The Altar of Freedom
The price was paid in blood.11 total reviews
Comment from CornishChick
I am a total history nerd, so this entry grabbed me from the onset. I have a few suggestions to propel your story from good to *sizzle*. Throughout, you recount many facts, as if you are telling the reader, rather than conversing with your uncles. Put some zing into the letter ..."Imagine my surprise when I found you..." Write as though the two men are sitting in front of you. SHOW your excitement to the reader. SHOW your delight. Ask your uncles questions rather that informing the reader. e.g. "I can't even imagine how you survived that frigid winter. I wish I could know what kept you motivated not to quit...
Put more emotion into the wars that followed. "You'd be disturbed to know of the horrible wars that followed your victory..."
I LOVED how you added your niece. Again, more showing rather than telling would make it sparkle. Ending the letter with a huge THANK YOU would increase the impact of your gratefulness.
I hope those few suggestions help. And I, personally, thank your uncles for their sacrifice. A few years ago, I learned I have a direct grandfather ancestor who fought in the 62nd PA. I followed his progress and stood on the Wheatfield where he fought on the 2nd day of Gettysburg. Rather humbling to stand in a spot knowing one bullet and you'd never have existed. That's something to chew on!!
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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I am a total history nerd, so this entry grabbed me from the onset. I have a few suggestions to propel your story from good to *sizzle*. Throughout, you recount many facts, as if you are telling the reader, rather than conversing with your uncles. Put some zing into the letter ..."Imagine my surprise when I found you..." Write as though the two men are sitting in front of you. SHOW your excitement to the reader. SHOW your delight. Ask your uncles questions rather that informing the reader. e.g. "I can't even imagine how you survived that frigid winter. I wish I could know what kept you motivated not to quit...
Put more emotion into the wars that followed. "You'd be disturbed to know of the horrible wars that followed your victory..."
I LOVED how you added your niece. Again, more showing rather than telling would make it sparkle. Ending the letter with a huge THANK YOU would increase the impact of your gratefulness.
I hope those few suggestions help. And I, personally, thank your uncles for their sacrifice. A few years ago, I learned I have a direct grandfather ancestor who fought in the 62nd PA. I followed his progress and stood on the Wheatfield where he fought on the 2nd day of Gettysburg. Rather humbling to stand in a spot knowing one bullet and you'd never have existed. That's something to chew on!!
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Thanks for the effort but I was Disqualified.
Comment from jmdg1954
I found your contest entry intriguing and written with a passion.
The choice of font adds credibility to the letter. It is a nice historical piece as well.
Best of luck in the contest as this should garner a nice amount of votes.
Cheers,
John
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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I found your contest entry intriguing and written with a passion.
The choice of font adds credibility to the letter. It is a nice historical piece as well.
Best of luck in the contest as this should garner a nice amount of votes.
Cheers,
John
Comment Written 02-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified.
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Really! Why?
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They used the strictest sense of the word ancestors . Really disappointed right now. I researched that piece and put a lot of effort into it.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent story. And very nicely written. Error-free as near as I can tell. Good work.
I am white, so I am qualified to say that white people suck (many of us). We are too often and too many bigoted and prejudiced.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Excellent story. And very nicely written. Error-free as near as I can tell. Good work.
I am white, so I am qualified to say that white people suck (many of us). We are too often and too many bigoted and prejudiced.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Disqualified!
But I appreciate the six!
Comment from Ginda Simpson
What a great story you reveal in this non-fictional letter to your ancestors. I imagine they would be as proud of you as you are of them, belonging to a family who believes in the same principles and willing to fight for them. Well done!
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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What a great story you reveal in this non-fictional letter to your ancestors. I imagine they would be as proud of you as you are of them, belonging to a family who believes in the same principles and willing to fight for them. Well done!
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified.
Comment from Wendy G
A well written and interesting story. My dauhter is also researching ours, and discovering some very fascinating information. I am glad your daughter Frace has had her confidence restored and that her own historical research continues to please and encourage her. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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A well written and interesting story. My dauhter is also researching ours, and discovering some very fascinating information. I am glad your daughter Frace has had her confidence restored and that her own historical research continues to please and encourage her. Best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-May-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified.
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My goodness. Why?
Comment from LJbutterfly
This was a delightful and well-written letter addressed to uncles who served under General George Washington. Most remarkable was how you informed the uncles of the history of the nation after their military sacrifices. I'm glad you were able to provide your daughter with information proving she is a part of American history that she can be proud of and can share with classmates. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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This was a delightful and well-written letter addressed to uncles who served under General George Washington. Most remarkable was how you informed the uncles of the history of the nation after their military sacrifices. I'm glad you were able to provide your daughter with information proving she is a part of American history that she can be proud of and can share with classmates. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified 😔
Comment from Mark Jackson
Your letter is a heartfelt tribute to your great uncles, celebrating their courage and resilience while recognizing the ongoing significance of their sacrifices in shaping the American experience. It effectively communicates the enduring impact of their actions and inspires reflection on the values and ideals that define the nation. Great job!
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Your letter is a heartfelt tribute to your great uncles, celebrating their courage and resilience while recognizing the ongoing significance of their sacrifices in shaping the American experience. It effectively communicates the enduring impact of their actions and inspires reflection on the values and ideals that define the nation. Great job!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified ☹️
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is a cool idea. I think you did a good job explaining historical significance of your ancestor and the events in the following centuries. I was reading up on George Washington a little bit for another contest, so I know you did your research.
Only suggestion:
over state verses federal rights.
I think you mean: versus
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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This is a cool idea. I think you did a good job explaining historical significance of your ancestor and the events in the following centuries. I was reading up on George Washington a little bit for another contest, so I know you did your research.
Only suggestion:
over state verses federal rights.
I think you mean: versus
Comment Written 29-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified 😩
Comment from royowen
Well done to that dear child, I have two half Indonesian grandchildren whom we adore, but racism is pretty mild here, so they are popular with friends and family alike, because they are nice, normal Aussie kids. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Well done to that dear child, I have two half Indonesian grandchildren whom we adore, but racism is pretty mild here, so they are popular with friends and family alike, because they are nice, normal Aussie kids. Beautifully written my friend, blessings Roy
Comment Written 29-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified 😔
Comment from Julie Helms
Valley Forge is legendary in how awful the conditions were. What an honor to have two relatives who not only fought for Americas independence but stuck it out when they were suffering so badly. I'm glad you got to share that with your daughter so that she can be proud of who she is and put the nitwits in her school to shame.
I like how you stuck with the theme of wars moving forward in time, creating a cohesive thread to bind this together.
I can tell that just under a hundred years later
(I can tell you that...(maybe?))
Nicely done entry for the prompt!
Julie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Valley Forge is legendary in how awful the conditions were. What an honor to have two relatives who not only fought for Americas independence but stuck it out when they were suffering so badly. I'm glad you got to share that with your daughter so that she can be proud of who she is and put the nitwits in her school to shame.
I like how you stuck with the theme of wars moving forward in time, creating a cohesive thread to bind this together.
I can tell that just under a hundred years later
(I can tell you that...(maybe?))
Nicely done entry for the prompt!
Julie
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 02-May-2024
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Disqualified 🤪
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Why???
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I emailed you.
