phred

Finally have some good news on a couple of publication attempts. Looks like "Mission to Bellatrix" has been accepted and is pretty much a done deal. Waiting to find out if there are any final edits requested, probably sometime in the next couple of days (there's already been a lot of editing done, and the final draft is very different from the rough draft posted here). But other than that, it appears to be a done deal, and will be one of the stories in a paranormal/sci-fi romance anthology titled Lucky Stars. Publication date is set on March 17, if I remember correctly.

Also, a couple weeks ago I submitted the final draft of "Game Over" to Vook, and they accepted it. They sent me the converted ebook formats this afternoon, and everything looked good, assuming I didn't miss anything. I've re-read that manuscript so many times, it all kind of blurs together. :P But anyway, they should start sending it out to the various distributors sometime next week, and it'll start going live on different sites shortly after that. So, maybe a few things are finally starting to pick up steam, after 25 years of trying.

And finally, tomorrow I go back to work after recovering from hernia surgery. Back to making $5/hour, whee. But at least there'll be some money coming in, now....

LeannaP: Congrats on the publication pending.Keep the great writing going!

February 13, 2015 at 10:07PM

phred: Thanks, Leanna! It's great to finally have a few things falling into place. :D

February 13, 2015 at 11:04PM

Tatarka2: CONGRATULATIONS on the pending publication! Keep on writing!

February 14, 2015 at 1:58PM

phred: Thanks, Tatarka! :D

February 15, 2015 at 2:18AM

Just a quick update. I rewrote "Reactivated" and submitted it to Kindle Worlds, and they emailed me a few minutes ago to tell me that the story has to be exclusive to KW. So if anyone who was following that story wonders why it disappeared here, this will explain it.

And now my computer's dead again. :( I'm posting this from a crappy netbook I bought about five years ago, which is even slower than the first computer I ever bought, way back in 1996. I also picked up a cheap tablet a couple weeks ago, just so I could have a couple of backups just in case, but I've been having some problems with the tablet's browser, too. So, I'm getting by, but hope to have the desktop fixed within the next day or two.

A few days ago it started its overheating-and-shutting-down thing again. After work last night, I opened it up and blew the dust out, but when I turned it back on, the CPU fan sounded like a buzzsaw. People out in the parking lot could probably hear it. Then the computer shut down again before it even finished booting.

I managed to order a new fan from the tablet, even though I really can't spare the money right now. But while I can get by with the tablet for basic things like emails and writing, they're no substitute for my PC, which I use for almost everything I do.

Anyway. In the meantime, thanks to Dropbox, I still have access to my books, stories, and whatnot, and plan to keep writing. And, if I manage to finish a chapter before the PC is fixed, I'll see if I can upload it from the tablet or netbook...though I had some problems posting stuff from both of them last night, so who knows if it'll work or not....

You know you're in for a fucked-up weekend when you head out to the laundry room to take your clothes out of the dryer and one of the neighbors is there, and he tells you that a week ago he caught a kid pissing into one of the dryers. Yes, I find out about that a week after it happened. That's how my Saturday started, and it pretty much set the tone for the next couple of days. D:

Julia.: If it makes you feel any better, urine is essentially sterile. No nasty germs or anything.

May 13, 2014 at 3:27PM

phred: True. It just freaked me out a little...the idea of a fluid that was inside someone's body being deliberately placed in a device intended for drying recently-washed clothes. :P

May 14, 2014 at 4:56PM

Ugh. Way past time to post a quick update here. There are so many things I should've been doing lately, but haven't due to life getting in the way. Not going into a whole lot of detail here, but things have not been going well. I've been on the brink of seeing my whole life implode for nearly six months, now.

Basically, after being unemployed for eight months, the only job I finally managed to land was a pizza delivery gig, which I have to use my car for. Pays minimum wage while I'm in the store, but when I'm sent out on a delivery, the pay drops to $5.00/hour. With the tips I'm able to get, I'm barely able to scrape by each month. Still putting in job applications everywhere, but none of the employers ever contact me. Just makes me feel like sub-minimum wage is the best I'll ever be able to get.

Two weeks after I got hired, my car completely fell apart and I had to get another one. That turned into a long ordeal that's still going on...until just recently, I had to worry constantly about the new car being taken away, which means I would've lost my job also, and then ended up homeless. And now that I've finally gotten the bank to finance the car, I have to worry about making the payments in addition to the rent and everything else.

Every time I start thinking the worst is over, something else comes out of nowhere and turns everything all pear-shaped. Just a couple weeks ago, I had to borrow $500 to avoid losing everything. With all the crap going on, I've pretty much forgotten what it's like to sleep more than a couple hours each night.

Anyway. I've given up thinking things might get better. I'm just taking each day on its own and trying to get through it. Been trying other things here and there to make a little extra money, but none of them have worked out.

As far as writing goes...it's been really difficult to concentrate on any of my books, but at the same time, I have to keep at it just to hold on to my sanity. I've always been that way...if I don't keep writing, my cheese starts to slide off my cracker. (Besides, I've been paying the monthly fee without actually posting anything. If I'm going to keep spending money on this, I need to actually use it.) I've managed to finished a couple chapters over the last few months, but haven't posted them here yet. Going to correct that, starting later tonight. Going to keep it up as frequently as I can, but it'll probably remain sporadic for the foreseeable future, unless something changes unexpectedly.

Anyway. Just thought I should finally break my long silence, in case anyone who reads my stuff was wondering if I'm still around....

So...I recently started recording audio blogs and putting them on YouTube to monetize them and hopefully bring in a few dollars so I might actually be able to pay one of my bills. The second one, which I did last week, was all about my novel which was recently accepted by a publisher. The one I'm planning now will be about my Freelancers story, Mass Effect in general, and...ugh, Mass Effect 3.

Well, I've just finished my notes/outline for the podcast...and it's four pages long. Single-spaced. O_o

This is gonna be a big one....

I found out a couple days ago that my first novel, "Load," now has a page on Goodreads, with a five-star review. :D

Yesterday I saw the official trailer for the new "Cosmos" series coming next year, and it was jaw-droppingly awesome. I saw the original series when I was a kid, and it's one of the things that got me interested in science, especially astronomy, and made Carl Sagan one of my personal heroes. We've learned so much more since 1980, and the new one is hosted by Neil deGrasse Tyson, who is awesome.

I hope it runs on Hulu or the network's website so I can see it. If not, I might have to get cable just so I can watch it. @_@

redrider6612: Evolutionist propaganda.

July 23, 2013 at 9:06AM

DIS-illusioned: Jesus would watch it too, if he could.

July 23, 2013 at 12:18PM

phred: Redrider--yeah, because facts are "propaganda." Sigh. I really hope you were just joking.

July 23, 2013 at 2:29PM

Looks like I got my main computer fixed just in time. The laptop has suddenly developed a problem connecting with my home network. If I didn't have a functioning desktop, I'd be in serious trouble.... D:

Another computer update here. Yesterday I was looking at the still-mostly-dead computer, and suddenly remembered what happened the last time it powered on but wouldn't boot. That time, I'd put the RAM into the wrong slots (I've got two modules, and the motherboard has four slots). So just to rule it out, I switched them over to the other two slots, put everything back together, plugged the cables in, and pushed the power button. And the computer actually booted and ran normally.

So I spent the afternoon updating Windows and a bunch of other software, since the last time I was able to run the computer was three months ago. Then I had to spend three hours just to get the headphones to work, because of a weird error with the BD drive which prevented me from installing the headphone drivers. Anyway, long story short, I finally got that bit working.

One of the internal fans makes a hell of a lot of noise, which is what happened before the old power supply blew up. I just hoped it was because of the temperature here--for the last few weeks, it's been getting up to 105, 106 degrees. Several days it's hit 107. Since I'd worked up a nice, intense little rage after hours of computer-induced frustration, I decided to play Saints Row: The Third and blow off some steam.

It was fantastic. I hadn't been able to play that game in three months. Wonderful.

Then, twenty minutes in, the computer shut down without warning. Last time that happened was a warning sign for a power supply that's about to explode. So I did some investigating just to double check, and yes, everything I found pointed to a power supply unit that needs to be replaced immediately. Brand new power supply, too--but I couldn't find out it was a dud before yesterday, and it's past the time limit for returns.

So, no more games on this thing until I can replace the PSU. The computer seems to run okay otherwise, though after a few hours the fan gets so loud that it sounds like one of the F-18's taking off from Davis-Monthan. So I can run it for a few hours, then shut it down and use the laptop for a few hours. But the laptop has been acting glitchy, so I turn the desktop back on for a few hours....

I'm hoping I'll be able to order the part tomorrow of Friday. I feel like I shouldn't spend extra money now, but the way the laptop's been acting, I'm worried that if I don't, I'll end up losing both computers, and that's all I've got....

Quick computer update. I was able to buy a new motherboard, which I installed yesterday. The computer still won't boot, but at least now it powers on (the LEDs light up and the fans spin). The old mobo was fried, but there's at least one more part that needs to be replaced. Could be the RAM or processor, or the power supply could be a dud. I'm getting a power supply tester so I can at least narrow down what needs to be fixed.

Sucks, but at least I'm one step closer to getting it running again.

Past time for another update, though not much has changed. Still unemployed despite all my efforts. And now my laptop has been acting increasingly erratic over the last few weeks. Since my desktop computer still hasn't been fixed, that really has me worried.

One positive development has come about, though. On another site where I've been posting my writing, one of my readers has commissioned a pair of stories written to his specifications, which I'm hard at work on right now. He paid in advance, so that's where my focus has to be until both stories are finished. Anyway, I'm putting that money toward getting the parts I need to fix my main computer, and hoping I can pull it off before the laptop goes completely HAL-9000 on me. If I can land a few more of these commissions, I might have a chance of hanging in there until I can land a job.

Another bit of good news is the prices of the parts. The motherboard has dropped to a little over $200, and I'm hoping that's all I'll have to replace. If I have to do the processor as well, it's down to $149. So, both combined are just a little over half what they used to cost.

The only downside is that this means they probably won't be produced much longer, and the new models will probably cost a lot more. So very soon I might be facing another "now or never" situation.

I'm thinking I'll also need to get a new case for all the parts to go into. Something that, I think, caused a lot of problems is that the current case doesn't have enough room for all the parts, wires, and cables, and there's hardly any airflow going through it. The case I've got my eye on is inexpensive and is much roomier and has far better airflow. That's a concern because Tucson gets pretty hot. Today the temp hit 104 degrees. It didn't feel nearly that hot to me, and I didn't even have the air conditioning running. But yeah, I don't want to replace those parts and then have something overheat and fry mere days after I've replaced it. O_o

Anyway, after the commissioned stories, there's one more chapter of Enemy of my Enemy, plus an email that I'm way overdue replying to. I'm planning to do the email first, since I should've replied a week and a half ago, then the last chapter of Enemy. After that, I'll do my best to stay focused on Project: Phoenix, because I'll never get it finished if I only write one chapter every six months. I've been working on the book since early 2011. Should've had it finished at least a year ago. I'm not pleased with myself because of that....

Quick update on the computer. The power supply arrived and I installed it, and the computer still won't power on. So, it looks like something else burned out when the power supply exploded. Could just be a short in the power button switch, but I don't have the equipment to test for it. Or it could be the motherboard, in which case the computer is pretty much dead. The processor and motherboard cost $600, and there's no way I'll be replacing that any time soon even if I manage to land a job. It'll be a while before I can even have a technician check it out and find exactly what the problem is.

I'm getting by on my laptop (good thing I picked one up about a year ago, just so I'd have a backup PC), but it's nowhere near as powerful. Also, I do my banking and bill-paying and stuff like that on the desktop, never on the laptop or phone. Never anything that's easily lost or stolen. But now I'll have to do it anyway, at least for the next few months.

Anyway, thanks to the laptop and Dropbox, I can still access all my writing, and can still look for jobs, and so on. But I built that desktop myself. Put a lot of time and money into it. It's my baby. So I'm a little bummed out over the whole thing....

krprice: Sorry to hear about your computer. I hope you have everything backed up elsewhere or you're dead in the water. Please contact me at karles@bellsouth.net. I need help writing a fight scene in a fantasy novel. Karlen

April 1, 2013 at 10:32AM

Ah, the fun never ends. The latest thing to go all pear-shaped: a few nights ago, around midnight, my computer blew up. No exaggeration here, it sounded like someone fired a shotgun right beside me. Of course, the computer shut down instantly and wouldn't turn back on. And then I noticed the distinct odor of smoke.

I did some investigating and learned that it was most likely the power supply unit. Every article I found mentioned the same things that happened to mine. So I ordered a new one, even though I probably shouldn't spend any extra money right now. But then, if I don't do it while I have some money, it might be months or even a year or more before I'm able to fix this.

Luckily, I found one for a really good price, and I know it's a good one. It's the same PSU I used when I built a computer for one of my friends a year ago, and she's had no problems with it at all.

Today I decided to open the computer and take a closer look to see if anything else had been damaged. Fortunately, I didn't see anything obvious--no burst capacitors or burn marks or anything of that nature. So unless there's something hidden behind something else, it's looking pretty good for the motherboard and processor.

I removed the PSU and looked through the grille in the back, and found at least two things that had burst and spewed yellow goop all over the circuit board. So my guess was right.

Now, I just have to hope the PSU didn't ruin anything else when it blew.

Wow. The book contract was finished sooner than I expected. It was emailed to me earlier this evening, along with a couple other forms. I filled them out, read and signed the contract, and emailed them back. Now, I just wait to see what happens next....

krprice: Congratulations on your first sale. Now have patience. Keith Publications is about as slow as I am, and I'd lose a race with a turtle and a snail. Karlene

March 10, 2013 at 6:17AM

phred: Thanks. The publishing business does move slowly, but at least this is another step in the right direction. ^_^

March 12, 2013 at 2:26AM

Wow. One of the jobs I checked out had this listed in the requirements: "Certified in snake removal/relocation"

Um, yeah, I think I'm gonna pass on that one. The instant I hear that distinctive rattle, my fat ass is gonna break the sound barrier running away from it.

Just have to say, the sunsets in Tucson are beautiful. Where I was before, there isn't such a wide-open sky. Either mountains or buildings blocked a lot of it unless you drove out to the ocean.

Even better, here I can step outside in a T-shirt and not start shivering uncontrollably within ten seconds. Even during the summer there, it usually felt like standing in an industrial freezer. Even if I end up having to settle for a crappy job, I'm still better off here than there. ^_^

Finally got internet hooked up at home. Still don't have a job, but this'll make searching for one faster, easier, and less nerve-wracking. I'm not used to driving on six-lane highways, and unfamiliar with the city. Everywhere I go, I end up taking wrong turns even with a GPS app on my phone. And a few days ago, the app started malfunctioning, thinking I was on a completely different street and giving me wrong directions, then freezing up. I ended up hopelessly lost, driving in circles, over ten miles from where I was trying to go.

If I'm very, very lucky, I'll be able to find a job just a few blocks away, or even better, one I can do right here at home. Dealing with things like the above will cause a blood vessel to pop one of these days. D:

Obviously, I can't afford to be picky about jobs since I'm almost out of money and have bills piling up that'll probably make me shit blood when I see them, but one can always hope....

Oh! I've been so worried/absorbed in recent events, I forgot to mention the one bit of good news I've received. On Friday evening, I got an email from the publisher I sent Chaser to, and she wants to publish it. She asked me to do one more revision, fix typos and whatnot, and then she'd send me a contract. I just sent the revised draft a few minutes ago, and now I just wait for the contract.

Over twenty years of trying to get my foot in the door, and it's finally happening. O_o

Joy Graham: Congratulations. I'm green with envy !

February 11, 2013 at 3:53PM

phred: Thanks! I'm still having a hard time believing it's actually happening.

February 16, 2013 at 4:53PM

It took nearly twice as long to get to Tucson as I planned, but I'm here. Been here nearly a week, but didn't get to a place with public wifi until just now. Moving here cost a lot more than I expected, and I'm running low on money, so it'll be a while before I have home internet service again.

Finally got back to work on Elsewhere, but I have to focus most of my efforts on job hunting and setting things up here--getting my phone switched over, Arizona drivers license and plates, and that sort of thing. I hope I can get everything sorted out soon, but I have to admit, I'm getting a little worried....

I'll make another announcement when something changes....

So, I hit the road today. Was hoping to get to Sacramento by this evening, but I didn't even finish loading the U-Haul and get the car hooked up to the tow dolly until afternoon. Headed out of town at 1:40pm and got as far as Winston two hours later. Not even out of Oregon yet, and by then I was so tired I could barely stand. Ended up stopping at a motel in Roseburg.

First day on the road, and I'm already six hours behind schedule. Maybe I can make it up by driving an extra three hours tomorrow and three more the next day, but it depends on how tired and pissed-off I am by the eight-hour point.

I can't believe how fast the last month has gone by. It just hit me...tomorrow I start packing. O_o Seems like it's only been a few days since I made the decision to get out of this horrible town.

Tomorrow my internet gets disconnected, so I'll be using whatever free wi-fi I can find until I can afford a home connection. Probably won't get much writing done in the next week or so, but I'll keep working on stuff whenever I can.

So, this is it. One more day in this place, then the next morning I haul ass outta here. :D

My writing has always been kind of sporadic over the last few years, but the last few weeks...well, I'm focusing most of my time on finding an apartment in Tucson so it'll be ready to move in when I get there, and packing and cleaning up my apartment here. Looks like there's a good chance of that happening, though. I found a really nice one that has a bedroom, a washer and dryer, and a private balcony/patio (from the pictures I've seen, it looks like the one I'm going for is on the upper floor, so it'd be a balcony), and it's in a really nice area with a park nearby and a wide-open view of the sky, which is the kind of view I love. Where I live now, there are close mountains all around, and it makes me feel kind of boxed-in.

And that apartment is only $50/month more than I'm paying for this tiny-ass studio apartment now (the rent in this little town tends to be really high for some inexplicable reason). And things are progressing smoothly...the lease should be ready tomorrow, then I'll pay the first month's rent, and then I'll be set. Then I'll hit the road on the 31st. The drive from here will be around twenty, maybe twenty-one hours, so I figure I can do it in three days. And then I'll be over 1,300 miles away from this cold, wet, depressing, nasty, vile town on the Oregon coast. I'm pretty sure I have seasonal affective disorder--during winters here, with the nearly constant rain and often bone-penetrating cold and dark gray sky and 97% goddamned humidity, I usually sink into depression and lose any motivation to do anything. Once I can look out the window and see sunshine on most days, and not wake up shivering in the morning, I'll be okay. Might even be able to get back into a regular writing routine.

The balcony would make a good "office," now that I think about it. I've got a little patio table and a stool that would fit nicely there. It'd be great to sit there with my laptop and a coffee and a view of the park and the sky, and crank out chapter after chapter.

Since I can only afford a 10-foot U-Haul, I'm tossing out all the junk I've accumulated over the years and never even touch anymore. Been planning to do that anyway, but now I have an excuse to get around to it. It's really nice to have a month to do it, too, and not have to rush through it all in a couple days. Never had that before...every other time I had to move, I never really knew where I'd end up until the last moment, and could never afford a U-Haul. Mad rush to pack everything into the car and make trip after trip until everything was moved. Ugh. That was sometimes more interesting than other times, depending on the car I had at the time. Imagine stuffing a kitchen table into the trunk of a 1987 Nissan Pulsar, along with a bunch of other stuff, and still getting the trunk lid closed. Yeah. I'm so glad I don't have to go through that this time.

Anyway, that's where most of my time is going, these days. Still, I really want to take just a day and finish a chapter on one of the several different stories I'm working on. And there's also a bit of a rant that's been percolating in my head for a while, about Mass Effect. Specifically, Mass Effect 3, bad writing, limiting the story you're telling to a trilogy and veering off into a completely different direction with the middle installment, rushing to get your story back on track and finish it all with the third. One of these days I need to sit down and write that all out.

So...that's what's been going on lately, and what's on the horizon. Hopefully things will smooth out after the next few weeks.

For now...just looking forward to the day when I can walk outside without my nipples turning so hard that they'll be able to cut glass....

When I woke up this morning, the temperature was 36 degrees. >_< Not gonna miss that about this town.

Finally made a bit of progress on "Freelancers." Just a short scene, a few paragraphs, but at least it's a start. I keep hoping to get the next chapter of "Project: Phoenix" done next, but I've still got a mental blockage on it....

I did manage to accomplish a couple other things. Finally got around to setting up a website with links to all my books and whatnot. Since we're not allowed to post links in here, I'll do it this way: fredtkerns dot weebly dot com. ;) At the moment, there's only one page with a photo of me and a list of the books and stories I've been writing, but I'll add more pages soon.

And I set up a blog to see if I can use it to market my books. fredtkerns dot blogspot dot com. Haven't posted anything yet, since I just got it set up, but I'll try to post regularly there. It's already got links to my novels and stories, and a photo of me. Heh. I'll be writing up character profiles and other stuff as time permits.

So...once again, I haven't made much progress on any of the stories I'm working on. Job-related stuff again. But things kind of imploded a few days ago, and after thinking things over during the last three days...I've had enough.

I walked off the job three days ago because I couldn't take the stress anymore (and because most of the managers in that place don't see anything wrong with all the extra work and stress they've been piling on us for the last several years). The odds are against me finding a job that pays as much as I was earning there...or even finding another job at all. But it's either this or subject myself to levels of stress, frustration, and anger that'll cause me to have a stroke, or a heart attack, or a nervous breakdown, or just snap and end up in prison on assault and battery charges.

That store...that company...they're simply not worth that. This has already affected my health. As mentioned before, I went through a three-month period when I got 2-3 hours of sleep each night...sometimes 4 if I was lucky...and on some nights, none at all. Also, constant panic attacks, the hands shaking, the difficulty breathing... No, enough is enough.

The mere thought of going back to that place makes me feel like I might puke blood. The thought of never having to set foot in that building ever again? Instantly serene.

Now...since even on my vacations, I'd be weighed down by the knowledge that I'd have to go back to the same old crap in a week, now that I'm finally free of it, I figure I'll give myself a few days and just try to relax. And try not to panic over not having an income anymore. After near-constant stress for all these years, I think a few days of no stress and no rushing through life like I'm always late for an appointment, will do me a world of good.

I might even be able to clear my head enough to get some writing done.

And then...the job hunting will start. I've been checking around and there are a few possibilities. Maybe I'll get lucky. And if I don't, if nothing works out, maybe I'll just pack up my crap and head for Tucson and just take my chances. I've wanted to get out of this town all my life, and that's where I want to live, so even though I don't have nearly enough money saved up yet...if I absolutely have to, I'll figure something out.

So...this could be exactly what I needed, or it could be a complete pooch-screw. Guess I'll find out over the next few weeks....

DIS-illusioned: Um...may I inquire what your job entailed? Feel better. :-p

December 18, 2012 at 12:06AM

phred: Well, the job I applied for, and was hired for, was photo lab tech. Now, they had me doing all the photo-lab stuff, plus site-to-store pickups, layaway, pets, books, toys, electronics...and after doing all those other jobs, I was still just being paid for the one-hour photo job. And that barely scratches the surface of what was going on there. And thanks. :)

December 18, 2012 at 12:32AM

DIS-illusioned: Oh...I see your point now--crime of 'over-employment' and under-payment. :-p Wish you all the best in your job search and future endeavors.

December 18, 2012 at 2:23AM

phred: Thanks. Much appreciated. :)

December 18, 2012 at 4:25AM

How can a bout of insomnia last three months? :( Mostly, it's stuff happening on the job. Driving me insane, pretty much. Like I've said before, I'm amazed that my brain can still function at all at this point. And sometimes it doesn't. I finally managed to get some writing done, but then, about half an hour ago, I tried to type the word "bureaucracy" and couldn't remember how to spell it. Spent at least five minutes typing it again and again and never got even close. Finally had to look it up, and even then I had trouble finding it because every letter after the "B" was just a complete blank.

That's something that simply doesn't happen to me. I'm usually pretty good with spelling, and when I'm not sure on this word or that, I can just look it up without having trouble finding it. So...yeah. Kind of worrisome.

Anyway, finally made some progress on the next chapter of Freelancers. Wanted to get some work done on Project: Phoenix or Elsewhere, especially since I checked earlier this evening and saw with horror that it's been six months since I finished a chapter of Phoenix and TEN months since I worked on Elsewhere. But the writer's block is still in full effect on those.

But I got most of the first scene of Freelancers chapter 12 done, so that's something, I guess. I keep hoping I can keep up the pace--at least a scene per day--but usually I'm lucky to get a scene done in a week.

Still, all I can do is keep trying....

Sally Carter: I don't know you Phred, but wish you well. Yes, that's a bit of an odd thing to happen, but like you said, perhaps it's just down to stress. I wish you well.

December 4, 2012 at 5:24AM

Sally Carter: Sorry about the repetition there! Didn't proof read that very well, did I?

December 4, 2012 at 9:51AM

phred: Thanks. The last week has been bad, but things are improving. So far, at least...

December 10, 2012 at 7:49PM

Hmm. I'd had ideas for the next couple stories following Enemy of my Enemy...then recently I thought up yet another which I'll probably do first. So, now I need to hurry up and finish Enemy so I can...pile even more stuff on my plate. O_o Hooray, I guess.

Heh. Seriously, though, I think it'll be fun. A bit different from the kind of thing I usually write. More of a character piece, with some action but not quite as much as I usually write. Well, until the end, at least....

And while I'm here, have a glimpse into the kind of day I've had. After managing to get about four whole hours of sleep last night, I spent most of the day dealing with the kind of people who...tend to keep me on-edge. And I capped off the day with an equipment mishap.

We've got this device for putting calendars together. The pages are printed, then this contraption punches the holes along the top edge where the wire binding is inserted. One lever punches the holes, and another lever crimps the wire. I got as far as the first lever.

I pulled it down, the hole punch went through maybe half of the pages, and then the bolt holding the handle on sheared off. It and the washer shot off to the right and hit the wall, and the handle came off in my hand. I think I stood there at least thirty seconds, just staring at the handle while my brain tried to process what had just happened.

The thing still works, kind of, but you have to put the handle on backwards because the point where it attached is stripped out on the other side. And you have to crank it with one hand and hold it in place with the other, so it doesn't slip off again.

So...yeah. We're gonna need a new one. <_<

At least it happened near the end of my shift. I don't think I could've topped that little moment if I tried. At least, I hope not.

DIS-illusioned: ... Zzzzz! ... What, who, where?? Oh! ... Zzzzzzzzzzz! Love ya, phred! :))

November 29, 2012 at 3:23PM

phred: Okay, what the hell? "Zzzzz!" Seriously? If I'm boring you, then I suggest you stop reading. And stop with the dismissive remarks, please.

November 30, 2012 at 1:23AM

DIS-illusioned: My sincerest apologies, man. PEACE! :)

December 4, 2012 at 6:23PM

So, time for a lack-of-progress report.

Project Phoenix...second scene of Chapter 7 partially done. Started on it a couple weeks ago, but only got a few paragraphs in. Lately, for reasons I'll go into later, whenever I try to keep going on it, I end up just sitting here and staring at the screen. I know what happens next in the story, but...I just can't get it from my brain to the keyboard.

Enemy of my Enemy...Finished Chapter 2 a few days ago. Haven't started on 3 yet, but I'm working things out in my head.

Freelancers...Finished the latest chapter a couple weeks ago. Haven't started on the next yet, but I have a pretty clear idea of how to kick it off. As much as I want to get back to work on Phoenix, I'll probably end up doing this one next.

Elsewhere...Still stalled. I really want to continue it because I love the characters and the situation they're in. But, again, whenever I try to start writing, I end up just sitting here.

Chaser...haven't heard anything from the publisher yet. It seemed promising at first, but...eh, well, I don't remember seeing a mention of their average response time anywhere on their site. So I'll keep waiting a while longer, at least. I just feel like this is the last shot I'll ever have, and the thought of it being turned down is like nightmare fuel for me.

All the delays and problems I have writing...or just staying focused on anything...it's mostly job-related. I was already stressed out to the point where every moment I'm at work, I feel like I'm on the edge of a nervous breakdown--and that's on a good day. And a few weeks ago, the situation there took another nosedive, plus with Christmas coming up--meaning it always gets so busy we can barely keep our heads above water and the customers get meaner and more verbally abusive every day...well, last Christmas it was so bad that I'm pretty sure I came close to having a heart attack or a stroke. As it is, just thinking about going back there causes panic attacks. It's been nearly three months since I've been able to sleep more than two to three hours per night, with the rare exception here and there.

Anyway...earlier I'd typed out a long screed about how much my job sucks and how much I despise this town I'm stuck in, but then I scrapped it. It just seemed like a lot of bitching and whining, even though I only wrote it out because I felt the need to provide some evidence as to why this town is such a miserable shithole. To sum it up, the job is driving me insane, but as I've mentioned before, I can't afford to quit (though I'm pretty sure I'll have to sooner rather than later, or I might just end up being fired), and if I could focus my hatred of this little town into a beam, I could glass the whole place simply by wishing it.

So...yeah. That kind of makes it hard to concentrate on writing. I keep trying because it's been so many months since I've made any progress on Phoenix or Elsewhere. I need to get back to updating both of those at least semi-regularly, but I just have too much on my mind right now, I guess. And I don't know when that'll change. If ever.

But I guess that covers it for now. Still feels like I spent too much time ranting, but I guess I needed to kind of describe the headspace I've been in recently....

DIS-illusioned: You've said so little here. Are you sure we adequately got the message? :)

November 27, 2012 at 4:00PM

phred: Wow. Really? I do a little much-needed venting, open up a little bit about what's going on in my life...and the first reply I get is a smartass remark? Seriously? Guess I just wasn't depressed enough already. Thanks.

November 27, 2012 at 9:50PM

Quick progress report...

Status of Project: Phoenix...first scene of Chapter 7 finally done.

Mass Effect: Freelancers...first scene of Chapter 11 done. Working title for chapter: "Coming in Hot."

Transformers Prime: Enemy of my Enemy...first scene of Chapter 2 done.

Elsewhere...stalled. Been seven or eight months since the last chapter. Still intend to keep working on it, but have a bit of a mental blockage on it. Hoping I can break through it soon.

Chaser...no response from publisher yet. Still, at least it hasn't been rejected (yet), so that's good news.

Delays mostly caused by job-related stress. And by that I mean, nine-hour-long panic attacks and 3-4 hours of sleep per night levels of stress. I have no idea how my brain is even functioning right now. But getting another job in this pisshole town is unlikely at best, and even if it happened, I'd be starting over at the bottom, which means a $5/hour (or more) pay cut. In which case I could probably pay the rent and buy food and so on, but wouldn't be able to save up enough money to move out of here. And I hate this town with everything in me, so I have to endure my current job on the off chance that I might be able to save up enough. And on that day, I'll be out of here so fast it just might stop Earth's rotation for a few seconds.

Anyway...will try to post at least semi-regular updates here....

Sally Carter: I don't know you Phred, but my daughter is suffering work related stress and I know how devastating it can be. You can't just walk away from it. I wish you well and a new job very soon.

October 25, 2012 at 9:05AM

DIS-illusioned: ... Intriguing! Let me make a note of this ... :)

October 25, 2012 at 12:48PM

phred: Thanks. :) @Sally: Yeah, it can get really bad at times. I hope your daughter can find a much better job soon, too.

October 28, 2012 at 6:32PM

Finally got around to setting up an actual Author Page on Facebook. Username's "FredTKerns" ... Putting links to all the stuff I'm up to around the net, though I'm sure I'll forget a few things here and there.

Even if "Chaser" doesn't get accepted, maybe this page will help build up an audience for future publishing attempts.

DIS-illusioned: Don't you worry; 'Chaser' will be accepted...after it's able to catch us. Best of luck with your Author Page on Facebook. :)

October 9, 2012 at 1:04AM

phred: Thanks. :)

October 9, 2012 at 9:28PM

Okay, time for a couple of announcements. Past time, really. Life has been getting in the way for the past few months, but I was able to get my vacation request approved, so now that I'm off work for a while, I'm hoping I can get at least partly caught up.

The big announcement is that there may be some actual developments on Chaser, the novel I submitted to a publisher a few months ago. I hadn't heard anything from them and was starting to wonder if I ever would. Turns out that my submission never arrived, so I resubmitted it and got a reply the next day.

While it wasn't a "yes," it definitely wasn't a "no," either. The editor told me that the synopsis I'd enclosed was a good story and though the number of characters might be confusing to some readers, it was something we could work on. She also asked me what I was planning for marketing the book. So...not quite a yes, but this is the closest I've ever been in over twenty years.

So, for marketing, some ideas I came up with....

An author page on Facebook. The "Southwestern Bound" page hasn't exactly taken off, so I started thinking, if the book actually gets published, I'd finally have something "official" to peddle, and creating an "author" page might be the best way to go, there.

Also on Facebook, I've been thinking of creating a fictional-character page for Boiler, and writing each post in-character, giving her observations on this and that. One idea I came up with is to set it just before the beginning of the book, having her doing a few odd jobs and then deciding on fugitive-retrieval as a career, going through the training and getting her license. Might be a good way to flesh out some of her backstory, which I've only done in broad strokes, so far.

I already have a personal Facebook page, but I haven't ever mentioned the whole writing thing on it. Most of my FB friends are coworkers, and I haven't brought it up to any of them because...well, honestly, I haven't had any success at it in over two decades, and I don't want them watching me get shot down again and again. I have to work with these people, so...yeah. Also, writing fanfiction might make things a little awkward there, too. On the other hand, if I finally manage to get the book published, I might decide to open up about it then. Who knows, if a few of them like the fanfics and sample chapters and other free content I post, what little word of mouth I manage to get from it would be a huge help.

Another thing I'll do is set up a blog, probably on Blogger or WordPress. One of the things the editor suggested was a glossary for the characters, so I was thinking of writing up profiles for each of the major characters and posting them now and then in the blog, and putting links to each one in the sidebar.

I already have a LiveJournal, which I haven't used in a long time, so I figured another thing I could do is start using it again, and do the same thing with the character profiles.

And the sample chapters I've been posting on various sites, plus the fanfiction and other stuff, which I'll keep doing. I always felt a bit awkward about writing fanfiction, but it's turned out to be a good way to get more free samples of my work in front of readers, and I've managed to pick up quite a few new readers from it.

One thing I've started on my DeviantArt page is posting screenshots from playthroughs of my current favorite game, Saints Row: The Third. I'm doing it just for fun, but some of the shots have gotten a respectable number of views, and who knows--if a few people who've never seen my work before happen to find my screenshots entertaining, maybe they'll check out my written stuff.

Speaking of fanfiction, this morning I discovered a fanfic thread on the Transformers World 2005 boards. I admit I've only read a few threads on that site, and only posted once, because there's a rather high level of hostility from certain regular posters for which I have zero tolerance. I get insulted enough in real life, while at my job, so when I see that sort of thing happening on a forum, I tend to keep my distance. Especially, in this case, because of the eruption of negativity that happens whenever the subject of "Jack x Arcee" comes up. Since my Transformers Prime fics have that as their focus, I've been reluctant to get too involved with that forum. Still, the fanfic thread is kind of separate from the episode discussion board, so it might be worth a shot. I'll probably give it a try later today, post the first chapter of "Game-Changer," and just see what happens.

There's a similar situation on the BioWare forums. I've been checking in there semi-regularly for the last six months to see what's happening with the ending of Mass Effect 3, which, as a writer, I found absolutely reprehensible. But every time someone posts a criticism of the ending, no matter how well thought-out, several jackasses always start hurling insults and calling the poster a crybaby or a whiner or entitled brat. Before the Extended Cut, there were numerous comments from the peanut gallery about how, "if you don't like the ending, it's because you're just too stupid to understand it." I have no tolerance for that kind of shit, and even though I've tried to develop a thicker skin since I first got internet access back in the mid 90s, I still have a tendency to go nuclear when someone is an asshole to me. So I've only posted rarely there, and often get so frustrated with the rudeness and snide remarks that I've been checking in less and less often over the last couple of months. But still...

In the fan-creations section there's a fanfic writers' support group which is interesting and free from hostility, and much of what's discussed there can be applied to original writing as well. Since my other ongoing fanfic project is a Mass Effect story, I thought it'd be good to jump in there and see what happens. I've seen some interesting conversations there, and it might help spread the word about my own stuff.

As for sample chapters, I realized recently that I completely forgot to keep posting chapters of my second novel, Fifteen Minutes, on my DeviantArt page. I need to get a few more posted there, and then put up the first few chapters of Chaser.

So, anyway, that's just a few ideas off the top of my head.

Couple smaller announcements. I'm still working on the first chapter of my next TFP story, "Enemy of my Enemy." Progress has been slow because of life getting in the way, but I'm hoping to have it finished soon. Sometimes in the next few days, if I'm lucky.

The next chapter of Project: Phoenix is long, long overdue. I should've gotten it finished months ago, but I keep running into mental roadblocks. Once I finish the first bit of "Enemy," this'll be my focus until the damned thing is done.

Also, the next chapter of Elsewhere is even more overdue. Once I finish the new chapter of Phoenix, I'll have to get back to work on Elsewhere.

So...guess that covers it for now. Back to work on "Enemy of my Enemy"....

DIS-illusioned: ... *Sobbing quietly* This is all so fascinating!

September 25, 2012 at 1:08AM

phred: ^_^

September 27, 2012 at 3:17AM

Ugh. Between the job and having the flu for the last week (yeah, the flu...in the middle of goddamn summer), I haven't made any progress on any of my stories. Hoping to get some writing done today, but tomorrow I have to go back to work, so it could be a bit longer before I'm able to post a new chapter. I'm hoping it won't be too long, though. I really want to have something finished by my next weekend, if not sooner.

Also, I really need to get back into a routine. Over a decade ago, I could crank out an average of 5,000 words per day, reply to numerous emails every night after work, and post on several comment boards daily, in addition to working full 40-hour weeks. Over the years, that changed gradually, and now I take at least several days to do replies and I consider myself lucky to write a paragraph or two in a whole week, until one day I finally go on a writing bender and finish a whole chapter just to get the thing done. I need to set a goal for myself...at least 1,000 words per day to get started, and see if I can level up from there. I miss those 5,000-word days....

William Walz: I can't even SAY a thousand words a day!

August 6, 2012 at 4:03PM

DIS-illusioned: a...thousand...words...Ha! You're right, Will, it's so arduous. Hang in there, phred. :)

August 6, 2012 at 8:03PM

phred: Thanks! :D I'm finally feeling better, and should be able to start getting back into something resembling a routine. ^_^

August 12, 2012 at 9:22PM

Okay, minor change made to the Facebook page. The name I was using is the kind of thing that seems like a good idea when you haven't slept in 48 hours, but honestly...it's just stupid. :P

So, after giving it a lot of thought, I settled on "Southwestern Bound." For the last several years, I've been trying to save up enough money to move to Tucson. I've been trying to escape my hometown for twenty years, and still haven't made it. If I started listing all the reasons I hate this place, I'd still be at it in August. Mostly, though, it's the cold, wet climate; even in July, it's still raining more often than not, and even the sunny days are cold enough to make me shiver, most of the time. I need sunshine and high temperatures. After doing a lot of research, I settled on Tucson. Perfect climate, I love the scenery and the wide-open sky, and it's big enough that I might actually have a chance at a decent job. Where I live now, it took over ten years for me to land a job that paid more than minimum wage, and over the last seven years it's pushed me to the point where I have long-lasting panic attacks starting the moment I walk through the door. Finding a better job here is less likely than being hit by lightning, and even if it happened, I'd still be dealing with the same infuriating customers. Same shit, different toilet.

So, Southwestern Bound, it is. The two most important goals in my life are getting published and getting to Tucson. I'm hoping for a small house with either a balcony of patio where I can sit in the sun with my netbook and work on a story or novel without having to drive to a park fifteen miles away and trying to concentrate when dozens of other people are around. Hell, it'd be wonderful just to look out the window on any given day and not see constant, torrential rain.

Most days, I doubt I'll ever get there. But you never know, maybe things will work out someday....

Just finished setting up a new Facebook page, a place to aggregate links to all the stuff I'm up to. Thought it'd be a good way to keep anyone who might be interested updated on new stories, chapters, and so on. Look for "Fred Futureman"...because I'm a huge dork. XD

Here's a sample of the work-related stuff that's slowly destroying my brain and eroding my sanity. This one happened a few days ago.

So, this guy stops near the counter and asks me where the restrooms are. Since they're right next to the photo lab, I just point at them. He keeps staring at me with a look of utter confusion. I wait for him to get it, but he just keeps staring like a cow looking at a dictionary. So I finally tell him, "The restrooms are right over there."

He turns and stares at the restroom doors...and stares...and stares some more. Just has this helpless, confused look. And now I'm staring at HIM in utter disbelief. After at least 30 seconds, maybe close to a solid minute, he finally--FINALLY--walks hesitantly toward the bathrooms. Stops and stares, starts walking again, stops and stares, looks from one to the other like he's not sure if he should go into the men's room or the women's, takes a few more steps, stops again. Eventually, he picks the men's room and figures out how to push the door open.

I never saw him again. He could still be in there, for all I fucking know. O_o

Lady & Louis: Blimey. He sounds like some characters who used to come in when I worked at the Museum of Victoria. Once I was on the info counter in the foyer, and a bloke came up, pointing at the State Library (the Museum and Library formed an L-shaped building, both leading off the foyer) and complained, "There's nothing but books in there!" "That's because it's the Library, sir. The Museum is that way," I said, pointing. He said nothing and walked out of the building. My workmate on the Museum ticket desk (which was inside the Museum wing), who heard all that, then rang me and said, "I sold that idiot a ticket an hour ago!"

April 6, 2012 at 4:46AM

phred: Wow. I always wonder how these dimwits are able to survive from day to day. I'm continually amazed that they don't end up drinking window cleaner just because they think it's pretty.

April 7, 2012 at 3:28AM

Gah. These several-month-long delays between new chapters are intolerable. Part of it is simply me working on too many things at the same time, and part of it was the holiday season. I'm sure anyone who works in retail can understand the mind-bending levels of stress involved, especially if your department is short-handed and overrun with customers who have hair-trigger tempers. It's kind of like Left 4 Dead, only with customers instead of zombies, and you're not allowed to shoot any of them.

Anyway, after taking far too long, I got the 4th chapter of Project Phoenix done a few days ago. I had kind of a rough outline of the plot, but this chapter veered off from where I expected it to go. Which is pretty cool, since now I might actually have enough material for a full novel. I was starting to think this one would end up being more of a novelette.

On a related note, earlier this evening I noticed a fan fiction category here, which I hadn't seen before. O_o I hadn't planned on it, but what the hell, I might post some of the stuff I've put on FF.net recently, just to keep a semi-steady flow of new writing coming in. Stuff I wrote just for the hell of it...which I ended up working on more than my novel over the last few months. Maybe it's simply because I was trying something new and it was fresh in my mind...

I feel kind of odd about writing stuff like that, after spending 20+ years trying to get my own stuff published. But what the hell, writing is writing, and I have to be honest with myself--there's no way I'm getting published anyway. I've made a small amount of money from the novels I put on Amazon's Kindle platform, but even that's more than I've made on them in the last two decades (which was exactly zero).

So...maybe I'll toss some of this stuff up here, just so I don't appear to fall off the face of the earth for months at a time...

But at least I haven't had any new writer's block episodes. ;)

Finally got off my ass and finished the rough draft of the new chapter of Project Phoenix. Had a huge case of writer's block on it for several months, but I finally managed to break through it.

Been getting quite a lot of writing done lately, now that I think about it. Feels awesome, after going for so many months without writing more than a sentence or two every now and then.

Anyway, just need to do one more pass to edit, and then the new chapter will be ready to post tomorrow, if all goes well....

Bellydanser: Congrats. I know how frustrating writer's block can be. Glad you were able to work through it.

November 3, 2011 at 3:39AM

phred: Thanks. :D It sure does feel good to be writing again.

November 4, 2011 at 2:41AM

<--- Woot. New profile picture. Only took five and a half years to get around to it. <_<

shelley kaye: self-potrait? ;)

October 7, 2011 at 9:35AM

phred: Well, I have the same hairdo... ;)

October 8, 2011 at 12:14AM

Just a quick post to say that I haven't fallen off the face of the earth or anything. Mostly it's the job...it sucks up five out of every seven days. The other two days are attempts at catching up, which I never manage to do.

In addition to that, I keep biting off more than I can chew. I already had the current novel and Elsewhere, then out of sheer desperation to get more samples of my writing out there and try to draw more attention to the books I'm trying to sell on Amazon, I started writing fanfiction. Well, desperation plus I just had some ideas percolating in my head that I absolutely had to write. And I'm thinking about setting up a Facebook page so I can have links to all my stuff in one place and draw more readers.

I really need to just focus on one thing until it's finished, and then move on to the next. I used to be able to do that. I wonder what the hell happened... O_o

Anyway. Still working on Phoenix and Elsewhere. If nothing goes horribly wrong, I should have another chapter of the latter done soon...ish.

Gahhhh... Sorry again for the long delay on new chapters. I expected things to smooth out months ago, but once things went off the rails, it's stayed that way ever since. Haven't been able to get much writing done, but I'm still trying. On Project: Phoenix, I kept working on the second chapter, scrapping it and starting over, and finally got about halfway through it...and now I've realized that what I've written should be pushed into the third chapter.

Which gives me a good head start on chapter 3, but puts me back in "room zero" on chapter 2.

On Elsewhere, I've made no progress at all in the last few months. Still have plenty of story to tell with that one, but it's not clicking together in my head. The cylinders are starting to fire on Phoenix chapter 2, though, so if nothing goes horribly wrong, I should have it ready before much longer.

Finally, for a quick glimpse into what goes on at my job, I submit the following conversation:

Customer (dropping off a roll of film for development): When will this be done?

Me: In about an hour.

Customer: An hour from now?

Sigh.

Quick update...

Sorry for the long delay on the current chapters. Been sidetracked by a lot of stuff, most of it work-related. Hoping I'll be able to hold on to my sanity long enough for my vacation to start on the 15th.

To sum it up...the customers and certain managers where I work have been driving me nuts. Beyond nuts, actually. It's inspired me to change my ringtone to a clip of Rick Emerson saying, "God DAMN, people are STUPID!" XD

A week away from that place will do me a world of good.

Okay, update time... I finally finished the final draft of "Chaser," but the publisher I planned on submitting it to appears to be a dead market. Their website and Facebook page haven't been updated in quite some time, and their Livejournal hasn't had any new posts in well over a year. I sent them an email asking if they were still operating; it's been over a week, and I haven't gotten an answer. So it looks like the one and only publisher that might've given this book a chance is now a dead market.

I checked a bunch of others that I'd been considering (but didn't have as much hope for), and most of those apparently no longer exist. Most of the rest are closed to submissions until further notice. And after sending my work to many of those same publishers during the last twenty years and getting nowhere, I know it'd be a waste of time anyway.

So, I'm putting Chaser on the Kindle Direct platform where my first two books are on sale. I've taken it down from here to avoid any conflicts. Chaser is currently "in review," but should be available for purchase in a day or two.

Not the kind of thing I hoped for when I started trying to get published 20 years ago, but even if I only sell one copy, that'd be one more than I've sold in the last two decades.

Not much else going on right now. Been focusing on Elsewhere more than anything else, but I really need to get back to work on my next novel...

Finally got the latest chapter done: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=358201

Been so distracted lately, I'm not sure how well it holds together, but that's what rewriting is for....

Time for another overdue update. I haven't made much progress on either book thanks to a ridiculous amount of incredibly bad shit happening. One thing after another, rapid-fire. There's still some email replies I haven't finished for the same reason.

On Chaser, I've hit another bit of...not exactly writer's block. It's more like...really thick, sticky, gelatinous gunk. Most of it's because I've got my mind on so many other worries right now, it's hard to stay focused.

But since I got stuck on that book, I went back to the next Jack-Corona-Taura novel. Actually got a couple scenes done on my iPod Touch during breaks and lunch at work. Then I realized that the second scene should be shifted into chapter 2. So that puts me one scene into chapter 1. Oy.

Well, until I have some good news, I'll cap this with another quote from Rick Emerson...

"Terrifying Moment #342: Realizing -halfway through a haircut- that your barber is, in fact, drunk. And holding a straight razor."

A while ago I remembered a favorite quote from radio show host Rick Emerson (www.rickemerson.com), regarding Twilight: "It makes 'Flowers in the Attic' look like "Flowers for Algernon.'"

another jim: LMAO!

April 27, 2010 at 7:15AM

phred: :D

April 28, 2010 at 3:29AM

And now "Fifteen Minutes" has just been put up on Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/fifteen-minutes/10667519

shelley kaye: 15 minutes of what?

April 26, 2010 at 12:02PM

phred: It's the title of a novel I had here for a while, referring to the saying about everyone getting "fifteen minutes of fame." When I finished the final draft, I decided to put it on Amazon and Lulu, and try to sell it...

April 27, 2010 at 1:45AM

Just added "Load" to Lulu.com as a print on demand edition. http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/load/10667107

Finally got Chapter 13 finished. http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=344517 About time, too. <_<

Still making progress on Chaser. It's going slowly, but that's still a huge improvement over the last few months. I'm hoping to have the chapter finished within a day or two.

The other big update is Fifteen Minutes...since the final draft is now for sale on Amazon's digital text platform, I took down the copies here and on Textnovel. I can't help feeling like a dick about it, but the bottom line is that I'm trying to sell my work, so the only copies I can have out there are the ones that are for sale....

Finally made some progress on Chaser and the as-yet-untitled third novel in the Neon City series. Got the first scene done on that one a few days ago, and just finished the first scene of Chaser's current chapter this afternoon. I actually finished writing it on my iPod Touch while waiting at the shop for my car to be fixed (again). Will try to get started on the next scene tonight.

Also, some time ago, I uploaded a copy of Fifteen Minutes to Amazon's digital text platform: http://www.amazon.com/Fifteen-Minutes-Neon-City-ebook/dp/B003GIRE2U/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1271725052&sr=1-2

Another lack of progress report...

Chaser stalled again on the first page. Decided to get started on the next novel to see if I could make some progress while the mental block on Chaser breaks loose...got about a page done on that, then it kind of fizzled out. I blame it all on my job. There hasn't been a day in the last few months when I haven't wanted to round up all my rude customers (which amounts to at least 90% of all customers) and just fuck 'em up with a folding metal chair. When I get home each day, it's pretty much all I can think about until I fall asleep, then I start the cycle all over again the next day.

Just gotta survive today, then one more week, then my vacation starts. Hope I'll get some serious writing done then...but I always hope for the same thing each vacation and it never happens.

In the meantime, I've put my first book on Amazon's digital text platform as a download for Kindle and Kindle-for-PC. Amazingly, someone bought a copy. One copy. I need to figure out how to market that thing....

One cool thing about this is that the first two chapters can be downloaded as a free sample. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B003F76F9A

This weekend, if all goes well, I'll be able to add my second book there, and maybe put both of them on Lulu.com and anywhere else I can find that might give me a shot at making a few sales....

Quick progress report...or, rather, lack of progress...

Got started on the current chapter of Chaser a few days ago, kept writing a few paragraphs and deleting them because they just didn't work, started over again and repeated the cycle several times. Finally, I managed to get about one page written, then it all kind of fizzled out. I was on a roll for a while, then it ground to a halt.

Still distracted by the crap I have to put up with at work. But also...I'm still having trouble getting past the "Eh, what the hell's the point?" feeling I haven't been able to shake for the last few months. I have to keep reminding myself of my plans to put my work on print-on-demand sites (and everywhere else I can think of, just to get it in front of as many pairs of eyes as possible)...and try to bury my certainty that it'll all be for nothing.

Still, after so many years, what else can I do? If I stop now, then the last two decades really will be all for nothing, and I've just thrown all that time away. But if I keep trying for the rest of my life and never succeed...

Well, back to work on the book, if I can get anything written today. Got about half an hour before I have to do another closing shift at the Shithole. If I'm lucky, I won't have to walk past that goddamned shelf filled with shirtless 12-inch Twilight figures...

Finally finished rewriting and uploading chapters 11-22. For good or ill, this is the final draft. I kept rewriting my first book since 2002, and have been writing/rewriting Fifteen Minutes for the last two or three years. Time to move on to the third book, and get back to work on Chaser...

Okay, I guess it's about time I took advantage of this little feature. Mostly to explain why I've kind of disappeared for the last few months. Not that I was uploading chapters every week before this, like I did when I first joined, but still...

Mostly, it's been...issues at work. Anyone who has to be bombarded with near-constant stupidity and verbal abuse for 40 hours every week can understand. Of course, some people probably handle it better than I do. Me? By the time I clock out for the day, all I can think about is how much I want to drag many of my customers into the parking lot and Reginald Denny them right in front of everyone.

Makes it kind of hard to concentrate on writing. These people do give me ideas for minor characters in my books, but that doesn't even begin to balance out the stress of dealing with them every day.

So...a lot of it is just burnout. I end up coming home and unwinding by playing violent video games. Tons of shit blowing up and bodies flying around. Supremely gratifying. Fortunately, my vacation is coming next month, so that should do me a world of good. If I can last that long without being locked in a room with soft walls.

(Seriously...I had a customer recently who couldn't figure out how to open a drawer. There was no trick to it, it wasn't locked or anything. All this guy had to do was pull on handle. He was trying to pull the front panel off the photo kiosk instead of tugging on the very obvious drawer handle under the kiosk, where the scanner is stored. Try dealing with dozens of people like him every day and see how much faith in humanity you have left.)

Another big part of it is the frustration of trying to get published and never getting my foot in the door in almost twenty years. Can't help wondering if I took a wrong turn way back then, when I realized that I was going to be a writer. I took a minimum wage job instead of picking a career, going to college, and getting a degree, because I figured I'd be selling stories and novels regularly within five years or so.

What could I have done with my life if I'd kept writing as a hobby and focused on finding a job that paid well enough to enable me to escape the pisshole town I'm currently trapped in?

Anyway...I still keep writing because it's a compulsion--there are stories in my head that I need to tell, and I'd go nuts if I stopped telling them. But realizing that I'll never make a living at it...well, it can take the wind out of your sails.

My hope of making a career of writing had been eroding over the last few years, but what killed the few wisps I had remaining? The last straw was my last attempt to get my first novel published a few months ago. I had to see it get rejected for the fifteenth time while at my job, directly in front of me, twelve or fifteen feet away from the counter, I had to see an entire shelf packed with the Twilight novels every time I looked straight ahead.

Every review or comment I've read or heard about those books boils down to the same thing--they're truly awful. They're garbage. Yet they were accepted by a publisher, a lot of people (inexplicably) buy them, and they're being adapted into a series of equally awful movies. So the thing going through my mind constantly is, "This crap got published, and I've failed for two decades?!"

The one thing that drove it home, though, was the comments from the editor who rejected my book. Now, one of the comments I hear most frequently is that the dialog I write makes the characters sound like real people. But this editor said (among other things) that my dialog "sounds like parodies of real people." In that instant, I had the answer to many questions I'd been asking over the years. And that was when I knew I was screwed.

Still, there's one last publisher I can try, once I finish Chaser. They're looking for a specific type of character, which I think Boiler fits pretty well. Can't get my hopes up again, after the past twenty years, but if it's actually accepted there, I'll probably pass out from the shock, hit my head on a shelf, break my neck and die. That's how my luck usually works.

And if all else fails, there's always Lulu.com, the self-publishing thing at Amazon.com, and similar sites. I rewrote my first novel and posted it on Textnovel.com, and have been doing the same with Fifteen Minutes. As soon as I have time, I'm putting both novels on Lulu, Amazon, and every other site I can find. Same with Chaser, if/when it gets rejected. If I can't get published the traditional way, then I'll do it myself.

Meh. Sorry for the long rant. I planned to just make a quick announcement, but...well, if I'm gonna explain why I haven't been around, why not go all out? Anyway, I'm trying to get off my ass and start writing regularly again.

Oh, there's one other thing that's kept me sidetracked: Mass Effect 2 (trailer here, for anyone who's not familiar with it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYlSUjec8mY). I should've been more productive before I got my hands on it, because I knew that I was gonna be completely worthless for at least a month or two afterward. I never understood how anyone could get addicted to a game, until now. Besides, it's been pretty much my only escape from...well, from life in general.

Could be worse, though. It's a fantastic game. :D

So...there you have it. I don't feel right, complaining like this. But I don't think it's healthy to keep things bottled up, and I've never been able to pretend there's nothing wrong when there are many things wrong. At least, not convincingly.

But as I said, it's past time for me to get back to work on these books. So I'll be catching up on posting the revised chapters of Fifteen Minutes, and writing the newest chapter of Chaser.

And any posts I put up here from now on will very likely be much shorter. O_o

Turtle... who?: Oh no, I'm probably going to follow you on that sad path... looking at books thinking... they got published, maybe I got a chance... but uhg, Dang you twilight

March 19, 2010 at 6:14PM

phred: Yeah, it's really discouraging, isn't it? I hate to say it, but the main advice I'd give aspiring writers is...forget writing as a career. Keep writing because you enjoy it, but don't pin your hopes on getting published. :(

March 19, 2010 at 9:47PM