Bittersweet Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Dead Ends"She's back ready for revenge.
8 total reviews
Comment from Sandollar
healthcare professionals are strictly cohered to.
Cohered is not exactly the right word here. I believe you meant adhere, So it will read as:
To which they must strictly adhere, or
by which they are bound.
I'm old school so for me it is:No ending sentences with prepositions such as to or by.
The story itself is very good. That is why your rating is a 5. It kept me engaged all the way through.
There are some punctuation errors:
"I'll hunt you down and kill you. I swear I will," he screams.
After will there should be either a period or an exclamation. If you use the exclamation point there is no need for the action tag "he screams"
I have a question. In this paragraph:
"Well, Lenny and Bernie were too. So I'm thinking our killer is getting justice for Jennie's death instead of getting revenge."
Who is Jennie? Is she another character who died as well as Jeanie?
As I said it's a very good chapter.
Looking forward to reading more.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
healthcare professionals are strictly cohered to.
Cohered is not exactly the right word here. I believe you meant adhere, So it will read as:
To which they must strictly adhere, or
by which they are bound.
I'm old school so for me it is:No ending sentences with prepositions such as to or by.
The story itself is very good. That is why your rating is a 5. It kept me engaged all the way through.
There are some punctuation errors:
"I'll hunt you down and kill you. I swear I will," he screams.
After will there should be either a period or an exclamation. If you use the exclamation point there is no need for the action tag "he screams"
I have a question. In this paragraph:
"Well, Lenny and Bernie were too. So I'm thinking our killer is getting justice for Jennie's death instead of getting revenge."
Who is Jennie? Is she another character who died as well as Jeanie?
As I said it's a very good chapter.
Looking forward to reading more.
Sandollar
Comment Written 24-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind, helpful review. I'm glad you liked it, want to read more. You're right, adhere is better.
Jeanie is Rachel's real mom. Rachel and her cousin Emma was taking away from Jeanie because she was unfit. Rachel stayed with her real dad and stepmom, Bonnie. Emma was sent to her great aunt and uncle's house. Jeanie was found dead shortly after, she overdosed. Each of the victims has her in common.
I hope that helped. If not please let me know.
Thank you again for your nice review, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello MistyDawn
Now I'm waiting to see if the man she met while looking for her spare key is going to be her next victim.
Smiles you really know how to keep your mystery
crime story very intriguing for us and the poor detectives
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
Hello MistyDawn
Now I'm waiting to see if the man she met while looking for her spare key is going to be her next victim.
Smiles you really know how to keep your mystery
crime story very intriguing for us and the poor detectives
Gert
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and your encouraging words. With this killer, you never know who might be next.
Thank you again for all your support it means a lot to me, take care, you wino you, just teasing.
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Smiles MistyDawn
You are welcome. I must say I like the taste of vintage wine.
Gert
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I get tipsy after two small glasses.
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Smiles you and I would make a good pair
My tipsy head will only tolerate only one glass.
Gert
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
So Rachel's name has materialised in the course of the investigations. A matter of time...?
"And you thought army coffee is bad."- I think it should be was rather than is here to preserve the tense.
The scene with the stranger and her reaction to him didn't strike me as authentic given what has just transpired and her history.
he closes the neon's door - if that's the make of car it should be capitalised.
I hate to ask, but its routine - it's.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
hi there,
So Rachel's name has materialised in the course of the investigations. A matter of time...?
"And you thought army coffee is bad."- I think it should be was rather than is here to preserve the tense.
The scene with the stranger and her reaction to him didn't strike me as authentic given what has just transpired and her history.
he closes the neon's door - if that's the make of car it should be capitalised.
I hate to ask, but its routine - it's.
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind helpful review. I believe Rachel's name has come up at least once a chapter. Is that who you think did it?
I can still see where it just doesn't quite fit but taking it out will mess up my plan. Guess I need to rethink it through.
Thank you again for reviews, all your help and support, take care.
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You commented on the killer's reaction to a strange man and of course your right. So this is what I did. I added her thoughts about her beloved Jerad, how he made her feel this way. How the stranger reminded her of him. If you read the next chapter, I follow up with this, what happened to Jerad and what caused the killing spree.
Hope this makes better sense if it doesn't please let me know. I do appreciate all your helpful suggestions, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So it is Rachel. Knew it!
Good question about why Pam would miss a man who beat her. People get used to the way things are and can miss it when it changes, mainly because change itself is upsetting. I heard of a patient with years of back pain finally being cured, who became severely depressed because he MISSED his constant companion--pain. People are strange creatures. :)
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
So it is Rachel. Knew it!
Good question about why Pam would miss a man who beat her. People get used to the way things are and can miss it when it changes, mainly because change itself is upsetting. I heard of a patient with years of back pain finally being cured, who became severely depressed because he MISSED his constant companion--pain. People are strange creatures. :)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your great review and all your support. Humans are strange creatures, for sure. I think some woman think they deserve it other suffer from Stockholm syndrome. Either way, it's sad. The problem is no one can help them until they want it. Usually, ending in either murder or suicide.
Thank you again for all your support, take care.
Comment from apky
Uh-oh. I think Rachel's carelessnes with those soiled clothes will be her undoing if she's not careful soon enough.
This was very well written, Misty. Your usual clever intrigues were slotted in just in the right places and you egged the reader along and hit them with a shocker just at the right moment. I really enjoyed this.
Warmest,
Aki
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
Uh-oh. I think Rachel's carelessnes with those soiled clothes will be her undoing if she's not careful soon enough.
This was very well written, Misty. Your usual clever intrigues were slotted in just in the right places and you egged the reader along and hit them with a shocker just at the right moment. I really enjoyed this.
Warmest,
Aki
Comment Written 18-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review and all your support. You're right, if the clothes get into the wrong hands she can be in some major hot water.
Thank you so much for all your help and continuous support, it means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Fantastic is this episode, apparent dead ends, the mystery continues, thrill is interesting, crime never ends, let the detectives work for, success will come to them; w ell said, well done. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
Fantastic is this episode, apparent dead ends, the mystery continues, thrill is interesting, crime never ends, let the detectives work for, success will come to them; w ell said, well done. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your nice review and wonderful comments. It means a lot to a writer to read such high praise. Thank you again for all your support, take care.
Comment from Ricky1024
Dead ends well written Richard team as well as energy flood well read well with no grammar issues project an object the contents were both excellent friendly employees descriptor measures lined up perfectly thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
Dead ends well written Richard team as well as energy flood well read well with no grammar issues project an object the contents were both excellent friendly employees descriptor measures lined up perfectly thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your kind review I'm so glad you enjoyed it, take care.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I am almost amazed at how far your writing has come since I first started reading your stories on FanStory. I'll probably just hit and miss on this one unless I get a couple free days that I can go back from the beginning. But I'll be right there waiting for the next one to start. Great job! :-)
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
I am almost amazed at how far your writing has come since I first started reading your stories on FanStory. I'll probably just hit and miss on this one unless I get a couple free days that I can go back from the beginning. But I'll be right there waiting for the next one to start. Great job! :-)
Comment Written 17-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and your wonderful praise. It means a lot to me.
Do you like reading scripts? I'm not certain, but a script may follow this one. It'll be called Death by Delivery I already wrote one script, Lipstick Murder, it was fun.
Thanks again for your review and your support, take care.
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I don't read many scripts, but in truth, that is the reason I started writing in the first place. Way back when I was about 12 to 15, I wrote songs, about 700 to be exact. I also wrote a screen play. The writing terrible, but the story is good. I planned to polish it up and see what happened. Well, the first thing I wrote was published in the local newspaper. I was excited, but I guess it was't so good, because I ended up writing articles for more papers, some magazines, and became too busy to finish my movie script. I would still like to if I ever find time. Of course, since I'm now a FanStory addict, it's not a priority. I'll look forward to reading your scripts. :-)
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Did you ever add music to your songs? were any produced? Sounds like you've written a lot. That may be why you're having wrist problems, carpal tunnel or tendinitis. I was a nurse for over twenty years. I found a great video about scriptwriting on youtube. Youtube is my go-to for a lot of things. You can find out just about anything you ever wanted to know and things you didn't too.
It's Michael Hauge's master class. He breaks down scriptwriting into 6 basic steps. It's a little long but well worth the time. Time to get back to work, take care.
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Yes, there was music to all of my songs. I was under a retainer with Columbia records for over a year, waiting to release an album and two singles. Of course, at the end of the year, they wanted three of my songs for other artists to record. I was young and maybe a little over confident, and told them to stick their contract. It was almost ten-years later when RCA Victor came calling, but with the percentages they were offering, I wasn't interested. I learned many years later that all newbies are started off with contracts that pay tiny percentages, but I have no regrets. I just gave up music, played football, fought, bred and trained thoroughbred racehorses, owned hair salons, restaurants and bars, and dealt in real estate. So, what I'm saying is, I stayed busy and have lived a full life. I have had two carpal tunnel surgeries, but my last two wrist surgeries were to remove a row of bones that were crushed from boxing. Now you know my life story for what it's worth. :-)