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kiwisteveh

lune (wings of an angel) by rjuselius

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Rebekka, this is a sweet little Lune in the form of a bedtime prayer - or is it. The final line raises ambiguities - is the cradle empty because the couple cannot have children or because a child has died. In either case the gentle touch is required.

Good luck in the lottery...

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2014

Because We Dream by rosehill

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This is lovely and verry, very clever, Wendy.

What a nice tribute to all the artists (in its widest sense) of the world. I loved your creations - the imagine-ifs and the might-bes - which perfectly express that idea of creating for fun or exploring the world.

Great rhythm and rhyme - I kinda liked your line 3s ending on a preposition (mostly) which add a nice little pause before the line 4 clinchers.

Good stuff.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 19-Nov-2014

Ping and Pong by humpwhistle

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Good thing Vera's a sound sleeper!

There's a lot to like here. Great one-liners of course - love the one about the kidney stone - it's always hard to come up with something original to describe sheer stupidity.

The description of the New jersey cellar takes some beating too. I like it because it contributes in its own way to the ambience of the story.

The story itself was good. Nice twist at the end. Perhaps a tiny bit predictable in that our hero was always going to get the better of Stu and Pid, but just how he would achieve that was still up for grabs.

Now, I'm assuming Eddie, in the confusion, managed to make sure the twins were both dead - No hint of that in your words, though...

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 18-Nov-2014

Endless Plain: Maasai Creation Myth by pipersfancy

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I like this a lot - in fact I love to hear the different creation myths from around the world and this is a new one to me.

The phrasing sounds like you are echoing the masai way of speaking - genuine or not I can't tell, but effective anyway.

Good stuff.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014

Invocation by Zinnia48

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Caroline, I sincerely hope that common sense will prevail, but as you know there hasn't been a lot of that in your neck of the woods lately. Who knew the pus that would come oozing out when this particular scab was picked open?

Great poem - as I see it an invocation for peace - surely that is what the majority want, although I fear the sides may be too deeply entrenched for that to happen and those with their own agendas are licking their lips.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014

The Poet by kelper71

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Kenny, I saw this earlier, but waited until I had a sixer for it. What a great poem - one of those where I'm saying, I wish I'd written that!'

Some ideas reminiscent of my Acrostic 'Gobbledegook' posted a month or to ago in the dodgy Beadles Butler, except for the title's suggestion that he may be a poet!

Too many good bits to list. This, for instance:
And Brother Butler has TV--
and Sunday mornings there he is--
as large as you could hope to be--
a universal fashion whiz
delivering that smile to you:
divine, inspired, and impromptu.

The cry of repentance when he's caught out is a nice touch. The ending a bit abrupt maybe.

All in all though I am full of admiration.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014

I Think I'll Walk by angelface2

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Sounds like an interesting tale for young children. At that age they love rhyme and a simple story-line.

Good luck in the contest amd in marketing your book.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014

Fashion Failure by Spiritual Echo

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This may be deliberate, but your last line 'I believe...' completely contradicts your first line 'I believe...' Can you really have it both ways?

Apart from tht I loved this expose of women's fashion trends - Thank God, as a member of the male race, I don't have to worry anywhere near so much - quite apart fro the fact that your lasr sentence 'I believe' has applied to me all along - I just have to convince my wife!

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

I want to fall in love by donette1914

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It sure is a romantic picture and enough to start the heart racing with ideas of love. You have enhanced the artwork by extending the picture into our imagination.

One tiny spag shinning --> shining

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014

Commuters by Lou_906

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I thought this contest had closed! I see you've entered for next year's one!

I like your 5-7-5 because its simple message can also be applied to all our lives outside of commuting. The rolling stock metaphor works well with rails/derailment.

Good luck - you'll probably forget you even entered this by the time the deadline rolls around.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 16-Nov-2014


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