Excellent

Excellent work, Ice. Maybe I liked it so much because I agree with everything you're saying. But also, your ideas were clear, your rhyme scheme excellent, and the words are haunting Great job with this piece!

Excellent

Awesome, CONVICTION. I especially love the first line, "he paints thoughts like addictions..."
I have to admit, I had to read this through twice before I really "got it". You've got some real gems in this one, like, "the subtle lines in her brow that sleep unnoticed..." This is a beautiful piece, and as always, have painted a portrait of your own with your words. Great work. :-)

Excellent

Marillion--HOW DO YOU DO IT?? How does your mind work in perfect rhyme and meter? Your rhythm and rhymes NEVER fail to knock me out. Your mastery of language is impeccable, as well, and I am often left shaking my head and smiling after I read one of your poems.
And your imagery--your word choices--the original way you describe things---incredible. Especially in this piece, the first 4 lines, where you describe the soldier being shot on a battlefield: impaled upon a point of "silver dread"?!
Amazing metaphor there, Marillion---another beautiful poem, through and through!

Excellent

TJ---OMG, this was such an amazingly brutal piece to read. "For every moment I'm awake/there's gnawing on my bones/a slave engraved with memories/like etchings on a stone." Your words are, as usual, poignant and brutally honest. The concept of this poem is chilling, and your last stanza ends this with extreme POWER. The power of your words, I mean. "a walking mannequin...pondering anesthesia." What an amazingly original way to describe those feelings of emptiness and spiritual numbness! The last stanza really illustrates the power booze and drugs can have over someone who has suffered "spiritual death", as you put it. Something to make you FEEL! Anyway, TJ, another beautiful job here--poetry straight from the GUT, the way it should be. All the best to you, lisala

Excellent

Your language and imagery are awesome, valleygurl! I love the second stanza, especially, "Pass deep into my passion's core". Wow, what a great image.
The only thing I could say, is that the rhythm and flow seemed a bit off. Granted, I am not a rhyming poet, so I couldn't tell you exactly what to do to change that a little. I just found myself pulled from the rhythm a bit as I was reading. But your metaphors and language really knocked me out. I think this poem could go from excellent to outstanding with just the tiniest bit of work.
Thanks for sharing!
All the best to you, *Lisa*

Excellent

A masterfull continuation, Marillion. (and I'm glad for your author's note at the end; I didn't know what 'eventide' meant :-) ) I love this: "The nightmares ooze inside my head/like sludge to dyke the flow of hope/despair has crept into my bed/as lover to this misanthrope." You have such music in your poetic rhythm! Another timeless and beautiful poem by your hands, Marillion. Great job.

Excellent

Damn, C., how did I miss this one? Glad I went and checked your portfolio to see if there was anything Ihadn't read. That's the thing with you: you're one of the few people I go and read just for the pleasure of reading some good f---ing poetry, and I'd do it regardless of points and cents. And I'm a damn picky reader ;-).
Anyway, what can I say about this piece except for, RIGHT ON! You remind me a lot of Buk in the way you feel about poetry, and I could see you two getting drunk together in some crappy bar if you were born thirty years earlier. (Since Bukowski has been my god and my idol for years now, that is definitely a compliment.)
I'm going to make this my Reader Pick (or whatever you call it) as soon as I earn enough $$$. This is an incredible piece that should be viewed by EVERYONE!
And don't listen to anyone who tells you you're going about poetry all wrong (I know you don't ,anyway). "poetry should be words that fall like acid rain on a smoke filled Sunday evening..." Awesome.

Excellent

Hey, CONVICTION!
Great free-verse poetry! First of all, you have an undeniable rhythm to your stuff anyway; I'd say this has as much of a ryhthm as any of your more structured stuff. "...and now I cringe in terror at the sight of your cumbersome eyes". Loved that line; what an ending! I have to say, this is as great a "love poem" as I've seen. Hope you don't mind if Iprint it out(?)
Just beautiful, CONVICTION. I can't wait to see more of your free-verse.
luv from your #1 fan ;-), Lisa

Excellent

OMG, I'm speechless...
I'm still not even sure where to begin, except to say that you deserve TEN points for this!
First of all, even without reading your author's note, I could FEEL the searing emotional pain practically jumping off the page. It must still hurt for you to read it, because it hurt ME to read it; yet it held my rapt attention from beginning to end.
I also love the way you threw a few rhymes in, without having it follow a certain structure. It definitely packed a punch that way.
And your imagery! Just to name a few examples of what grabbed me: "I was a prodigy of emotions..." That whole stanza is killer, actually, but I just loved that line! Also: "walking the streets inviting death while being beaten into a masterpiece". Whoa. And the last two stanzas held a powerful ending. What else can I say, TJ, except: LOVED IT! TEN POINTS!

Excellent

Wow, TJ--incredible! This is an excellent continuation of your Ballad of the Bullet. Your rhymes and flow are flawless, your imagery fantastic. I LOVE, "...the minutes prick like pins/into this heart you picked apart/a cushion fore your sins." whoa!! You have a gift for the music of language that is very rare, to say the least. And the last stanza sent shivers down my spine. Excellent writing; well done.