Pecos Valley
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Chapter 6: Painted Cat"Ride the trail with Wyatt and the Bar JS Wranglers
16 total reviews
Comment from The kurlman
A very interesting chapter about a whore. I like how you use the jargon of the west. It makes your story more realistic. Your completed book is one I would read and tell others about. The kurlman
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2018
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A very interesting chapter about a whore. I like how you use the jargon of the west. It makes your story more realistic. Your completed book is one I would read and tell others about. The kurlman
Comment Written 22-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate the comments and the review.
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You are welcome, The kurlman
Comment from Wetbelly01
Well... I'd prefer that you use the western jargon, myself...
I like your story so far... guess I'll stick around to see how it goes...
Didn't come across any problems... My compliments!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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Well... I'd prefer that you use the western jargon, myself...
I like your story so far... guess I'll stick around to see how it goes...
Didn't come across any problems... My compliments!
Comment Written 22-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
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You're welcome!
Comment from Trudi Perkins
This is an awesome chapter in your book. I really enjoyed this indeed.I sure would hate to be in her predicament. Thanks again for sharing your craft with us and I look forward to reading more of your writings. Thanks again.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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This is an awesome chapter in your book. I really enjoyed this indeed.I sure would hate to be in her predicament. Thanks again for sharing your craft with us and I look forward to reading more of your writings. Thanks again.
Comment Written 22-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as the tale unfolds.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello Brett!
I thoroughly enjoyed your story! Aside from your vivid and colorful characterization of Isabell, what I appreciate most is the narration: genuine, short sentences, to the point. And Verne is quite the character as well! I smiled when I came across "skeeters." My dad always referred to mosquitoes by that name, and my male cousins still do! Too funny!
Well-crafted!
Always,
diane
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2018
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Hello Brett!
I thoroughly enjoyed your story! Aside from your vivid and colorful characterization of Isabell, what I appreciate most is the narration: genuine, short sentences, to the point. And Verne is quite the character as well! I smiled when I came across "skeeters." My dad always referred to mosquitoes by that name, and my male cousins still do! Too funny!
Well-crafted!
Always,
diane
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. One area I am trying to concentrate on is colorful characters. This is my first attempt at ever writing in the Western genre, but so far readers seem to be enjoying my efforts. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as my tale unfolds.
Comment from apky
Brett, I can say without hesitation that this style suits me best. Added to that, your notes are a great help to the reader.
This chapter had me boggled with joy. It read welll, brought your unique style to the fore and was generally a delight to read.
I can't wait to read where Isabell and Verne, and the whole cast of characters and places in this story, will take me next.
A definitely sixer - and I'm pretty stingy with my sixers. But this was incredibly well written, my friend.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
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Brett, I can say without hesitation that this style suits me best. Added to that, your notes are a great help to the reader.
This chapter had me boggled with joy. It read welll, brought your unique style to the fore and was generally a delight to read.
I can't wait to read where Isabell and Verne, and the whole cast of characters and places in this story, will take me next.
A definitely sixer - and I'm pretty stingy with my sixers. But this was incredibly well written, my friend.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
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Appreciate the 6-stars, comments, and support. I am receiving many compliments on my tale. Since it is my first effort in the Western genre, that makes me feel pretty good. I do invite you to ride along as the tale continues to unfold.
Comment from beizanten
A very interesting and well written characters, they pretty much come to life. The plotline is pretty well written. Overal a very good story, keep it up!
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
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A very interesting and well written characters, they pretty much come to life. The plotline is pretty well written. Overal a very good story, keep it up!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Much more to come so I invite you to ride along as the tale unfolds.
Comment from dracofelsinensis
I like the Old West jargon but do understand that you might want to limit the use of it. Some words can be 'decoded' easily enough from the context, of course.
For instance, "Bollinger did buy Isabell some sporting clothes ..." It's clear to me that you weren't talking about clothing for play or exercise. The later reference to Pecos Valley and "sporting women" confirms this. I failed to decode "skeeters" for what they were, until your note; but I had gathered that they were insects of some kind, so it wasn't a bid deal.
I suppose the problem with notes is that, once you start writing them, it's hard to know where to stop. Should they be very few in number and at the foot of the page? Or should there be a glossary at the end, like the mini-dictionary at the back of some school Spanish textbook?
As regards "first person omniscient" POV, it isn't a problem for me.
This is easy to read. The short sentences are snappy. Your second para' has five sentences in three and a half lines of text; the next longer one has six sentences in four lines.
I noticed a couple of minor errors: (1) "... like some sporting women she knew In Texas did." 'In' should be 'in'. (2) "Isabell saw Verne. Mr. Shelton, and the Bar JS wranglers ..." Comma after Verne instead of the stop (and maybe delete the comma after Shelton, though it doesn't bother me).
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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I like the Old West jargon but do understand that you might want to limit the use of it. Some words can be 'decoded' easily enough from the context, of course.
For instance, "Bollinger did buy Isabell some sporting clothes ..." It's clear to me that you weren't talking about clothing for play or exercise. The later reference to Pecos Valley and "sporting women" confirms this. I failed to decode "skeeters" for what they were, until your note; but I had gathered that they were insects of some kind, so it wasn't a bid deal.
I suppose the problem with notes is that, once you start writing them, it's hard to know where to stop. Should they be very few in number and at the foot of the page? Or should there be a glossary at the end, like the mini-dictionary at the back of some school Spanish textbook?
As regards "first person omniscient" POV, it isn't a problem for me.
This is easy to read. The short sentences are snappy. Your second para' has five sentences in three and a half lines of text; the next longer one has six sentences in four lines.
I noticed a couple of minor errors: (1) "... like some sporting women she knew In Texas did." 'In' should be 'in'. (2) "Isabell saw Verne. Mr. Shelton, and the Bar JS wranglers ..." Comma after Verne instead of the stop (and maybe delete the comma after Shelton, though it doesn't bother me).
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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Appreciate your well thought out, insightful review and the catches. They have been corrected. Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale and invite you to ride along as the rest of it unfolds.
Comment from LaRosa
STill catching up so will go back and decide which style I prefer asap.
Only question for me is: How can a sportin gal hide a knive in her breasts? Maybe I don't wanna know...but sounds...unlikely?
:)
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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STill catching up so will go back and decide which style I prefer asap.
Only question for me is: How can a sportin gal hide a knive in her breasts? Maybe I don't wanna know...but sounds...unlikely?
:)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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The knife is concealed when she is dressed. Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Appreciate the comments and the review.
Comment from judiverse
Isabell and Verne both have a soft spot in their hearts for one another. You do a great job of telling about Isabell's background, and it's interesting. You might get into it a little more smoothly by presenting it as something Isabell is thinking about, or maybe telling Verne. That's quite a detail about the "sporting women" of the town carrying sheets. What an advertisement for their business. Isabell seems a bit above some of the other women who made their livelihood as whores. She's smart to carry a knife, too. Interesting chapter. juid
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Isabell and Verne both have a soft spot in their hearts for one another. You do a great job of telling about Isabell's background, and it's interesting. You might get into it a little more smoothly by presenting it as something Isabell is thinking about, or maybe telling Verne. That's quite a detail about the "sporting women" of the town carrying sheets. What an advertisement for their business. Isabell seems a bit above some of the other women who made their livelihood as whores. She's smart to carry a knife, too. Interesting chapter. juid
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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I had not thought about making this a conversation between Verne and Isabell. However, the more I do, the better I like the suggestion. Appreciate your insight concerning that matter.
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You're very welcome, Brett. Another thing might be to somehow indicate she was thinking about the past and using italics or something to indicate that. judi
Comment from nancy_e_davis
In Texas, Isabell's spirits sunk so low she [quite] talking. typo, remove e. (quit)
Poor Isabell. She was no more than a slave, used to support a no good lazy gambler. The sporting ladies back then filled a need the cowboys had. Ladies were scarce at first in the west. They were miss-treated by most of the men.
Most of them had no experience with women. Good job . Nancy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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In Texas, Isabell's spirits sunk so low she [quite] talking. typo, remove e. (quit)
Poor Isabell. She was no more than a slave, used to support a no good lazy gambler. The sporting ladies back then filled a need the cowboys had. Ladies were scarce at first in the west. They were miss-treated by most of the men.
Most of them had no experience with women. Good job . Nancy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion of my tale. Women in the Old West did have a very hard road to hoe. And, as you stated, they were highly outnumbered by men. Good observation.
