By Bucketlist
There still are many stigmas attached to mental and physical disabilities. This book is dedicated to giving sufferers their 'voices', as well as personal
| Author Notes |
Thanks to all contributors. There are some relevant to my family. It has long been my goal to share some views.
Image from the movie, The Man With Two Brains (starring Steve Martin) via Pinterest |
By Bucketlist
Here I go on the merry go round
Some days my energy will fly
Like the beautiful birds in the sky
I don't ever stop to ask myself why
Because the swings will take me high
BUT the lows will take me downward bound
AWhere It's said sanity's not found
Other times I feel so lonely and sad
I've been labeled crazy, strange or just bad
The lows will make me such a bore
I can't take these mood swings anymore
Today, I don't want to get out of bed
I'll stay here and sleep escape instead
I'm a really anxious, I need to know
Will my partner love me or go?
Im angry at you, leave me alone
Your problems are disrupting our home
Round and around can you see
How this chemical imbalance so affects me ?
| Author Notes | The correct medication is essential |
By Bucketlist
Okay, so sue me. I used the word, 'crazy' to describe someone who is mentally ill. I feel entitled; I've been referred to as crazy for most of my life. The symptoms of my mental disorders manifested themselves early on. I started reading when I was three, and I wrote my first story when I was five. It was incredibly primitive, but my grandmother saved it until she died. It was all about a trip to the zoo, and I painfully listed the animals and spelled the words I memorized on each plaque.
But, most of my family wasn't as impressed with my 'talents' as my grandmother. I always asked questions -- and I rarely could sit still. That was the good days; there were other dark days when I threw tantrums, wouldn't eat, and walked around the house mumbling.
In the research I've done over the years, it turns out I'm not so special -- many creative people suffer from mental disorders. Some say it's just the price one pays to tap into the deep recesses of the brain. And to be honest, the temper tantrums didn't end with my childhood; I was plagued by drastic mood swings well into my thirties. By that time, I was formally diagnosed and medicated
| Author Notes | My thanks to patti for her views Cooyrite 2018 PATTY ADAMS for credit |
By Bucketlist
This type of person is in my history
Can't psychologically destroy me
But he wonders how could it be
That I have no interest romantically!
I had reasons why I chose to stay
But stupid as it seems to say
I'm still here with him to this day
Now the effects have gone away
I wrote at first as being in my past
This is true because despite the blast
Of narcissism I've learned at last
Its HIS problem of personality cast
My co dependency personality leers
And refuses to cry any more tears
Refuses to accept blame she hears
For his manipulation which rears
I am reminded of his stupid 'plays'
And his refusal to accept my ways
But I am now able to ignore displays
Of tantrums and anger delays
| Author Notes | Pinterest image |
By Bucketlist
I
Don't know
Which of these
I suffer from
Dark days full of fear
Which is my nemesis
Fear of life, no will to live
Motivation's low black clouds stay
Am I crazy, lazy, or both?
Please someone rescue me from this dark hell
| Author Notes |
I have had both of these in the past
This was a personal view A DOCTOR NEEDS TO DIAGNOSE THE ANSWER FOR ANYONE suffering |
By Bucketlist
| Author Note: | Thanks Debbie |
There was a better way. It has taken years and years to undo the mental anguish and trauma in my mind...and sometimes it still haunts me...
But see...the thing is...I know what to do when it gets bad...I know the right friends to call who won't judge me or tell me to stop...or to tell me to think about how I'm making others feel right now...they tell me...I matter. And I'm not alone...and I'm going to be alright.
I wonder if there are people who have never had anybody tell them that? Can you imagine? If you can...find someone who looks like they need to hear it...even if you don't know them...just...say something to make them feel good about themselves. Tell them they matter...when the rest of the world tells them they don't. " Braden Daniels (from a Facebook post and he encouraged us to share, and I know no better place to do it than here)
*********
This was not something I intended to write tonight, this week, this month, this year, or perhaps ever, but when I saw this on a rare look at Facebook, I felt compelled to do so.
As many of you know, I struggle with depression and have for at least twenty-five years, probably longer, probably back to childhood. Of course, back then, it wasn't talked about. After being diagnosed, I elected to be open about the diagnosis, however working in healthcare, didn't want to say too much. At the point I made the decision never to return to employment after being physically disabled, I felt the need to be open about it in hopes of reducing the stigma and increasing the acceptance of mental illness. Yes, it has cost me a few so-called friends and deepened the divide between myself and my family, but that is a small price to have paid if it saves one person's life.
Many of us suffer with some degree of depression at some time in life. The kind of depression that leads to suicide is a profound sense of hopelessness and helplessness which lasts for months or years on end during which the fear of continuing to live in pain far outweighs the fear of dying.
| Author Notes | COPY RITE 2018 by Debbie J |
By Bucketlist
Ihave written before about attempting suicide, but not of the ongoing utter despair which lead up to it, and the number of attempts there actually were. I guess some of that is due to embarrassment or shame, but also the fact that I don't even know the number of attempts. I was hospitalized for three, two overdoses and one, trying to drive into an electrical power sub-station.
But there were more, so many more that I lost count. I overdosed several times, and mixed drugs and alcohol in what should have been lethal doses, many others. I researched the Physician's Desk Reference to see what a lethal dose or combination would be. They were serious and pre-meditated attempts done when I thought no one would be around to find me. After these, I would wake up a day or two later, very sick, and feeling even more of a failure because of all things, I couldn't even get this right. People accidentally overdose every day, but even trying to, I couldn't do it.
I am fortunate now to have had eighteen years without sinking to the endless type of severe depression which led to these. I still have periods of depression, most recently, the past few months, but they are more related to life circumstances than the deep, endless type of hopelessness I felt years ago. Some of the change is due to medication, some due to having a support system which was absent in the past. Much is due to having been told that I matter, I'm not alone, and I will be alright. Simple words, yes, but life-saving as well.
Several years ago, I was at a graduation party. The father of the graduate had depression. I didn't know him very well, but well enough to sense he was deeply troubled that day. I knew he was in pain, but due to my own issues, I didn't reach out to him. I had every opportunity; we were outside the party room with the guest book most of the afternoon. After returning to the group home where he lived, he started himself on fire. He now lives with not only the pain of depression, but with disfigurement from the extensive burns he suffered. Could I have made a difference that day? I'll never know but will always live with the guilt of knowing he was suffering and not even making an attempt to do anything about it. Perhaps a chance to talk about it and a few simple kind words could have prevented this tragedy.
Please keep Braden's words in mind:
P
If you can...find someone who looks like they need to hear it...even if you don't know them...just...say something to make them feel good about themselves. Tell them they matter...when the rest of the world tells them they don't.
It might just be you that makes a difference in someone's life today.
| Author Notes | Copyright resins Debs |
By Bucketlist
Bipolar Disorder is a confusing condition for everyone. It manifests between mania and depression. Each day is a challenge, as people have various hurtful labels for the suffferer. It basically is an imbalance of brain chemistry , not a choice.
| Author Notes | Bipolar is just one of the spectrum of depressive challenges. |
By Bucketlist
In My Time of Depression
Within waves of troubled waters
I being beaten and tossed about
by the jaunty winds that blow
from my lonely shore of doubt,
where the anchor of hope was cast;
that keeps pulling me in the strong gale;
I will patiently with strength hold fast to what?
Not any more I have my anchor of faith keep me afloat
Gert Sherwood 2018
| Author Notes |
THIS IS NOT MY POEM
Copyrighted by Gert Sherwood |
By Bucketlist
Depth of negative thoughts deepens
Eating habits suffer
Energy declines
Pushing through each day gets increasingly hard
Don't feel accepted
Enjoyment disappears
Pressure in head like a weight pushing down
Rolling the load uphill is a losing battle
Each day seems endless/ pointless
Sleep pattern changes
Suicide thoughts creep up
Interest wanes
Oblivious to the danger
No motivation
| Author Notes | Untreated depression can be deadly |
By Bucketlist
GAD is the acronym for General Anxiety Disorder. There are different sub types of anxiety. Each should be diagnosed by a qualified physician.
By Bucketlist
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
I feel like a fake
Make no mistake
My symptoms are real
My life they steal
I'm full of fear
To go far or near
I'm really trying
But fear I'm dying
I need more air
Please don't stare
I'm choking I feel
My chest pain is real
My heart beats fast
Will it last?
I have to leave
Before I heave
A safe place to go
Somewhere I know
Will calm back
This panic attack
| Author Notes | I suffered these horrid attacks for years after traumas. Thank God I am much better now THE SEX/LANGUAGE BUTTONS ARE STUCK ON YES |
By Bucketlist
The ADD in me
I start off my day with good intentions
That are shot before I walk out the door
For I know when I return
Paperwork is something I cannot ignore
I put it off all the time
I guess I like the challenge of it all
Procrastination is my game
And surely it will be my downfall
You see paperwork is my ADD
And with madness I soon begin
I write and write and write some more
Until it hurts to grasp my pen
The fury to get it all done
Eats away at my soul
But I shall conquer this papermound
Because I have set my goal
I fear that I will mes this up
So I re-read for a second look
The madness to justify every word
Has now resulted in a book
Do deadlines aren't exactly my thing
But last minute work is in my genes
The only time I'm truly myself
Is when I'm putting on the greens
By RSA
| Author Notes | This is by a friend Ramone |
By Bucketlist
My falling leaves
were memories
Of a life I already had
I liked to share them
more than once
Before they hit the ground
But the pile is getting deeper
I do not understand
I'm not as fast recalling them
Before they change and fall
I remember as a sapling
I was sturdy yet small
a strong young tree
Who could everything recall
But as my branches bare
I don't remember why they fall
Where I am or why I am sad
As it's getting cold and icy
There goes the last leaf of all.
By Bucketlist
I now finally see
see what happened to me
me, attacked at my very core
core broken down some more
more of what I didn't see before
before my life of misery
"Misery loves company" it's said
said to myself, not using my head
"Head for the door, you don't need more
more of this blaming anger each day"
day and night I slowly took more
more of what had been covert before
before my emotions died in misery
| Author Notes |
KNOW YOUR INTENDED PARTNER ENOUGH. IF YOU SEE THESE SIGNS
RUN, DO NOT COMMIT |
By Bucketlist
Having an exaggerated sense of self-importance
*Expecting to be recognized as superior even without achievements that warrant it
*Exaggerating their achievements and talents
*Being preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate
*Believing that they are superior and can only be understood by or associate with equally special people
*Requiring constant admiration
*Having a sense of entitlement
*Expecting special favors and unquestioning compliance with their expectations
*Taking advantage of others to get what they want
*Having an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
*Being envious of others and believing others envy them
*Behaving in an arrogant or haughty
http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=885905
| Author Notes | Thank you Barb for helping Me out! |
By Bucketlist
Dealing with mental illness.
You Have His Face
by Karol Bond
Schizophrenia, you have his face and his voice that once declared I love you, now screams out bitch, I hope you die!
Thief, you have taken my sons sanity and freedom leaving me with visiting schedules.
Unable to hold back the tears when a flicker of lucidity finds him and it's as if he's my son again.
I see his eyes tortured, pleading for me to set him free-but only you have the key.
| Author Notes |
Reproduced wth permission from the author 1 September 2018
Copyrite Karen Bond |
By Bucketlist
Here I stay dormant
In my lair-your brain
lashing my tail
erasing memories
forever waiting
to terrorize
roam your mind
destroy your hopes
burn your desires
desiccate reality
voraciously devour
your energy
induce nightmares
spew unwanted fears
scramble thoughts
induce prying eyes
demonically destruct
your authentic
inner self
attempts to slay me
are always futile
white knights attack
diversive plans
scratch my scales
will not kill
my flames of anguish
your muffled cries
guarded loneliness
possession of you
my conquest of
your life
| Author Notes |
Thanks to MKFlood for your art and for my use
White knights are medication pills Mental illness is horrific |
By Bucketlist
The Ultimate G- spot!
While much attention to this subject surely has been given
Its value may be questioned in the lives we've been livin'
For the power of a touch in the exact, ideal spot
Is indeed worth the deepest journey of our thought
The utopia of joy can only really be expressed
When one truly realizes what it means to be blessed
To be touched in a spot where the power of GRATITUDE
Reflects all the brilliant and kind gifts of one's attitude
The ultimate G-Spot is a place that your mind goes
Where: Love, God, Grace, Generosity, and Gratitude repose
Where dark anger and Grief are outshined in the light
Generated from a source of much Greater might
Where peace can be found anytime night or day
Where your blessings are acknowledged in every way
Where the warmth of God's hug, lets you know you are safe
And aware that the ultimate G-SPOT is in God's embrace
I offer this photo of my new love "Bitsy" that inspired this poem for me
And allowed me to find a place where true Gratitude would be
Where loneliness and sadness clouded my own G-spot in despair
I've now found its joy and constant Gratitude in the love that we share
| Author Notes |
Vance was diagnosed 2 years ago
This is revival of his poem |
By Bucketlist
it primarily deals with the blessing I received in the form of a tiny puppy. as to the overall perspectives when I learned that I had Alzheimer Disease I was told that it was not a cure-able disease and death would be a surety in a non-predictable time period! Two doctors later I was offered an opportunity to join a clinical trial program for a new drug, which I've now been in for over two years and feeling very normal...although they do not report if the drug is actually working....I feel that it must be! but everything about them and it is super top secret so i cannot offer more on that. It is difficult to relate in any really meaningful terms what it's like to be told that you have a disease which is 100% terminal and you are certainly going to die but ....in a non-predictable time period. Personally, it was my decision at that time to put my faith in GOD and keep my prayers consistent and sincere. That is the most confident thing anyone can do, if they are indeed, a 'TRUE BELIEVER"..(which I am and always have been).
| Author Notes | I am grateful to Vance for sharing this. |
By Bucketlist
want to share ANY words that will help lead others to GODS LOVE AND THE PEACE AND JOY OF SINCERE GRATITUDE
I'm not sure if you got my previous response to your request for my perspectives on my ALZ, so I want to offer that my initial report of having it came with the advisory that it would be terminal ... with no real time to be suggested when. Having just been screwed out of my multimillion dollar business by crooked investors, I was happy to sign out, more devastated by that event but in fact , it determined me to pull up and make a stand on life..which has worked since. I have become a fanatic on data management, to=do lists, communication devices, and writing positive poetry everyday along with consistent prayer and faith, I have not conceded to self pity, but instead, I pray in thanks for my creative skills and joy thereof! Hope this helps as GRATITUDE is the only mindset that can hold up the stop sigh to ALZ! Vance
By Bucketlist
"Children should be seen, not heard"
Now I'm grown that seems absurd
We each have a voice in who we are
Not each of us can become a star
But rejection of who we were born
Leads to a lifetime of silent scorn
So we ask,"What's wrong with me?"
Parents and Mores control you see
A second birth needs then to arrive
To be the true self and yet survive
A mental shift in psychology of self
Put others' assessments on the shelf
Dig down deep to comfort our child
So If the 'true you' is meek and mild
Or diverse thinker who doesn't heed
Self acceptance is the way to lead
Rejection of us by parents we had
Leads to a lifetime of us being sad
Psychological birth is always a need
A trusted self versus the others' seed
So if you feel unsure and lost inside
Need to feel validated in others' pride
Know that all that can end - it's true
When you accept the real lovable you
| Author Notes |
A life long search for many of us
Mores- the fixed morally binding customs of a particular group have tended to withdraw and develop a self-sufficient society of their own, with distinct and rigid mores â?? James Stirling Miriam Webster dictionary |
By Bucketlist
| Author Notes |
A child's self esteem is formed by the age of 5. The trauma of abuse is set for a lifetime.
|
By Bucketlist
| Author Notes |
APRIL IS CHILD ABUSE PREVENTION MONTH
Pinterest image |
By Bucketlist
Help me
I was trapped
I didn't know why
I went to the hospital
They wouldn't let me leave
I could hear them whispering
So many voices talking together
Weird faces laughing and pointing at me
But it was too hard to try understanding them
I tried explaining that I had an 'out of body' experience
I didn't need help, I was in a peaceful place not known to me
My soul departed and just as I rose up I felt a needle in me I blacked out
| Author Notes | Subject image provided by the challenge leader |
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