Noel

My whole world is crashing down on me, and all I can do is stare at her. My heart is shattered beyond repair. She stands there, and she is stuck like a deer caught in the headlights. I can feel tears streaming down my face, and it angers me that I'm crying over this bitch. I thought she was different, and I thought she loved me. She moves toward me and touches my forearm, where I stupidly got a tattoo that says, Luci. I jerk my arm back so hard and fast that it startles her.

"Noel, I fucked up. I know I did. I'm so sorry." She tries to touch me again.

"Don't fucking touch me!" I yell. "Who's baby is it?" I ask. She looks to the floor. "Who's is it, Luci!"

"Mario." She says with her voice cracking.

"The dude you said was just a friend." I laugh sardonically.

"It's your fault. You left me here by myself and lonely."

"I was in school! I never cheated on you. Trust me, I had plenty of opportunities, but I never took them. Wanna know why?"

"Why, Noel." She says, rolling her eyes pissing me off.

"Because I loved you. I'm the fucking idiot. You hurt me worse than anyone could ever have. Worse than even my dad." I spit out. "What did you think I would do when I saw you? You knew I was coming home for my birthday."

"I don't know. I guess I thought if you loved me, you would look past this." She says.

"Look past this? You got pregnant by someone else. How many times have you been with him?" I ask. I'm crying hard now. She's about to answer when the door opens, and Mario walks out. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?"

"Baby, what's going," Mario asks her.

"BABY?" I scream.

The next thing I know, I am beating the living tar out of this guy. He gets in some good shots, and I get even better ones. Luci starts screaming, and I hear The Gooch yelling for me to stop. Big arms are pulling me off. Luci's dad is holding me back from hitting Mario.

"What the fuck is going here?" Her dad Eduardo yells.

"She's been cheating on me with this guy and is having his baby."

"Luci, you told me you broke up with him," Mario yells.

"She played us both. I can at least leave and never have to worry about anything. You, on the other hand, are stuck with her until your kid is eighteen."

"Fuck you, Noel!" She yells. "You piece of shit."

"I'm the piece of shit?" I say, walking away. "Fuck you, Luci. Never I mean never call me, text me. Pretend I'm dead." I say, flipping her off with both hands. I get in the passenger seat and look at The Gooch. "Get me the fuck out of here."

"Okay, damn Noel, I'm so sorry, Hermano." She drives down the block. Everything hits me, and I begin to snap. I punch the dashboard, and I just don't cry. I wail and scream. "Aye, Noel."

She pulls over quickly and throws off her seat belt, and hugs me tightly. She is crying right along with me. She pats my back and tells me it's okay. It will never be alright ever again.

"I hurt so bad." I cry. "I hurt."

"If you could take your pain away, I would."

"I wanna die!" I yell.

"You don't mean that. Never say that." She cries. "Please never say that. I can't exist in a world that you don't."

"Fuck, I'm sorry. I just want the pain to go away. I want to get high."

"You can smoke weed. I'm gonna keep an eye on you."

"I want to pick up some rolling papers and cigarettes," I say, and she rolls her eyes. "What?"

"You started smoking cigarettes now?"

"Today, I will. Can we just go?"

"Fine, but girl hates guys that smell like cigarettes. It's gross."

"I don't give a fuck about girls right now. "


We go to the store and get a bunch of junk. My rolling papers and cigarettes before we get home, I already smoked a joint and a cigarette. I feel buzzed and not at all, ready for bed. The Gooch came to stay with me at my house. She filled my mom in on everything, and my mom was livid, of course. She came to check my eye, that I'm sure it will be a black eye in the morning. I sneak into the kitchen and grab some liquor from the cabinet. I take it back in the room, and The Gooch is lying down watching TV.

"Give me some of that tequila." She says as she watches me take a swig. "Don't be stingy." I laugh and hand it over to her. "A penny for your thoughts?"

"I'm just sitting here thinking about all the missed opportunities I had this year."

"When you say opportunities, you mean fucking girls?" She laughs.

"Yeah!" I say. "When I get back to school, it's on! I'm gonna fuck whoever I want."

"You want another relationship?"

"No, I just want to fuck girls. I'm going to be that dick that fucks girls, and when we're done, I kick them out."

"That's not how you are, Noel."

"It's going to be how I become. I'm going to be a Fuck Boi." I laugh.

"Stop." She laughs. "That'll never be you."

"Watch me!" I laugh.

"I don't want you to change. I love who you are."

"I'm not gonna change towards you. I love you. Just the girls that want to fuck me. I'll be a dick, too, and they'll keep coming back for more. That's all I'm willing to give. Nothing more or less."

"You're drunk. Go to bed." She laughs.

"Wanna fuck?" I laugh. She smacks me. "Ouch!"

"Fuck you, Noel. Go bed. You won't remember any of this bull shit you're saying tomorrow." She kisses my cheek as I lay down.

I fall asleep next to one of the most influential people in my life. She has stood by me through a lot of shit, and I'm glad that she was there when I shattered and helped pick up the pieces. Even though I know I'll never be the same again. I wake with a groan because I have a raging hangover. I get up quickly and run to my bathroom and puke.

"Noel, you okay?" The Gooch says.

"Yes," I manage to reply between dry heaves. " Just fucking peachy."

"Happy Birthday." She says.

"Thanks. Some fucking birthday."

"I'm sorry that it sucks. You still want to fuck me?" She laughs.

"What? The fuck you are talking about?" I say, coming out of the bathroom.

"You asked if I wanted to fuck last night." She cracks up.

"Shut the fuck up. No, I did not."

"Oh, but you did, and you declared that you're now a Fuck Boi."

"Sorry about asking you to fuck. As far as being a Fuck Boi, I remember that, and I'm not sorry about that."

"Oh god, Noel, you're too good for that." She groans.
"I'm not going to be a dick to you. Only the bitches I fuck."

"You're dumb! What do you want to do before the party?"

"First thing, I want to drive to San Francisco and get this piece of shit tattoo covered-up," I say.

I feel like Humpty Dumpty, and I'll never be put back together. She shattered me.

My walls are so far up now that no one will ever be let into my heart. EVER. If I do cut my balls off with a vice grip.

A rusty one.