| Humor Flash Fiction posted March 13, 2021 |
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Shipping Saga with a Twist
Losing Track: UPS? OOOPS!
by Elizabeth Emerald
Last Tuesday, my friend Chuck sent, via Fed-Ex, a meticulously-packaged oil painting to his sister Mary.
The artist, so to speak, was Mary's (very) late father, Charlie; Mary, in sharp dissent from her siblings, had been fond of the painting, a sun-and-sea-scape.
Mary's mother, who'd kept the painting for its sentimental, versus its aesthetic, value, died in July. Mary, having flown from Wisconsin to Massachusetts to help clean out her mother's apartment, had to depart without the painting; it was too bulky to take on the plane.
Chuck, determined that Mary should have the painting, decided to surprise her. He crafted, out of heavy cardboard, a sturdy travel case. For a whimsical touch, he enclosed a faux authentication document, meticulous in its detail, painstakingly proof-rereread. The final flourish was an intentional malapropism; he dubbed himself "circumcised" (versus "certified") appraiser.
The package was due to arrive today; Chuck asked me to go online and confirm that it had been delivered.
I entered the tracking number: No record found.
I selected "requesting phone call from customer service"; the phone rang seconds after I entered my number.
The representative confirmed that there was no shipment registered under that number. At our response to her query as to the location of the drop-off, she informed us there was no UPS box at that address.
Mystery solved: Chuck had sent the package by Fed-Ex.
Last Tuesday, my friend Chuck sent, via Fed-Ex, a meticulously-packaged oil painting to his sister Mary.
The artist, so to speak, was Mary's (very) late father, Charlie; Mary, in sharp dissent from her siblings, had been fond of the painting, a sun-and-sea-scape.
Mary's mother, who'd kept the painting for its sentimental, versus its aesthetic, value, died in July. Mary, having flown from Wisconsin to Massachusetts to help clean out her mother's apartment, had to depart without the painting; it was too bulky to take on the plane.
Chuck, determined that Mary should have the painting, decided to surprise her. He crafted, out of heavy cardboard, a sturdy travel case. For a whimsical touch, he enclosed a faux authentication document, meticulous in its detail, painstakingly proof-rereread. The final flourish was an intentional malapropism; he dubbed himself "circumcised" (versus "certified") appraiser.
The package was due to arrive today; Chuck asked me to go online and confirm that it had been delivered.
I entered the tracking number: No record found.
I selected "requesting phone call from customer service"; the phone rang seconds after I entered my number.
The representative confirmed that there was no shipment registered under that number. At our response to her query as to the location of the drop-off, she informed us there was no UPS box at that address.
Mystery solved: Chuck had sent the package by Fed-Ex.
The artist, so to speak, was Mary's (very) late father, Charlie; Mary, in sharp dissent from her siblings, had been fond of the painting, a sun-and-sea-scape.
Mary's mother, who'd kept the painting for its sentimental, versus its aesthetic, value, died in July. Mary, having flown from Wisconsin to Massachusetts to help clean out her mother's apartment, had to depart without the painting; it was too bulky to take on the plane.
Chuck, determined that Mary should have the painting, decided to surprise her. He crafted, out of heavy cardboard, a sturdy travel case. For a whimsical touch, he enclosed a faux authentication document, meticulous in its detail, painstakingly proof-rereread. The final flourish was an intentional malapropism; he dubbed himself "circumcised" (versus "certified") appraiser.
The package was due to arrive today; Chuck asked me to go online and confirm that it had been delivered.
I entered the tracking number: No record found.
I selected "requesting phone call from customer service"; the phone rang seconds after I entered my number.
The representative confirmed that there was no shipment registered under that number. At our response to her query as to the location of the drop-off, she informed us there was no UPS box at that address.
Mystery solved: Chuck had sent the package by Fed-Ex.
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