Humor Flash Fiction posted January 13, 2021

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Paws-n-claws included

Heating Pad with a Purr

by Elizabeth Emerald

The author has placed a warning on this post for language.

My daughter's bedroom door has a cat-flap for the convenience of Bixby and Socks. I often find the pair lounging on my bed during the day; at night one or both frequently wake me by scratching at my door.

I try to ignore them, but when I glimpse a paw frantically scrambling beneath the door, I know resistance is futile.

My visitor is usually Bixby, who has the unfortunate habit of hogging the bed; the moment I permit him entry, he beats me to the punch, spreading himself dead center.

Bixby's claws have an unpleasant tendency of extending themselves into my flesh should I dare to disturb him. I gingerly climb back into bed, giving him as wide a berth as I can manage.

This necessitates squashing my back against the headboard and jack-knifing my legs, from which awkward position I slowly scootch down and unfold myself, taking care not to jostle him or rustle the bedcovers.

The tortuous maneuver leaves me spread-eagled, from which ungraceful position I retrieve the flapped-and-padded hat that I keep under my pillow to protect eyes from claws.

On my back, eyes covered, I eventually drift into restless sleep. Which is invaribly interrupted when Bixby has the audacity to encroach on my crunched-up, supine self ... ever further ... 

And thus, for what's left of the night, I remain:

with a twelve-pound pussy sitting on my ...

... chest.


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