| Humor Fiction posted June 27, 2022 |
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aarrgghh
Aww, Damn!
by pome lover
Dialogue Only Prompt Contest Winner
“Hey, Jim, can I borra your lawnmower?”
“Why? What’s the matter with yours?”
“It broke.”
“How? What happened to it?”
“I was mowin the back and …”
“In back of your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Your all gravel back yard?”
“Well, it’s not all gravel.”
“Whaddaya mean? I can see it over your fence.”
“Well, there’s grass comin’ up in it. Needs cuttin’.”
“Of course, there’s grass comin’ up in it, I told you to put down plastic first.”
“Well, I didn’t, so could I…?”
“No, you can’t. You broke your mower; now you wanta break mine?”
“I’ll be careful; I’ll…”
“No. Hey. You know what? I’ve got a suggestion.”
“I’ve got one, too, but what?”
“Why don’t you put in a pool, then you won’t have to worry about rocks or grass.”
“Naw; jus bein’ broke. Look, don’t worry about it…”
“I’m not worried about it, I’m just not lending you my mower.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“That idiot! Hey, Jim! You’re killing your grass with kerosene?”
“Yeah. Quickest way. Whoosh! All gone.”
“Well, just don’t light a …what are you doing? Don’t…”
“Wow, look at that! Fire’s really movin’…”
“Yeah! Right toward my fence! You… numbskull! Gotta get the hose…”
“Hey! You’re puttin’ out my fire!”
“I’m gonna put out more than your fire, if you burn my fence down!”
“It’s half my fence, don’t forget. I paid for half of it!”
“I shoulda had a brick wall built. A six foot one.”
“I wouldn’t’ve paid for half a that!”
“Look, Jim. Put your matches up and get some weed killer. It’ll kill your grass and it’s safer than “Kerosene.”
“It’s all wet from your hose. It needs to dry first.”
“It can dry while you go get the weed killer.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re back. Didja get the weed killer?”
“Changed my mind.”
“Whattaya gonna do?”
“Cement it in.”
“The whole back yard? Why?”
“Floor for the boat house.”
“Boat house?”
“Bought a boat.”
“You went for weed killer and bought a boat?”
“Yesirree bobtail.”
“Does Margery know about this?”
“She will when the time comes.”
“That oughta be a doozy. Um, what kinda boat?”
“Fishin’ boat. Can’t wait to use it.”
“Wow. Uh, do you think we…”
“Nope.”
“Not even if I…”
“Nope.”
“What if I lend you my weed eater? That’d be easier than the mower, anyway, and…”
“Thanks, Bill. That’d be great.”
“You didn’t really buy a boat, did you?”
“Nope.”
“Hey, Jim, can I borra your lawnmower?”
“Why? What’s the matter with yours?”
“It broke.”
“How? What happened to it?”
“I was mowin the back and …”
“In back of your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Your all gravel back yard?”
“Well, it’s not all gravel.”
“Whaddaya mean? I can see it over your fence.”
“Well, there’s grass comin’ up in it. Needs cuttin’.”
“Of course, there’s grass comin’ up in it, I told you to put down plastic first.”
“Well, I didn’t, so could I…?”
“No, you can’t. You broke your mower; now you wanta break mine?”
“I’ll be careful; I’ll…”
“No. Hey. You know what? I’ve got a suggestion.”
“I’ve got one, too, but what?”
“Why don’t you put in a pool, then you won’t have to worry about rocks or grass.”
“Naw; jus bein’ broke. Look, don’t worry about it…”
“I’m not worried about it, I’m just not lending you my mower.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“That idiot! Hey, Jim! You’re killing your grass with kerosene?”
“Yeah. Quickest way. Whoosh! All gone.”
“Well, just don’t light a …what are you doing? Don’t…”
“Wow, look at that! Fire’s really movin’…”
“Yeah! Right toward my fence! You… numbskull! Gotta get the hose…”
“Hey! You’re puttin’ out my fire!”
“I’m gonna put out more than your fire, if you burn my fence down!”
“It’s half my fence, don’t forget. I paid for half of it!”
“I shoulda had a brick wall built. A six foot one.”
“I wouldn’t’ve paid for half a that!”
“Look, Jim. Put your matches up and get some weed killer. It’ll kill your grass and it’s safer than “Kerosene.”
“It’s all wet from your hose. It needs to dry first.”
“It can dry while you go get the weed killer.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re back. Didja get the weed killer?”
“Changed my mind.”
“Whattaya gonna do?”
“Cement it in.”
“The whole back yard? Why?”
“Floor for the boat house.”
“Boat house?”
“Bought a boat.”
“You went for weed killer and bought a boat?”
“Yesirree bobtail.”
“Does Margery know about this?”
“She will when the time comes.”
“That oughta be a doozy. Um, what kinda boat?”
“Fishin’ boat. Can’t wait to use it.”
“Wow. Uh, do you think we…”
“Nope.”
“Not even if I…”
“Nope.”
“What if I lend you my weed eater? That’d be easier than the mower, anyway, and…”
“Thanks, Bill. That’d be great.”
“You didn’t really buy a boat, did you?”
“Nope.”
“Why? What’s the matter with yours?”
“It broke.”
“How? What happened to it?”
“I was mowin the back and …”
“In back of your house?”
“Yeah.”
“Your all gravel back yard?”
“Well, it’s not all gravel.”
“Whaddaya mean? I can see it over your fence.”
“Well, there’s grass comin’ up in it. Needs cuttin’.”
“Of course, there’s grass comin’ up in it, I told you to put down plastic first.”
“Well, I didn’t, so could I…?”
“No, you can’t. You broke your mower; now you wanta break mine?”
“I’ll be careful; I’ll…”
“No. Hey. You know what? I’ve got a suggestion.”
“I’ve got one, too, but what?”
“Why don’t you put in a pool, then you won’t have to worry about rocks or grass.”
“Naw; jus bein’ broke. Look, don’t worry about it…”
“I’m not worried about it, I’m just not lending you my mower.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“That idiot! Hey, Jim! You’re killing your grass with kerosene?”
“Yeah. Quickest way. Whoosh! All gone.”
“Well, just don’t light a …what are you doing? Don’t…”
“Wow, look at that! Fire’s really movin’…”
“Yeah! Right toward my fence! You… numbskull! Gotta get the hose…”
“Hey! You’re puttin’ out my fire!”
“I’m gonna put out more than your fire, if you burn my fence down!”
“It’s half my fence, don’t forget. I paid for half of it!”
“I shoulda had a brick wall built. A six foot one.”
“I wouldn’t’ve paid for half a that!”
“Look, Jim. Put your matches up and get some weed killer. It’ll kill your grass and it’s safer than “Kerosene.”
“It’s all wet from your hose. It needs to dry first.”
“It can dry while you go get the weed killer.”
~ ~ ~ ~
“You’re back. Didja get the weed killer?”
“Changed my mind.”
“Whattaya gonna do?”
“Cement it in.”
“The whole back yard? Why?”
“Floor for the boat house.”
“Boat house?”
“Bought a boat.”
“You went for weed killer and bought a boat?”
“Yesirree bobtail.”
“Does Margery know about this?”
“She will when the time comes.”
“That oughta be a doozy. Um, what kinda boat?”
“Fishin’ boat. Can’t wait to use it.”
“Wow. Uh, do you think we…”
“Nope.”
“Not even if I…”
“Nope.”
“What if I lend you my weed eater? That’d be easier than the mower, anyway, and…”
“Thanks, Bill. That’d be great.”
“You didn’t really buy a boat, did you?”
“Nope.”
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Writing Prompt Write a story using only dialogue. No narration, descriptions, or sentence tags. Maximum word count: 1,000 |
Dialogue Only Prompt Contest Winner |
 Recognized |
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