Lipstick Murders
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Anna's Escape"Being wronged by her husband, Anna seeks revenge.
9 total reviews
Comment from Natali Holden
I'm really furious with Mike. No one treats my favorite character like that and gets away with it. At least Anna knows how to deal with it. She even used the people after her to help her. She's very smart. It's not that I like that she's killing people, but I like that she's standing up for herself and not letting anyone treat her like trash. Keep up the excellent writing!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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I'm really furious with Mike. No one treats my favorite character like that and gets away with it. At least Anna knows how to deal with it. She even used the people after her to help her. She's very smart. It's not that I like that she's killing people, but I like that she's standing up for herself and not letting anyone treat her like trash. Keep up the excellent writing!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 08-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your review. Oh Mike got what he deserved a trip to the state pen courtesy of Anna, lol. In the longer, 120 pg version of this, she set him up to make it look like he killed all of them. Anna and Sparky moved to a new town. "New town, new victims" she laughs like she lost her mind.
Thank you so much for all your support and your encouragement. You made me less fearful of trying something new.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
As you promised, you have kept your words.
Truly Anna is really a fascinating character.
This is so compact, realistic, brief and to the point work.
I liked.
DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
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As you promised, you have kept your words.
Truly Anna is really a fascinating character.
This is so compact, realistic, brief and to the point work.
I liked.
DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 27-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
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I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I liked Anna so much I changed the entire last half just to keep her alive. Who knows she might come back and kill again.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, and for all your support, it means a lot to me. I look forward to hearing from you again, take care.
Comment from apky
Another great read.
The only thing I didn't get was why Ann would 1) use Mike's phone; 2) bother to throw it into the lake - whoever received that pseudo SOS call from Ann will have registered it's Mike's phone...
Go ahead and go to the cops. When they arrest me I'll tell them you killed your wife and (her?) lover.
No wonder they think your(you're) such a hard ass.
Well, your(you're) not a teenager, and I'm not your girl.
Climbing out of the car, the detectives walk over to the group. ~ format in italics like you've done above in order to be consistent.
I'll be damned if some snot-nosed(I don't know if this is how you write it in American English, but in British English it's "snotty-nosed") teen tries to do my job, or some rookie tells me to chill.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
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Another great read.
The only thing I didn't get was why Ann would 1) use Mike's phone; 2) bother to throw it into the lake - whoever received that pseudo SOS call from Ann will have registered it's Mike's phone...
Go ahead and go to the cops. When they arrest me I'll tell them you killed your wife and (her?) lover.
No wonder they think your(you're) such a hard ass.
Well, your(you're) not a teenager, and I'm not your girl.
Climbing out of the car, the detectives walk over to the group. ~ format in italics like you've done above in order to be consistent.
I'll be damned if some snot-nosed(I don't know if this is how you write it in American English, but in British English it's "snotty-nosed") teen tries to do my job, or some rookie tells me to chill.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for all of your help and your support through this learning process. It's a lot different than writing a story, but I still enjoyed it. The reason why she dumped his phone in the lake is to get rid of her taped confession.
Thanks again for all your help and support take care.
Oh wait, you mentioned making characters 3 dimensional, how would I do that?
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Right, silly me... I'd forgotten she had her confession in there. Thanks for reminding me.
How to make a character three-D? Make them not only a person but an individual too, like real people you know. Make them more than just a name and gender. Give the reader the full person/personality package, not simply man/woman, tall/short, thin/fat etc. Give the reader their internal feelings as well outward external reactions and mannerism. For example at the beginning of The Capture, I give the reader Roman's outer mannerism (the way he sees the world around him):
[(Shana) All sweet and girly, not the ruler of a vast fortune. Except for the whiff of her scent which hummed both elegance and pricelessness. Then she turned her smiling face away to watch the countryside outside her window. The wind fanning that scent to my nostrils played with wisps of her hair around her hairline. Her flawless golden skin was bare of makeup except for a bit of lip gloss on her delectable tiny mouth. But then her lips always looked perpetually wet, as if she was a nursing baby. It was the last thing I imagined before I fell asleep last night. That and the Huskies perched atop them framed with lashes as long as forever. For a beat, I wondered what she would look like fast asleep, and how the sight of her and all that hair all over the bedding would look first thing in the morning when I opened my eyes. I breathed in discreetly to once again fill my lungs with her scent, and the lavender and jasmine whiff of her golden curls.]
And now in in Book One, The Chase, I give the reader Roman's inner makeup, how he sees not only himself but also the "himself" he wants the world to see:
[Thing is, I find women awesome, a pleasant diversion, even charming. But not something to take a lot of my attention away from other aspects of my life. Serious relationships were out of the question, of course. But I enjoyed the mercurial while it lasted. In many ways I needed frequent sex. Abundant sex. Sex for the business triumphs and business downsides, sex for the out time, sex to calm my mind and let me dwell with keener perception on solutions to problems afterwards. Solutions to problems, and opportunities in my business world.
I guess I?d never have made it as a sportsman.
I have some pretty demanding (demanding, not outrageous) inclinations as far as sex went. I?m hard labour and proprietary for as long as the relationship lasts. I?m Taipan in my companies and I remain Taipan in the bedroom. But only with women who consent to cope with these conditions. They are always free to leave whenever they want to. No hassles there; not from me. I also take very good care of the women as long as the mutual relationship lasts. That gives me a lot of satisfaction too. Of course I?ve had one or two women who gave me a wide berth, more out of caution than any lack of attraction or interest; they sensed they would want what I couldn?t give them in the end. It never bothered me one whit.
Your loss, lady, you?ll never know what you?ll never get, was my credo.
So now here I was, with a thirst for The One, a thirst that refused to relent. My Ultimate Desire had escaped, more or less. My Turandot. And that wasn?t the worst she?d done to me. She?d publicly humiliated me. And thus planted herself firmly in my mind. Or in some other place in me, in all my mixed bloodline, that I didn?t know how to appease.
That place or thing in me that needed to be quenched.]
My suggestion is that, this being a long learning process, read as many books of the authors you admire and find out why you admire their books. Is it the writing style? Is it the type of heroes and heroines she writes bout?
Always there for you if I can help,
Aki
Comment from Brigitte Elko
This is an excellent Chapter of the Lipstick Murders. I really enjoyed reading this and loved the ending. Anna is a fabulous character in this story. Two tiny error (typo) units is misspelled and dry themselves not dry their selves.
Well written.
Brigitte
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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This is an excellent Chapter of the Lipstick Murders. I really enjoyed reading this and loved the ending. Anna is a fabulous character in this story. Two tiny error (typo) units is misspelled and dry themselves not dry their selves.
Well written.
Brigitte
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review, It means a lot to me knowing you enjoyed it. I wasn't sure how this was going to go since this is my very first script. It was a learning experience, but very fun to write. Planning another script soon, lol.
I agree about Anna, that's why I changed the entire last act so I could keep her alive.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, take care.
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My pleasure to read. By all means keep Anna alive!
Happy New Year!
Brigitte
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Missy Dawn
Looks like Anna still seeks revenge, but I got feeling it's not Anna that is going to be the one who kills the next victim.
Who is Mike's friend Leo
Hmm.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Hello Missy Dawn
Looks like Anna still seeks revenge, but I got feeling it's not Anna that is going to be the one who kills the next victim.
Who is Mike's friend Leo
Hmm.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review, and for your continuous support. I don't know how to break it to you so I'll just come out and say it. That was the end. I guess I could continue it in the new town, do a sequel, I'll have to think of another clever weapon so I won't be repetitious.
Thank you again for all of your wonderful reviews, take care.
PS. I'm working on another script this female serial killer is just as vindictive.
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You are welcome Missy Dawn
It was a a surprised ending
Gert
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Just wait, I'm going to surprise you on the other one too, lol.
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Smiles Missydawn will be waiting
Gert
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
KEVIN
Isn't she assumes dead? <-- assumed with a D
Jeff has an ego problem! But he did notice the death was staged, while she didn't really die that way.
Kind of long this time... I got lost in there with all the scene switching, but then I'm old. :)
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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KEVIN
Isn't she assumes dead? <-- assumed with a D
Jeff has an ego problem! But he did notice the death was staged, while she didn't really die that way.
Kind of long this time... I got lost in there with all the scene switching, but then I'm old. :)
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your kind review. I'm sorry you got lost. Where did you start to get confused? Maybe I can fix it somehow expand the scenes, combined them. You're right it should be assumed.
Thanks again for your kind review, your support means a lot to me, take care.
PS. 70 is not old. Says the one who just recently died all her gray's again. It's a losing battle, but I'll be darned if I'm going down without a fight!
Comment from kathleenspalding
Hoho! Serves him right! Interesting bit of script was clear and understandable, and kept my attention from start to finish. Only a couple typos-
KEVIN
Isn't she [[assumes - assumed]] dead?
KEVIN
Just about everyone on the team.
He waves his hand across the room. - Italicize
JEFF
You don't think that, do you?
Shrugging, Kevin walks through the door. -
Italicize action
Jeff turns towards Kevin a stern look on his face. Kevin backs away. Turning around, Jeff walks to the bedroom. Kevin hesitantly follows. - Italicize
Elizabeth is working at her desk. Trying to figure out the next possible victim, commotion continues all around her. - Elizabeth is working at her desk, trying to figure out the next possible victim. Commotion continues all around her.
That's it. Good luck in Hollywood!
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Hoho! Serves him right! Interesting bit of script was clear and understandable, and kept my attention from start to finish. Only a couple typos-
KEVIN
Isn't she [[assumes - assumed]] dead?
KEVIN
Just about everyone on the team.
He waves his hand across the room. - Italicize
JEFF
You don't think that, do you?
Shrugging, Kevin walks through the door. -
Italicize action
Jeff turns towards Kevin a stern look on his face. Kevin backs away. Turning around, Jeff walks to the bedroom. Kevin hesitantly follows. - Italicize
Elizabeth is working at her desk. Trying to figure out the next possible victim, commotion continues all around her. - Elizabeth is working at her desk, trying to figure out the next possible victim. Commotion continues all around her.
That's it. Good luck in Hollywood!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your help. Hollywood sounds great, but I'm not ready for the big time just yet. Thanks for your vote of confidence through that' greatly appreciated.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
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You're welcome :-)
Comment from royowen
I like the sheer action in this script episode. I think Mike has bitten off more than he can chew concerning Anna, she's probably smarter than he is, and I don't think his cop friends are exactly dumb, they've worked out the murder scene is probably staged. Well done, great scribing, good job, blessings, Roy
Typo : KEVIN : isn't she (assumes) dead? Assumed? 2: she slides the (restain) restraint?
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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I like the sheer action in this script episode. I think Mike has bitten off more than he can chew concerning Anna, she's probably smarter than he is, and I don't think his cop friends are exactly dumb, they've worked out the murder scene is probably staged. Well done, great scribing, good job, blessings, Roy
Typo : KEVIN : isn't she (assumes) dead? Assumed? 2: she slides the (restain) restraint?
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for such a positive review. Mike got what he deserved and some, lol. Serial killers usually have high IQ's that and them being able to blend in is what makes them so dangerous.
Thank you again for all your help and support, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Well done
Comment from Ricky1024
This is part of the book lipstick murders based on Anna and Mike is the characters main characters it was well written which inseam as well as imagery it flowed well read well and had no grammar issues ejective an object the contents were present and excellent descriptive measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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This is part of the book lipstick murders based on Anna and Mike is the characters main characters it was well written which inseam as well as imagery it flowed well read well and had no grammar issues ejective an object the contents were present and excellent descriptive measures aligned perfectly thanks for this doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your kind, thorough review, I'm so glad you liked it. It looks like the serial killer is getting away with murder again, just when the cops thought they had her too.
Thanks again for your great review, take care.
