| Humor Non-Fiction posted June 12, 2022 |
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Humor from life's Lessons
Do What?
by Terry Broxson
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.
As humans, we can learn important life lessons through experience or sometimes taking some sage advice based on other people's experiences. Here are a few examples.
Carl Trusler, MD (1946-2019)
Carl was my college roommate and long-time friend. He offered this experience and advice while serving as a flight surgeon on the USS Kitty Hawk Aircraft carrier on a deployment in the Pacific Ocean in 1977-78.
"Every time our ship arrived at a new port; our sailors got liberty. The following day the sick bay had a line of guys with bad hangovers and a case of venereal disease. It would take me hours to work through the line of men. I was tired of it.
"When we arrived in Manila, I asked the Captain if I could make a medical announcement to the ship's sailors. He agreed.
"Gentlemen, for all of you getting liberty today, the medical staff would like you to please find a large wrench or hammer. After securing the wrench or hammer, proceed to the ship's railing. Proceed to take out your penis and place it on the railing.
"Give your penis a firm rap! Then whack your head with force enough to knock yourself out.
"When you wake up, you will feel like you have had liberty, but you will not have to go to sick bay, and you will still have money in your pocket!"
Later that day, Carl and several F-14 pilots took liberty for the first time in months. Carl reported waking up on a pool table in some bar he does not remember visiting.
The good news is that he was still in uniform, and in the future, he would only have to take a wrench or hammer to one part of his anatomy.
***
Mrs. M (1935- ) Her name was withheld to protect the grandchildren.
She has been a long-time friend and mentor. While discussing her son's short-lived first marriage one night, she offered up this advice:
"Terry, if I had only known that his first wife was a real bitch. I would have hired my son a hooker or two or three. He would have had more fun, and it would have been a whole lot cheaper!"
***
Terry Broxson (914 months and counting)
Building a good rapport with a teacher is conducive to learning and thus a foundation for education.
In 1964, I sat in Miss Joyce Bellomy's senior high school English class. Miss Bellomy was returning an assignment she had graded. She handed me my essay with a large D+ written in red pencil. Clearly, it was one of my better-written essays. I liked the plus part. We had the following conversation in front of the class.
"Mr. Broxson, smart people know words!"
"Miss Bellomy, I am on the debate team; I know words!"
"But Mr. Broxson, really smart people know how to spell them!"
"Miss Bellomy, there is always some catch with you!"
"Mr. Broxson, I suggest you take your bellicose attitude to Principle Hinds's office."
"Good idea, Miss Bellomy; I think he will be interested in some of my ideas."
Just as I was about to leave the classroom, I stopped and turned, "Miss Bellomy, just in case Mr. Hinds asks, how do I spell bellaclose?"
As humans, we can learn important life lessons through experience or sometimes taking some sage advice based on other people's experiences. Here are a few examples.
Carl Trusler, MD (1946-2019)
Carl was my college roommate and long-time friend. He offered this experience and advice while serving as a flight surgeon on the USS Kitty Hawk Aircraft carrier on a deployment in the Pacific Ocean in 1977-78.
"Every time our ship arrived at a new port; our sailors got liberty. The following day the sick bay had a line of guys with bad hangovers and a case of venereal disease. It would take me hours to work through the line of men. I was tired of it.
"When we arrived in Manila, I asked the Captain if I could make a medical announcement to the ship's sailors. He agreed.
"Gentlemen, for all of you getting liberty today, the medical staff would like you to please find a large wrench or hammer. After securing the wrench or hammer, proceed to the ship's railing. Proceed to take out your penis and place it on the railing.
"Give your penis a firm rap! Then whack your head with force enough to knock yourself out.
"When you wake up, you will feel like you have had liberty, but you will not have to go to sick bay, and you will still have money in your pocket!"
Later that day, Carl and several F-14 pilots took liberty for the first time in months. Carl reported waking up on a pool table in some bar he does not remember visiting.
The good news is that he was still in uniform, and in the future, he would only have to take a wrench or hammer to one part of his anatomy.
***
Mrs. M (1935- ) Her name was withheld to protect the grandchildren.
She has been a long-time friend and mentor. While discussing her son's short-lived first marriage one night, she offered up this advice:
"Terry, if I had only known that his first wife was a real bitch. I would have hired my son a hooker or two or three. He would have had more fun, and it would have been a whole lot cheaper!"
***
Terry Broxson (914 months and counting)
Building a good rapport with a teacher is conducive to learning and thus a foundation for education.
In 1964, I sat in Miss Joyce Bellomy's senior high school English class. Miss Bellomy was returning an assignment she had graded. She handed me my essay with a large D+ written in red pencil. Clearly, it was one of my better-written essays. I liked the plus part. We had the following conversation in front of the class.
"Mr. Broxson, smart people know words!"
"Miss Bellomy, I am on the debate team; I know words!"
"But Mr. Broxson, really smart people know how to spell them!"
"Miss Bellomy, there is always some catch with you!"
"Mr. Broxson, I suggest you take your bellicose attitude to Principle Hinds's office."
"Good idea, Miss Bellomy; I think he will be interested in some of my ideas."
Just as I was about to leave the classroom, I stopped and turned, "Miss Bellomy, just in case Mr. Hinds asks, how do I spell bellaclose?"
 Recognized |
#43 June 2022 |
The title of the cat's picture is Do What? It seemed like a good title for the story as well, and that is a good-looking cat.
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