Lovinia, this starts off really strongly - the first line is wonderful. My only thought about the first stanza is that you need punctuation after 'hair' - probably a semi-colon.
Stanza 2 is pretty - just a query about word choice with 'quest' (long?) and some doubt about the exact meaning of 'finesse'
After that I am bamboozled by both the meaning and by how your meter falls apart.
Line 9 is short a syllable. Lines 10 &12 are OK with an extra syllable for the feminine endings, but the meaning is vague. Line 11 is just a mess.
In the couplet, too, the meter is hard to fathom and I end up with no idea what this is about.
Who is the hapless scoundrel - is it you? What was the forbidden love?
Sorry, I just don't get it.
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 28-Nov-2014