| Humor Fiction posted October 18, 2020 |
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24 hours, what could possibly go wrong, or right.
A Fawlty Presidency
by Brad Bennett
This is an outrage, sir. You’ve rounded up the entire cast of Fawlty Towers, and brought them here to guide our country?
Sorry, Madam Pelosi, but I won The 24 hours as President Contest, and I want the actors of Fawlty Towers to run the White House. Besides, It was your idea as a way to drum up more cash by selling Biden's first day, so that's my choice.
But John Cleese as President?
Yes, this will be televised, I feel it's more professional with real actors. I'm an amateur, who wants to see me? Besides, what can they do that’s any worse than the last guy, or the next guy coming in here? Anyway, I like Fawlty Towers. It'll be fun.
Well, I don't like it.
Why not, Senator Graham?
Cleese is a British actor, not an American.
Senator, as acting President I'll answer that. I'm an honorary American now Graham, and it’s President Fawlty to you.
As Madam Speaker of the House, Cleese, I say Leave now.
It's YOU that's leaving, Pelosi. Out that door. NOW! How 'bout you Graham, you going to give me any trouble?
No, sir. Mr. President, we're good.
Alrighty then, just go back and do whatever you guys do. Go!
Well, Basil, I mean, President Fawlty, I see, you're totally into this role now.
Role? What role?
A, no problem, I'm just be your advisor, carry on.
Where’s that Pentagon phone? I need to make some calls, let everyone know who’s in charge here.
I’m Mary, Smithers, your assistant, Mr. President, there's no red phone, just push line #2.
Alright. Hello, Pentagon, this is the President.
Main directory sir, who in the Pentagon are you calling?
Get me a General. In fact, round up every General, and send them all over here. Now.
Mr. President, as your advisor, I must tell you this is risky, bringing the entire staff?
Well, I’ll show them who's boss…Oh, Oh, here comes First Lady Sybil, look busy.
Basil! Stop your yelling. I'm talking to my rotary club, long-distance, get your feet off that desk, show respect.
But Sybil, I’m the President.
Do it now! Basil. If you have nothing better to do, get a broom. When I'm back, I want this office straightened up.
The phones ringing Basil, your secretary, should get it.
I'll get it. Damn-it, the president can answer his own phone. Hello.
Mr. President, this is front desk, there’s over 50 Generals on the way here. Where should I put them?
Send them up. No, wait. I'll come down there.
…….
I’m General Milley, chairman of the joint chiefs, Are we in a state of emergency sir?
Yes, we are, and I am on top of it.
The entire staff is concerned, sir. Are you going to brief us here?
Um, just a second while I confer with my top advisor.
Basil, I mean Mr. President, what the hell are you doing?
Keep your voice down, look important. What should I tell them?
Hell if I know? You started this. Your secretary’s standing here, ask her.
Oh, Good idea. Um, Mary. What do you people talk about in your little get-togethers?
Let me get my notes sir. Okay, The last time your staff met, they discussed President Putin's possibility of calling for more Russian strikes against the Ukraine.
WHAT! This is outrageous. Well, we can’t allow that! Generals, Get your butts over here.
Yes, sir, what is it?
I want a Full, Red, Green, Purple alert called. Whatever you guys call it. I want Putin surrounded and ordered to back off the Ukraine. Now!
Which of our forces Mr. President? How many? Where?
Everybody! Planes, ships, get the Marines on his ass. You guys stop that bastard now. Go! That'll rip Putin’s knickers.
Wait, Mr. President, I think I see your press guy coming.
Is there no rest from these constant problems? What now?
Sir, I’m in charge of White House communications. Our switchboard is flooded with calls, China, Russia, England. What do I do?
Give them this blanket statement. We are no longer taking crap from anybody! They get their asses in line, or we’re kicking butt. Oh, not England, of course. Say hi to Boris.
…….
It’s you're, adviser Mr. President. It's 9 am now. Your term will be up at noon. It’s been a hectic night. Frantic calls are still coming in. You can't keep ignoring them.
Let em' stew. I'll talk to them after breakfast.
We are in a perilous time, Basil. Shouldn't you take a call or two?
No, I'm knackered, turn the telly on the BBC. Let's see how those bastards in Russia are doing?
Sorry, Basil, the television is permanently set on the FOX News.
Alright, put it on that.
This is Tucker Carlson reporting live at the world news desk. There is total jubilation today across the Ukraine. Russian President Putin is pulling his troops completely out of Crimea.
There's also, reports just coming in from Hong Kong. China has backed out of occupation, already troops there are being disbanded, removing all occupying forces from the city. Students are openly celebrating in the streets.
Even more astounding, we have confirmed that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un has asked for immediate talks with western leaders on nuclear disarmament. And in Iran, President Barham Salih is issuing a peace initiative. All this has been achieved in less than 24 hours into President Basil Fawlty’s administration...
Basil, my God, you've changed the world in less than 24 hours.
Well, thank you adviser, In that case, I'd like to do one more thing, while I'm still in the power.
What is it?
First, the US eagle will be a parrot, not dead. Second, I want Pelosi and Graham forced to silly walk when they come back.
I think we can forget the parrot Basil. But the silly walk, I gotta see that!
Dialogue Only Prompt writing prompt entry
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Writing Prompt Write a story using only dialogue. No narration, descriptions, or sentence tags. Maximum word count: 1,000 |
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