Miscellaneous stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Two-thirty-eight"Fiction and non-fiction prose
19 total reviews
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Hahahaha ... I didn't see it coming ... that is until I read the bit about the "beer and carrots"! Great job on this story, Craig. I see that this piece has garnered honourable mention ... and rightly so. This was a very entertaining read. I was expecting it to be a spaceship with aliens. Oh, that Santa! You would think he could be a little more quiet.
Six stars for this exceptional piece of writing. Most enjoyable! I loved it all, and I thought it very clever that you included "no Redrum scrawled on the walls in blood". I forget what movie that was from, but I recall seeing it. Terrific ending! ~~ Connie
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Hahahaha ... I didn't see it coming ... that is until I read the bit about the "beer and carrots"! Great job on this story, Craig. I see that this piece has garnered honourable mention ... and rightly so. This was a very entertaining read. I was expecting it to be a spaceship with aliens. Oh, that Santa! You would think he could be a little more quiet.
Six stars for this exceptional piece of writing. Most enjoyable! I loved it all, and I thought it very clever that you included "no Redrum scrawled on the walls in blood". I forget what movie that was from, but I recall seeing it. Terrific ending! ~~ Connie
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Hi Connie, The 'Redrum' thing has appeared in several movies and TV series, including CSI, The Mentalist and the X-files, I believe. But I think it originally appeared in The Shining. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks so much for the wonderful review! Craig
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That's it ... The Shining! That's where I saw it. :) You know you've seen too many horror movies, when you start getting them mixed up and can't remember what you saw where. lol
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story for the This sentence starts the story contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the picture. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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This is a very well written story for the This sentence starts the story contest. You used very good descriptive wording and very good imagery with the picture. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 09-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2017
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Thanks very much for the kind words, Teri. Much appreciated - Craig
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you are so welcome Craig!
Comment from MelB
Hi CD Richards, this is a good story and contest entry. Good dialogue and you threw an unexpected ending in there. Best wishes to you in the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Hi CD Richards, this is a good story and contest entry. Good dialogue and you threw an unexpected ending in there. Best wishes to you in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks, MelB, for the kind assessment. The good wishes are very much appreciated too. Cheers, Craig
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You're welcome.
Comment from Brigitte Elko
An unexpected ending to a good story always deems it to be a well written one. This story was entertaining and as it played out there was no predictability to upcoming events. This is an excellent contest entry. Good luck in the contest.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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An unexpected ending to a good story always deems it to be a well written one. This story was entertaining and as it played out there was no predictability to upcoming events. This is an excellent contest entry. Good luck in the contest.
Fan Friend,
Brigitte
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thank you very much, Brigitte for the lovely comments. I'm glad it kept you guessing. Cheers, Craig
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My pleasure to read. Your are going to be a tough competitor.
Brigitte
Comment from Thesis
LOL, good one. You had me thinking that some creature from outer space was going to kill Troy in a very vile, gruesome manner. I liked how you built the suspense throughout the story. The ending was excellent. Good job.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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LOL, good one. You had me thinking that some creature from outer space was going to kill Troy in a very vile, gruesome manner. I liked how you built the suspense throughout the story. The ending was excellent. Good job.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the great comments, and thanks for the idea for the next story! Much appreciated - Craig
Comment from c_lucas
Santa needs to be placed on a diet. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is a touch of humor. Good luck in your contest.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Santa needs to be placed on a diet. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is a touch of humor. Good luck in your contest.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the kind words. Maybe someone will give Santa a Jenny Craig subscription? Much appreciated - Craig
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I loved your story, so sweet and so exciting and innocent too! You should have known you were going to get a visitors though! Glad you didn't wake the children! A fun write for the season and a great surprise ending, loved it, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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I loved your story, so sweet and so exciting and innocent too! You should have known you were going to get a visitors though! Glad you didn't wake the children! A fun write for the season and a great surprise ending, loved it, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2017
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Thank you, Dolly, for the lovely review. I'm glad you enjoyed the little twist. Much appreciated - Craig
Comment from D.F. Wood
Wow, you really had me going on this one. Had me totally fooled. Well written. You put this together rather nicely. The suspense really had me and then when I reached the end, I said "What?" LOL. I had to read that last part a second time, and then I just laughed. Very nice.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Wow, you really had me going on this one. Had me totally fooled. Well written. You put this together rather nicely. The suspense really had me and then when I reached the end, I said "What?" LOL. I had to read that last part a second time, and then I just laughed. Very nice.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Thanks for the lovely comments. I'm glad you got a laugh from it. Much appreciated - Craig
Comment from giraffmang
HI Craig,
Nice job with this one. You kept the tension and mystery going well up to the end.
"Wh-what the--"? - should the question mark be inside?
"...nine... ten." Ellen finished the silent countdown,- even though you have said this is silent it is presented in speech marks. It may be thought but if so it may be better to present it in a different format to differentiate it from speech, maybe using the single marks instead.
from the bed-side table - bedside could be one word here.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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HI Craig,
Nice job with this one. You kept the tension and mystery going well up to the end.
"Wh-what the--"? - should the question mark be inside?
"...nine... ten." Ellen finished the silent countdown,- even though you have said this is silent it is presented in speech marks. It may be thought but if so it may be better to present it in a different format to differentiate it from speech, maybe using the single marks instead.
from the bed-side table - bedside could be one word here.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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I believe you're right about the question mark, GMan - fixed now.
As for the "nine...ten", I originally had this just in speech marks. Then I decided since she was only thinking it, it should be in italics, for thought. So I changed it, but forgot to remove the quotes. Thanks for picking it up.
Bedside - I'll go with your suggestion.
Thanks heaps,
Craig
Comment from Dan Diego
Add me to the list of folks surprised by the ending. I looked real hard for spelling, punctuation an grammar errors. None found. I checked the sequence of events for proper order. Good job there. I also looked for credibility gaps. Here I paused. The ending was abrupt, but I felt a little cheated or misled. Perhaps, you can find a place to drop a seasonal clue closer to the beginning of the story? I felt the clues (carrots, milk, multiple calls) came too late. Maybe move the phone call ahead of the wife's move to the closet? But that's just me. Pay it no mind unless another reviewer brings it up.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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Add me to the list of folks surprised by the ending. I looked real hard for spelling, punctuation an grammar errors. None found. I checked the sequence of events for proper order. Good job there. I also looked for credibility gaps. Here I paused. The ending was abrupt, but I felt a little cheated or misled. Perhaps, you can find a place to drop a seasonal clue closer to the beginning of the story? I felt the clues (carrots, milk, multiple calls) came too late. Maybe move the phone call ahead of the wife's move to the closet? But that's just me. Pay it no mind unless another reviewer brings it up.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2017
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I appreciate the suggestion about the clues. I'll have a look at it. If I can think of something that doesn't give the game away, I'll work it in. Thanks for the great review - Craig
