Reviews from

A Truck Load Of Hard Times!

Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Snake-bit!"
Events In The Seventh Year Of The Authors Life

35 total reviews 
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Excellent
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Your installments Bill are quite exhilarating. Billy gets into a bit of trouble just like you do now lol. Loved that you didn't die, that your belief system is so strong and you are here now to tell the tale! Awesome! xx d

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
    Awe, Babee! Getting into trouble--"Don't bother me." It's getting whooped on my ass that hurts--Ouch!" Wanna be my special guest at the grand opening of the movie? I'll buy you a big ole bag of popcorn--"And some moonshine whiskey." Of course, you'll need to loan me a dollar. Thanks again, "For reading my work." "Sweet dreams, Babee!"
    xx Bill
reply by kiwigirl2821 on 14-Feb-2018
    Only a dollar? Now that's some kind of cheap Moonshine! Never mind one swallow near the end of the movie so I don't pass out ... oh what? You didn't know I can't handle my moonshine? By the time this movie is made, you'll have a parcel of dates, I call next to the Bill! lol Did you know popcorn over here doesn't even come with butter!? Nor hot! so yep on the popcorn. It's a date! xx d
reply by kiwigirl2821 on 14-Feb-2018
    ummmmhummmm excuse me? Who creamed your butt when you got a whopping!? I remember the switch and that ugly thing stung! Oh you didn't know I was a farmgirl or more exactly my parents raised quarter horses and rented stalls to them that had horses ... R C Cola and a powerhouse candy bar were payment for mucking out stalls every Saturday ... :) d
Comment from kahpot
Excellent
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Yes very well written and hanging I am, I very much liked the part where the Boy asked his mama if she was proud of him for telling the truth, very well done, Sorry for late replies, been a bit under the weather, ****kahpot

 Comment Written 14-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
    Greetings, my dear friend!
    Thanks for the review and kind words. Hope you are feeling better. Best wishes for a great weekend.
    Mystery writer.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent
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That's gotta be the unluckiest kid around. First he falls into quicksand, and then gets bitten by a poisonous snake. God should send an angel to fly over his head 24/7. :)

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2018
    Hi, Phyllis!
    Great hearing from you. Thanks for the review and kind words, both are an honor!
Comment from Winslow
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I assume this is a true story so you survived.LOL You write using the language of a small boy. You must really love your grandpa. Fun rendition of a lad's rural experiences.

Regards,

Winslow

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 11-Feb-2018
    Greetings, Winslow!
    Great hearing from you. Thanks for the review, kind words and taking the time to read my work. All of which are an honor!
Comment from Jackreese
Excellent
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I thought this was very well written and it kept my attention from start to finish. I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary and really enjoyed the read.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
    Greetings, Jack!
    Thanks for the review and kind words. Both are an honor! Best wishes and God bless.
    Bill
Comment from MsPetra
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You've done a great job here. It takes a lot of effort to make something seem effortless. I didn't see anything that needed changing.
I had one little issue though. It seems like it's a little tilted toward a mans point of view in how the mother refers to her son. Every woman I know refers to her son as "My son" . They rarely call them "My little man". I wouldn't say never but, certainly not that often.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
    Greetings, my dear friend!
    Thanks for the review and kind words. Both are an honor!
    Bill
Comment from Rasmine
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Hello, Bill,

Funny-as-hell sentences:
I just knew I was gonna die, so I told Grandpa, 'I'm a-coming to see you'! -after me forgetting to feed them supper. Shee! Don't y'all tell my daddy. I said goodnight to all then headed off to bed.

I found a typo:
I did however, count twelve sheep as they leaped across the ole (isn't there suppose to be a ') cedar fence.

 Comment Written 10-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 10-Feb-2018
    Hello, Rasmine,
    OMG! I can't believe you took the time to read my work--A 'SALUTE'! Best wishes for a great weekend.
    Bill
reply by Rasmine on 11-Feb-2018
    Why wouldn't I? Oh! Because you never read mine, okay. :P
Comment from mmonaghan777
Excellent
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What an incredible chapter to add to your story. Yes you did leave me hanging and wanting for more. I love that you chose to honor parents and their wisdom. Please keep writing.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
    Greetings, my dear friend!
    Thank you for the review, kind words and taking the time to read my work. A "Salute," to you!"
    Bill
Comment from emptypage
Average
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The story is a bit disjointed, doesn't flow straight through, but it isn't horrible. The constant yelling, or the implied yelling that comes from the plethora of exclamation points--I counted twenty before I got bored with it--is maddening, though. Everything is not worthy of an exclamation point.

Here are some spags:

Inch by inch (comma) I moved through the quicksand, then crawled upon the hard ground.

"I guarantee you, that I will--if you don't!"--Lose the comma

You use dashes in place of everything: commas, periods, semi-colons. An example? "Aw, you are silver tongued like your grandpa used to be--my little man. Another example? "No, Ma'am--I didn't! Another example? As I reached to pick it up--I was snake bit! Another example? "Maybe if I just take a short nap, and don't panic--I'll be okay," I thought. Pretty much every time you use the dash, it is in place of correct punctuation. I think if you brush up on your punctuation rules, you won't need the dashes quite so often. Dashes are great when used correctly. You overuse them, and you use them instead of the needed punctuation.

Same story, different verse. Try a story with new characters and a new plot? Maybe?

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
    Hello, Emptypage!
    I'm satisfied with my story. Are you listening? Go write your own, "Smart mouth!"
    Bill
Comment from Sugarray77
Excellent
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This is a wonderful chapter in this ongoing family drama. You definitely left us hanging and I hope he survives. You have developed your characters very well and I'm enjoying this. Good luck with the movie.

 Comment Written 09-Feb-2018


reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
    Greetings, my dear friend!
    Thanks for the review and kind words. It is great hearing from you. Best wishes for a great weekend.
    Bill