Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

kiwisteveh

Interlude by Mark Valentine

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

If I had a six you should have it for this wonderfully itty piece of wordplay.

As the inner of Rose's to previous contests, I am feeling seriously outclassed this time around - there are some great entries and this little piece of philosophy, though vastly different from ll the others, might just top the lot.

The light-hearted tone as you pose that unsolvable question suits perfectly right down to the Douglas Adams reference at the end.

Great stuff.

Good luck - I have no idea whether this will out-poll the others I have read, but I hope it does.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

Captain Blood by Domino 2

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your poem doesn't specifically mention Halloween, but its bloodthirsty protagonist and his ghostly fate place it right up there with the other entries for this contest that have gone for the topical feel.

Great story, told with gory gusto. Rhyme and meter are both strong and I am sure this will snare its share of votes.

A couple of tiny nitpicks:
Line 5 doesn't really stand on its own - it maybe needs re-phrasing.
And towards the end 'whence he sprung'
'sprung' is a past participle, not past tense. You could fix with 'whence he'd sprung'

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

'Twas the Night Before Halloween by MissMerri

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Not really surprising that a number of entries in this contest deal with the Halloween theme - some more scarily than others!

Yours is an amusing piece with good bouncy anapaestic meter and sound rhyming. Clever use of dialog in stanza 2 and a light-hearted touch in stanza 3.

Even the emphasised IS in the last line fits both the meter and the meaning.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

Truthful Jones, Babysitter: Part Two by michaelcahill

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Baron Munchausen has nothing on Truthful Jones in the exaggeratin' department!

Your tale gets taller and taller as it goes on. Still no sixes for this bravura performance I'm afraid, but accept a virtual one.

Lots of fun and nobody gets hurt except for Mike Tyson's pride.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

The Garden Gate by Jmf4119

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I think the change of seasons often throws us into a reflective mood, particularly as we get older. Your lovely sonnet not only gives us the inevitability of change, but also the idea of a cycle bringing us back to the good times, as expressed in your last line.

I googled the phrase to try determine its origin and that is a story in itself with its roots in ancient Persia.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

I Won't! by granny goes viral

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The more I read poetry, the more I realise there is no right or wrong way, but there are of course preferences. I have to admit I do doth sometimes, but only if the theme or style suggests it is appropriate.

Like musical genres - I will never listen to jazz - don't like it or have any real understanding of it. However I recognize it as a major genre and respect others' choice to be fans, as well as admiring the artistry of the great jazz musicians.

The worst thing about using archaic language is when it is done badly - not infrequently on FS I'm afraid.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

All Puffed Up by patcelaw

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Short and to the point, your poem effectively describes someone puffed up with pride. It is one of the more difficult traits for others to tolerate and, I imagine, not one that the person can easily see in herself.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 01-Nov-2014

Standing Tall by Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Giddy, this is a good entry for the Tanka contest, offering a speck of isdom on how to deal with life's more difficult times.

I like the image suggested by the metaphor of debris flowing around your ankles.

No apostrophe necessary in 'allows'

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 31-Oct-2014

Truthful Jones, Greatest Babysitter by michaelcahill

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well I can certainly see where Truthful gets his name from!

A wonderful mixture of moonshine and malarkey and told with great gusto by the champeen baby-sitter himself.

I will keep an eye out for the next instalment.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 31-Oct-2014

Something borrowed by ChowChow

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A cute and bouncy little poem that makes a humorous point about lending/borrowing clothes.

Of course the first lines are borrowed from the traditional advice on what a bride should wear - is there a hint of that here?

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 31-Oct-2014


Page: 1 Next Page



  Contact Us © 2014 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement