Oblivion
Time to pay10 total reviews
Comment from Edwin Hofert
Is Wowzer a word? Where I come from Wowzer is a word and it's for when people like me have no other words to describe something. Ver. Very impressive.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Is Wowzer a word? Where I come from Wowzer is a word and it's for when people like me have no other words to describe something. Ver. Very impressive.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you for dropping by again Edwin and for giving such a great, encouraging review. I?m extremely grateful that you took the time and for the 6 stars.
Think I might have to use the word ?Wowzer ? in the very near future : )
Comment from Ulla
Wow, this is a great flash with a lot of action and a lot of tragedy. So all came out in the wash after all. It had an impressive ending. Great imagery. I liked your flash a lot.
You need double space after the paragraph ending 'asphalt below.'
Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Wow, this is a great flash with a lot of action and a lot of tragedy. So all came out in the wash after all. It had an impressive ending. Great imagery. I liked your flash a lot.
You need double space after the paragraph ending 'asphalt below.'
Good luck in the contest. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you very much for your encouraging review and for picking up on my grammar faux pas. I will amend. Thanks again : )
Comment from dracofelsinensis
This one got my interest right from the start, held it and left me pondering so many things!
How does the narrator (a woman, I presume) know Hislop has taken his life and that it really is all her fault? Has she seen newspaper/TV coverage and heard of his diary?
How did Hislop convince the police he hadn't murdered their boss without mentioning her? Did Hislop understand her feelings about the boss, who may have been a tyrant or sexually molested her? He stayed for another five years but made no attempt to blackmail her or even talk about it.
I liked the ending: your final long paragraph, with everything closing in noisily and fast, then a slow-motion ending with lightness, release, escape, an end to the anxiety and guilt.
Maybe I would have broken your third para' (the long one) into two before "The next day we were ..."
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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This one got my interest right from the start, held it and left me pondering so many things!
How does the narrator (a woman, I presume) know Hislop has taken his life and that it really is all her fault? Has she seen newspaper/TV coverage and heard of his diary?
How did Hislop convince the police he hadn't murdered their boss without mentioning her? Did Hislop understand her feelings about the boss, who may have been a tyrant or sexually molested her? He stayed for another five years but made no attempt to blackmail her or even talk about it.
I liked the ending: your final long paragraph, with everything closing in noisily and fast, then a slow-motion ending with lightness, release, escape, an end to the anxiety and guilt.
Maybe I would have broken your third para' (the long one) into two before "The next day we were ..."
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you. Your review is exactly the kind I like. In flash fiction it is so hard to eneact every outcome so there are always questions and different possible scenarios/endings.
I will look at the paragraph you have suggested I might change. Your encouragement is appreciated. Thank you so much : )
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
This is a great suspenseful bit of a tale. The secret was held for so long, except for within the pages of his diary. Wonderfully paced and completely delicious. I wish you well in the contest,
~patty~
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi there;
This is a great suspenseful bit of a tale. The secret was held for so long, except for within the pages of his diary. Wonderfully paced and completely delicious. I wish you well in the contest,
~patty~
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your encouraging review and rating. Both are very much appreciated : )
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hopefully your female protagonist lives in a home much taller than a two story house, Kaz.
Now THAT would have been a surprise ending, LOL.
You've built the tension well by insinuating that Kenneth Hislop could tell the police what he'd seen that day at any time.
There is no statue of limitations for murder, as we all know.
He did "spill the beans" unknowingly by recording the events of that fateful day in his diary. Had it not been for that, she would have gotten away with murdering her boss.
Good flash fiction, very well done.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hopefully your female protagonist lives in a home much taller than a two story house, Kaz.
Now THAT would have been a surprise ending, LOL.
You've built the tension well by insinuating that Kenneth Hislop could tell the police what he'd seen that day at any time.
There is no statue of limitations for murder, as we all know.
He did "spill the beans" unknowingly by recording the events of that fateful day in his diary. Had it not been for that, she would have gotten away with murdering her boss.
Good flash fiction, very well done.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Haha...where we live in the UK a property with a balcony is more likely to be in a high rise building, but I see your point.
Thank you for the great review and rating, as always much appreciated : )
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You know I'm only teasing you, right, Kazzawin?
But it is a funny scenario to ponder over, LOL.
My pleasure. :)
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Of course.... : )
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
That's a great opening. very intriguing right from the off.
It may be an idea to separate out your paragraphs with a clear line between for clarity.
tap in the wash room - washroom can be one word.
Good depth of story for such a short piece and the ending is very poetic.
very nice piece.
GMG
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
That's a great opening. very intriguing right from the off.
It may be an idea to separate out your paragraphs with a clear line between for clarity.
tap in the wash room - washroom can be one word.
Good depth of story for such a short piece and the ending is very poetic.
very nice piece.
GMG
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your encouraging review and for the tips. I will certainly look at it again with your suggestions in mind. Many thanks : )
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 'Flash Fiction - A Secret' writing prompt.
Good story told in a few words.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 'Flash Fiction - A Secret' writing prompt.
Good story told in a few words.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your encouraging review and rating. Both are much appreciated : )
Comment from Quantum Traveler
This is Outstanding I was sucked in from the beginning to the very end.
This is so Refreshing and Unique I was Absorbed in the Action and Drama and felt the thunder and lightning from the gods of Earth, Wind, Fire and Rain even as you flew off into oblivion.
Excellent ending to a great Mini-Story...Kudos...Kazzawin...Quantum Traveler...Phil
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This is Outstanding I was sucked in from the beginning to the very end.
This is so Refreshing and Unique I was Absorbed in the Action and Drama and felt the thunder and lightning from the gods of Earth, Wind, Fire and Rain even as you flew off into oblivion.
Excellent ending to a great Mini-Story...Kudos...Kazzawin...Quantum Traveler...Phil
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Wow...thank you so much for your enthusiastic and very encouraging review. Also, honoured to receive 6 stars. They are truly appreciated : )
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This was great it takes something special to keep me tuned in to the very end...Q.T...Phil.
Comment from humpwhistle
It's difficult to tell a story that spans decades
without resorting to exposition. Telling, not showing.
For what it's worth, I think shorter stories
work better for short word counts.
Just a thought.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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It's difficult to tell a story that spans decades
without resorting to exposition. Telling, not showing.
For what it's worth, I think shorter stories
work better for short word counts.
Just a thought.
Best of luck.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review and rating. Both are much appreciated : )
Comment from doggymad
This is flash fiction at it's best. Great opening with the protagonist suffering from a guilty conscience.
The entire work leaves the reader wondering if there is a secret that has been deliberately omitted to capture the imagination.
The end is strong and unexpected
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This is flash fiction at it's best. Great opening with the protagonist suffering from a guilty conscience.
The entire work leaves the reader wondering if there is a secret that has been deliberately omitted to capture the imagination.
The end is strong and unexpected
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your insightful and encouraging review. I?m honoured to receive six stars too, very much appreciated : )
