Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Chapter Achtzehn part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
24 total reviews
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed reading the post. Excellent continuation. You certainly can balance your wide cast of characters. I really like how you've woven parts of Judaism into the story, which I feel is going to play and important part in the novel as the plot unfolds.
take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
  |
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed reading the post. Excellent continuation. You certainly can balance your wide cast of characters. I really like how you've woven parts of Judaism into the story, which I feel is going to play and important part in the novel as the plot unfolds.
take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
-
It sure will. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Sis Cat
Barbara, always a wonderful read. You continue the momentum of this chapter along three lines:
1. Anderson's and Shana's budding relationship
2. The case of the stolen painting
3. Shana's Jewish heritage and whether or not Anderson would be approved by her parents.
It is telling that the chapter ends with Anderson searching for Kosher food for the family.He is accommodating and helpful, reminding me of ties I made accommodations with or celebrated Shabbat with Jewish friends to honor their traditions and cultures.
I love how you weave all of these story threads together, creating an engaging and informative read.
The only spag is in the notes containing this: Children�?�¢??s
If you can, see Ridley Scott's new film "All the Money in the World" about the world's richest man at the time, oil tycoon J Paul Getty, who loved collecting art more than he loved saving his kidnapped grandson. Movie provides a fascinating perspective on wealth an art.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you a happy New Year.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
 |
Barbara, always a wonderful read. You continue the momentum of this chapter along three lines:
1. Anderson's and Shana's budding relationship
2. The case of the stolen painting
3. Shana's Jewish heritage and whether or not Anderson would be approved by her parents.
It is telling that the chapter ends with Anderson searching for Kosher food for the family.He is accommodating and helpful, reminding me of ties I made accommodations with or celebrated Shabbat with Jewish friends to honor their traditions and cultures.
I love how you weave all of these story threads together, creating an engaging and informative read.
The only spag is in the notes containing this: Children�?�¢??s
If you can, see Ridley Scott's new film "All the Money in the World" about the world's richest man at the time, oil tycoon J Paul Getty, who loved collecting art more than he loved saving his kidnapped grandson. Movie provides a fascinating perspective on wealth an art.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you a happy New Year.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
-
I will check the notes out. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
Your prose has a very easy flow to it. The dialogue is natural and differentiated by the character. Shana's dialogue is further differentiated by the one she is speaking to: There is a more authoritarian sound to it when she's speaking to Anderson, and more submissive when to her father. Benjamin's dialogue has a clipped, short choppy feel to it, while Anderson's is flowing and confident. You do a marvelous job with dialogue, you know.
Following Anderson's question from the last chapter seems to show an interest in Shana that goes beyond learning about Judaism. I sense a romance abloom.
A few yards from where the jet had landed an armored limousine waited their arrival. [This sentence gave me pause, Barbara, and I had to read it several times to see why. It may be a tad picky, but by adding "their arrival" it sounds as though they haven't arrived yet. I would have you consider whether "their arrival" is even necessary.]
His gaze darted in every direction, ensuring Shana's safety. [The first half of this sentence shows his caution and his concern, so I don't know that it's important to tell the reader why he was doing it.]
Anderson asked, "Have you noticed anybody suspicious?" [In my opinion, you should mention the person to whom Anderson is directing his question. With both Paul and Hannah there, it isn't clear. Also, the person who answers him in the next paragraph goes unidentified, so the reader gets no help.]
"Why?" Paul's eyebrows rose. [Great! Using a physical action to connote his skepticism.]
I really enjoyed reading this. Now I wish I had continued to read it all along, but I have too many irons in the fire and don't spend as much time on F.S. as I used to. Forgive me.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
|
Your prose has a very easy flow to it. The dialogue is natural and differentiated by the character. Shana's dialogue is further differentiated by the one she is speaking to: There is a more authoritarian sound to it when she's speaking to Anderson, and more submissive when to her father. Benjamin's dialogue has a clipped, short choppy feel to it, while Anderson's is flowing and confident. You do a marvelous job with dialogue, you know.
Following Anderson's question from the last chapter seems to show an interest in Shana that goes beyond learning about Judaism. I sense a romance abloom.
A few yards from where the jet had landed an armored limousine waited their arrival. [This sentence gave me pause, Barbara, and I had to read it several times to see why. It may be a tad picky, but by adding "their arrival" it sounds as though they haven't arrived yet. I would have you consider whether "their arrival" is even necessary.]
His gaze darted in every direction, ensuring Shana's safety. [The first half of this sentence shows his caution and his concern, so I don't know that it's important to tell the reader why he was doing it.]
Anderson asked, "Have you noticed anybody suspicious?" [In my opinion, you should mention the person to whom Anderson is directing his question. With both Paul and Hannah there, it isn't clear. Also, the person who answers him in the next paragraph goes unidentified, so the reader gets no help.]
"Why?" Paul's eyebrows rose. [Great! Using a physical action to connote his skepticism.]
I really enjoyed reading this. Now I wish I had continued to read it all along, but I have too many irons in the fire and don't spend as much time on F.S. as I used to. Forgive me.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
-
I have made the necessary corrections. Thank you for the help. I appreciate it.
-
Thank you for accepting the help so graciously.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara;
Well, I'm glad Shana was able to attend to a family emergency in spite of the intrigue. I do hope there isn't any nonsense at the hospital, but since there is an opening to get to Shana...
Thank you for sharing so much information about the Jewish faith and the subject of intermarriage. As a Catholic who grew up in an all Jewish neighborhood, I'm familiar with much of it, but I imagine it is quite an education for some.
A nit: 'Before the lady's(ladies) finished'
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
|
Hi, Barbara;
Well, I'm glad Shana was able to attend to a family emergency in spite of the intrigue. I do hope there isn't any nonsense at the hospital, but since there is an opening to get to Shana...
Thank you for sharing so much information about the Jewish faith and the subject of intermarriage. As a Catholic who grew up in an all Jewish neighborhood, I'm familiar with much of it, but I imagine it is quite an education for some.
A nit: 'Before the lady's(ladies) finished'
Looking forward to more,
~patty~
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
-
I have fixed ladies. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from rama devi
Good chapter segment. Drew me in, held my attention. Fine dialog-driven pacing. Fine characterization. Fine descriptive detail. Fine sentence mechanics. Just two spag nits to note:
*
"Father, I didn't tell you about coming because;(No ; here) the decision was made after Hannah called this morning.
* Moments later(,) a nurse opened it.
Good POV and internal dialog too.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
Good chapter segment. Drew me in, held my attention. Fine dialog-driven pacing. Fine characterization. Fine descriptive detail. Fine sentence mechanics. Just two spag nits to note:
*
"Father, I didn't tell you about coming because;(No ; here) the decision was made after Hannah called this morning.
* Moments later(,) a nurse opened it.
Good POV and internal dialog too.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you once again for the help. I worked really hard to get the comma correct and still messed up. Thank you.
Comment from Ben Colder
The Jewish religion is something to be admired. Amazing how things over the years. So much unrest there. Shana is very blessed. Best to you Barbara.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
The Jewish religion is something to be admired. Amazing how things over the years. So much unrest there. Shana is very blessed. Best to you Barbara.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. Our Christian religion is founded in Judaism.
-
Yep. Thank God for Jesus.
-
I would be lousy Jewish wife. I couldn't keep all my food kosher. I'd be a mess. LOL
Comment from judiverse
This is really interesting. I like your details about the Jewish faith, but you don't overdo it. Great characterizations. Anderson sure travels in style. For all his wealth, he seems very thoughtful and considerate. Shana has a lot to deal with, but she does her best to hold up under the stress, especially from the menacing Russians. This is going great. As a reader, I expect there will be peaks in the action and then sometimes lulls. Those lulls are usually when a character gets caught off-guard. Excellent work with your story. judi
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
This is really interesting. I like your details about the Jewish faith, but you don't overdo it. Great characterizations. Anderson sure travels in style. For all his wealth, he seems very thoughtful and considerate. Shana has a lot to deal with, but she does her best to hold up under the stress, especially from the menacing Russians. This is going great. As a reader, I expect there will be peaks in the action and then sometimes lulls. Those lulls are usually when a character gets caught off-guard. Excellent work with your story. judi
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for understanding. I was writing over this break and have probably an equal number of posts with lulls and action. The lulls usually build the scene and gives information the reader needs to know and understand about the character. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're welcome. Your background information is so great. Have a wonderful new year. judi
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I forget why they are stopping at the children's hospital. When you wait a week between chapters, the story is really hard to follow. You might want to post twice per week in the future.
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
I forget why they are stopping at the children's hospital. When you wait a week between chapters, the story is really hard to follow. You might want to post twice per week in the future.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. I don't even have time to turn on my computer during the work week. I don't get home until about 5:30 then fix dinner, by the time I get the dishes done and the kitchen cleaned it's bed time. I get up between 4:30 and 5:00 in the morning. I'm sorry. The reason they are at the children's hospital is because Shana's niece, her BFF and cousin has Tay-Sachs disease. I thought I gave enough of the previous chapter to remind people. I will check it out. By the way, school starts tomorrow.
-
School! You have my deepest sympathies. LOL! :)
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, Barbara, :)
Happy New Year to you, too. I hope everything goes well for you. :)
I found one typo in your description of the characters:
Lawyer hired (to) retrieve the painting
Good chapter. :)
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
Hello, Barbara, :)
Happy New Year to you, too. I hope everything goes well for you. :)
I found one typo in your description of the characters:
Lawyer hired (to) retrieve the painting
Good chapter. :)
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. I fixed the typo. I hope you have a Happy New Year.
Comment from Ricky1024
This is why rating rich and seeing as well as imagery float about Red Robin no Gramercy so to speak eject an object to Constance firmly in place an excellent descriptive measures aligned perfectly thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
|
This is why rating rich and seeing as well as imagery float about Red Robin no Gramercy so to speak eject an object to Constance firmly in place an excellent descriptive measures aligned perfectly thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Jan-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. I hope you have wonderful New Year!
