Dreams Of Freedom
Two slaves are separated. A man dreams of his love and home.34 total reviews
Comment from Richard Stephen Kram
This poem conjures beautiful images and tantalizes the senses. Excellent rendering of a lover's experience of many facets. I thought a few lines were forced a bit to fit the rhyme.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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This poem conjures beautiful images and tantalizes the senses. Excellent rendering of a lover's experience of many facets. I thought a few lines were forced a bit to fit the rhyme.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you Richard. Take care. easyeverett
Comment from Neonewman
Now this is how you enter the passionate love in black and white writing prompt. Elegant, passionate, tasteful and down right a pleasure to review.
God bless
Steve
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Now this is how you enter the passionate love in black and white writing prompt. Elegant, passionate, tasteful and down right a pleasure to review.
God bless
Steve
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from johnwilson
This is a truly inspirational poem of love, complete with the metaphors and adjectives that make poetry such a wonder to read. "Enfolded in your soft vermilion robe I'd taste of every place you've ever been", is perhaps my favorite line, because it's a great climax for the entire poem. Great job & publish-worthy!
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This is a truly inspirational poem of love, complete with the metaphors and adjectives that make poetry such a wonder to read. "Enfolded in your soft vermilion robe I'd taste of every place you've ever been", is perhaps my favorite line, because it's a great climax for the entire poem. Great job & publish-worthy!
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from zekeziemann
The rhyming and the rhythm are in perfect coordination and the message is very clear. I believe that you put in a lot of thought on this one. Well done.
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The rhyming and the rhythm are in perfect coordination and the message is very clear. I believe that you put in a lot of thought on this one. Well done.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from estory
The musical elements of the meter in this poem were nicely rendered, carefully pitched and tuned and stitched. The opening stanza was really strong, "Before the dawn becomes the morning light" really popped into that rhyme scheme. the images were also colorful and light and uplifting, celebrating love, making it come alive out of language, music and images. estory
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The musical elements of the meter in this poem were nicely rendered, carefully pitched and tuned and stitched. The opening stanza was really strong, "Before the dawn becomes the morning light" really popped into that rhyme scheme. the images were also colorful and light and uplifting, celebrating love, making it come alive out of language, music and images. estory
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from ruzu27
I like your "Dreams of Freedom" very much. Although it is a quiet poem, one can sense the passion of the lovers reading your words.
"Your eyes expose each secret of your soul,
Well hidden in the essence of your heart,
As I await the splendor of your whole
To suddenly escape as your lips part".
Thank you for sharing with us.
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I like your "Dreams of Freedom" very much. Although it is a quiet poem, one can sense the passion of the lovers reading your words.
"Your eyes expose each secret of your soul,
Well hidden in the essence of your heart,
As I await the splendor of your whole
To suddenly escape as your lips part".
Thank you for sharing with us.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from Sis Cat
Passionate poem reminded me of the pear tree scene in Zora Neale Hurston's novel "Their Eyes Were Watching God." Like her, your words are dream-like, hypntotic, and the bee is an apt metaphor for a lover:
Your lips are like the tips of lily red,
As soft as velvet rain that falls at night,
Where bumble bees will bury deep their head
Before the dawn becomes the morning light.
As an African American who took a DNA test to find out where my ancestors came from, I found that these lines resonated with me:
Your voice sings soft each night to me in dreams,
The songs of ancient tribes so long ago,
and
I wish I were a bee and free to probe
The perfumed scent beneath your blue-black skin;
Enfolded in your soft vermilion robe
I'd taste of every place you've ever been.
How romantic!
Because of the way the word "whole" sounds like "hole," this line takes on a sexual connotation of a specific act which you may not have intended:
As I await the splendor of your (hole)
To suddenly escape as your lips part.
I am uncertain if this was your intention or if if works. I just know this is a different interpretation one would perceive if hearing instead of reading your poem. I applaud you for making this poem clean enough so that you don't have to put any warnings on your poem. Sex warnings are known to decrease the number of reviews one receives.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you much contest success with your romantic poem.
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Passionate poem reminded me of the pear tree scene in Zora Neale Hurston's novel "Their Eyes Were Watching God." Like her, your words are dream-like, hypntotic, and the bee is an apt metaphor for a lover:
Your lips are like the tips of lily red,
As soft as velvet rain that falls at night,
Where bumble bees will bury deep their head
Before the dawn becomes the morning light.
As an African American who took a DNA test to find out where my ancestors came from, I found that these lines resonated with me:
Your voice sings soft each night to me in dreams,
The songs of ancient tribes so long ago,
and
I wish I were a bee and free to probe
The perfumed scent beneath your blue-black skin;
Enfolded in your soft vermilion robe
I'd taste of every place you've ever been.
How romantic!
Because of the way the word "whole" sounds like "hole," this line takes on a sexual connotation of a specific act which you may not have intended:
As I await the splendor of your (hole)
To suddenly escape as your lips part.
I am uncertain if this was your intention or if if works. I just know this is a different interpretation one would perceive if hearing instead of reading your poem. I applaud you for making this poem clean enough so that you don't have to put any warnings on your poem. Sex warnings are known to decrease the number of reviews one receives.
Thank you for sharing. I wish you much contest success with your romantic poem.
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 26-Dec-2017
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Hey I'm back Sis Cat but I will be brief this time before you start turning on the meter when you see my name come up. Great review. I liked the way this poem has been received by reviewers. No comments about my enigmatic nature or someone asking why I wrote it so no one can understand it. lol Great review. tom
Comment from DR DIP
Wow! That is so beautiful. It is sensual, it is romantic it is full of love.
Your lips are like the tips of lily red,
As soft as velvet rain that falls at night,
Where bumble bees will bury deep their head
Before the dawn becomes the morning light.
I love this verse
Good luck in the writing prompt
dip
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Wow! That is so beautiful. It is sensual, it is romantic it is full of love.
Your lips are like the tips of lily red,
As soft as velvet rain that falls at night,
Where bumble bees will bury deep their head
Before the dawn becomes the morning light.
I love this verse
Good luck in the writing prompt
dip
Comment Written 26-Dec-2017
Comment from nomi338
I feel you. I would also love to make love to a woman with blue black skin. I once had a girlfriend who was extremely dark skinned and I being also dark skinned often heard the joke that when we were together we practically disappeared. That's alright, her loving was so good that whatever people said was worth the joy she gave me. Sadly time and distance drove us apart, but I still remember her, obviously, very well
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I feel you. I would also love to make love to a woman with blue black skin. I once had a girlfriend who was extremely dark skinned and I being also dark skinned often heard the joke that when we were together we practically disappeared. That's alright, her loving was so good that whatever people said was worth the joy she gave me. Sadly time and distance drove us apart, but I still remember her, obviously, very well
Comment Written 25-Dec-2017
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a stunning poem, beautifully depicting the passionate love directed by the prompt, therefore, fully compliant. It is well constructed and liquid in both rhythm and rhyme and its visually descriptive write...
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In my opinion, a stunning poem, beautifully depicting the passionate love directed by the prompt, therefore, fully compliant. It is well constructed and liquid in both rhythm and rhyme and its visually descriptive write...
Comment Written 25-Dec-2017
