| General Script posted October 21, 2020 |
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a Pons and Ned script
Scene at a Diner 3
by Bill Schott
Previously: Pons: As the story goes on, the cook convicts are sidelined, one at a time, trying to get all of the doughnuts eaten. Fed: I smell Oscar. Server: No, sir. Oscar got off at noon. It's me that stinks.. Pons: Well then comes the big finale. -------------------------------- Characters: Pons = bright dude Ned = dimmer Fed = rotund fellow Hed = brainy Server = central casting The scene continues still in a diner. Four men are still sitting in a concave booth at center stage. Ned: Afore ya tell us how yer Dirty Doughnut fi-nal-lees, how's 'bout we settle on what sauce we're gettin' ta slather on'ur tongue. Fed: Doesn't the tongue come with a preferred sauce? Hed: Perhaps I could put it on a cracker. The sauce, of course, not the evidence of a cow silencing. Pons: I think the tongue will surprise you, Heddy. Hed: Not unless it speaks. Server: I've not heard it speak, but Oscar might have. Ned: I s'pect Oscar ain't heard nothin' neither. Fed: Oscar? Is he the stinky one? Hed: No, that's this fellow here. (pointing to the server) Pons: (to the server) What sauces come with the tongue, sir? Server: There is a choice of twelve. Ned: Twelve? Wow, that's close ta how many dirty doughnuts in Pons's stirry. Fed: It's the same, Ned. Twelve and a dozen are both the same number. Hed: (looking to Pons with a smile) My, my. This is a day of marvelous discovery. Pons: (looking to the server) Sauces? Server: Pickled carrot, peppered grape, bacon mustard -- Ned: Holy cow tongue, them's some tasty soundin' saucies. Fed: Makes my mouth water. Hed: My eyes are watering. Pons: Sauces? Server: Pickled carrot, peppered grape, bacon mustard -- Ned: Them saucers is aginnin' ta sound the same. Fed: Say them as often as you like. Server: I memorized them together, so I have to start at the beginning every time. Ned: I gotta do the same thin' when I'm whistlin' a tune what I stopped. Instead a startin' in the middle, I gotta go back ta the beginnin'. Pons: Sauces? Server: Pickled carrot, peppered grape, bacon mustard, jalipena cranberry, spinach paste, succotash puree, fish-eye swirl, creamed sauerkraut, rhubarb jam -- Hed: My word, do we need to finish? Fed: Mercy, yes. Ned: As long as there's ketchup, I'm good ta go. Pons: Okay. Let's hear the last three and then I'll finish telling you about the movie. Everyone nods in agreement and looks to the server. Server: Pickled carrot, peppered grape, bacon mustard, jalipena cranberry, spinach paste, succotash puree, fish-eye swirl, creamed sauerkraut, rhubarb jam, radish relish, gummy worms, and honey. To be continued...
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