So, you probably think this is the "I'm having trouble with the opening" thing. Er...only a little. See the diversion worked. Speaking of diversions-(what a segue).

McDuff & Stuff Country Club was a country club. Yeah, really. Spent a lot of time there.
An old fashioned, old thinking, (traditional?) shall we say? For God's sake-I ordered a chardonnay one day after I first joined, and voila! Yep, nobody knew what to do.

"Is it a white wine?"

"Yes", I said.

"I dunno, let me look".

I did not realize for many years, I was a force of change, simply by being me. Later, two years or so, they asked me to do the wine list. (Now THAT was a surprise).

Tuesdays were women's day.

Wednesdays were men's day! So, how do we classify all the males?
It has to be done. Ok. They are all alpha males, (so they think, of course).
Alpha males are competitive, always. We need a differential, or several.

1) Golf handicaps/ability very important.
2) Wealthy/card playing ability.
3) Sociability-sociopaths are not the same. (I think)
4) # of mistresses
5) Community rank.

See what I mean about supposed alpha males? I probably should have listed education, because they did acknowledge such.

Anyway, 18 or 36 holes of golf. About 30 of us just threw up the golf balls on Wednesdays, to get random teams (then play for money, of course).

A little jostling on the putting green, time for a quick story, settle betting amount & procedures, and we're off! Now, I can tell you that golfing there was a hoot! Had a halfway house there in the very small woods (cluster), which was accessible from 6/7, 11/12/13, and from anywhere anytime there was a perceived drink emergency.

Or, if one had to use the restroom. (When the trees were out of order). Well, I'm not picky, but...I am not adept at waiting. So, I went in the women's bathroom. Yes, I knocked and looked, first. Looked? You moron, that means-"you looked".

"But, I never saw anyone".

"That's not the point"!
"It's the intent. "You'll have to prove to the readers, (or jurors). You had no intent"!

"Are you crazy"?

Every man I know has intent, every time, all of the time, wish there were more times.
(Sorry, I have a biological education and evolution has instilled 4 basic drives, and propagation of species is one of them.)

Where were we?

Oh yes, the halfway house's women's bathroom. Built the same, on a slab, but cleaner, can you read this? CLEANER! (Per usual), women's bathrooms are ALWAYS cleaner, nicer, decorated-not better decorated, because men's are NEVER decorated.

Now, I still have not walked in. OK, here we go. What was I so hesitant for? There's nobody in here.

"Wow, this is much nicer than the men's"!
"Cleaner, too".
"Less occupied".
(Hello, it's men's day).

When you're born stupid, it lasts a long time. (Sherlock Holmes' movies helped, by the way).
Every Sunday, I learned deductive, logical thinking.

So, in I go.
In the...stall.
"Well, that's ok. You have a shy bladder".
"Yeah"
"Huh"?

So, in the stall, (I locked the door, just in case), after the necessary implements were shaken:I saw upon the top ceramic lid-decks of cards.

What?
For free!

Growling to myself, I zipped up.
Oops, I had already zipped up.
I handled the door latch and aggressively went to the sink. Never comprehending the ape in me had awoken. I went out & we finished the round.

Now the correlation. I play a bit of cards at McDuck & Luck, and, overall, win money. So, I have a bit of respect at the table. (Alpha males you know).

Wed. night, after a shower, banter, and paying for golf losses, I emerged, a new man. Ready for the 'gin wars'. As we started shuffling, I commented on the card decks in the women's john.

"Hey, did you guys know that there are free cards in the women's bathroom"?

"Huh, what, no way, come on, can't be".

"Yes, and we have to pay for ours".

"I'm gonna fix this", I said to myself.
Next time I play golf, we'll just take some.
So, next Wednesday, (I didn't go in the women's john over the weekend), I, again, decided to enter. And, there they were! Undisturbed. I went in, blah, blah, blah, finished my business, and reached for a deck of cards.

"How many should I take"?

They were thinner than I thought they should be. What? They couldn't put the red cards in one and the blues in another? So, I looked closer. It had kind of a generic label. Country club, purchase in quantity, generic, save money..."yeah", I said.

Upon closer inspection, they were 'female pads', shall we say?

Um, end of story.