Detective Monroe
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Time for a stakeout"Serial murderer and Detective have a commonality
5 total reviews
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
A story about stake outs is ever interesting, funny but risky as the nature of job; so well expressed, thrilling and enterprising has been the hub of this work I enjoyed the read. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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A story about stake outs is ever interesting, funny but risky as the nature of job; so well expressed, thrilling and enterprising has been the hub of this work I enjoyed the read. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 04-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
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Thank you so so much for feedback. i am glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
An unsuccessful stakeout and a fast escape for Tommy & Claire.
something good will come out of this horrific serial killings.- these rather than this as it's plural.
The room is quiet as Monroe started to speak - I think it should be starts to preserve the tense.
Tommy is relieved that his sister is at the shelter - you already mentioned the relief earlier in the paragraph so this comes across a bit repetitive.
but how did she get there. - this needs a question mark.
The Nun answered the door and led Tommy down the hall to the room his sister was staying. When he got to the door Claire looked at him,- this has gone to past tense.
"Claire I am glad you are okay" - need end punctuation before the closing speech marks.
bloody knife in his hand. He ran out the door" - same thing here.
If Monroe believes, Claire knows - no need for the comma here.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
An unsuccessful stakeout and a fast escape for Tommy & Claire.
something good will come out of this horrific serial killings.- these rather than this as it's plural.
The room is quiet as Monroe started to speak - I think it should be starts to preserve the tense.
Tommy is relieved that his sister is at the shelter - you already mentioned the relief earlier in the paragraph so this comes across a bit repetitive.
but how did she get there. - this needs a question mark.
The Nun answered the door and led Tommy down the hall to the room his sister was staying. When he got to the door Claire looked at him,- this has gone to past tense.
"Claire I am glad you are okay" - need end punctuation before the closing speech marks.
bloody knife in his hand. He ran out the door" - same thing here.
If Monroe believes, Claire knows - no need for the comma here.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for your feedback and I will make the changes I really appreciate everything.
Comment from kathleenspalding
I hovered between a four and five for this. Five because this is an interesting chapter and I like the plot and twists. Four because it needs to be gone over for verb tense (Are you writing your story in present or past tense? Both are used here.), and there is a lot of telling instead of showing. Also, for a smoother and more natural read, use more verb contractions, like didn't instead of did not.
Happy New Year and Good luck with your book!
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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I hovered between a four and five for this. Five because this is an interesting chapter and I like the plot and twists. Four because it needs to be gone over for verb tense (Are you writing your story in present or past tense? Both are used here.), and there is a lot of telling instead of showing. Also, for a smoother and more natural read, use more verb contractions, like didn't instead of did not.
Happy New Year and Good luck with your book!
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your feedback. There is times when I go back and forth on verb tense and the contractions, I will fix that. thank you again for your feedback.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I really enjoy reading your story. The story line is very good. Unfortunately, your first paragraph is written in present tense, the third paragraph in written is passed tense. You need to decide which tense you want your story in and remain that tense. I'll worry about the rest later.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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I really enjoy reading your story. The story line is very good. Unfortunately, your first paragraph is written in present tense, the third paragraph in written is passed tense. You need to decide which tense you want your story in and remain that tense. I'll worry about the rest later.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for some reason I do that a lot and will fix it thank you
Comment from Ricky1024
This well written piece reminds you of my 4 Series about two separate serial killers as a father who then creates a child who he thought he killed who he didn't becomes a serial killer by Kim called House at the End of the Street it's in my portfolio yours was well written as well which it seems as well as imagery flowed well read well no grammar issues and great scripture measures thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This well written piece reminds you of my 4 Series about two separate serial killers as a father who then creates a child who he thought he killed who he didn't becomes a serial killer by Kim called House at the End of the Street it's in my portfolio yours was well written as well which it seems as well as imagery flowed well read well no grammar issues and great scripture measures thanks for this talk to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your feedback I really appreciate it
