By Iza Deleanu
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
"Jess what the heck man, turn that noise down, I don't want to listen to your crappy music. Why don't you wear headphones like anybody else?"
"Sorry Ray Ray I can't it is against my experiment. But you can wear these" said him handing me a noise cancellation headphones."
"Why should I wear them, I am not the one making the noise!"
"I can't Ray Ray, the doctor said that if you don't stop wearing headphones 24 from 24, my brain will fry, I am pretty sure that you would not like a dumb dumb next to you!"
"Jess, what are you talking about? Holy…"
"Ray-Ray stopped it, don't swear, Grammarly is suggesting that the phrase holy shit that you wanted to use is not appropriate, so you should say: Holy Guacamole!'
"Jess, what are you saying?"
"Ray Ray, this is such a wonderful excuse to swear undercover, don't you think? Swear left and right, and nobody can accuse you of profanity."
"What's wrong with you, Jess; too much smoke-nstein? Is your brain on Cloud 9?"
"Ray Ray, if you think about it, the color and consistency of the guacamole… it is a nice substation for that sh… You change a word, and the effect is the same"
"Jess, seriously, what is Grammarly saying if I am calling you "mother fucker?"
"Ray, Ray, Grammarly says to use "mother fortune" because you are very fortunate when somebody swears at you; that means you are famous. All the mother's fortunes united front are welcome!"
"Aha, so this goes under the line of bad publicity – good publicity aka excellent popularity. Listen up mother fortune, if you don't shut the shop now, I am going to take that phone and stick into your mother's fortune ass. Then we will see how is the guacamole business doing is."
"Ray, Ray relax just be a good doll and take these noise cancellation headphones. We can still enjoy our date. You can walk next to me wearing these; see they are your favorite color, pink. Will be so awesome you enjoying the silence, me the music."
"Do you call this a walk, Jess?"
"Yes, of course, we are together Ray, Ray enjoying the same view. Isn't this what you want?"
"Jess, no please, use some headphones… your music is killing the view. I wonder if you have some noise cancellation headphones for the view too."
"Ray, Ray I can't, remember what the doctor said: fried brain, bad hearing! I know in your country it is ok to eat fry brains, but I like mine as it is very much, so the music stays. And there is also the experiment."
"What experiment?" I asked gingerly.
"Well if my phone stays in the pocket next to my waist, I could fry some fat belly… which I don't mind to partake with. Just think about it, lose it doing nothing and enjoying my music: we are family," said Jess.
"I got all my crazy with me”! I finished for him.
| Author Notes | This it is the first chapter from my new book - The Book of Miracles. The book is about the intersection of the lives of people from different cultures. |
By Iza Deleanu
My name is Ramona, or at least it used to be before I moved here. Now I don’t know anymore, I’ve lost my identity on the 3rd. - Canada. Now they call me Ray Ray because I look like a ray of light: blonde, slim, killer green eyes, wavy hair, your usual blonde dumb chic, at least this is the honorable title that you get on the 1st. In the Arabic and Asian community, my friends call me Moon and the eastern Europeans are calling me, Mona. At work, my boss calls me, hey You from Eastern Europe. All these names for one person, what a rich aroma! On the 1st and 2nd, I had only one name – Ramona, now in the 3rd one I have an explosion… of cultural diversity. In the 1st-Romania, where I was born and lived until I went to University, I had a healthy boring life. When I went on the 2nd - Bulgaria, I have not felt different, we had the same culture and customs, the only difference was the language. I used to laugh more often, and I was myself, on the 3rd I am sad: lots of languages are flying past my ears, which I like, but I hate the masks that I have to wear every single moment of my life. I always walk telling myself: “Don’t let them see you, don’t show them your true soul, they will take advantage of it.”
I moved here 10 years ago. Today I had a good look at myself: the same figure, but my eyes are so sad. Who the hell is this rag doll that is staring blankly at me? The Ramona I used to know back home on the 1st, was a confident and open-minded person, the Ray Ray that leaves here it is a very politically correct person. Man, my cheeks are hurting because of the fake smiles that I share left and right. When I decided to move here was for the stupid love and hope for a better life. After 10 years, I have nothing: my intellect is questioned every step the way, my feelings are hurt, and I have to say thank you and keep my mask of politeness even if inside I am boiling and want to scream the truth.
My love life it’s a roller-coaster, my friends, most of them are fake as my smile! Come on Ramona, how much can you take of this full glass of poison, have you not have enough? The more you wait, the worse will get. Just go back to your 1st, you know the terrain, and you can easily navigate the uncertain waters. My pride ventures in front of me and tries to tell me that going back means to admit defeat. No matter what, the show must go on! Good job, Ramona, go back on the 3rd and be one more time Ray Ray, Moon or whatever you need to be to survive. It’s so sad, the shitty things that we have to do in the name of survival. “I hate you, Ray Ray! Te urasc! Mrazia te.... Now you have it; the 3rd, then 1st, and the 2nd.”
| Author Notes | This is chapter 2 in the Book of Miracles. To understand this chapter you need to go back to chapter 1 The Noise. Thank you for reading any grammar or style comments are welcomed. |
By Iza Deleanu
| Author Notes | This is the 3rd chapter in the Book of Miracles |
By Iza Deleanu
Tonight Jess is coming over for dinner. I have informed the Engineer in advance, he doesn’t like visitors. He tries very hard to support me in this crazy situation with the Snake and my stress leave, but he doesn’t know-how. I know it is not easy for any of us.
I made for desert some traditional Romanian scovergi aka Elephants Ears that Jess likes a lot. I don’t know if mine are as good as the ones he tested at the Heritage Festival. I am making this dinner just because the counselors advise me to be more social. Between you and me, I am not thrilled about this visit either. I am afraid that Jess got the wrong message.
Jess is late as usual, but this is ok with Romeo, he is not ready for this visit either. Finally, Jess rings at our door 20 minutes later. I look over the window, and I see that he is wearing a ragged T-shirt and some faded jeans and of course the eternal cap. In the 3rd men are wearing their hat everywhere. I wonder if they go to sleep with the hat. Try this on the 1st, and they will make fun of you. Outside its already night, but Jess is wearing shades, that’s very weird.
I open the door and smiling. I say: “Jess, dear, I hope you don’t think we have a blind date?”
“Ray Ray, my Experiment backfired!”
Playing dumb, I exclaimed: “Holly guacamole, did the phone exploded in your face because of the decibels of your music?”
“Not the phone, Ray Ray, but a guy’s fist! He got offended by my music and shut down my Experiment. Now I don’t even know if I can lose weight or not. I feel terrible.”
“So sorry to hear that, please come in, Romeo will join us in a minute.”
Jess entered the house and remove the sunglasses. Instantly I took a step back. “Jess, that eye looks pretty bad!”
“Ray Ray, what can I say, I almost lost it! In the end, I had to choose between keeping my eyesight, the fried brain, and hearing.”
“Jess, please take a sit. I am so sorry for asking this, but what did you pick?”
“Silence, you were so right. Embrace the silence; it’s such a sweet delight!"
After this third-degree encounter, I don’t enjoy the Noise anymore. Silence it is my new look. No worries, there will be no more music on full blast on the streets. The last thing I need is a ticket for Noise. And since my Experiment was killed before it started, I guess I will die poor.”
Intrigued, I asked: “So did you lose any pounds?”
“Ray Ray, I kept this stupid phone literally on the fat on my belly, and I lost nothing, oh contrary, I can say that I gain a few.”
“Are you saying that the noise produced by your phone didn’t help you lose any weight?”
“No, Ray Ray, you need to find another way. You know I was doing this for you.”
“What the heck, Jess, back home you don’t say to a lady that she needs to lose weight, this is not polite. You don’t need to worry about me; I am on a sna-keto diet since I started my new job.”
Romeo finally comes into the living room, and I am introducing him to Jess. The two men are talking hockey, this subject is like the weather theme in Great Britain.
We dinned and then Jess left us around 11 o’clock. Tomorrow I will talk to my counselor, I think I will stay out of society for a while; this visit drained me of all my energy.
| Author Notes | This story can be read together with chapter 1 - The Noise because it represents the conclusion of that chapter. Some of you might find my style frustrating, but bear with me, if you stick around you will enjoy this book:) Thank you for reading, and as usual, don't be shy, I know my grammar is not one to die for... |
By Iza Deleanu
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Hello, my name is Jasmine. I am addicted to love and I am addicted to freedom. At first glance I don’t look different than any other average Jane: average beauty, education and life style, but I exceed at passion. I love life, more precisely, I love the imaginary life that I have in all the chat rooms where I am the Queen of the Universe. Here is where I am bloom to life, and where I am allowed to sing about my love.
Oh God, I‘ve tried to be normal - hiding my real self behind my parents' wish of arranged marriage. At that time I was too young and too scared to protest. After all, they were my parents they wanted the best for me, and being treated like a princess was the supreme match. In my parents' eyes that was the dream of every little Philippino girl. I got the dream man: old and rich. I got a daughter and a golden cage. I wasn’t allowed to work, I was allowed only to take care of my image. So I become the Queen of the gym. My body was perfect, but my soul was crushed because I was missing the joy of adventure. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore and I just ran away. You’ll say: bad mother. Well, I am not to be blamed. I was forced to get married too young. I didn’t have a taste of being on my own, being responsible for my own self. I’ve lost my daughter and my family disowned me. That was the moment when I woke up and I realized that I needed to get a job. I had some experience from my school years, so I’ve tried my luck for two years on a different continent. In Saudi is all about work and putting the money aside for later. Being a woman in that work environment it's not an easy treat. Don't expect respect and to have an easy way through life.
You know the saying: different place, different luck. All I wanted was to prove to my family that I can survive without them; as long as I have two hands and a clear head I can survive. I can defeat the harshness of my new life, swimming boldly against all odds.
When you are far away from all that you once knew, far from your child, brothers … it is a miracle to not lose your sanity. One day I couldn’t endure the silence of my room, and I decided to open the gate to the wild wide Web. I start surfing on different channels, assuming bold identities and hiding my loneliness and fear of being hurt. One day as I was talking in one of my favorite chat rooms, I found a glimpse of what - at that moment – I thought might be my happiness. Here I met my future husband, this time the choice of my own and from my own country. Every day we were talking and getting to have the imaginary life of a married couple. We started to have our routines and customs. It was there on my second year; things at work where starting to shake, so I quit and ran to my love to the other end of the chat room, back in my original country. I am always moving back and forth between my country of origin, the country where I’ve spent my childhood, and my adoptive country where I’ve gain my freedom and sanity.
We got married and had a daughter. He became the best father and husband in the world. He wasn’t rich, and he taught me how to follow my dreams. I stayed a few years in that magical dream, lying to myself that I live in heaven, that I have the perfect husband and the perfect life - but life kicked me some more.
What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I stay committed to my new family? What am I craving for? My true self is bored to death of my little odyssey. In that moment I was given new wings and a new goal. I have to go back to my adoptive country - Canada. I need to make a living for my small family. So here I am, all by myself trying again to find meaning, understanding, and questioning my fate. I was happy, I was working and I was sending money back to my little family from far away. Soon my daughter got used to seeing me behind a screen, in fact, she got so used to her imaginary mum instead of saying “love ya” she kept singing “bye, bye mummy”.
After a while I just got tired of my lonely pillow. My “cry me a river” mood was depressing, covering the joy of having an interesting job and a reputation to care for. I was the providing mother and the providing wife. But I needed some warmth in my life; I needed to feel alive again, so I run back to my safe house: The Chat Rooms. In there I was able to assume different identities and have sparkling conversation. I forgot to tell you, I love music and I love to sing, so if you want to get to my heart, just pick up a guitar and sing to my soul. You don’t have to be a mariachi, all you need to have it's a nice voice, some tattoos and the bad boy look and you got me from the first chord. One of my friends, who knew my preference in heart matters, convinced me to land in a different chat room that I was trying to avoid. Don’t get me wrong, none of my previous husbands had tattoos or sang. Maybe this is the reason I couldn’t stay too long cemented to their arms. But this cricket had the sparkle and a certain je n’est ce quoi! I opened the Pandora Box: one look to that singing cricket and I was charmed. From that second on, I become Suicidal Jasmine. One look and I was lost.
We started to talk for hours, I forgot about my other life; I was seeing only him, my USA Army man, who wasn’t a gentle giant as my second husband, but a rough sweet pain. I was enchanted. I carried him virtually from Skype to my work, to my bedroom, to my bathroom. He was on me, controlling my schedule, getting mad when the bus was not on time and I was arriving a few seconds late. He became possessive and jealous. But I was in love and I took the extra step flying to see him. I was leaving La Vida Loca. I came back, but my heart was on his palm, myself stayed behind. I offer my love, my life and even my money. He became the reason I wanted to live. I was breathing through my love. Lonely on this side of the wall I started to be depressed. I didn’t care, all I wanted was him. It’s funny how lost you can be dreaming about a guy who lives thousands of miles away.
I loved the image, the sound of his voice. I really was his slave in real life. My cricket sucked my blood, my money, my sanity away. Then one day, he just disappeared. I got mad. I started calling him, tracking him down to all our virtual meeting places, asking all my friends what happened. I got scared so I went home, drank a bottle of my favorite blueberry vodka, took a knife and started carving my hands. I was crying, screaming that I wanted to die, that I can’t live without my cricket. I phoned my friend from work and she made me sing, trying to distract me from my suicidal dream. In the meantime, my roomate received the message and ran into my room.
We fought for the knife, she finally took it away. I tried to bang my head on the computer screen and my other friend was screaming over the phone: “Stop! That computer is innocent, hurting yourself is not going to bring the cricket back. Calm down and go to sleep”. Exhausted I fall on the hard floor, hugging myself and rocking my dreams back and forth: What I am going to do without my cricket? As I was sitting on the floor, a light come down on me and a sweet voice was saying Jasmine, you have your daughter - you have a reason to live. Wake up! Let it go! It's not worth it!
Tired and in a weak voice I said: "but I love him! I can’t let it go. I am going to die. ” Finally I fall asleep. My daughter come into my dream: mummy I need you, come back to me.” The next day, I wake up. I was tranquil. I finally realize that this is not going to work destroying myself. I close all my communication channels and restart my life. I know nice tattoos and sexy guitar is trouble, so I am running as fast as I can when my heart goes to fast on the bad boy myth! Run away, Jasmine! Stay away from the cricket.
| Author Notes | This is a true story I witness parts of it. This is the story of one of my friends that allowed me to write it down for her. The names I used are not the real names. Thank you for reading and as always any grammatical corrections or style suggestions are welcomed. |
By Iza Deleanu
| Author Notes | This Christmas I feel lost, my dad passed away and my baby cat as well as my mother-in-law. I felt lost and like my life will be empty forever. I cried and I felt punished, but then on November 30th. I saw these two kittens that needed a home. Was my baby tell me that she wants them in the house to bring back the joy of living? We took them and day by day we got our Christmas miracle - the life that we thought was lost. Thank you Jesus for your constant mercy and for the miracle of life. |
By Iza Deleanu
He entered into my life like a hurricane. It was love at second sight, because the first time I didn't like him, but then I got a second look and the way he smiled and revealed his soul left me mesmerized.
He was living on the 3rd, and I was spending my innocent years, on the 1st. We met in a chat room the new dating tool of our century; I was Snow White from Kansas. He knew right away that I was not living in the USA, probably my way of thinking blew out my cover. My language was too sophisticated for the role I choose to play in this charade called "He loves me, he loves me not."
He flew on the 1st., over a year later to see who the hell I was. Romeo, was an engineer, and I was a librarian, what a romantic connection... NOT! Don't expect romantics from an engineer, you are not going to get it! But you can get a clean and honest heart, and a secure future.
I Ramona, I was the Juliet of this love story, but my Romeo was a very serious and down to earth guy. So we got married, and I moved on the 3rd, and everything changed. It took me 10 years to forget about romance and embrace realism.
However, I still keep a small island of the old charm romantic impulse, by jumping, usually at Christmas, in a blue moon escapade, preferably in a tropical country, where I enjoy the view, and he enjoys the silence.
| Author Notes | The 3rd is Canada, the 1st country is Romania. Ramona or Ray-Ray it's am immigrant from Eastern Europe, who tries to adjust to her adoptive country Canada. The previous chapters offers glimpses of her life experience in the new country. |
By Iza Deleanu
My husband calls me Mona Lisa, and this is not because of my enigmatic smile, as I was misled to believe. Initially, I was flattered, me and Mona Lisa, this was the most romantic thing I ever heard from my Romeo.
After marriage, he explained that he called me that way because of my "enigmatic smile" aka pissed off smile. My Romeo confessed that my face was all sunshine, but the subtitles under my smile were screaming in ALL CAPS: "Idiot, how many times I have to explain the same things all over again!"
Apparently, every time I smile, he brings up his defensive shields that are up and running at full blast. Thousands of daggers are probing the resistance of his defense. Every time this happens, he calmly executes an admirable excuse a la francais: ficher le camp! Now I understand why every time my blood pressure goes up, he has something to do with the cat and leaves me to steam in my own concoction. I guess you can add this one to the arsenal of surviving skills from the married life panorama.
By Iza Deleanu
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
I call her the working Snake. I am talking about my Boss, who thinks that is God! She always says:" I am working hard, and I am expecting the same from my team!"
I mumble to myself:" You work us hard, you mother fucker Snake! You drive us "nuts-chos" with your contradictory orders, and we never rise up to your stupid expectation. So why bother?"
The Snake is executing a 360-grade rotation:" What did you say?"
I pull up my fake smile:" Yes, Boss, we work .... Smart, I mean hard, tough Boss!" Man, she works me hard all right. I lost 10 pounds since I join her kingdom or should I say doom-dom. My friends are doing keto, I am doing snaketo. I am missing from my fat inventory 4 pounds every week.
I can see my friends admiring my new acquired figure: "Look at Ray Ray, she is so thin."
Poor me, I lost my interest in life, and my lovely engineer has not seen a Mona Lisa smile for the past month. My house it's a freaking embargo since I am working for her. There's no sunshine when Snake comes...
Since I started this job, I learned to play and fake... a lot! All the tasks she gives us are water balloons that are dissipating in thin air when the new task annihilates the previous one.
If you get the chance to work for the Snake, you will become in short time the best tennis player that ever existed on this planet. Mr. Tennis Player, you don't have to be good at this, because with the Snake you will automatically end up in "game over". The Snake is always right, after all it is the BOSS!
Ray Ray, you need a break, so take the stress leave, or you will go kamikaze on the Snake. Life is too precious, so take a break. Money and fame, makes you insane. Yup the last one was for that peach of a Snake.
*****
Hurray I’m back to work, the Snake is attacking me again, but this time I am prepared, no more bullshit missy! I have my ticket out of this shitty hole; I got a different job SAYANORA! You cannot treat me like I am nothing, like I don’t exist! I have a voice, I earned my voice, working here for 10 years, working and paying my taxes in time. Falling and standing up, finding my voice.
The Snake huddle us in a meeting room. I am bracing myself for the impact. The Snake oblige: "You from Eastern Europe! your English is not Canadian enough for this job, what do you have to say?" Diabolically I start laughing, I lift my shoulders and using a Chinese accent I say:” No English! No English!”
I love Canada; I have learnt so many languages and accents, that I lost my own. People are stopping me on the street to ask me: are you Russain? Perhaps Ukrainian or even Polish? I always smile and say: I have Russian friends, I am going to an Ukrainian church and my coworkers are Polish. By the way I am Romanian. Since I am in Canada I learnt a little bit of Hindi, a little bit of Italian and French.One of my best friends is from Lebanon, the other one is from Bulgaria, and recently I acquired an Italian friend. God, I love Canada. I moved here precisely for this: multiculturalism and diversity.
The Snake is smoking, I think right now she reached level five. She is a freaking Dragon, one of the Deaneries dragons. “How do you dare to make fun of me?" I continued : "Anglesi nehi, nehi!" (I don’t know how to write in hindi, but this is how you pronounce No English). Then calmly I sit down and push towards her a French dictionary:” Madame Le Serpent vous êtes libres de faire toute ce que vous voudrez, voici ma démission” The Snake start screaming:” What? What are you saying?”
I stand up and push towards her another dictionary, the Oxford English Dictionary. I am resigning anyway so I don’t care: “Here you go, you fucking Snake, my gift to you, an Oxford Dictionary, use it for the words that you don’t understand! Go and knock yourself over!” I am out of here:” - Liberté, Égalité, Fraternité! Sayonara P(bitch)each ! The Snake is speachless, wow, that’s a first !
| Author Notes | This story is real, last year I was forced to quite a very well payed job, because the Boss was insane. |
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