| General Non-Fiction posted August 6, 2022 |
  |
Meeting at the ...
Crossroads
by Wendy G
The Sperm Donor Contest Winner
Lauren had a happy childhood, and although her parents split up when she was two, she had on-going and loving relationships with both.
Lynette's childhood, on the other hand, was marred by a violent and abusive father. She was released from his tyranny when, during a violent and drunken rage, he died from a heart attack. Or was she?
Lauren and Lynette are both Australian, about the same age, and both are successful young women. Their journey through life has one common thread: donor conception.
Lauren's story:
When Lauren was twenty-one her mother considered her ready for "a talk".
Her "real" father was unknown and unknowable. A sperm donor.
"It doesn't matter" and "It doesn't change anything," she initially declared to her mother, trying to convince herself.
Yet, the core of her being had been shocked; Lauren had to admit to feeling increasingly hollow.
"I'm like a tree without roots," she confessed to a friend.
She felt an increasing sense of bewilderment and betrayal – couldn't her parents have shared this significant information?
"You only told me in case I found out another way, maybe by DNA! You wanted to off-load your secret onto my shoulders. I can't access any information about him. I'll never have answers, only questions!"
Her mother wept. It was true.
Lauren was shaken, not only by the revelation concerning her past, but the implications for her future.
This was Lauren's cross-road: she chose to begin an almost impossible search.
Donors had been promised total secrecy at the time of her mother's treatment; the hospital in question had since closed, and records had not been preserved well. The secrecy also covered corrupt practices such as switching donor names and samples.
Could she ever find the truth? Would it be right to even try?
Lauren needed answers – her medical and genetic history was incomplete. A donor-conceived friend died from cancer at thirty. Was there a genetic predisposition? Had her donor also succumbed? Were there half siblings, perhaps also affected?
Lauren wondered about the social implications when friends remarked that she resembled some-one else they knew. Did she have half-siblings in the neighbourhood? She worried about dating.
Her movements no longer held the spontaneity of a carefree youth. She found herself staring at strangers who walked the way she did, or had a certain tilt of the head. Observing, covertly searching other faces, wondering, always wondering.
Her grief was raw, but not easy to verbalise, even to herself. Was it grief at her parents' withholding her background? Or for the lack of a relationship with a stranger with whom she shared a past, but had no memories, no knowledge?
The psychological impact became enormous. Who in fact WAS she? She felt her father was little more than a sterile vial. She could not visualise her donor as a man, who might have read stories to her, laughed and played with her when she was a child.
And who in fact was HE? Half her "identity" was unknown and untraceable. From where did she get her love of science, her increasing interest in law, and a gift for writing? Why was she so comfortable when travelling in Germany, and frequently mistaken for being European?
Years of painstaking research, battling bureaucracy and lobbying for changes in the law, eventually brought a measure of success. She had advocated for access to medical information, and for a register which donors and donor off-spring could voluntarily join.
Donors could maintain full privacy – or be open to any level of contact. Inconsistencies in the legal system between levels of information accessible for donors and recipients would be removed.
Finally a letter was passed on by the doctor involved, to her donor father – offering the option of contact. He accepted.
Lauren was suddenly very nervous about meeting a person who had never spoken to, danced with, or loved her mother – and yet was her father. The combination of two sets of genes from strangers had made her who she was.
He was welcoming, as were her half-siblings.
Her genetic history confirmed German ancestry. Her father was a doctor, who had first considered becoming a lawyer. Her grandfather was one of Australia's most famous writers. Her gifts and talents made sense.
She became whole. Nurture and nature fused. Both were her "real" fathers, the two sides of the coin of fatherhood.
Lynette's story
Lynette remained wary of close relationships with men.
Time passed. She was a kind, creative pre-school teacher, a motherly figure to all her little ones. Yet she longed for her own child.
With the support of close family, she chose to become a single mother by the gift of a sperm donation.
This was Lynette's cross-road.
Her joy at having a son was boundless. As he grew older she explained his situation in age-appropriate terms.
He is now eleven years old, a fine responsible boy with a stable, uncomplicated life. They have access to his medical and genetic history.
Unlike any members of his mother's family, he is both musical and fond of sports. He plays the trumpet and drums, and excels at tennis and archery. He happily tells friends that he is like his father in these areas.
Lynette's son will later have the option of accessing more information about his birth father, and contact, if that is mutually agreeable. Gaps in his understanding will be filled in.
Meanwhile, he knows that his donor father is American. His Australian mother is helping him to understand American history and culture, and mother and son celebrate July 4 each year - in Australia.
He does not feel like a tree without roots, but is happy knowing how much he was longed for. He has a good probability of growing up into a capable and caring adult, with his identity and heritage intact.
The donors?
Their cross-roads were at their point of decision to become a sperm donor.
Did they go through life wondering if they had fathered a child? Or several children? Did they observe passersby of the right age, looking for hints of biological relationship? A certain walk, a smile, an angle of the head?
Did they ever question future implications of their act of altruism?
Two very different stories. Ethical and moral questions are never far from anyone's mind, but honesty and transparency can minimise the impacts in medical, social, and psychological areas.
Science and technology can be the source of much anguish when they are not accompanied by appropriate boundaries and supports – but they can also provide a wonderful gift.
Lauren and Lynette
Lauren has written a fascinating and brilliant account of her search for her biological father.
Lynette is my niece.
Lauren had a happy childhood, and although her parents split up when she was two, she had on-going and loving relationships with both.
Lynette's childhood, on the other hand, was marred by a violent and abusive father. She was released from his tyranny when, during a violent and drunken rage, he died from a heart attack. Or was she?
Lauren and Lynette are both Australian, about the same age, and both are successful young women. Their journey through life has one common thread: donor conception.
Lauren's story:
When Lauren was twenty-one her mother considered her ready for "a talk".
Her "real" father was unknown and unknowable. A sperm donor.
"It doesn't matter" and "It doesn't change anything," she initially declared to her mother, trying to convince herself.
Yet, the core of her being had been shocked; Lauren had to admit to feeling increasingly hollow.
"I'm like a tree without roots," she confessed to a friend.
She felt an increasing sense of bewilderment and betrayal – couldn't her parents have shared this significant information?
"You only told me in case I found out another way, maybe by DNA! You wanted to off-load your secret onto my shoulders. I can't access any information about him. I'll never have answers, only questions!"
Her mother wept. It was true.
Lauren was shaken, not only by the revelation concerning her past, but the implications for her future.
This was Lauren's cross-road: she chose to begin an almost impossible search.
Donors had been promised total secrecy at the time of her mother's treatment; the hospital in question had since closed, and records had not been preserved well. The secrecy also covered corrupt practices such as switching donor names and samples.
Could she ever find the truth? Would it be right to even try?
Lauren needed answers – her medical and genetic history was incomplete. A donor-conceived friend died from cancer at thirty. Was there a genetic predisposition? Had her donor also succumbed? Were there half siblings, perhaps also affected?
Lauren wondered about the social implications when friends remarked that she resembled some-one else they knew. Did she have half-siblings in the neighbourhood? She worried about dating.
Her movements no longer held the spontaneity of a carefree youth. She found herself staring at strangers who walked the way she did, or had a certain tilt of the head. Observing, covertly searching other faces, wondering, always wondering.
Her grief was raw, but not easy to verbalise, even to herself. Was it grief at her parents' withholding her background? Or for the lack of a relationship with a stranger with whom she shared a past, but had no memories, no knowledge?
The psychological impact became enormous. Who in fact WAS she? She felt her father was little more than a sterile vial. She could not visualise her donor as a man, who might have read stories to her, laughed and played with her when she was a child.
And who in fact was HE? Half her "identity" was unknown and untraceable. From where did she get her love of science, her increasing interest in law, and a gift for writing? Why was she so comfortable when travelling in Germany, and frequently mistaken for being European?
Years of painstaking research, battling bureaucracy and lobbying for changes in the law, eventually brought a measure of success. She had advocated for access to medical information, and for a register which donors and donor off-spring could voluntarily join.
Donors could maintain full privacy – or be open to any level of contact. Inconsistencies in the legal system between levels of information accessible for donors and recipients would be removed.
Finally a letter was passed on by the doctor involved, to her donor father – offering the option of contact. He accepted.
Lauren was suddenly very nervous about meeting a person who had never spoken to, danced with, or loved her mother – and yet was her father. The combination of two sets of genes from strangers had made her who she was.
He was welcoming, as were her half-siblings.
Her genetic history confirmed German ancestry. Her father was a doctor, who had first considered becoming a lawyer. Her grandfather was one of Australia's most famous writers. Her gifts and talents made sense.
She became whole. Nurture and nature fused. Both were her "real" fathers, the two sides of the coin of fatherhood.
Lynette's story
Lynette remained wary of close relationships with men.
Time passed. She was a kind, creative pre-school teacher, a motherly figure to all her little ones. Yet she longed for her own child.
With the support of close family, she chose to become a single mother by the gift of a sperm donation.
This was Lynette's cross-road.
Her joy at having a son was boundless. As he grew older she explained his situation in age-appropriate terms.
He is now eleven years old, a fine responsible boy with a stable, uncomplicated life. They have access to his medical and genetic history.
Unlike any members of his mother's family, he is both musical and fond of sports. He plays the trumpet and drums, and excels at tennis and archery. He happily tells friends that he is like his father in these areas.
Lynette's son will later have the option of accessing more information about his birth father, and contact, if that is mutually agreeable. Gaps in his understanding will be filled in.
Meanwhile, he knows that his donor father is American. His Australian mother is helping him to understand American history and culture, and mother and son celebrate July 4 each year - in Australia.
He does not feel like a tree without roots, but is happy knowing how much he was longed for. He has a good probability of growing up into a capable and caring adult, with his identity and heritage intact.
The donors?
Their cross-roads were at their point of decision to become a sperm donor.
Did they go through life wondering if they had fathered a child? Or several children? Did they observe passersby of the right age, looking for hints of biological relationship? A certain walk, a smile, an angle of the head?
Did they ever question future implications of their act of altruism?
Two very different stories. Ethical and moral questions are never far from anyone's mind, but honesty and transparency can minimise the impacts in medical, social, and psychological areas.
Science and technology can be the source of much anguish when they are not accompanied by appropriate boundaries and supports – but they can also provide a wonderful gift.
Lauren and Lynette
Lauren has written a fascinating and brilliant account of her search for her biological father.
Lynette is my niece.
The Sperm Donor Contest Winner |
Lauren is Lauren Burns, author of "Triple Helix": the compelling story of one woman's journey to discover the truth about her paternity, and to come to grips with the rewriting of her own history and sense of identity.
Coincidentally I was reading this book when the contest was presented.
https://www.booktopia.com.au/triple-helix-lauren-burns/book/9780702265433.html
Lauren's grandfather was Manning Clark whose six-volume series, "A History of Australia", is one of the masterpieces of Australian writing, in which the struggle to realise an Australian nation is played out on an epic scale.
Lynette is my niece, but her name has been changed for privacy.
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. Coincidentally I was reading this book when the contest was presented.
https://www.booktopia.com.au/triple-helix-lauren-burns/book/9780702265433.html
Lauren's grandfather was Manning Clark whose six-volume series, "A History of Australia", is one of the masterpieces of Australian writing, in which the struggle to realise an Australian nation is played out on an epic scale.
Lynette is my niece, but her name has been changed for privacy.
You need to login or register to write reviews. It's quick! We only ask four questions to new members.
© Copyright 2024. Wendy G All rights reserved.
Wendy G has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
