Spider and the Fly
A fable38 total reviews
Comment from rjuselius
haha. lol. this is an entertaining piece of poetry and i can't seem to choose which one i am rooting for. very well written and elegantly put together.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a hearty squeeze!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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haha. lol. this is an entertaining piece of poetry and i can't seem to choose which one i am rooting for. very well written and elegantly put together.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a hearty squeeze!
rebekka x
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your time and lovely review!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Just remember the female spider eats the male! So beware of the spider my friend, or should I say females! Just kidding with you, your poem is intriguing with twists and turns and the message is clear, watch your back! Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Just remember the female spider eats the male! So beware of the spider my friend, or should I say females! Just kidding with you, your poem is intriguing with twists and turns and the message is clear, watch your back! Love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your time and lovely review!
Comment from Gulbahar Sidhu
A delightful poem full of beautiful imagery and hidden lessons of life. Its always a pleasure to read. Hoping to read more of your creations.
The flow of the poem appears quite natural and the writing style is engaging. CONGRATS FOR THE LOVELY POEM AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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A delightful poem full of beautiful imagery and hidden lessons of life. Its always a pleasure to read. Hoping to read more of your creations.
The flow of the poem appears quite natural and the writing style is engaging. CONGRATS FOR THE LOVELY POEM AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your time and lovely review!
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
I love this in my eyes it is perfect so much so I am becoming a fan and bookmarking you right now! This had me hooked from the very beginning in your brilliant first stanza, very much like a fly to a spider! I am now caught in your web of brilliant wording I offer no ideas for change this is incredible. Well done I can't wait to see more of your work kind regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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I love this in my eyes it is perfect so much so I am becoming a fan and bookmarking you right now! This had me hooked from the very beginning in your brilliant first stanza, very much like a fly to a spider! I am now caught in your web of brilliant wording I offer no ideas for change this is incredible. Well done I can't wait to see more of your work kind regards Meia xx
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Wow! A six! I am so honored. Thank you.
Comment from Neonewman
Are you kidding me, this piece is crafted quite well my friend. The flow was like butter melting on a biscuit. You may need to change just one little part. "
"My are lovers are few"
Brilliant write.
God bless
Steve
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Are you kidding me, this piece is crafted quite well my friend. The flow was like butter melting on a biscuit. You may need to change just one little part. "
"My are lovers are few"
Brilliant write.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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You are right, that was a typo. I have fixed it. Thanks so much!
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My pleasure, loved this piece.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Shed a tear for the Spider,
The Fly got away--
it's web torn to tatters;
a ferocious, foul fray.
So that tireless weaver
stitches and mends;
an elegant pattern
of love and revenge.
And still the Fly hums,
and bangs all about.
The small black reminder
of a spider without.
An erstwhile victim
reliving the thrill
of being the hunted,
and dodging the kill.
Fly calls to the Spider
"You tried, but you missed.
I'm a little bit wiser
Than those others you've kissed!"
In response, chides the Spider:
"Oh, my, was that you?
My victims are many
My are lovers are few."
As darkness descends
the web disappears.
A pregnant twilight
filled with hunger and fear.
And just like the kitten
in its saucer of milk,
the wings of the Fly
Twist into the silk.
Gracefully dancing
to taught strings being struck,
the Spider descends
to measure its luck.
The Fly, all cocooned
looks up and begs sweetly;
"I'm already ruined--
Destroy me completely!"
"Maybe I'll eat you,
perhaps I will not.
I haven't decided
What I'll do since you're caught.
Just rest assured
its out of your hands.
So just stick around--
don't you spoil my plans"
Thus ends the story.
Pray tell, who am I?
Some say the Spider,
tho' some say the Fly.
Did I break free of the web
to just fly back inside?
Or did I wait quiet,
to safeguard my pride?
Am I the one choosing
the flesh that I feast?
Or have I been chosen
by some beautiful beast?
Did I fashion the web?
Do I twist in its lies?
Or is love like the morning,
in a brilliant disguise?
Nice work, Clockwise.
I mainly just added punctuation although there are a few subtle changes for impact.
Well done,
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Shed a tear for the Spider,
The Fly got away--
it's web torn to tatters;
a ferocious, foul fray.
So that tireless weaver
stitches and mends;
an elegant pattern
of love and revenge.
And still the Fly hums,
and bangs all about.
The small black reminder
of a spider without.
An erstwhile victim
reliving the thrill
of being the hunted,
and dodging the kill.
Fly calls to the Spider
"You tried, but you missed.
I'm a little bit wiser
Than those others you've kissed!"
In response, chides the Spider:
"Oh, my, was that you?
My victims are many
My are lovers are few."
As darkness descends
the web disappears.
A pregnant twilight
filled with hunger and fear.
And just like the kitten
in its saucer of milk,
the wings of the Fly
Twist into the silk.
Gracefully dancing
to taught strings being struck,
the Spider descends
to measure its luck.
The Fly, all cocooned
looks up and begs sweetly;
"I'm already ruined--
Destroy me completely!"
"Maybe I'll eat you,
perhaps I will not.
I haven't decided
What I'll do since you're caught.
Just rest assured
its out of your hands.
So just stick around--
don't you spoil my plans"
Thus ends the story.
Pray tell, who am I?
Some say the Spider,
tho' some say the Fly.
Did I break free of the web
to just fly back inside?
Or did I wait quiet,
to safeguard my pride?
Am I the one choosing
the flesh that I feast?
Or have I been chosen
by some beautiful beast?
Did I fashion the web?
Do I twist in its lies?
Or is love like the morning,
in a brilliant disguise?
Nice work, Clockwise.
I mainly just added punctuation although there are a few subtle changes for impact.
Well done,
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thanks for the wonderful suggestions, this was exactly what I was hoping for! I have implemented many of your suggestions, I am in your debt. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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No worries, Clockwise. I'm just glad I could be of some help.
Happy writing!
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Gotta love the riddle in this one. It is hard to tell who the 'voice' is in the piece. I think its the spider because the web is the star. Well done, and good luck in the contest,
A nit; 'My are lovers are few"' (this line doesn't make sense)
~patty~
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Hi there;
Gotta love the riddle in this one. It is hard to tell who the 'voice' is in the piece. I think its the spider because the web is the star. Well done, and good luck in the contest,
A nit; 'My are lovers are few"' (this line doesn't make sense)
~patty~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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You are right, that was a typo. I have fixed it. Thanks so much!
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is well written and well rhymed.
A good story involving the reader.
Well done.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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I think this is well written and well rhymed.
A good story involving the reader.
Well done.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for your time and lovely review!
