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kiwisteveh

I love those magic mornings by Glen Bear Smith

Excellent
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Good romantic feeling evoked along with a feeling of serenity and 'rightness'

A couple of tiny things: serine --> serene and you drop into past tense in one section - there doesn't seem to be any real need for it....

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 29-Aug-2014

Haiku (bulky bumblebees)

Excellent
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Your haiku reminds me a little of this which I wrote some time ago:
Scientists
(I don't know why)
all say that he
just should not fly.

Bumble Bee,
he likes to sing,
"Dem folks, dey don't know anything!"

Nice alliteration in line 1 and a great satori line as well - we will never understand all of nature's wonders.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 29-Aug-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

3-5-3 (delicious)

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Short but sweet and fulfilling the air theme nicely in that final line with the much anticipated blowing out of the candles on the birthday cake.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

The meet by trimple

Excellent
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Sadly I have no six to give this most glorious piece of carrollesque nonsense, obviously stirred by some slight by a reviewer. let's hope you get nothing but praise for this one.

There's a who's that should be whose somewhere and a nanni that wants to be a naani - otherwise the whole thing is a rollicking and rhythmical perfect ball of fun.

Note to self - must vote

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014

Can You Turn The Wheel Of Time? by OLA THOMAS

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yes, this is a great metaphor for the rather random elements of our life. We like to think we are in control, but really chance can step in at any moment and create chaos in our lives.

You did well to extend the metaphor for so long.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014

Deteriorating Friendship by kquigley

Excellent
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An interesting little gem of a poem focused on the realisation that a friendship has ended. It still exists to some extent in the secrets that will be kept...

Good luck in the contest.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014

5/7/5 (parrots primp plumage)

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trust you to go over the top and have th same alliteration throughout.

This could have gone astray, but you have done well to keep it on the straight and narrow and there is even a hint of true haiku satori in the 'prismatic pruners'

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Alone, I Walk by TAB_that's me

Excellent
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And quite a powerful metaphorical picture it is - a little reminiscent of that modern parable of the man walking with God along the beach and the footprints in the sand...

There are some lovely images here and some deep thought also, portraying your life's struggle until that moment of revelation - that it doesn't need to be a struggle.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014

Restitution by Phoenix Divine

Good
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Too complicated for me I'm afraid. The confusion begins in line 2 with 'their' which can only refer to 'eyes' in the previous line and 'late' at the end which seems unattached to anything.

I don't mind you inventing words like 'upstarted' (quite a vivid one actually) but I hate having to puzzle for meaning - is the 'you' in stanza 2 (maybe the moon) the same 'you' as in stanza 3 - the legless one - probably not.

The ending is some kind of a farewell to one retiring (dying?). It is perhaps the most straightforward section, but I am still confused by 'the day... has taken me to'

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014

As Time Passes By by fastdigits

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A pretty love poem in abcb quatrains - except for the last stanza which strangely has no rhyme...

I liked th strong sense of place evoked in the first stanza - the sea is always a great setting for a poem like this. However, you don't return to it or mention it again, instead using the general 'each night' when my poetic ear wanted to hear about 'this night'.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Aug-2014


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