. But there was a time I lost my faith and stopped praying altogether.
Why? Because there was so much fear instilled in me as a child; the fear of God was pounded in my head. It seemed anything I wanted to do turned out to be a sin. To name just a few, we weren't suppose to go to movies, watch TV, dance, play cards, or wear makeup. Even some childhood games were thought of as evil.
I remember once being told that I shouldn't whistle because it was the sound of satan. Because that fear was pounded in me so hard, I felt shamed. My home life was not following any of these teachings, so I only became more confused. They talked the talk, but did not walk the walk. Yet I still felt like I had to sneak to be with my friends who participated in these so called awful, sinful events.
It didn't leave any room for what I now believe God had intended for us: joy. So, I gave up on religion, Christianity, or whatever they wanted to call it. I thought, "Why bother since I am going to Hell anyway? So I might as well enjoy my life while I am here." That's where even common sense flew out the window, right with my "Faith" that I thought was a thing of the past.
I didn't think the little bit of good memory I had from childhood was active, but I now believe it was.
I found that the longer I tried to drown out my faith, the more corrupted my life became. Then I had children and I became a part-time Christian for the pretense of doing the right thing. It was a matter of convenience for me. On Sunday mornings, if I wasn't too tired or hung over from being out the night before, I would take my kids to Sunday School and Church. My parents were still attending the same church so I decided to give it one more try. After all, they thought it was better.
As I sat there on Sunday mornings, I could see how things changed within my church. That people were not as uptight as they once were and things were not as strict. This was when I realized I had never completely lost my faith or the desire to feel close to my Lord again.
I had been confused about how people determined their faith. I knew a man who didn't attend church because he said he would never sit amongst people there, for they are hypocrites. Even being one of those hypocrites that all those hypocrites complain about, I realized it was precisely why I needed to sit among them. Jesus isn't in business to cater to all the perfect people in the church. He likes to hang out with us ordinary people, as He did in the early biblical times when He walked the earth.
Nice try satan. I'm onto you. I no longer fall for those lies. Yes, I had become one of those whose life was screwed up by the earlier teachings, but delighted in finding the truth. I understood later that God's words were taken out of context, and it was the teachings of the earlier Finnish congregations. So, I no longer had to go on telling myself more lies.
Now, it is a matter of happiness, peace, joy, and love that surrounds me. It is all because I have genuine faith. Faith that God will make it a better life for those who ask, and trust that my children and grandchildren will be cared for because I pray for them and because He loves us all. I know with my illness, I will start to feel insecure at times, but then I feel the love of my Savior holding me close and telling me that it will be okay.
Sometimes, he sends His Earth Angels to step in just at the right time and be there with a kind word when it is needed the most. So many of my Earth Angels are right here among you or my grandchildren and so often, my brother, Greg.
Faith tells me there is a bright side, that it is better to give than to receive, and it is faith that makes my day when someone tells me that I made them smile after posting a story or poem. Not because I was so proud of my post, but because I was able to make someone else smile.
I am so thankful, blessed, and in love with what God has given me in this life. It has nothing to do with materialistic items, but the feeling of joy in my heart. Yet, I know there is so much better in the next life to come.
Am I scared of death? No, maybe, perhaps a little. To be perfectly honest, I don't know exactly what I am feeling right now. But then again, I am only human.
However, I do know it would be much more frightening if I didn't have faith.
|
Writing Prompt Write a story or essay about faith. |
Faith Contest Winner |
 Recognized |
#10 October 2023 |
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