"What do you mean, it's stuck?!" I have no idea what my husband is talking about.

"Well, Hon, it, er, got itself in a, um, predicament."

He has that look husbands get when they don't want you to know the whole truth until it's too late. "It? What it? What is it?"

"You'll see. Come on. I, need your help."

Vagueness is a staple with Charlie. I think he really gets a kick out of it. He thinks it's mysterious or somethin'.

"My help? With what?" I'm already beginning to get that "I don't think so" feelin'. And it usually turns out to be right.

"Um..."

Um. He's stallin'. "Charlie, last time you needed my help, you had me under your truck working on the axle." And my dern back hurt for days afterwards, not to mention, it's not easy getting' grease out from under your fingernails.

"Yeah, and you did a great job, too. But this is different."

I bet it is. "How different?"

"It's not my truck."

He's draggin' this thing out. It must be somethin' he knows I won't wanta do. "What is it, then?"

"A um, bird."

The "um" again. Not good. "A bird! What kind of bird? Where is it?"

"It's stuck in, um, a trap."

"The one you set for that coyote?!" Poor little fella.

"'Fraid so."

Here comes the clincher. "How'm I s'pose to help?"

"I need you ta hold' im."

All this fuss over a little bird. Prob'ly a quail or guinea hen. "A little bird? Like a quail? Sure, I'll hold him. You be gentle, now."

"Right. It's just through these trees."

There's some kind of vine with thorns on it, catchin' in my hair and my clothes. "How much further, Charlie? I'm getting' all scratched up."

"Not far. Almost there."

Not too soon for me. "Okay, I...what in the world?! Charlie Plyler, if you think I'm gonna hold that thing, you are plumb out of your mind! How dare you drag me out here through sticker bushes for a crazy thing like this! I'm goin' home. You can leave him in it for all I care."

"Mona, jes hold 'im from behind, and keep 'im still, while I unspring the trap. We'll have 'im out in a jiffy."

"What if he turns that big old ugly head of his and... and look at those big old wings, he could flap me to death. No way, Charlie!"

"That's why I brought this here towel, I thought of that. Now, jes hold it out in both hands and when you grab 'im from behind, wrap it around 'im. That way you pin 'is wings down."

"Yeah, but not his head. Charlie, I don't wanta do this."

"Come on, Mona, if it's flappin' all around, I can't get to the spring."

I gotta think of something; fast. "Tell you what."

"What?"

"If I do this, I want a new stove! That old thing was your mother's. It's on its last leg and ..."

"Okay. Okay. Now, here's the towel."

"That's my good monogrammed towel we got for a weddin' present, Charlie, I'm not gonna..."

"Mona, for Pete's sake, jes grab 'im!"

"Well, you keep his attention offa me, and on you, and then say "go" when you're ready. Oh, Lawsy Mercy."

"Right. Okay old man, now you look at me...look this way... "okay, go!"

"Got him! Oh! Oh! He's strong, and he's making a horrible sound. Hurry! Oh, boy! He smells! Hurry! OW! He pecked my arm! I'm lettin' go!"

"Okay, okay, he's loose!"

"Well, I should hope so. Whew! That was awful! Hey, Charlie, look at 'im. He looks jes like your pa, hobblin' like that. he he."

"He does, don't he? Mona, ha ha ha, I wish I had a picture of you holdin' that vulture. I'd frame it and hang it on the wall! ho ho ho. You shoulda seen your face. Eyes, big a saucers, your nose and mouth all screwed up, but you held on good!"

Yeah, well, I might just have you stuffed and hang you on the wall, you old coot! I'm goin' back in the house and take a nice, long, hot, get-rid-of-the-vulture-smell bath and afterwards, I think I'll jes sit myself down and look in that new appliance magazine for a new stove.

"Aw, shoot, Mona, what'cha need a new stove for?"

"A surprise."

"A what? Have you gone and got all cocky 'cause you held that old stinky buzzard?"

"Bye, Charlie. I'll see you after 'while."
~ ~ ~
Oh boy, does this hot water feel good. Can't wait to smell all nice and clean. Ummm, that does smell good. I think I'll jes lie back for a minute and rest my eyes....
Mona dreams. She and Charlie have just gotten married and moved, for the time being, into his family's hunting cabin in the woods. Everything in it is useful, but old, especially the stove. But she's happy. Charlie is a fine man, a good man, with a sense of humor which is one of the things she loves best about him.

She remembers he carried her up the front porch steps and over the threshold, stood her on her feet and kissed her soundly. The years passed happily except for the sad fact that they had no children. They had dogs, of course, and chickens, and Mona raised a calf, herself. Named her, Minna. Mona and Minna. Charlie just shook his head and laughed.
They had friends they visited with, but mostly they were happy just being together. One icey winter, Mona slipped and broke her right arm. Charlie helped her with things and even decided he'd cook supper until she got out of her cast. He fixed some pretty darn good meals.

She remembered the time that scared her to death, when a semi hit his truck on the way into town, and the hospital called her. She raced into town in her little Honda breaking every speed limit, but when she got there, she had to wait until he came out of surgery. The longest two and a half hours she'd ever spent. When they rolled him out, his head was bandaged, both arms were in casts, and he was white as a sheet. She never left him except to bring in soups and shakes and liquids to help with the Jello and bouillon meals. When he was released and she could take him home, his truck was totaled, it was her turn to do for him, just about everything. It was stressful and embarrassing for him, but he survived. And after awhile she would tease him and make jokes about their little necessary rituals.
Taking care of him, during those months, Mona became stronger, physically, and she was inventive, too, thinking up easier ways to do things. And she could see Charlie's pride in her, and his appreciation.

The years passed and though there were a few arguments, like any couple, on the whole, they had a happy, pleasant life together. Charlie did occasionally play tricks on her, though nothing serious. He'd hide her car keys or cell phone because she never kept them in the same place. And she would fix her favorite chicken livers sometimes and smother them with gravy so he'd eat them. On some cold, winter nights, they'd play Scrabble and she usually beat him. So, he tried to teach her polka, but she thought he left something out because he always beat her.

She was in the middle of thinking up a sure-fire word she would beat him with in Scrabble when there was constant tapping on the door. She jerked awake. "Oh! Is that you, Charlie?"

"Who'd you think it was, woman?" He opened the door. "Look at you, all shriveled up like a prune. How long you been in that tub? Come on outa there and get dressed. I wanta show you something."

"You already showed me somethin'. I don't think I can take another one of your surprises."

"Yeah, ya can. This is a good un. Come on, now. Get a shake on."

I think you mean, "shake a leg."

"Ain't that what I said?"

"I got your meanin', 'sweet cakes.'"

"Sweet cakes, am I? You jes keep rememberin' that. Let's go."

What in the world has the old coot got in mind now? That man can jump from one crazy idea to another faster than his brother who had five wives. I was all ready to curl up in my chair with that catalogue.

Drying herself, she saw her image in the mirror and had to laugh. She was all shriveled up like a prune. She couldn't imagine what he wanted to show her, but she got dressed and ran the brush through her hair. Okay, guess I'll go see what he wants me to see.

"We goin' somewhere in the car, Charlie? I didn't dress for going out anywhere."

"Yep. Hop in. You look fine. Smell fine, too." Wink wink.

Mona got in, sitting backwards into the seat. "When's the last time you saw me "hop" inta anything?"

"Thought I might get a smile for thet, Hon."

"Ya did, huh? Okay, I'm smilin', now where we goin?"

"Well, I been doin' a lot of thinkin while you was in tha tub, which, by the way, was so long, I coulda written a book, but what I did was, I had a bunch of ideas."

"Ya don't say. What kind of ideas?

"On second thought, I think I'll save 'em for later, but right now, I'll jes keep you guessin."

"Not goin' to tell me, huh? You're full of the devil, you know it?

"Gotta stay a step ahead of you, you know that."

"Yeah. You think.?"

"I do, indeed. And... we're almost there. Get ready for the big surprise."

"Haven't got a clue, you rascal. Oh! Wait a minute. Wait...a... minute. Are you takin' me to that appliance store, Charlie? You gonna buy me a new stove?"

"Whatever gave you that idea? I want to show you, um, my new grill."

"Charlie, when you 'um,' I know you're full of you know what."

"Well, 'round this corner. Here we are."

"You are! You are gonna get me a new stove!"

"Thought I might, seein as how you are the champion turkey buzzard catcher of all time."

"Sez you."

"Yep. Now come on, let's get this over with."

"You don't sound too eager, Charlie. Can we afford this?"

"Yes, ma'am. We can. Wouldn't do it if we couldn't."

"I can't believe how excited I am over a stove. Maybe I shoulda said I'd hold that stinky bird if you'd take me to Italy for a vacation."

"Crazy lady! Good thing you didn't. Okay, in we go."
~ ~ ~
"Well, Hon, I have to say you sure surprised me. I thought you'd pick the fanciest one in the store jes to get back at me. Thank you for bein' reasonable."

"Whattaya mean, reasonable? I'm always reasonable, and I want you to know, mister, that I'm real pleased. You did a very nice thing and I thank ya." SMACK!

"A kiss? Well, now, thet reminds me of one of the other ideas I told ya I had."

"Oh, is that so? Well, as it happens, I have an idea, myself."

"You? Had an idea? Wonders will never cease."

"I'll wonder you, you old coot. Now. My idea. Let's go home, and I'll fix us a real good supper while you watch the football game, yeah, I thought you'd like that, and then afterwards, lets' us take a nice romantic walk in the cool night air. I love the evenin's in the fall. That suit you?"

"Romantic walk, huh? My goodness, Mrs. Plyler, I'da bought you a new stove sooner, if I'da known it'd make you romantic."

"Well, what about the walk after supper?"

"Depends on what we're havin'. What's for supper?"

"Well, I thought I'd roast you a nice turkey."

"Yeah? With dressin' and the works?"

"Yep, a nice, juicy turkey buzzard!"