On the Road of Grace

Mary and I found each other again after a stormy two years. We leaned into each other in the backseat of her sister's car from the airport on the way to the Blakely home. We should have caught up with words, but we spoke with eyes of love and longing to overcome what separated us. Mary may have thought her daughter could be an obstacle to us rekindling our relationship, but I wasn't bottled with bitterness. I was impressed with her sacrificial love.


Sissy drove through the small town of Cibolo at night. It must have been stuck in time. There was the same blinking light, same post office, and one set of tracks. Most folk passed through with some place else to be. But I was firmly where I needed to be. Memories cascaded through me like a waterfall, awakening my senses as Mary and I held hands, ready for a fresh start. The storms of doubt had passed. A calm and glistening sea of hope formed between us.

The Blakely family must have heard us spit gravel up the drive to the back porch of a trailer with additions. Jennifer, Mary's youngest sister flung open the door and bounded toward us with Malissa in her arms. I was smitten by how cute she was and questioned how any father would abandon such a rare gem as this girl. She reminded me of Shirley Temple in the movies with curly brown hair and puffy cheeks.

With outstretched arms, the child wanted her mother. Mary dove from the car. Mother and daughter re-united. We all huddled around them. Mr. and Mrs. Blakely came outside and joined the fray. I was hugged and welcomed back into their circle of trust, as if I never left. It was more than I deserved. It was grace in living color.

From the moment I saw Mary's daughter I loved her. If God was in it and Mary agreed, I'd be the kind of father this innocent child needed.

After dinner we enjoyed having Malissa as the center of attention who had birthday toys on the floor of the living room. Soon she warmed up to me. In the beginning she looked at me with her doubts. As I sat there on the couch I'd talk to her and ask her to show me one of her toys. She decided to come over and show me something. As I hugged her, she had my heart in her little hands.

Mary changed into her skinny jeans and sported a marijuana plant on her pants pocket. I supposed she must have known what it was. To be honest I watched how she made the plant shift as she walked. Yes, I know I was studying for the ministry, and I should have closed my eyes. She'd matured into a flower of beauty because of her innocence and vulnerability. I wasn't worried about what some stuffed shirts might think of me in a hardback pew if I was dating a divorced woman when it was providence that brought us back together. I no longer had a tug of war between my heart and head. It was all settled in my heart.

I knew Mary would have married me two years ago. I figured back then I had her at hello. But this time, I was the vulnerable one. What would Mary say, if I asked her to take a chance on me? Would she swear me off? Would she just want to be friends?

I watched as Malissa trailed over to her mother in the kitchen. She clung to her leg and rubbed her eyes.

I played peek-a-boo with my hands, spreading my fingers to see her and said, "I see you!"

I finally earned my first smile.

As the evening wore on, most everyone including Malissa went to sleep. Mary and I took time to talk but continued to look at each other, as if we couldn't believe we were free to see one another and dream together about what our future could look like.

I slept in Mary's bedroom. She slept on the couch. We knew enough to respect our distance, because it wouldn't take much to bring us together in more ways than one. That night in her bedroom I imagined what it would be like to be married, to be able to wake up beside Mary and build a future together. I couldn't be any more sure of it than if God had come down and split the bed in two with me in it.

Next morning after breakfast and before my ride to the airport, I asked Mr. Blakely if he would be okay with me coming back when school was out on winter break. He nodded with a wry smile and crinkled brow, as if he could see my desire to marry his daughter. I found out later after I flew back to Arlington Texas, he cancelled Mary's doubts. "Don't you worry none, that boy's coming back, and you can take it to the bank."