Contact Us | En español    
         Join today or login

kiwisteveh

Exceptional Rubbish by DIS-illusioned

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I can see you had a lot of fun making up this piece of very bad poultry - it's absolutely fowl!

It took me a moment to figure out the qua-bus line - it is late and my brain is tired.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Shadows of fall by rjuselius

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A rather moody, evocative piece in this unusual form - a freee-form haven for those who don't like to count syllables.

I like the twist in the last line 'not thinking of you'

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Driving in Bahrain by KC

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

For me, the most terrifying experience was driving in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. I recognize many of the features you describe here in your light-hearted piece. The true miracle is that there are not more serious accidents in these places.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014

Apple Cider by Linda England Bonam

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Your double and inverted nonet works well for this description of the fall season, covering all of the traditional aspects of autumn.

To use rhyme as you have here must have been a serious challenge - well done.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014

The Roses by fluffnstuff

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The rose, with its natural beauty coupled with painful thorns, makes a potent symbol for anything that has the power to hurt as well as enthral.

Good luck in the contest with this unusual form.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014
Read and reviewed with blinders on.

Where the flower never fades by Charlieboy123

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I am a little puzzled by this - you start off strongly with good rhyme and meter (although it is disguised by the lack of traditional format), but then that seems to be discarded entirely in the second part of the piece.

May I suggest that if you want to submit a piece like this as a poem, that you revert to using traditional lines so that patterns and devices stand out more.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014

Answer me by Eric1

Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A sonnet is always a good choice for a love poem and here you arrive at a hoped for happy ending in the couplet. I can see the overall point you are making here, but I have to confess there are individual lines where I am really groping to find your meaning. This, for example:
But, should thou take thy words and then refute,
Resistance fail

There are meter problems also in line 1 and line 8

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014

Early Morning Solitude by bard owl

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

My entry for this contest (not posted yet) also focuses on that magical moment as dawn transcends night....

sweet peace..... discontent departs.... soul is replenished = these powerful phrases drive home your view of the dawn.

Good luck.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 14-Sep-2014

haiku (moon light) by Donya Quijote

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Reminds me of lying awake on a moonlit night - nothing else is stirring, but those darn crickets are tuning up! Vivid image in each of the three lines. Your first line shows how to ceate a scene and atmosphere with a single word.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 13-Sep-2014

Chocolate Mountain by SkyBluePink

Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A feel-good story suitable for young children about the zoo creatures' secret trip to Chocolate Mountain.

Just the right amount of tension as they run into trouble on their way back and a nice humorous touch at the end.

Steve
Comment Written by kiwisteveh on 13-Sep-2014


Page: 1 Next Page



  Contact Us © 2014 FanStory.com, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Terms under which this service is provided to you. Privacy Statement