At forty-six years old, I was the head of my department at a popular university. I was the go to person at the office and it was me who trained the entire staff on the admissions process. As I hired, trained, managed, orchestrated open houses and generated additional revenue for the school, I felt proud of my accomplishments. Our open houses were so much fun because everyone in the building was happy to lend a hand to make it a success. My colleagues respected me and we got along like family.

When I saw my job title and job description (the one that I had written) posted on the internet, I was shocked. What was happening? Why was my job being advertised? Former supervisors were calling me to ask the same question, but I had no answer. They urged me to apply for my own job and I did. Although I was offerred an interview and told that it wasn't, in fact, my job being advertised but a recruiting position, I felt better. I was convinced that this was my opportunity to move up to the next level in my career.

A young lady (half my age) was hired, instead. Her pay was double what mine was. She was an outsider with no admissions experience. I was informed that her job and mine were completely different and that her job had nothing to do with mine. We were to work together to make the admissions process even better. I knew that something was rotten in Denmark.

I offered her a welcome gift so as to check my own feelings and to let her know that I was ready to work with her. Her response was cold and I wasn't used to that. She carried a clip board and followed me around taking notes, especially at the open house.

Soon, I was informed that she would be my supervisor, and for no reason, I would be demoted. Although my immediate supervisor disagreed, he stated that there was nothing he could do about it. I respectfully resigned from the position.

The new girl DEMANDED respect from the staff, but they didn't feel that respect reciprocated. So they dug their feet in and refused to work with her. Consequently, open houses ceased once I was gone. I heard that 5 people were hired to replace me once the young lady was doing my job. She lasted one year before leaving the university forever.

Teaching English to at-risk youth at a group home was where I went next. I loved this new job as it was a dream come true. For sixteen years I committed so much time and love to those young people. When I first arrived, the youth loved and respected me. They wanted to know everything about me. They said I was pretty, and guessed that I was 26 years old (remember, I was 46). They often asked if my teeth were real because they were so white.

By year 10, I was referred to as an old witch by the students. They left derogatory notes on their desks directed at me. They called me old to my face. The new younger staff, treated me as if I were Casper the ghost. I recall staff coming into my office to ask my 36 year old office mate if she wanted to join them for lunch. My office mate would decline and thank them for asking. They typically did not ask me if I wanted anything or if I wanted to join them and it hurt my feelings, but I said nothing. Those same people would return from lunch with a treat for my office mate and not me. It was as if my presence was irrelavent.

One day in a meeting, my supervisor asked me to explain to the CEO how a field trip went that I had orchestrated. As I began to speak, the CEO said, "we don't have time for that right now." He asked a different question to a younger person who was allowed to speak. My supervisor, in the meantime, sat with her mouth wide open in shock. Once the young lady finished speaking, the CEO said to another young lady, "please continue with what she (pointing to me) was trying to say. The young lady (who had attended the trip) described my trip in detail and was allowed to finish. Once the meeting was over, I asked my supervisor if she recognized the display of disrespect in the room. She said that she did. She walked me back to my office and explained to me that it was my hair that bothered him. My long fluffy hair had fallen out, as I sufferred from alopecia, and I was forced to wear it in a short curly natural. He took offense to my small afro and treated me with distain. This would not be the last time that I was publically humiliated in a meeting.

I recently retired, and started a part-time job as a receptionist at a hair salon. I couldnt be happier with my new gig. BUT, I soon discovered that my new colleagues were not happy with me. I was the oldest person to join their staff and I learned that the young stylists didn't like me because I made suggestions as to how to make things better (at my supervisor's urging). They said I was too aggressive. None of them liked me and I was shocked to hear this because I am such a people person. I was called into a meeting and it was suggested that I apologize to the stylists. I asked, "for what?" I was told that it was the proper thing to do. I declined the offer feeling that if anyone had an issue with me, she knew where to find me and could approach me (my supervisor agreed). I said that until then, I was planning to continue doing my job with a smile on my face. I recognized some of their comments to be rude and disrespectful as they referenced my age, insulted my intellect in front of clients, and treated me as if I were a feeble little child who needed a great deal of assistance. I am always surprised at the negativity my presence seems to generate. In fact, I am often so shocked that I am silent when I should defend myself.

Facing the aging process has been my most difficult challenge to date as I lose hair, memory, my good looks,respect, weight gain, etc. I feel that I don't fit in anywhere anymore. Ultimately, my insides feel young, but I am constantly reminded that I don't fall into that genre anymore.