Humor Non-Fiction posted January 18, 2021

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a funny true story that happened earlier today

Full Moon And A Little Bit More

by Miranda Langston

Have you ever seen the true glory of the full moon? Has it ever taken your breath away, or hypnotized you perhaps? It's stunning, to be sure. Of this, there is no doubt. However, this is a story about a full moon that strays slightly from traditional endings, and I hope you can draw humor from it as I and my family have.

I was walking this evening with my fiance and as we were about halfway through our walk, the problem I've been having for the past couple days with loose panties and bottoms reared its ugly head in a much more obvious way than I would have liked.

It was just after 5PM and people were starting to come home from work. Apparently, this included a nineteen-year-old boy driving a white pickup that looked like it was plucked straight out of a country music video.

With my pants (and other garments below my waist) already revealing the entirety of my derriere from behind, and starting to slip in the front, I instinctually grabbed for the part of the elastic band which seemed more important, hoping I would have time to fix the situation on both ends before I either blinded the driver or scarred some poor child for life. Heh. No such luck.

Just as he drove past us to where my landscaping was no longer a concern, my pants dropped another two inches, revealing to the world before us the secrets of divine femininity. Well, apparently it was too late for me to escape the situation without getting caught with my pants down. Quite literally.

As I yanked on the front and went to pull the back up to where it needed to be, as well as my hot pink cheeky panties, me and my husband-to-be distinctly heard the truck slip gears for a second as he reached the stop sign before the turn to our street. I guess there's a reason they call it a rearview mirror. Fully aware of the situation, he instantly broke out into peals of laughter. It took me a few seconds of chameleon-like embarrassment before the humor of the situation actually struck me. It was pretty funny. After being offered to turn around and go home, I gladly took the opportunity.

I swear on my life, he laughed the whole way home, making a statement of thanks to the Allfather and saying that he never disappoints. With me panting like a stray in El Salvador, he then proceeded to tell my mother what happened, who appeared absolutely mortified but nothing less than amused. She actually bemoaned the fact that the poor kid lives in our neighborhood.

Needless to say, I think I'll be wearing my Fabletics leggings when we go for walks for a while.

* I've lost about 40 lbs so all my clothes are getting quite loose on me

** my fiance was the one who was laughing all the way home.

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