Joe snapped awake in his chair to the sound of the siren.

A red dot appeared on the screen in front of him, unwavering. It could mean only one thing. Joe's face turned white. He grabbed his radio and changed the frequency to alert central command.

"This is Command."

"DEFCON 1!! North corridor, at the advance base headquarters. We've got a Painter."

"We're on it. Colossus en route." Joe watched the massive colossi quadrupeds rush into view on the screen, their floodlights peering down over the sparse forest, robotic insect-like eyes scanning for the Painter. On the monolithic nexus behind them, the red dot held steady.

Jagged lines of fire sprang from the colossi domes, arching over and ripping through the treeline. Joe heard screams. He imagined the acrid smell of burning human hair and flesh.

The red dot disappeared. Joe's radio squawked. "I think we got him in time".

A flash lit up Joe's screen as the ICMB detonated. The golden colossi melted like a Salvador Dali painting.

"No fair!" Joe shouted, as his nexus and stargaze went up in flames, and marauders surrounded his remaining colossi. He glared at me across the office. "F***, you win. Let's play Age of Empires IV next!"