Without My Brain
When I am dead my brain is dead. damn!30 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi Tom, I really liked this clever set of quatrains about how some practitioners of a faith tend to shut off their brains and disengage from questioning or understanding the context behind the tenet and laws they subscribe to. There is a modern movement in the reform sect of Judaism to engage and question the old teachings of the Torah to establish a deeper and more personal relationship with their faith. I like that concept very much. Your points were crystal clear. Great poem.
  |
Hi Tom, I really liked this clever set of quatrains about how some practitioners of a faith tend to shut off their brains and disengage from questioning or understanding the context behind the tenet and laws they subscribe to. There is a modern movement in the reform sect of Judaism to engage and question the old teachings of the Torah to establish a deeper and more personal relationship with their faith. I like that concept very much. Your points were crystal clear. Great poem.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2018
Comment from Ella Gott
Very cool! Good job on being such an accomplished poet by the way! You certainly have the gift! I hope I will be where you are some day. 5 stars for sure!
|
Very cool! Good job on being such an accomplished poet by the way! You certainly have the gift! I hope I will be where you are some day. 5 stars for sure!
Comment Written 10-Feb-2018
Comment from JordanFrost
Very interesting poem. It flows very well. I think the only real complaint I have with it is the color scheme. It just doesn't quite fit the spirit of the piece for me. But the poem itself is great.
|
Very interesting poem. It flows very well. I think the only real complaint I have with it is the color scheme. It just doesn't quite fit the spirit of the piece for me. But the poem itself is great.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2018
Comment from Roxanne56
"But I may stay a homeless case with daunting dawn of death to face. I'll see no truth nor would I know, without my brain to tell me so?" Love it. Nicely done and flows very well :) GOD Bless
|
"But I may stay a homeless case with daunting dawn of death to face. I'll see no truth nor would I know, without my brain to tell me so?" Love it. Nicely done and flows very well :) GOD Bless
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from rama devi
Excellent voicing, pacing, rhyming and phonetics. Good narrative style. The flow could be improved with more accurate punctuation (it's missing in some places and used in others).
Spag notes:
If I were asked to make the call
On who or what created all(,)
I'd shake my head as if to think,
Then say: "i(I)t's time to get a drink."
Now(,) many say they know the ways
To piety and glory days.
Well hell, I'd say, I'm glad they're here
But things they say make nothing clear.
Well(,) I won't buy another lie
Or metaphysic(')s aging try
To sell their fake old take on hell;
No thing they sing can ring my bell(.)
But I may stay a hopeless case
With daunting dawn of death to face.
I'll see no truth nor would I know,
Without my brain to tell me so?
Love the alliteration here:
With daunting dawn of death to face.
Love the personification here:
Or metaphysics aging try
Leans to a six but needs fine tuning.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
|
Excellent voicing, pacing, rhyming and phonetics. Good narrative style. The flow could be improved with more accurate punctuation (it's missing in some places and used in others).
Spag notes:
If I were asked to make the call
On who or what created all(,)
I'd shake my head as if to think,
Then say: "i(I)t's time to get a drink."
Now(,) many say they know the ways
To piety and glory days.
Well hell, I'd say, I'm glad they're here
But things they say make nothing clear.
Well(,) I won't buy another lie
Or metaphysic(')s aging try
To sell their fake old take on hell;
No thing they sing can ring my bell(.)
But I may stay a hopeless case
With daunting dawn of death to face.
I'll see no truth nor would I know,
Without my brain to tell me so?
Love the alliteration here:
With daunting dawn of death to face.
Love the personification here:
Or metaphysics aging try
Leans to a six but needs fine tuning.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
-
Hey kiddo got er fixed all up and once again I thank you dear. Oh, I did change one little line. "....'I gotta get a drink." Thanks again sis. tom
Comment from Debbie Pope
I am getting your philosophy better now. Your religion will not dismiss reason, but instead will employ reason to determine your own truths. Am I getting closer? I enjoy religious discussions and consider myself very spiritual. Always enjoy your poems.
|
I am getting your philosophy better now. Your religion will not dismiss reason, but instead will employ reason to determine your own truths. Am I getting closer? I enjoy religious discussions and consider myself very spiritual. Always enjoy your poems.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from Janet Foor
An interesting take on when you are dead.
Very nice presentation and good rhyming couplets.
Good title to get the readers attention.
Well done
Blessings
Janet
|
An interesting take on when you are dead.
Very nice presentation and good rhyming couplets.
Good title to get the readers attention.
Well done
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - Well you make your views very clear in this very well written poem. I'm inclined to agree with what you write - I particularly like the following -
If I were asked to make the call
On who or what created all
I'd shake my head as if to think,
Then say: "it's time to get a drink." ......... This made me laugh.
Your last two lines of the final stanza are very good. Well done. Regards Dorothy
|
Hi - Well you make your views very clear in this very well written poem. I'm inclined to agree with what you write - I particularly like the following -
If I were asked to make the call
On who or what created all
I'd shake my head as if to think,
Then say: "it's time to get a drink." ......... This made me laugh.
Your last two lines of the final stanza are very good. Well done. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from rspoet
An excellent rhymed, metered poem
created by a fine, working brain
Of course, to many drinks may interfere
with ones ability to think
I guess we'll never know until it's too late
Well done
'RS
|
An excellent rhymed, metered poem
created by a fine, working brain
Of course, to many drinks may interfere
with ones ability to think
I guess we'll never know until it's too late
Well done
'RS
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
Comment from misscookie
Now this is a poem I can truly relate to
Your words are right on point the only difference with my thought
It some time hard for me to think
since my stroke I don't know who to believe
So I do what ever doesn't upset me and I'm completely please
Cookie
|
Now this is a poem I can truly relate to
Your words are right on point the only difference with my thought
It some time hard for me to think
since my stroke I don't know who to believe
So I do what ever doesn't upset me and I'm completely please
Cookie
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
