A special time for my dad and me has not yet occurred. My faith assures me that when I pass on to Heaven, we will be rejoined. And that will be our special time.

My parents married in 1947. I was born in 1948 and my sister was born in 1949. She died right after her first birthday in 1950 at which time my parents divorced. He quickly remarried and had another daughter and a son. He left when I was two years of age. I have no memory of him. I was given a few pictures of him, some in his WWII Army Air Force uniform, one on horseback in Central Park when he was 17 years of age and one with his mother when he was an adult.

So often, while growing up, I held his pictures close to me, closed my eyes and yearned for a hug, a word of encouragement. When I would earn some special classroom award, etc., I would pretend that he was there to see me receive it and think of how he would applaud my achievement. He was a wonderful pretend father.

My paternal grandmother always kept in contact with me. She would send me birthday cards and Christmas cards with $10 in them. But she never said a word about my father. When I asked her about him, she ignored the question. I lived with my maternal grandmother from age 8 to 19. Both grandmas kept in contact with each other over the years. They kept the secret about the whereabouts of my father. And they solely made the decision to keep us apart. Since he had another family, apparently they didn't want to disrupt them by 'throwing me into their picture'. We lived in Michigan and paternal grandma lived in Florida. I also sent letters to Florida. In the 1980's, I sent her a letter, as I would every few months. It was returned to me because she had died. I sent away for her death certificate to see who had signed it. I had a melt down when I saw my father's name, address and signature.

I was married, had two daughters and due to have a third child that Fall. I also worked full time.
I wanted to drive to Florida, find him and confront him. However, that was not realistic for me at that time. So, I sent him a letter. He never answered it.

About ten years ago, I attempted once again to find him. There are many computer sites which can aid in these attempts. After a few days and few attempts, I found his obituary. I felt like I had fallen down an endless black hole and would never recover. The combination of anger and disappointment washed over me in waves of muddy water pulling me into an endless abyss. When I pulled myself together, I reread his obituary and discovered that it mentioned a daughter and a grandson and her name. So I went back to the internet to trace Debbie's address and found her address and a phone number. I was afraid to call her and possibly experience a quick rejection so I sent her a letter explaining that I was searching for my father and had found her name as connected to him. I also included my phone number and invited her to call me.

I floated on clouds of anticipation for three days and then the phone rang and I knew it was her. It was. She had just received my letter in her mail. She let me know that she was aware of having a sister but no one seemed to know where I lived. But, she always thought I would find her.

I found out from Debbie where our father was buried. He had been cremated and was buried in a military cemetery about 45 minutes south of where I lived. I visited his gravesite. It was a very sad and profound event in my life. I brushed away a few leaves and dirt from his marker. It was a very tender moment for me and I sat and quietly cried for several minutes on a nearby bench.

Debbie and I made plans to meet about halfway between us, a public place, she was careful. I took pictures of him and my mother getting married, a picture of me at two weeks old with both parents, pictures of him in the Army Air Force, my birth certificate, etc. to prove our relationship. While she talked, I studied her face. She looks exactly like him and tall as him.
We continued conversations for some months and then she became very jealous of me. I failed to understand this. She had been 'daddy's little girl'. He had been a perfect father to her and had 'kicked me to the curb'. How could she be jealous of me?? Our new relationship crumbled and was swept away in a storm. I do not want to see her again.

I believe that when I pass, I will meet him in Heaven and then we can build on that special time together.