By LovnPeace
When I pass from this realm
I will be cremated
my ashes spread eventually
I hope around some lovely tree
possessions disposed of
not much of importance there
But
What of my magic box
what will become of my tower
that has become my life
where I have lived a major
chunk of my life
Will my secrets fly to hearts
with no understanding
perhaps I need to be buried
taking it with me
my mind races for answers
Funny
I have been accused of
hiding from life
the life of a hermit
reclusive old lady
like so many we read about
Here in my sanctuary
I have part of the world with me
the part I want to see
imagination brought to life
from a stunted youth
Best friend
even a lover spawned
I have gained so much more
then if I walked a different path
yet in safety I have traveled
I am as beautiful
as my heart wants to feel
I have a dream farm on Facebook
I work on it every day
it gives me so much peace and joy
I learned for me
there is nothing "Out there"
I am missing out on
it is all here
my life in a box
| Author Notes | Some understand. |
By LovnPeace
There is nothing
good
about the month of
February
except my sister's birth.
I was married on
Valentine's Day
Eight years later
on the very same
cursed
Valentine's Day
I was in a court room
for my divorce hearing
Need I say more
than Bah Humbug
| Author Notes | I don't think I'm the marrying kind, or perhaps marrying sice I did it a few times, but not the stayin kind. I've finally learned though and have been free as a happy bird for a long time now. |
By LovnPeace
I took the test
eHarmony gives
not once but twice
Both times
there were no matches
out of millions
They more or less
told me
not to come back
I am locked out
from repeating the test
validation
I do need to live alone
| Author Notes | A happy camper alone. There are times for wishing, but I am a die-hard realist.Happy most minutes in my lifestyle called freedom. |
By LovnPeace
Lost
two people closest to me
in all the world
in a year and a half
one knew my very soul
I sit here in limbo
wondering why
why am I
now approaching old age
still here
while you are gone in your prime
To do what
besides breathe
it takes all my effort
to put one foot in front of the other
to force myself out amongst strangers
to do simple chores
I wait now in this limbo
wait to hear from you
my brilliant loves
can I do more
More
than count off the loves left
as they too go to a better place
greif so overwhelmes me at times
just to breathe is an effort
I hope this crippling pain leaves soon
some days it is better
other days
limbo is a welcome releif
from feeling
By LovnPeace
Trish and I met here on FanStory over five years ago. We had something in common. I did a review an one of her poem's and wrote, the man she was writing about sounded a lot like my man. She wrote me a PM asking me questions about my man.
It turns out we were both involved with someone on-line. Mystery men. Someone we had never met. It did all sound so familiar. The only difference was, I had known mine slightly longer and had received many gifts from him. Trish was never that lucky. We both loved unwisely and passionately, though my lover never tried to deceive me in any way, that we could ever be more. Trish on the other hand, always kept the belief they would meet. The belief began to fade the year before her death this eighteenth of February Two-thousand-ten.
For five years, Trish and I shared ourselves at night on the phone. Many hours we spent night after night. Often we were like teenagers snickering about our desires, our secret feelings.
We shared our fears, anger, our pain. We helped each other heal and grew wiser. There was no subject off base. I have never opened up so much to another human being. The amazing part is she still loved me. She knew all my dirty little secrets and still loved me. Not only loved me, but thought I was beautiful as she expressed repetedly. She tried hard to get me to believe.
The woman was amazing in her knowledge and could quote the bible by chapter verse, always knowing the approprite verse for a given situation. It was such a great comfortat times.
We talked a lot as I said about the men in our lives. I would call her man an ass-hole when he hurt her by staying away and not writing for long periods, but she always had a ready excuse for him. Working or out of town, were the most often used ones. As I said, until about a year ago, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer for the second time. She fought the first round of cancer four years earlier, finishing treatment with radiation, just before we met. It was a rare form of cancer a deadly one as it turned out. This time she had surgery and eventually chemo.
In the last year, Trish had a mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. SHE REFUSED CHEMO AT THAT TIME BECAUSE HER RESEARCH LED HER TO BELIEVE IT WAS NON- EFFECTIVE WITH HER TYPE OF CANCER. She went on an extreme supplimental regimen, had Reiki, meditation and any method she thought would help. For many months it was promising.
Toward the end months she agreed finally to chemo when it seemed to become necessary to try it. At the beginning of this February they gave her an experimental drug. She became confused and didn't always know where she was, or why. She was taken to the hospital for the last time, a week and a half ago. It is believed the medicine caused the mental effect. As a last attempt to reduce swelling in her brain and regain her recognition, they again gave radiation treatments a few days before her passing.
Her man still popped up from time to time to offer encouragement. Gradually his appearance became farther and farther apart until it was gone. Trish was in a fight for her life, so she had to eventually redirect her energies. There were times I thought I would loose her early on and other times I feared she wanted to give up, but she was a fighter. There were times of such joy and hope. Neither of us gave up believing she would make it. Her faith was so strong. Trish told the doctors the first time around when there predictions were dire, "God numbers our days, not doctors."
At the end of April two-thousand-nine I had surgery on my foot. As Tricia's fight became more intense and other things cropped up in our lives our talks becane less and less often towards the fall. I had gotten into the habit of letting Trish call me, when she felt like talking or had the energy.
I was out of town for a couple of weeks in October and we talked once during that time. Then of course the holidays were upon us. I wanted so much many times to visit Trish, but something was always getting in the way. The last time I asked she said maybe after the holidays. Trish had lost most of her hair by then and a lot of weight. Sometimes I think she didn't want me to see her like that for our first meeting.
It wasn't vanity. She wated to spare me pain. Over the years Trish would call me just to hear my voice. Strangely, somehow, she said it gave her comfort. Whem my daughter was dying she waited to hear from me. I know now how hard that was for her. There were times I just couldn't talk with anyone about what was happening. I gave Trish the same respect. I know we were still connected. She shared with me, that at times she felt me giving her love and sending her strength, which I did on a regular basis.
I wait now to hear from her after her death, as I feel I will. I still feel her presence and expect I always will. She was such a large part of my life and claimed a huge chunk of my heart.
As for our men, well, Trish and I both felt blessed they brought us together. My man is long gone though not forgotten. The greatest gifts I received from him were not the material ones. Trish's man was like a puff of smoke, yet he was very real and gave her the feeling of being beautiful and loved once more. What more could we ask for.
| Author Notes | I always have the need to write now when I lose something or someone so dear to me. It doesn't help make it a reality. I still have a problem at times believing my daughter is gone more then a year later. The pain is often intolerable, now, for them both. This entry might jump around a bit. I hope not so much as to spoil the reading of it. My frame of mind isn't the best. |
By LovnPeace
Justifying being alive
was merely a way of life
accounting for each breath
was expected a price paid
Sitting in a small row boat
an ocean I have crossed
paddling to exhaustion
a fight just to survive
Reaching a safe shore at last
with life slowing to an ebb
I realize there is no justifying
I'm learning now to live
Each movement is important
yet
none of them at all
only the wonderful freedom
of nothing more then
just to be
| Author Notes | Someone taught me we had to justify our existance. I learned it well, but until it was pointed out to me I was totally unaware of it. I am, because, I am meant to be. Simple, but we don't Know many things automatically if we are taught young the wrong way. I absolutely Love "Lightbulb moments," after a liftime of struggle to find answers. |
By LovnPeace
With loving hands
scraps were sewn
around a bag of beans
with long black braids
a fashion plate
dress and hat
booties on her feet
a comely lass she beems
My daughter made this lovely doll
while pregnant with her first
that was thirty years ago
like yesterday it seems
She is gone now
and though it will break my heart
I'm passing my treasure on
to the son she carried then
he said he would keep her under glass
Through all the years
and all the things I left behind
my doll was always there
from home to home she held a spot
each stitch was done with love
| Author Notes | I have always believed the treasures ahould be passed on while I am still alive. For them to enjoy now and to make sure they get what I want them to have. I won't be leaving much, but that is ok. They will have the memories to hopefully help their heart. |
By LovnPeace
I remember at twenty-eight signing papers for sterilization. I asked with a chuckle, "Are you going to boil me in oil?"
I couldn't get a handle on the true concept. I had four beautiful children. Sterile? Naw. Again at forty I had tubes and overies removed. Even then I didn't feel empty in the sense of being without a part of myself.
Over the span of a pain filled life, I kept things buried for the most part. Starting with the shock of the orphanage. Until I was in my thirties when sodiumpentithal was administered to me at the dentist. A dam broke. I have no idea what I might have said but, I woke sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe.
I have since read in the Bible, "Be careful what you fear, for it will come upon you," tried to confront any important fear. All but the one. Pain. I remember going under gas in childbirth seeing a huge target spinning and a truth revealed. The secret of life is pain. Even in the greatest joy there is a kind of pain it seems. Emotional pain is my fear.
Here I sit now in my late sixties, having succeeded in the most part, of not allowing the monster fear to surface more than superficially. I am now facing something I have no control over. I am paralized in fear.
I have been rather smug in telling all who cared, that I didn't need anyone in my life. Prefering a solitary life at this age. That is true to a great extent. It is only now, that I am suffering monumental losses in my life, that I realize it was/is because I had those I needed already. As always, until the losses, I had no idea, that is what filled me. I had losses before like anyone my age, but somehow I was able to surmount feeling the great pain until now.
Now, there is such a void like nothing before. My beautiful brilliant friend, whom I never met in person, filled so many roles for me in my life. We talked for hours and years late into the night about all of life. Now that she is gone, layers of pain are being uncovered on the grave where I buried all my feelings. I am being swallowed in an abyss, falling in a spin like with the target. So unlike me. I am helpless to stop this spin. The pain in something I can't even accuratly describe and it is relentless.
I can't really say that I am lonely. Alone yes. That is what is eating at me I guess. I have loved ones still. but no one like my friend. I could share anything with her and know she would understand and visa versa. I knew I was not judged, or not loved, because of anything I had done or thought. There is no one now to fill that horrendous void. I don't expect there ever will be again.
I am a tiny bit frightened, well more than a tiny bit in all honesty, because it feels like this is killing me. Literally. I am such a dichotomy. On the one hand the fight to live is so strong in me. I have been a survivor all of my life, untill now. On the other hand, I crave to be with my lost daughter and friend. I know there is some anger at being left. Normal they say. I do envy them their true freedom. Freedom has been the most important thing to me since I first got a taste of it.
This is critical. I am not suicidal. I tried that a few times when I was younger. I thought that was a normal way of dealing with the consuming pain and lack of hope. I know that is a lie now. I am at a loss though, as how to stop the freefall. I so fear falling into the bottom of that grave. The thought makes me want to throw up, but in my core I know I must face it.
Oh, I have faith. Strong faith. It is what has sustained me for so long. I have no truck with religion. That was another cause of great pain in my desire to know truth. For me it is a man made institution. Nothing like what Christ would recommend. I found only suffering in it. No solace or peace. I know God and all the saints are with me, even my Patti and Trish are, but still I fear what I am facing on the human level. "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger," they say.
I already have the teeth of a lion and the heart of a dragon. Crying, "Uncle." I don't want anymore.
| Author Notes | I don't know if this seems like rambling and long writing isn't my forte', but I have a pressing need to write now at times. I thank all who take the time to read this. I know what a pitty pot is and this isn't it. If that be your thought on this, Please, just move on quietly. |
By LovnPeace
Each review poured over
with the hope it was the one read by her lover
she searched
having given the challenge to find him here
He was a secret lover
she craved him
with every fiber of her being
doing anything to draw him to her
Did he read her musings
hear her beseaching moans
the agony of longing
only she knew
though she is gone now
the love she emanated still lingers
not just for him
it fills our halls
she was an amazing woman
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I share much the same longings
does my secret lover read
though long gone in my life
I was his haven
does he ever miss the sanctity
coming to read
to touch memories
in his book of love
The connection was so strong
it is hard to believe he doesn't still
reach out in some way
still have the need to know
I am still here waiting
By LovnPeace
Today it has hit home to me
the depth of my loss
the months and years we spent
sharing across the miles
the beliefs we grew to know
not religious
but spiritual
of truth
no one else in my life
no one
so empty now
i am barren
little did i know
you were preparing
to leave me
to meet your creator
oh dearest friend
you were such a gift to me
i love you so
but am bereft in this wilderness
i don't know if i am angry
i feel just questions
why and what now
what now
my soul is shattered
you took so much of me with you
i envy you in the light
as i suffer in this darkness
i want to be in that light
but know i must carry on somehow
i spent my life avoiding pain
pain that reaches to the root of my being
i reach for the answers in the light
| Author Notes | Today the pain is so overwhelming even causing nausia and difficulty breathing and an incredible headache. i know it will pass, but omg how mighty we are built to withstand such pain. |
By LovnPeace
Trish passed away today
I grieve for my loss
my hear heavy with the pain
yet I am happy
she suffers no longer
She had a beauty soirit
a gentleness
it touched all who knew her
she gave so much
Learning Reiki
she wanted to be a healer
she gave beauty to other's
through her cosmetic talents
often at no cost
a generous loving heart
I am a better person
Blessed
to have her call me friend
and to be her friend
I would have traded places
to take away her pain
I love you Trish and miss you
so very much
| Author Notes | I wanted to let her friends and those who loved her know. Thank you for those who sent her cards. I know she loved them and to know she was remembered and loved. |
By LovnPeace
Am I supposed to be somewhere else
there is no purpose left it seems
what dredging is there now to glean
blinding my soul with the obscene
Please release this burden I appeal
on this earthly plain I cannot heal
scars too deep
wounds reopen on a daily drift
Ripping at my fiber though I know
I cannot undo what has already been sown
forgiveness lies at cross's feet
memories strain for oft repeat
Books fall empty from my shelves of life
dust and webs form
as I fall asleep more readily these days
not able to muster up needed concern
A waiting game
dreams are stacked and packed away
candlelight is fading dim
sing to me my lullaby again
| Author Notes | I sang her favorite lullaby as I held my daughter while she passed. When memories of life and losses do hit hard, It overwhelms my natural fight to live and makes me want to join so many already gone. Guilt as a companion though I know it is a waste. |
By LovnPeace
Death
Once a shock
then a curiosity
became research
delving into many venues
even the occult
desperate to reach beyond
To learn
understand
come to terms with
etc
etc
etc
Aged grandmother
longing for release
parents lost
though grieved for
acceptance gained
as close as I could get
Then the impossible
loss of a child
pain that has no cure of time
a best friend gone
someone I shared my soul with
acceptance be damned
| Author Notes | I thought it was supposed to get easier to deal with death as we get older. Hell no!!! I am old now and my heart hurts even when a stranger dies. Hurts for the loss to the world and for those who love them and their pain. I just read about Jarlsbane. So sorry. So young. |
By LovnPeace
When I first set pen to paper
Seven years ago
I was told my muse resembled
e.e.Cummings
My lover was being nice I'm sure
With his encouragement
I tacked together
Terrific metaphors
Showing some poetic sophistication
At times fine art
In the years since I have morphed
In some ways better
poetically not
I've come to long only
Just to be understood
Cleverness escapes me now
Age may play some part
Though I feel it is more complicated
I have simple needs
A simple heart
Governed now by a simple mind
| Author Notes | I don't mean I am simple-minded as in ummm stupid. Maybe I need my Webster here. LOL Not sure. |
By LovnPeace
Every two years
since two-thousand and four
a member of my family has died
from cancer
First my mother
as well as with a stroke
then my stepdad
in two-thousand and six
My daughter
in two-thousand and eight
now at two-thousand and ten
it is my children's father
He probably
won't last the year
our son said
non-hodgkins lymphoma
All different kinds of cancer
colon
brain
melanoma
non-hodgkins
I think it is epidemic
makes me wonder
what is going on
other than our poor life styles
Even athletes get it
it takes too many in our society
in spite of billions spent
on supposed research
Brute
archaic treatment
torturous suffering
which fail more than succeed
I stand watch
praying I go in my sleep
and any other members of my family
not already taken by this cursed disease
By LovnPeace
There are deep grooves
running thru my heart
enlarged on one side
inflamed
Waves washing thru me
lightening stabbing my heart
a pain
like no other
Yes
you know who I mean
more than one
out of reach
A lifetime of fighting
feelings
numbing myself from them
has finally caught up
Age and a critically wounded heart
has peeled away my facade
I thought I wouldn't survive this
but I did
Loses stacked
like empty boxes
once so full of life
now barren
I want to kick and fight
at times my anger overwhelms
why did you leave me behind
my guides
I am so lost now
screaming silently
drowning in tears kept inside
a storm raging
I wish I could send you away
like mailing a letter
I know you have peace
I am jealous
I once knew peace
at times I glimpse it again
then the pain comes on me
crushing me
I think another loss would do me in
take me with you this time
if anyone of you left
leaves me
| Author Notes | I feared this kind of pain all of my life, since I first felt it. Killer pain. I tried suicide when younger to stop the pain. I learned to block things out, but now I can't. It truly felt like it would kill me, but instead I have to live with it when it comes. It still feels like it will kill. If only it would. No I am NOT suicidal. Just wishing. I am ready to go home, but I still have love one's here. I do so fear losing them. Sorry, rambling. |
By LovnPeace
Lights spread like a blanket
beckoning the hungry waif
perched in her tower window
yearning to taste
eaten by loneliness
abandonment her companion
a hollowness
that echoes
yet
like the teeth of a dragon
they could be waiting to devour
was it a prolific fear
that gnawed at her gut
yes
shredded
lain bare of hope
year after year
floundering fruitless
wrestling
whatever this force
we called life
sucking her very essence dry
still
*****
All these decades later
survival usurped
I ask why
always the why
*
I cannot count the cost
so many times I wonder why
why would I want to suffer such pain
some of the price tags haunt me
what is this we are made of
joy has been so fleeting
not enough to feed this need
to go on
why
when I hear my screams of agony
and return to the hollowness
of my youth
survival again
unto death
| Author Notes | I'm not usually doom and gloom, but the losses have been great and have grabbed me by the throat. I'll be ok, but this really has be doubled over. Blessings to all. Thank you for reading. Barbara |
By LovnPeace
One day
the date isn't important
every cell in me
pulsated with love
I became love
my entire being
soaked and blinded in its glow
Then today
I am inhaling deeply
trying to breathe
from the pain
consuming me
pricking from every direction
enveloping me into a ball
I pray
for relief
the world's pain has found me
I must dig deep
into that sacred place
accept this sorrow
then again find my peace
Soon
| Author Notes |
For most of my life I have I hid from feelings. I still try to, but now they let me know I cannot hide always. I
still don't like what I experience from the hurting ones. That's life. Thank you nonarom for the art. I have nothing to offer as reward for reading. I spent it all on the poem for Trish. Smiles_with_Sunshine, my heart. |
By LovnPeace
My heart is bursting
with pain
she is like a sister
sometimes even closer
A precious light in my life
I think her heart knows
no evil
even her doubts are softly
expressed
She is coming to the end
of her journey with us
I'm happy her suffering will end
she has fought a valient battle
I'm writing this because
many here know Trish
and what a special person she is
I suffer beyond grief
I don't know
how much longer she has
she is having extreme confusion
and is affected with a swollen brain
Our last conversation
may have been our last
where she knows me perhaps
I miss her so much
For six long blessed years
we wore the good and bad
together
many many nights for hours
We shared all
aided each other in our
pain and our growth
no subject was out of bounds
Our strong spiritual belief
grew as did we
and our friendship
her faith is a beautiful thing
She knows her bible
and always said
"God numbers our days, not doctors."
I am so lost
| Author Notes | If there is such a thing as soul sisters. Trish and I are. I didn't know her type of cancer wasn't curable and she only had time at best. Her neighbor told me. She didn't, and she didn't know if Trish knew. I have never gotten to meet Trish in person, things kept coming up, but I have never had anyone be more a part of my life. She is in the hospital now, I don't know for how long, on the oncology ward. She can't have flowers, but anyone who wants to pm me, I'll give the address to send cards if you want. It would mean so much to hear from her friends here. Thank you for reading. |
By LovnPeace
The most lacking
Element
On our planet
| Author Notes | IMHO... If there were more common sense, there would be less problems. Solutions are often found in common sense and KISS=Keep it simple stupid. |
By LovnPeace
This may be my last posting. Over the recent years, I often wondered why my spelling was so bad. It was my best subject in school. I found out the answer when I visited my doctor this week. He noticed something while talking with me. My memory was not up to snuff. Of course I knew this for a long time and also know it seemed to be getting worse. He had his nurse give me a couple of tests. One was for memory. I laughed and said...I always pass these. Well this one was a little more involved. He informed me, I am borderline dementia.
I have applied for a scooter because my legs have gotten so weak and painful. The nurse took my blood pressure in three different positions too. This was new to me. It varied in all three positions of sitting laying down and standing. On the last standing one, the pressure was a pretty extreme of low.
When he came back in the room and informed me of the borderline thing, he also told me he believed the alzheimer symptoms, he thought are symptomatic of Parkinson, which he thinks is the cause. I said either way it isn't good. He said, "No, it isn't."
I had mentioned to him when he first came into the room, that something was very wrong and that I am going downhill fast. Besides the memory think and weakness, constant wanting to sleep a lot, there were other things going on.
When I got home, I looked it up on the computer. It said symptoms could start ten to fifteen years before diagnosis. It answered so many questions for me that it was almost a relief. So many things over the years with no answers. Lately things have intensified. Slowing down in many areas for one. I have always been on fast mode. No more. I did all the heavy stuff for my sis. No more. Awkwardness and losing my balance is everyday occurrence and so I got a cane to help prevent more falls. Falls is something else I have suffered a few times this last decade. It all falls in place for me now whether a formal diagnosis is ever made.
My oldest daughter said early treatment can help slow it down. I guess we'll see. I trust my doctor. He is the first to pay attention enough to catch anything.
I am writing this because of the wonderful friends and fans I have. Not many, but who needs a lot when you have such wonderful, faithful ones. I have a very difficult time concentrating anymore. My presence on the site has dwindled and I'm not at all sure how long I will be able to be actively involved. I want my dear souls to know what is going on.
This may seem egotistical to some, but I miss so many of the old crowd and would love to know why they disappeared from the site. That is why I'm writing this. Friends have expressed concern at different times when I have been absent. I think I'm being thoughtful and considerate of their feelings with this writing, I hope. It isn't for pity, as I don't feel angry or anything negative about the situation. I just recently turned seventy, so I am getting older. It is just a part of the life cycle.
I truly love you all and thank you for understanding. You all know I have been very outspoken about my political feelings. I have been that way on my Facebook site also. Someone got angry and hacked into my email. I am going to put my email address in this letter/ essay,as the email has already been compromised/attacked, so it doesn't matter about safety, I guess. I will give my phone Number in a pm, to anyone who might want to call me. I am terrible about having the initiative to call though. I think it is due to the illness, I forget to. LOL :^) Email address is: ZmuseV@aol.com
Again, I love you all. Multiple Blessings to you. Hey, it isn't so bad. I get to sit down the rest of the trip. Either in scooter, or motorized wheelchair. I'll get a fatter ass though. LOL
| Author Notes | Explanation needed here. The reason for the scooter or wheelchair is I'm calcium defeciant and my bones are getting soft...ergo the pain and weakness. |
By LovnPeace
I am
No better than thee
Yet I have been blessed
I don't live in a mud hut
Or a shanty
In the midst of wealth
My bare feet
Don't touch the earth
For lack of shoes
I don't drink putrid water
Wear rags
Or scratch for meager seeds
My hands are smooth
My dress is modest
My apartment is small
Yet comfortable
My water is sweet Culligan
I eat what I wish
No
I haven't the American dream
Nor do I scamper for it
Those years have passed
I never made money my dream
Nor competed for show
I fear
For the future of our great country
But
For today
In comparison
I live like a king
By LovnPeace
Though I stand naked before you
willing to bare my essence
splay upon a screen
the burden of past sins
I am forgiven
I see no need
if I am loved
to rip open my soul
To bleed myself dry
the visuals
could not be erased
from the forefront of your mind
I will not
impose upon your history
no one is free of errors
life is in the now
Journey with me today
and tomorrow
bury the past
where it belongs
| Author Notes | I feel so free of it. |
By LovnPeace
Scores of scenarios have slid by
In recent weeks
Not now filed in a fractured memory
While my pen refused to move
Some erotic
Some sad
Some incredibly painful
Yet no movement
My mind flits and flees
Embracing little for long
Numbed somehow from an unknown fear
Perhaps
I miss pouring out my heart and soul
To no one in particular
My electronic friend
That holds all my secrets
At least today
My hands will move as my heart cries out
By LovnPeace
Is there a Potter's Field
for unclaimed ashes
I want to be spread around a tree
any tree
Since I moved I cannot find
my daughter's ashes
if they are even hers
the dump was closed down
for illegal activities
Her youngest has some
the Pacific Ocean has some
and hopefully I still have some
and they are my baby girl's
Mine
Well
With my dysfunctional family
and my tendency to isolate
which grows stronger as I age
makes me question
will I go to a Potter's Field
Not that I will care
but
I sure would like a tree somewhere
any tree
| Author Notes |
I suppose many will call this morbid, but it is something responsible people think about as they get older. To relieve their families at time of stress. That's me anyway.
I'm finding my life is in review a lot. I believe that is quite common also. Sigh. |
By LovnPeace
as quite a small child
Jesus was my faithful love
he knocked I opened
| Author Notes | I was an lonely child and he was my love. I loved that picture as a child of Jesus knocking on the door of our heart. Wow I didn't see the picture until I posted this. How lovely MinoYasue and appropriate and with my favorite flower. Thank you for lending your art. |
By LovnPeace
Enduring all that came
fighting and failing
hero and shame
Rolling with the punches
whatever came down the pike
lacking in faith in all her hunches
Life opened up little by little
given more courage
becoming less brittle
Turning about in attitude
no matter what the state
flowing over in gratitude
Having taken it on the chin
a life full of blessings began
with the happiest grin
| Author Notes | I have learned so much in my travels. A hard life, is now full of Blessings and the most important thing I have learned is, God was always there giving me strength. He had my 6. |
By LovnPeace
I fell in love last night
I haven't forgotten
what passion meant
I ache
more than just a part of me
reaching for the kiss
almost hit the floor
I woke up in a sweat
Ah sweet memories
if only it were real
alright I relent
this old body
sure knows it's still alive
I'll take it
roll back over
and maybe finish it
By LovnPeace
Truth stranger than fiction
is my life story
hardship from the beginning
such adventures
many wouldn't believe
if only I could write them all
If only I could remember them all
I want to share wisdom's
helped along by teachers
Hollywood writers couldn't do better
I have had much sympathy
love ones worried
but
as I look back
I realize what a life I've had
I feel privileged for many reasons
I also have a saying
God made me strong because
He knew I would need it
I have learned and grown so much
I have accomplished some
that doesn't seem as important to me
as learning
the end result
the person I have become
I am proud of
finally
that is what counts
| Author Notes |
When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Magic words student ready and I might add willing.
Thank you binder 1 for the lovely art. |
By LovnPeace
The joy I feel in my heart
the excitement in my mind
is worth the humiliation
of shat on a public street
the pads necessary
for incontinence
My teeth in a cup
and the hearing aids
that no longer help
whatever comes along
with this journey back
is all worth it
I remember the innocence
its unraveling
the terrible struggle
watching it leech away
no matter how I fought
against its loss
What pure joy now
the trip to Hell and back
to begin to feel its return
| Author Notes | Thank you quicksandyamurray for your lovely art. |
By LovnPeace
raindrops came to play
once upon a dreary day
lifting spirits grey
| Author Notes | Thank you Sessybon for the great art work. :) Blessings. |
By LovnPeace
Since a young imp in an orphanage
I have been a tried and true rescuer
Heading a gang
got caught and kicked out at age ten
met a needy young man
and innocent I was at fifteen
tired of rescuing mom
to no avail
that too went horribly wrong
through many years
of seemingly wasted life
I studied and learned
gaining wit and wisdom
not nearly enough
at seventy-four
at personal peril
another rescue attempt
results still up in the air
I'm finally thinking
ahem
God didn't assign me this task
I can't take His job
ego be damned
I'm not God in training
how could I dare
I'm greatly Blessed
He has always been there to rescue me
| Author Notes | Thank you Annie Angel for your art. One of my still learning late, issues. :) Stubborn I am. |
By LovnPeace
When all the fruits are given
all gifts opened
cherished love consumed
and nary a crack appears
walls stay strong
slowly
erosion creeps
bricks bake
in the light of reality
my wall builds
oh my love
you woke so late
I hear you break
as I walk away
| Author Notes | Thank you Shiloh 106 for your art.Walls are hard to break down in both sexes. Sometimes, many times we open up too late to love. |
By LovnPeace
I bellowed my anguish
to the God in heaven
screaming
I am doing the best I can
my sins at times
close to criminal
decades of torment
a living Hell
There seemed no escape
I was not allowed the pleasure of dying
Try as I would
We somehow survived
even the poor children
I loved so much then
All the while numbing
and building walls
a steel gate
the combination long lost
to the pad
Those Hellish decades now past
contentment has set in
though the curse of old age
is showing its face
pangs of loneliness
not felt since youth
I thought I was immune
I have so successfully
shut out love
intellectually I know it
I crave it
yet
fear it more
I dwell/cower
in the safety of these walls
such a high price to pay
I am now safe from others
and myself
| Author Notes | Thank you Bertodi for your art. I suffered horribly from bi-polar in my younger years. From mental,emotional and physical abuse from my mother and husband. To my shame, I sometimes passed on the abuse to my children. I am paying my Karma. Though I have been forgiven by my God and precious daughter who sustained the brunt of it, I suffer still and will to the end. The journey of this illness has been beyond horrific. I am thankful to have as much peace as I do and work to be a better person. A work still in progress. |
By LovnPeace
I died
I don't remember when
I was once told
though I popped out of my cozy
at twelve fifteen am
I didn't begin till afternoon
I think I never began
I was meant to be a boy
Then in twenty o eight
I thought I died again
when I lost my girl
I was wrong
all these many years later
I know I was not alive even then
I was murdered at the beginning
I just didn't give satisfaction
of lying down
I am preparing now
to come to the end
I can hardly wait
to be with my little girl again
I have made my amends
for all the cold acts committed
none were meant to hurt or harm
but
you see when you are dead
you don't connect properly
I will climb the silver thread happily
| Author Notes | Thank you so much chinook868 for your beautiful art...This isn't a suicidal post. I don't believe in suicide now though I did when I was young. I feel at peace is all and am getting rid of all the unnecessary things in my life. The clutter and getting things more simple. I feel I am just being responsible and not leaving the chore to my love ones later to deal with. God Bless. |
By LovnPeace
My heart warms almost daily
as I look upon my palace
on most days the three rooms
seem massive
I discount the bathroom
and laundry-room
as most seem to do
two very important rooms
I believe
The heart of the home
the kitchen is rarely used
I eat to survive
not survive to eat
somehow I seem able
to turn nearly anything to jerky
Something quick is my fair
balance is not a part of my life
keeping it sanitary is enough
The three of us
not counting the fish
live happily
with reasonable politeness
love and patience
there is Angel my clown dog
half chiahuaua half yorkie
and Papa ASH cat
champaign in color
we are all old and sleep a lot
The living-room ~ a strange name
is barely a pass through
used as the mood hits
we come to the real heart
the bedroom
the largest of all
a wall hanging above
a very high single antique bed
declares
"It's A Wonderful Life."
it wasn't at all for any of us
but now we are Blessed
this is where we settle down
in our preferred spot
to snooze
or wile away our time in bliss
| Author Notes | ok. I am a rotten speller and I can't find the spelling of my dog. It has always avoided me. Just sharing my gratitude for my Blessings late in life. My Angel. Couldn't put Papa on here also. Need to take a picture of them together. |
By LovnPeace
On fourth of July
sitting in the shade
of a lonely tree
on a strange peddle bike
I saw a man
are you a vet
yes he replied
I handed him a ten
Told him
Thank you
drove off as he moved back
into the shade
Full of myself
I have stewed since
perhaps he might have liked
a bit of human sharing
I looked at him
enough to see a bit of red hair
I couldn't describe his face
big fucking deal
I could have kept on driving
I gave him a meal
for all the comfort I might have given
I am ashamed
| Author Notes | Thank you Raoul D'Harmental for the great art. |
By LovnPeace
A quote from the Bible is
Beware of that which you fear
for it will come upon you
I think of Natalie Wood
Another one I have viewed
a few times
is about egos
pride comes before a fall
Having accepted others truths
much of my life as my own
I was supremely pleased
when I was made aware I had a high IQ
Although uneducated
I am Blessed
with fine common-sense but
my mind became my pride
Alas
It is what is going
watch the ego folks
along with Karma
It can rear-up and bite you
| Author Notes | See my poem Dementia..I am thinking of Natalie Woods who was terrified of water and died of drowning. ..Thank youZotek for your fine art. |
By LovnPeace
I rented a booth
in our local treasure house
purging my house
who needs treasures
when there is no more memories
A slippery slope I'm on
and I'm sliding
occasionally a good grasp
slows the descent
but I feel it coming
I leave the word games to other
more scholarly people then I
a concussion they say
I had one
two rounds of Rabies serious helped
No names
who knows the causes
I fight the best I can
but I believe it is showing to others now
I just want to enjoy the rest of this trip
I am so Blessed in these later years
I really can't complain
Well
enough to make me human
never lose your sense of humor
| Author Notes | Thank you Lynnkah for your art.. ps: A couple of OD's when I was younger didn't help either. |
By LovnPeace
I have few natural gifts
problem solver
kiss=
keep it simple stupid
while
encouraging others
and best
pissing people off
this
seems to be my forte'
even
when not trying
they
don't readily show
but
at best
I seem to be a pro
| Author Notes | Next will be Karma=Reap what you sow. I believe strongly in this, good and bad. Also I say the more people I piss-off the more peaceful my life becomes. |
By LovnPeace
I really am not tall. I reach a full five-foot-two inches. I recently saw an expression that took me back to a place I once believed in. Life took me away from that belief and threw me into the body mode.
"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body."
I once embraced the idea of having a body in order for the soul to express life. Without a body we can only think life.
I now have an aging body with many ails calling for my attention. Every bodily function seems magnified. Many of them are wearing down so reaching the toilet in time is critical. With no job or children calling for attention my sights are acute. My sexual desires still pull at me in temptation. It is as it should be, but it is difficult getting away from accessing my body functions. In my mind getting old is a privilege. It is not given to everyone and it calls for making an effort from me to live up to that gift.
I have been like a fish flopping on dry land lately. I am being pulled back to my soul. I believe it is a common thing as we get nearer to the end of our life span, to seek answers for the purpose of life. I want to be able to put aside some of this aging process and be the soul again.
Discovering an effective way to by-pass all of my body's cries for attention is the challenge. I have a short attention span. I have begun a Bible study on my own and am excited about finding solutions to questions I have and might practice.
I have been a Christian most of my life. Not always a very good one for much of it, but I have always loved Christ. It is time. Time to get back to that soul and let this small body stand tall.
| Author Notes | An exciting journey. |
By LovnPeace
Too bad about our situation
whatever that may be
you are the perfect man for me
No drinking
no smoking
sex is the best
Manipulate me
tempt me
I appreciate the compliment
Telling me
I'm the best you've had
in a long time
Making me feel special
telling me I am
what is the truth
I even understand
your obsession for sex
I love it too
Baby it is so hard
if I see you
my soul will be damned
I want you
but
Hell is a long time
| Author Notes |
Thank you Bretislav for the art. Titled...Forbidden Love. So appropriate.
I now firmly believe, no sex out of marriage. I will never marry again. I will swear a commitment before God. My guy is in some kind of relationship. I stopped seeing him. He isn't honest about it. I care, a lot, but care about my eternal soul more. We text and he tries to entice. Waiting for me to get weak. I am weak, but God is important, more important. |
By LovnPeace
I spent most of my life in hate with myself, as opposed to in love with my-self. I was well taught. My mother miscarried a boy the year before I was born. It was her main desire to have a son. When I came along a year later, it was too much for her to accept. Not only did I disappoint in the gender, but I also disappointed in the looks department.
When asked how I got my name, as many children do, I was told this story. Mother had met a minister who had the most beautiful daughter. Big blue eyes and dark curly hair. Her name was Barbara Ruth. She said she would name her first daughter after that beautiful child. I am that first born daughter. I am not so ugly I need a bag over my head, but I don't fit that description either. I grew into what would be classified as attractive rather than beautiful.
My little sister, who came along two and a half years later did fit the bill in looks. She was(is) beautiful. She wasn't accepted for some days, until the nurses persuaded our mother to hold my sister. Mother finally accepted reality. She wasn't able to have any other children. It was a lifetime contention.
As I said, I was taught well, my value was left wanting. In my struggles in this life, religion was a very important issue for me. We were put into an orphanage at a young age due to divorce. It was Catholic and in my loneliness, I put all my heart into Jesus. When we were forced to leave, I was just ten years old. I never forgot, but life pulled me away for some time.
Over the years I went to many different churches and different denominations. I often suffered great emotional struggles, grappling with the laws/rules and my self loathing as a sinner.
At one point a friend said, "Who do you think you are? God forgives you but you don't?"
That gave me much to think about, but it wasn't enough to heal my wounded soul. One day I had an epiphany. I though about what Jesus did for me. I thought that, perhaps by not forgiving myself I was somehow spitting in Jesus face for His sacrifice. The thought of that was so painful and totally disgusted me.
That light-bulb moment was also the beginning of me learning, not only to forgive my sinning soul, but to love myself as a child of God, whom he created. He created me just the way He wanted me. Who was I to question His creation.
Before I was given this gift and did the work necessary to accept it, I once stood in my living room and screamed at God from the top of my voice, and the bottom of my soul. "I am trying the best I can. You made me It has to be good enough even for you."
It does take much work and all the intestinal fortitude one can muster to dig into the depths of our being. I find so many don't want to do the work, but mostly don't want to see what is there. It can be a horror show if we are totally honest with ourselves. Mine was. I was shocked and grieved at what I found. I would never have imagined what I was capable of. It makes me ever so much more grateful for release from that Hell. Hell was where I lived in agony for so long.
The funny part is I always wanted to be the next St. Joan de Arc as a child in the orphanage. How far I had fallen. Perhaps God needed me to lose some of the arrogance.
I have always loved Jesus. I have been a lost and mighty sinner. I am eternally grateful I am found, through His Grace and He gave me the Holy Ghost/Spirit as a companion. I don't even have to feel His Presence. I know it is there.
| Author Notes | Thank you ademuro for the lovely picture. Blessings. Barbara |
By LovnPeace
Figs, who has ever heard of stewed figs? I don't mean the good kind like in Fig Newtons. I mean the kind that is mushy and has all the seeds. The Nuns were very good at seeing we had healthy food, I give them that. They also demanded we eat every bite. It took me years to be able to eat mashed potatoes again, after being sat in the kitchen in front of a stinky pale green plant with loads of small white bugs crawling all over it, to finish my dinner. The smell of the plant fixed itself into my nose hairs permanently.
The other means to make us eat everything was to put us into what I called the cave.
The cave was a dungeon-like cavern basement. They used it for Halloween, that's how scary it was. We were situated in the cave if we didn't finish our meal in time, until we ate every last bite. My little sister, (Whom I rarely got to see as we were in different dorms) was sometimes able to eat mine for me if she was there. She had a stronger stomach than I. One time though she wasn't able to bring herself to eat my soup, mushroom I believe. As the other girls finished their food and began to leave, I was left crying. I would soon be left alone.
In desperation I began looking around and spotted a drain in the floor. That is where my soup ended up and I was finally given a reprieve.
In retrospect, I appreciate how well we were taken care of. We were even given caster oil each morning. The last time I ever had three healthy meals a day was in the orphanage. We would have been so much better off if I could have tolerated the loneliness of it. I was instrumental in getting us kicked out and becoming street urchins by heading a gang to run away.
Soon after we were forced to leave, I walked my sister back to the orphanage and begged them to let us back in. It was miles away from our apartment. They refused. It was a sad and scary walk back. I knew the big mistake I had made then.
I suppose that was just the beginning of poor choices I made in my life. I think I was born a rebel.
| Author Notes | My little sister and I were put into an orphanage very young due to divorce in the 40's. I was 5 and my sis was three and we were 8 and 10 when we were forced to leave. Thank you Bertodi for your art. Our orphanage had a different name but it was Catholic also. |
By LovnPeace
Clean up time in the garden
never ending winter quaking
new life peeking bravely
coming out to play
sitting
in the gentle spring sun
nurturing the innards
longing for the warmth
and comfort once again
every live being celebrating
having survived the frozen death
| Author Notes | KHarrison thank you for the picture. I planted one of these trees in my wee garden. So pretty. It is budding. ps: We must feed the bees. ythey are being threatened and without them we all die or eat the artificial lab food killing us anyway. |
By LovnPeace
I have a kaleidoscope
ink blots and insects
swimming around in my right eye
the brain will take care of it
in time
the doctor said
unless I want them
hum
perhaps
entertainment value
no
difficult to concentrate
occasionally I jump
seeing a critter scurry
definitely different
and very annoying
| Author Notes | Vitreous Detachment. Scary. It is detached where the eye connects with the brain in the back of the eye. Just a part of getting older. Thank Liilia for the art. This is a lot like what I see except it is all black. Not this much at a time. |
By LovnPeace
A question asked many times
What are the golden years
when aches and pains run a muck
I have a theory
the yellow of pee
so often soiling our attire
a high rise toilet
to accommodate bad knees
vitreous detachment
just a part of aging
the doctor said
all of the good parts
once a source of pride
heading south too fast
teeth in a glass
ears on the dresser
butt just dragging ass
yes
that is the golden years
I guess
| Author Notes | Thank you Loyd Taylor for the picture. Poor man looks confused. I know the feeling. Vitreous detachment is a separating from the stem in the back of the eye connecting to the brain. I also consider growing old as a privilege no matter how hard it is. :) |
By LovnPeace
Now that I have nothing pressing on my plate except the state of our union, I am free to ramble. I no longer have a need to protect me from me, nor others from me. I have a saying, The more people I offend, the more peaceful my life becomes. I have a knack for pissing people off. I have become more and more of a recluse. It is a good way of life for me.
Starting back in early childhood I asked questions. Questions no one wanted to be bothered by. Silly question like, how does your brain work? Of course they thought I was nuts. Perhaps I have always been "Nuts." I rarely played, I watched and asked questions. I believe I was born with PTSD, but about that later.
As I got a bit older I became terrified of my brain. It controlled me. Of course it did, but not in the way you think. I feel you snickering. I quit asking questions. I hadn't yet learned the bliss of "alone."
It seems my life has been like a puzzle each piece major for survivals sake. I always had the feeling I was different. Of course you say, we are all different, but I mean major, not the good kind of different. The no one can fucking stand you kind of different. A freaky kind of different. I could barely stand me.
My brain was like a runaway train. It sped so fast, more than one thing was in there at a time. I know now that is impossible, but then well, it terrified me. When I was around twenty-one, with three children, and the fourth in the oven, madness was making a home for me, In a true blessing I stumbled across a book. It was called Psycho-cybernetics. I thank God for that book. It explained how the brain works like a computer. For the first time I had a glimmer of hope. The years after that are kind of a blur. I will explain that later.
It is now later. About twenty years later and I am on my fourth marriage by now. Not that I wanted to be. When I first married at fifteen I was an idealist. I believed it was for life. It turned out that was more then I could endure. With one hospital stay in a ahem nut-ward behind me and no one figuring out my problem, it was suggested, perhaps I was bi-polar. It seems I acted much like my doctors friend who suffered from it.
Experiment time. I was checked into a hospital and given Lithium. They said,
"If it works you've got it. If it doesn't you don't" It worked.
Mind you, I had some major symptoms for years. I guess they weren't sever enough. Like my attempted suicides. I should give the medical profession some leeway. Back then medicine knew very little about certain ills and, well, they still don't know a lot. I keep telling people medicine is an art they say and they, "Practice," medicine. Enough said.
Part of our problem in modern life is technology has advanced so quickly and the human psych hasn't. It is too much for us.
The very first dose of Lithium felt like a warn blanket covering my mind. Oh, how good that felt. Unfortunately it altered my life forever. Mind you, I know my mind is working. I'm typing this aren't I? I just have no sense of it working and have little memory of my life. I'm not saying it is a bad thing given my life, but it has its drawbacks.
I am getting a bit tired. Rewind always depresses me an wears me out, but I need to get this down while I am still able. Maybe someday my children might even get curious. My doctor believes I am getting onset dementia. Writing may help delay it so I work at delaying it anyway I can. Perhaps I will pick it up later. Finishing something I start isn't one of my strong points. If you ever check my portfolio you might notice how many unfinished book titles and writing I have. Not important in the scheme of things. Oh, yes I have strong points. I even love me today, finally.
| Author Notes | Thank you Liiilia for the art. This writing is only the tip of the iceberg. I am not an educated, professional writer. I'm sure it shows. I hope if you read this you are gentle. :)I have worked hard to be where I am. Blessings. Barbara |
By LovnPeace
Ye Ole writing bug
shuffles away from my pen
even the tip of my poison politics
withered away
in favor of Faith
alas I mourn and wait
praying for the return
of an old cathartic friend
| Author Notes | Thank you Liilia for the use of your art. I didn't have surgery for my friends info, but have been sick a lot. Finally on the mend. Love and Blessings to all. |
By LovnPeace
When I was twelve years old
many decades ago
I baby-sat
mom promised
to save my earnings for me
to buy Christmas presents
Come Christmas
I asked for my money
There is no money
for Christmas this year
No presents even for you girls
but mom you promised
Ok a few dollars then
a small tree
and a good dinner is all
sis and I just knew she was joking
off to shopping we went
we bought mom a present with all our money
Proud as punch
we watched her open her gift
waiting for ours
I'm so sorry girls
I told you there are no gifts this year
there is no money
We hid our disappointment
the best we could
we had our tree
a wonderful dinner
mom loved the jewelry box
filled with each day of the week panties
When we went back to school
as children do
sharing the gifts received
amazed at the ones we shared
(imagination worked back then)
we had to save face
It was a truly memorable Christmas
full of love an sharing
I still have that cheap jewelry box
it reminds me of what Christmas is all about
besides the celebration of Jesus birth
which we can give thanks for
| Author Notes | Thank you VMarguarite for the art. |
By LovnPeace
We survive birth
childhood disease
teen years
adult labors
We survive losses
fractured hearts
from losing love ones
yet succumb to the smallest germ
what a dichotomy we are
the intricacy's of our being
miraculous creation
by our Amazing Creator
| Author Notes | Thank you MKFlood for your great art. I wonder in amazement all of the time of the wonders of nature, but especially the work we are. |
By LovnPeace
Sitting in my snugly bed
shared with beloved pets
as happy as I dared
dream I could get
A small one bedroom apartment
filled with treasures galore
for me it is a mansion
a blessing so adored
Then
If on a day I'm grumpy
torn and tattered from stress
even thinking of being poor
sneaking in to taint
I remember
Much of the worlds humanity
would feel heaven blessed
to live in such luxury
that I am graced with
Keeping this in mind always
over all the years
no matter how humble my abode
fills my heart eliminates fears
| Author Notes | I think of the street children in so many lands and all those suffering from catastrophe's. I pray and wish I could end their suffering. |
By LovnPeace
When I was a little girl
I wasn't
Poof one day I just appeared
Watching others play
Don't you understand
There is something more important
Going on here
My mind seemed to say
When I was a little girl
I wasn't
Living in this heavy shell
The weight dragging down
Joy was missing
Spirit bent
Forging on with faith somehow
Scrounging always for answers
When I was a little girl
I wasn't
Walking the hall
Of seventy-three years
Opening doors
Searching rooms
Hoping to catch a glimpse
Of the magic waif
Nothing
Now at last
No waif still
I have found some answers
Yes
There is something more important
Going on here
And joy can go along
When I was a little girl
I wasn't
By LovnPeace
I had an interesting experience tonight. I called a radio station talk show on Syria. I got on and The guy had said, OK amateur psychiatrists here's your chance to talk about Obama.
When I was called on I said narcissist is the word your looking for. He held the entire world at bay for days wondering what Obama would do. I said, I don't think we deserve WWIII to save the frauds face. I also said, I wait daily for someone to call him out for what he is, an Islamic Brotherhood member who promotes Islam. The commentator had wondered how Obama gets away with so much wrong doing. I said he gets away with it through Chicago thugery. At this exact point I was cut off and my phone was deactivated. It was close to due for renewals, but I hadn't even gotten a notice. Quite the coincidence. I have a visual of Obama sitting above the planet with electrical cords by the billions coming from his hands leading to billions of people and their phones and computers, all over the world, like we are all puppets on strings. Curious. I lost the station as it was on battery and I have bad reception. The huge storm we had this morning knocked over a pole and blew a transformer. It took about seven hours to fix it. I don't know what was said after I was cut off. Some don't believe in coincidences.
I was so happy to finally be able to say that. I hope it was heard. I also said, he found another way to save face with turning to Congress, and yet again throw others under the bus. If you have dealings with Obama eventually he throws nearly everyone under the bus. He figured he better consult Congress after so much chatter about the subject. He already broke the law going into Libya without Congress's permission.
| Author Notes | Again, I was so happy to finally being able to voice this. Many people skirt around the truth about Omama's affiliation with Islam, but no ne says it outright. It is so obvious whoes side he is on and where his loyality is. He said it in a speech he made in Cairo Egypt in 2009. He said, "I am one of you." He supported Morsi, a sworn enemy at war time. He has been a crook and a lier from the begining before he was in he Senate. The proof has been shown over and over again and in my humble opinion. |
By LovnPeace
I
know souls
mine is naturally kinda nice
much of the time
caring
gentle
honest
I
feel others
called empathic
but
there were times
when pain was so bad
I
struck out at innocents
hurting to relieve pressure
exploding inside
some memories are there
other times none
told later
screaming in denial
that pain is so much worse
I
found it a shock to know
to realize my
capabilities
Joan de Arch' my hero
how could it be true
black as pitch
the other side
so yes
I
know black souls
clawing at mine
to remove the stain
grateful
to God my forgiver
but
yes
I recognize black souls when I see them
feel them
| Author Notes | The person sitting in our White House is pure evil. I almost put his picture here. It hurts me to know this, but I do. To keep silant in the face of evil is condoning it and therefore becoming a part of it. I believe God expects us to speak out on evil. Thank you corrinas creations for the great picture. |
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