Humor Fiction posted September 23, 2022

This work has reached the exceptional level
Ambulance service in the UK is a joke

A Killing Joke

by Thomas Blanks

“Hello, is this Green Tomato Cars?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good. That’s good. Well, it seems I’ve drilled a hole through me own hand trying to put a new lock on the bloody front door. Literally bloody.”

“How can we help you, Sir?”

“Oh, right, right. I’ll be needing a ride down to hospital. London Ambulance service is a joke, innit? It takes four hours for a blob wagon to show. I could bleed to death. So, can you send a taxi around?”

“Yes, Sir. Are you in our system?”

“Yes. Yes, I am. Little over a month ago, I fell off a ladder, getting my cat out of a stork’s nest on my neighbor’s chimney. The man went off his trolley, but that’s another story. My name is Klutz. Imo Klutz. Do you see me in the system?”

“Yes, Sir, on Twits Way?”

“That’s the ticket, yes.”

“We’ll have a car there in less than fifteen minutes, Mr. Klutz. Be watching. He won’t come ringing the bell.”

“Oh, I say! Fifteen minutes is great service! Thank you. Goodbye.”


“Are you Mr. Klutz then?” 

“Right you are, Governor. Say this is a clean taxi!” 

“You’re going to hospital?”

“That’s right, I buggered my hand, ran it through with a half-inch drill.”

“Bloody hell!”

“Literally bloody.” 

“That has to hurt.”

“Not as bad as six weeks ago when I broke me back falling off a ladder.”

“How high up?”

“The top of my neighbor’s chimney, twenty feet high. Me cat was trying to kill the baby storks.”

“That’s no good. Storks are good luck.” 

“That’s what me neighbor said. Accused me of blighting his luck, but it was me cat what done it. The cat didn’t get a scratch!”

“How did you fall?”


“I figured that, why did you fall?”

“Mamma stork attacked me, so I raised a hand to cover my face. I landed on me back in a hedge of roses.”

“I bet you were in bad shape.”

“I used fowl language.”


“Catastrophic! They had me in traction.”

“When did you get out of hospital?”


Dialogue Only Writing Contest contest entry



(Painting of "The Joker, A Killing Joke" by Thomas Blanks) The killing Joke in this instance is ambulance service in the UK. This is DIALOG ONLY- a contest submission. I just can't wait three months for the due date.
Pays one point and 2 member cents.

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