Stone Cold
a sonnet for Winter in my city...& homelessness20 total reviews
Comment from DALLAS01
Intresting formatting and puntuation. Loved your last stanza. Our hemisphere reminds me more of thirld world countries every day. Its the women and children that that amazes me.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Intresting formatting and puntuation. Loved your last stanza. Our hemisphere reminds me more of thirld world countries every day. Its the women and children that that amazes me.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much. I'm keeping replies short because I'm still having issues with my laptop here, but I truly appreciate your kind review (and I agree about the third world countries)!
Comment from artemis53
Who says there isn't a 'cosmic consciousness?' I just wrote one on a homeless woman and was wracking my brain trying to think of a song. "Buddy can You Spare a Dime" came to me immediately but I ended up with "helpless" by Neil Young. Keep fighting, Dawn. There are way too many human discrepancies in this world right now.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Who says there isn't a 'cosmic consciousness?' I just wrote one on a homeless woman and was wracking my brain trying to think of a song. "Buddy can You Spare a Dime" came to me immediately but I ended up with "helpless" by Neil Young. Keep fighting, Dawn. There are way too many human discrepancies in this world right now.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much. I'm keeping replies short because I'm still having issues with my laptop here, but I truly appreciate your kind review, Dianne.
Comment from Sasha
I agree. I always carry a pocket of change for the all too many homeless here. I wish I could give more, but I just don't have enough for everyone. Lovely poem, conveys an important message, and hopefully touch a few hearts that will take notice of those less fortunate.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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I agree. I always carry a pocket of change for the all too many homeless here. I wish I could give more, but I just don't have enough for everyone. Lovely poem, conveys an important message, and hopefully touch a few hearts that will take notice of those less fortunate.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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I'm the same - I just do what I can. Thanks very much. I'm keeping replies short because I'm still having issues with my laptop here, but I truly appreciate your kind review.
Comment from Mark Valentine
It's a well-written poem, but the six is mostly for the message. It's a theme you've written about before. While there are causes other than homelessness, homelessness, especially during a Canadian winter, seems to be the most obvious, in-your-face, example of the disparity between the very poor and the rest of us, a life-or-death injustice that cries out for compassion. One would think that, even the most hardened Ayn Rand worshipper, world acknowledge some social responsibility to do something.
And that's what I like best about your poem. That sense of "It's not right" - this isn't the way things are supposed to be, and what have we come to if we can't see that. Your final quatrain articulates it so movingly: "Are we so far removed from God, we're dead inside? When did depravity first start?"
It's a question especially relevant here in the States of late as "religious" folks openly embrace a child molestor, where tax breaks are given to billionaires so that they can become richer (I'm sorry I meant to say so that they can stimulate the economy and create jobs), where blatant lies go unchecked as long as your candidate tells them, where red meat is strategically thrown to bigots. At some point, don't you have to stop calling yourself a Christian?
But I digress - my point is, I loved this poem!
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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It's a well-written poem, but the six is mostly for the message. It's a theme you've written about before. While there are causes other than homelessness, homelessness, especially during a Canadian winter, seems to be the most obvious, in-your-face, example of the disparity between the very poor and the rest of us, a life-or-death injustice that cries out for compassion. One would think that, even the most hardened Ayn Rand worshipper, world acknowledge some social responsibility to do something.
And that's what I like best about your poem. That sense of "It's not right" - this isn't the way things are supposed to be, and what have we come to if we can't see that. Your final quatrain articulates it so movingly: "Are we so far removed from God, we're dead inside? When did depravity first start?"
It's a question especially relevant here in the States of late as "religious" folks openly embrace a child molestor, where tax breaks are given to billionaires so that they can become richer (I'm sorry I meant to say so that they can stimulate the economy and create jobs), where blatant lies go unchecked as long as your candidate tells them, where red meat is strategically thrown to bigots. At some point, don't you have to stop calling yourself a Christian?
But I digress - my point is, I loved this poem!
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much! I'm sorry to be so late replying - I'm still having problems on FanStory with 'freezing' windows and so on... *sigh* I can't tell you how much your incredible comments mean to me, Mark - yes - at some point you would THINK some folks would stop calling themselves Christian. (Digress all you want - I agree whole-heartedly, and it can't be said too often, if you ask me!!!!!!!!!!! ALL of it!)
Comment from rama devi
Finely crafted sonnet with an important messsge delivered with clarity, style and finesse. Bravo! Flawless meter with superb flow via fluid enjambment. Good rhyming. Good punctuation choices, though there is one comma spag in the closing couplet, which is otherwise pitch perfect.
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It's getting late(,) and I am growing old--
outlived my time, perhaps--but not stone cold.
Good composition style.Though the volta is not a shift in argument, it IS a shift in focus, and I like how that works in this write.
It's well voiced, too!
Fine consonance of S strung through the whole poem and subtle alliterations, like H in this line:
What happened to compassion--having heart?
Bravo.
Great presentation and notes.
I utterly agree with the sentiments expressed here. It's unconscionable how the rich ignore the poor.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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Finely crafted sonnet with an important messsge delivered with clarity, style and finesse. Bravo! Flawless meter with superb flow via fluid enjambment. Good rhyming. Good punctuation choices, though there is one comma spag in the closing couplet, which is otherwise pitch perfect.
*
It's getting late(,) and I am growing old--
outlived my time, perhaps--but not stone cold.
Good composition style.Though the volta is not a shift in argument, it IS a shift in focus, and I like how that works in this write.
It's well voiced, too!
Fine consonance of S strung through the whole poem and subtle alliterations, like H in this line:
What happened to compassion--having heart?
Bravo.
Great presentation and notes.
I utterly agree with the sentiments expressed here. It's unconscionable how the rich ignore the poor.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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What a wonderful review, rd - sorry for being so long responding - I am having big problems on site (technical issues).
I've added the comma - much appreciated. Thank you very much, and Merry Christmas!
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Thanks for your gracious response, dear Dawn. Sorry for your technical issues. Are you using Classic FS? (I do, and there are some issues. If you report them to Tom, he may take action in some cases). Happy Holidays! rd
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The homeless struggle to cope in the winter months and your sonnet is a tribute to them. Not sure who should be responsible for this as some people can't cope with life and end up on the streets for lots of different reasons, but we should always be compassionate, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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The homeless struggle to cope in the winter months and your sonnet is a tribute to them. Not sure who should be responsible for this as some people can't cope with life and end up on the streets for lots of different reasons, but we should always be compassionate, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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So sorry to be so late replying - technical issues! Thank you very much, and Merry Christmas.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written sonnet for winter and homeless people who need our support and open hearts to bring relieve for their dire circumstances. When we know someone needs help and we do nothing we sin in the eyes of God.
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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A very well-written sonnet for winter and homeless people who need our support and open hearts to bring relieve for their dire circumstances. When we know someone needs help and we do nothing we sin in the eyes of God.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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So sorry to be so late replying - technical issues! Thank you very much, and Merry Christmas.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks poet's concern about snow stone, depressed people suffer from cold and starvation, he wonders why people or God won't help; he can't wait further; I like. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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This speaks poet's concern about snow stone, depressed people suffer from cold and starvation, he wonders why people or God won't help; he can't wait further; I like. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much.
Comment from DR DIP
Wow dawn I watched both your videos and read your author's notes before reading your poignant poem. Those stats are very alarming I must say but what is the definitive answer to solve this dilemma.
America send all their homeless to Hawaii where there is no real winter so they at least won't freeze Canada doesn't have that luxury geographically
your poem effectively hits home Thanks for sharing.
dip
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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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Wow dawn I watched both your videos and read your author's notes before reading your poignant poem. Those stats are very alarming I must say but what is the definitive answer to solve this dilemma.
America send all their homeless to Hawaii where there is no real winter so they at least won't freeze Canada doesn't have that luxury geographically
your poem effectively hits home Thanks for sharing.
dip
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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So sorry to be so late replying - technical issues! Thank you very much, and Merry Christmas.
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning again, Dawn: I love it that you have posted this very caring poem to address this situation. Last night, on the way to work, I had the chance to help a young man. I thank God after that, for allowing me to be able to help. He was at Subways sandwich shop. While I was ordering a sandwich, he came in asking for a cup of water so i told the man to make him whatever sandwich he wanted and to also add a soda or bottle of water to my bill, for him. He was so grateful, he sat down immediately to eat and drink his tea and water. I gave him my change which was only a dollar but I was so happy to be able help him. It really did my heart some good.
This poem is excellent. I remember when I worked at FIT college, there were many homeless people laying on the cement in the freezing cold. These were below zero mornings. i could not understand how anyone could sleep on the sidewalks in the freezing cold. The best I could do for them was to call 911 to get the Police to come to get them to some kind of warmer place or shelter. This is a serious problem because most of them prefer to lay where ever they lie down, even if it is on the freezing cold sidewalks.
This poem and post deserves a six, Dawn. I can only give a virtual one this morning but much love...
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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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Good morning again, Dawn: I love it that you have posted this very caring poem to address this situation. Last night, on the way to work, I had the chance to help a young man. I thank God after that, for allowing me to be able to help. He was at Subways sandwich shop. While I was ordering a sandwich, he came in asking for a cup of water so i told the man to make him whatever sandwich he wanted and to also add a soda or bottle of water to my bill, for him. He was so grateful, he sat down immediately to eat and drink his tea and water. I gave him my change which was only a dollar but I was so happy to be able help him. It really did my heart some good.
This poem is excellent. I remember when I worked at FIT college, there were many homeless people laying on the cement in the freezing cold. These were below zero mornings. i could not understand how anyone could sleep on the sidewalks in the freezing cold. The best I could do for them was to call 911 to get the Police to come to get them to some kind of warmer place or shelter. This is a serious problem because most of them prefer to lay where ever they lie down, even if it is on the freezing cold sidewalks.
This poem and post deserves a six, Dawn. I can only give a virtual one this morning but much love...
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 18-Dec-2017
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It DOES our hearts good doesn't it? I honestly think what we receive is more valuable than what we give. Thank you so much, Tier. So sorry to be so late replying - technical issues! Merry Christmas.
