wrote,
Once again your suspense has you on the edge of your seat. Excellent job. Nice writing, great read, excellent flow. I can't wait for the next chapter. Excellent job. Thank you.
wrote,
What a lovely poem honoring your mother! Nice abcb rhyme scheme in your quatrains. I enjoyed the alliteration of frail/fragile. Your ending is poignant and true: "But joy and contentment can be found in a life well lived day by day."
Here are some suggestions for the rhythm and flow of your poem (and the reason I gave a four, as it is rated not for the topic or message, but for the technicalities):
This line does not flow the best:
"with a cane her walk is slow."
and this line is in reverse syntax, which is fine,
but it is somewhat hard to understand with one read:
"her burdens down she needs to lay."
"The eyes have seen joy and sadness"
- I would say Her eyes have seen joy and sadness.
(and I would add the period)
"but wisdom which she'll gladly share."
- wisdom that (flows better to me)
"of many years.
And grieved" -
of many years,
and grieved
"happy and a good mood" - and in a good mood
I'll be happy to revisit and upgrade if possible, if you want.
Lovely presentation as well. I feel the vibrancy and youthfulness of your mother's spirit and life. Good work, I just think that a little fine tuning for smooth flow will make it even better :) - JeJo
wrote,
This is a terrific double reverse tetractys. And quite a sweet little love poem. I've never tried to write one of these yet. This is an excellent write...Katz
wrote,
Hi Ann,
This is a nicely written Birthday tribute poem to your mom. Wow, ninety years- that's a lot of good, well- lived years. Happy Birthday to her. May she have many more good years!
Anabella
