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kiwisteveh

The Romantic in Me

Excellent
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Yeah, great movie choice there - depending on the romantic situation of course.

Good exploitation of colloquial language to create the right tone for this sarcastic piece.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Lonely Sometimes

Excellent
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An evocative piece accompanied by even more evocative artwork.

I found the first line a little ambiguous - could it be pleasure in your on company?

Good luck in the contest.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Going Nowhere by butterfly4265

Excellent
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A good metaphor for that 'bogged down' feeling that overwhelms us sometimes. The frustration of such a situation is most clear in the final line:
the harder I fight, the more I'm held tight

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014

Mummy's Little Helper by Genya

Excellent
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A cute, bouncy little poem from the point of view of a 'helpful' youngster. Strong abcb rhyme and simple language appropriate for the youthful narrator.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014

sane?

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Good trick adding an extra rhyming word as the title.

You have managed to squeeze a small story into you eight allotted syllables. No mean feat.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Don't fret.... by royowen

Excellent
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Roy, I have never seriously suffered from this dread disease, but I suspect a bad case of it may be a little harder to heal than your poem suggests.

However, I applaud this fun look at writer's block with its light-hearted tone and strong rhyme and meter.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014

Body image

Excellent
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I think we all tend to head south as we get older, and not just for the winter, either. My latest piece, a sonnet, has the body falling to pieces even more spectacularly!

Good luck in the contest.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Forbidden Love by Lovinia

Good
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Lovinia, this starts off really strongly - the first line is wonderful. My only thought about the first stanza is that you need punctuation after 'hair' - probably a semi-colon.

Stanza 2 is pretty - just a query about word choice with 'quest' (long?) and some doubt about the exact meaning of 'finesse'

After that I am bamboozled by both the meaning and by how your meter falls apart.
Line 9 is short a syllable. Lines 10 &12 are OK with an extra syllable for the feminine endings, but the meaning is vague. Line 11 is just a mess.

In the couplet, too, the meter is hard to fathom and I end up with no idea what this is about.

Who is the hapless scoundrel - is it you? What was the forbidden love?

Sorry, I just don't get it.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014

Endangered Species by djsaxon

Excellent
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DJ, I appreciate the sentiment you display here and there are some examples of strong language e.g. your first stanza and of course that final powerful word.

However, the 'message' seems a little fragmented. You bring in animals that aren't truly endangered and even stray into the vegetarian argument.

I don't really get the use of the adjective 'impure' at the end of a line.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014

It Doesn't Work That Way by granny goes viral

Excellent
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Yes, one of many platitudes used to 'moderate' our behaviour.

I can forgive if I can understand the motivation behind an action and see genuine repentance. Memories may fade but are seldom expunged altogether. If the fault is mine, I expect the same from the injured party...

Which kind of matches up to your credo of giving love in the here and now....

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014


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