EXT. UNKNOWN LOCATION IN HEAVEN - ALWAYS DAY/BRIGHT

Sitting on a boulder within a passing cloud, a barefooted LEW HATFIELD/JAMES BOND, winds his pocket watch, casually waiting for his Ride to Earth. 
As he is known, Uncle Lew looks like Blackbeard and carries the same amount of armament as the pirate ship, Queen Anne Revenge, and he is just as deadly. Uncle Lew is an Events Enforcer.

Cloud Station #33 where he sits is a bit of a landmark in Heaven. Incoming souls come to this Landing in order to pass through the Pearly Gates, located just a few hundred yards away from the station. A White Signpost points the way. The area is wooded and lush with tall Eucalyptus where horse trails and bicycle paths merge into a Sportsman's dream. Birds dive for fish, while anglers on shore try their best to compete.

The Station is always busy with departures and arrivals. Lew enjoys people watching, especially the ladies, and he doesn't miss a one as he waits for his time slot to approach. Body language and choice of clothing from Hats to shoes tell volumes to Lew. The boardwalk today is like a fashion runway, full of Peacock Feathers and high-heels. It is ablaze with vibrance.

UNCLE LEW
(chuckling tipping hat)
Sixteen men on a Deadman’s chest... Good Morning Ladies.

He has been on many missions of Delivering Gold, yet when an assignment comes directly From GOD, ONE WOULD TEND to do it right, under budget and undetected. This means its okay to be seen and interact but no direct miracles. While waiting to ride the fierce weather of the earth below he does a quick check of his shopping list, and double-checks his backpack for the necessary items he’ll need, to make his job successful.

UNCLE LEW
(talking to himself)
Yo ho ho, and a bottle of... here it is ‘the shopping list. Gold, Yada, yada, more gold. Twenty-two bottles of Rum, twenty pounds of Gum Drops, yada yada, fifty pounds of Coffee {dark roast} and seven red liquorice sticks for GOD. One Thousand Bibles, and fifty sheep. Bibles? Now, that's a hoot. Fools, this is export not import. Someone messed up. Yo ho ho, and add another bottle of rum?

The thrill of riding a Cloud Sled, attached to a lightning bolt makes him giddy as he sits near the edge and ponders his new assignment. Lew, writes a few lines of poetry as he waits for his launch queue and another Angel to join him, by the name of Rebecca. His poetry stinks and she’s a bit naughty. She is an Events Planner.

EXT. NEAR MADISON WEST VIRGINIA. JULY,1883 - NIGHT - DAY 1 Thunder roars, lightning chaotic fingers reach out lashing a grove of big oaks, repeatedly a dozen times. Wind yanks buckets of rain sideways. Corn and tobacco crops take on a foot of water, but it is too much for the cotton, it is ruined. Drowned. A large flock of turkeys are safe and plump.

A lone rider covers himself, hunching over into his hat. Rain pelts his face like buckshot, and with each burst of electricity, he sees his slave days and the Civil War flash before him in a pictorial display, one after the other. He stops and turns in his saddle and sees the brutal force of nature as a big oak grove is hammered and slammed once again by thunderbolts from nearly a half-mile away. He shakes his head in disbelief. He stables his horse and pats it on the hindquarters before going inside.

JOHN HAGER
Thanks for getting us home safe, Rush... Rush, whinnies and agrees by heading straight for the feed.

INT. JOHN HOUSE - 9PM

Muddy boots are left on the porch of a large home. The door opens to show a family around a dinner table and a dog at one seat.

JOHN (parlour entrance)
Buck? Get down! Damn dog’s got my seat again.

John tries shaking the days' hardships off as he drags his hands across his forehead and departing hair while slowly working his way around the house.

LUCILLE (kitchen)
I was starting to get worried.This weather scares me. Glad your home. Suppers on the table.

JOHN
(bathroom sink/ louder voice) What a day... My goodness, Ma. I’ve never seen it like this. Lightning hit that big oak grove 10 times. That thing's history. The bad news is the cottons gone. It will be soaked for a long while. Too long. Should have planted sweet potatoes.

(fancy eating area) He walks around his family who’s seated, grabbing the backs of each chair and whispering a prayer. But before sitting down for supper he notices the large bucket directly on the dining table collecting the constant drip of rainwater. Candles and oil lamps light the room.

JOHN
Thank you Father for this food, this life and for this day. (clears his throat) JOHN And for this blessed rain. Amen. I’ll get that roof fixed tomorrow dear.

He passes the plates of turkey and sweet corn around to his wife, Lucille, and their two adopted children, Samuel, twelve and Thomas, fourteen. Silence (ageless) pulls up a seat too and sits for a while.

THOMAS (fidgeting busting at the seams. Buck wanders looking for scraps)
Sorry Pa, maybe the cotton will dry? (Huge Pause) We saw fifteen, maybe twenty beavers, swimming downstream. That's a lot, right?  

JOHN Yes, that’s more than a lot, sounds like two or three colonies, making a move. Must be all the heavy rain?

John sees Thomas is not done and motions him to continue.

THOMAS
(longer pause) Oh, and a, a, this morning Samuel and I found a big pot o gold down in the grove, and we covered it with branches.

JOHN
In? A pot filled with gold? IN the oak grove? Branches? (firm hand command) Buck go. Go lay down.

THOMAS
Yes sir. Just past the bend.

JOHN Remember, the big oak grove is off-limits. Don’t repeat that again.

THOMAS
(resolute) Yes sir, but we had to. It really started to rain hard. I saw this deer run straight into it so we followed.

JOHN
(his head turns sets fork down) You saw a deer run into the grove? Now that's funny. That grove could stop a train, yet a deer runs right through it. How is that possible? It’s like a fortress with no entrance.   (continues eating)

THOMAS
Well, there is now, Daddy.

JOHN
(shakes his head and thinks about his sons  last comment)
What’s a dad to do? You disobey yet you find a pot of gold, inside the very place that you know is out of bounds. But I like your truthfulness and you stepping forward, it shows courage, even though I find it, shall we say, stretched just a bit.  

THOMAS
Yes sir, we told mom what we done and we followed this rainbow that spit fire to this chest.

JOHN
(smiling, lighthearted)
Son, hold on. Was it a pot or a chest? You know it makes a big difference?

THOMAS
A chest sir.

JOHN
(leaning back in his chair laughing)
Wonderful. That's just what we need a big pot or chest of gold. You covered it with branches? From the Grove? A rainbow that spits fire, huh? Well, that’s a good thing son. (hand reaches out) Let’s see it. So where is it?

THOMAS
No sir, nothing, it’s still there. It would not budge. It was huge. We tried.

JOHN
Not even a coin son? What say you Samuel, to this gold adventure you and your brother had?

SAMUEL I saw a pretty white lady there too, dressed funny-like. But as soon as I blinked she was gone,  and there was this big white boat.

JOHN
A Boat? Well, this is getting better. A chest full of gold and a white lady and pretty to boot, in a funny outfit. Plus a big boat. Oh’ my goodness. Now that is really something. Out here you saw a white lady? My oh my. You two have had quite a day. You sure lightning didn't get cha in the britches? Well, I guess we will leave it for tomorrow and after Mom’s apple pie, who wants to play checkers? Buck, what are you doing over there? Come here boy. Good dog.

INT. KIDS BEDROOM - STORYTIME - BEDTIME - 9PM

John turns the lamp low while reading to his children. But, putting them to sleep seems to have the opposite effect as they giggle with eyes wide open.

JOHN
And so the full moon crept across a slithering sky, lighting the path for creepy beasties and creepy men of old bats, without wings, who can’t fly. Except for the witch. Who lit out for the limits of the sky.

THOMAS
Read us another one Dad, please.

SAMUEL
Are there really witches dad?

JOHN
Maybe, not sure? And no, that’s enough bedtime for tonight. Your poor old dad is bushed.

THOMAS
(makes positive eye contact) It's true Dad... The gold... it’s really there.

JOHN (nods recognizing his statement) Dream tonight for what you want, for tomorrow it may come. Now say your prayers, Goodnight you two.

EXT. HEAVEN - 10PM -
The Cloud Station is now pea-soup thick with an angelic and peaceful aura. The quiet ambience is overtaken by someone eating something hard, like peanut brittle. Rebecca walks boldly through the cloud bank and stands in the middle of the clouds.

REBECCA
Lewis, is that you? Lew, where are you? Uncle Lew? Hello?

The only thing heard while walking on a cloud is the rustle of garments.

REBECCA
(joking) All right, already Lew, turn that blasted fog machine off. Oh, there you are. I see you now. Thanks!

Lew is wearing a long European Cut Slicker made of ultra-lightweight dragon scales, rust in colour and dusted in a turquoise coating. A leather aviators' hat with matching goggles he borrowed from Orval Wright, tops off his travelling ensemble. REBECCA Well, you candy-eating fool, what a treat and honour to be working with you once again.

UNCLE LEW
Rebecca, Rebecca... you make my teeth chatter. Dear Lord Almighty. The pleasure is all mine, you beautiful creature. Come here Sugar.

Bending at the waist he kisses her hand as they begin moving closer to the sled. Both begin to packing their gear and adjusting this and that.

REBECCA
I see you got the sled packed with  Blessed Gold Feathers. Feathers, ah. Nice touch.

UNCLE LEW
Yes. 2600 Pounds to be exact, plus a load of coins. The guys in shipping said feathers were lighter to transport. What do you think? Were they messing with me? 

REBECCA
(she just snickers)
If we Add the case OF MY NECESSITIES' I still think it will be within the limit. I'll just stow it in the overhead.

She stands back eyeing her cargo as it floats into the bin above her as Lew stays occupied, collecting his thoughts on the mission.
REBECCA
All is Secure. Packed to the rafters.

UNCLE LEW
Okay. Let’s get straight to it... You have read the reports and what we're up against, right? Of all the silly stupid assed mindsets. Makes no sense and its such a shame. Not an easy one, but completely doable. By the way, the weather is a Code 9-Plus. The worst it's ever been, could be a number one for the books.

REBECCA
Yes, I took a quick scouting trip there earlier today to check things out. A bit bumpy for sure. Took a few chests of coins, and as planned I let the children see Me, and the Sled. Cute kids. They were jumping around like Christmas morning after seeing the gold. Rebecca pauses to check a few notes.

REBECCA
Our destination is Madison. So you have been there before?

UNCLE LEW
Twenty-years ago. It was another gold drop.

REBECCA Nice. This looks to me to be a Six-Day-Job, with no wiggle room Lew. It’s just as well, got a quick Vacation planned after this job.

UNCLE LEW
Good. So whats the latest with you, it’s been forever since last we worked together?

REBECCA
Everything is good. Well.... except I’ve been trying to get my brother out of Hell. I’m short on Redemption Points and need to work hard on this one, otherwise, he’ll be stuck there ‘til who knows when? Gosh, I miss him.

UNCLE LEW
I’m sure it will all work out Sugar. I can always put in a good word. Here let me help you.

While zipping up her bright yellow dragon jacket she nearly snags her chest but with Lew’s kind assistance from behind she avoids pinching her breasts as he holds them in.

REBECCA
(she smiles and winks) Thanks, Lew. Your word means a lot to me. Also, I see your hands are still quick and ready for action. (he delightfully nods )

REBECCA Sorry, where was I? So Lew, if you are ready? Let’s go and Turn the Tide of this Great Country, once again for goodness sake.

They approach the Cloud Sled, which is a quarter size of the Spruce Goose without wings and Pure White. It sits pulsating, purring like a cat.

UNCLE LEW
I did a safety check earlier all components are Up To Speed. Ladies first.

Lew extends his hand for balance and southern etiquette. The two climb down into the Pander Belts docking stage, and wait till the Clacker ratchet's up another ten-feet or so. Uncle Lew steadies their Cloud. Once in position he releases THE Harps’Yardle until the sound of a passing Spin-Duckle can be heard, then he yells...  

UNCLE LEW
IF YOU ARE READY MY DEAR! THEN LET’S GO...

HE RELEASES THE BRAKE... They sit back, side by side, hold hands... and whoosh.
Just before biting their mouth guards, the sled shakes, its rails bend inward as their speed increases.

Exiting Reality @ Ultra Hyper Drift, and leaving LightSpeed in the dust which takes years, whereas this new rail system smashes it to mere seconds. The two TRAVELERS tear up, seeing Mother Earth with its four corners once again. It happens to everyone who travels back and forth as they ride this crazed bucking bronco thunderbolt back to Earth. Lew, notices they are coming in too fast and alerts Rebecca of a hard landing.

UNCLE LEW
BRACE YOURSELF. IMPACT. Shit!

A jagged haunting Scream is heard in the distance, along with Numerous Loud Booms. The two look at each other in a questionable shrug. Their Cloud Sled has enough cushion to prevent any damage to the cargo and passengers in most situations.

UNCLE LEW
(climbing out bewildered) Are you alright? What in the Hell was that? What was all that racket? Shit! And who the hell screamed?

Lew walks around like a man after 15 cups of expresso. Checking out the sled for damages.

UNCLE LEW
Those morons in shipping are going to here from me. Wait till I get home. This thing needs a tune-up, a good going through. Golden Feathers my ass. Their light, they're lighter... Idiots.

REBECCA Maybe it was my cargo that overloaded the system? I brought a little bit of water. (she mouths the amount)

UNCLE LEW
Water? Did you bring Five Hundred pounds of heavenly water? Why? Are you deranged? Earth is Water. Right? No wonder we crashed. It’s a wonder we didn't bore a hole to China.  

REBECCA
Earth water makes my hair hard and tangled.

UNCLE LEW
Oh boy, are you kidding me? My Goodness. Women? Their all nuts. I’m going to town, I need a drink!!! Lew runs into the night screaming...

INT. BEDROOM - PILLOW TALK - MOMENTS EARLIER - NIGHT JOHN
(giggles and tickles Lucille)
A Boat? I had a hard time not laughing with that one. Those kids are wonderous and their imaginations are somewhere in the stars.

LUCILLE
Shu. The kids will hear you laughing. (Turning towards John looking in his eyes.)
We’re fine John with losing the cotton. We’ve got some money, and more importantly, we’ve got freedom. Freedom, God’s given all that to us. We are full. Bless Mr. Lincoln’s soul.

Suddenly thunder rings out like church bells on crack, non-stop for a half-minute. Then Someone shouts SHIT - and a distant earsplitting scream is heard. Abruptly the two sit up in bed and turn again to each other.

JOHN AND LUCILE WHAT WAS THAT?
And so the Adventure Begins