Just Another Day
statement-question3 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Since your entry depends on clear statements and like questions, I suggest some punctuation and perhaps capitalization revisions:
Just another day
(o)f a price I have to pay(.)
Is it really just another day(,)
(o)r do I have something about which to pray?
I think sometimes it's just another day(,)
(w)ith more troubles on the way(.)
(C)ould there still be a chance of a lifetime?
Getting older, yet feeling I'm still in my prime? (Is this a question?)
I was born on a snow-covered night,
(e)arly in the morn, with stars alight(.)
Do you wish you remember when you were born(,)
(o)r would your memory be worn and torn?
We each were born with a name(;)
(n)o matter our differences, we are still the same(.)
I hope I haven't over-reviewed this, but I feel these revisions make it a better piece in this category. Happy day!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
  |
Since your entry depends on clear statements and like questions, I suggest some punctuation and perhaps capitalization revisions:
Just another day
(o)f a price I have to pay(.)
Is it really just another day(,)
(o)r do I have something about which to pray?
I think sometimes it's just another day(,)
(w)ith more troubles on the way(.)
(C)ould there still be a chance of a lifetime?
Getting older, yet feeling I'm still in my prime? (Is this a question?)
I was born on a snow-covered night,
(e)arly in the morn, with stars alight(.)
Do you wish you remember when you were born(,)
(o)r would your memory be worn and torn?
We each were born with a name(;)
(n)o matter our differences, we are still the same(.)
I hope I haven't over-reviewed this, but I feel these revisions make it a better piece in this category. Happy day!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
-
Dear Bill, Thank you for your comments and reviews.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Statement - Question' writing prompt.
Well done. I've not done anything like this before, interesting structure.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
|
I think this is a good entry for the 'Statement - Question' writing prompt.
Well done. I've not done anything like this before, interesting structure.
Good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
-
Dear Sharon, Thank you for your comments and review. The idea for making it into a contest came to me while I was writing the poem. Dove
Comment from tfawcus
Happy birthday! Birthdays can indeed be a time of reflection, especially those milestones that remind us of the passing of another five or ten years. Your poetic form works rather well in developing this internal dialogue and musing.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
|
Happy birthday! Birthdays can indeed be a time of reflection, especially those milestones that remind us of the passing of another five or ten years. Your poetic form works rather well in developing this internal dialogue and musing.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
-
Dear tfawcus, Thank you for your comments and review. Dove
