Two Christmas Gifts
Giving someone a chance28 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
A very interesting Christmas Story. The art of giving never goes out of style. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
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A very interesting Christmas Story. The art of giving never goes out of style. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Christmas story. Children do not always understand why they are upset and bully others. They are most of the time learning it from their parents and don't know how to treat others.
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A very well-written Christmas story. Children do not always understand why they are upset and bully others. They are most of the time learning it from their parents and don't know how to treat others.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2017
Comment from D.F. Wood
Very nice. A great message. I kind of knew right away how the story would end but that's okay, it was still a well written story. During my growing up as the oldest of three boys, living in a neighborhood full of boys, this very type of thing you wrote about was a common thing. Funny how as time went on we all became great friends, despite having had occasional fights and spats.
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Very nice. A great message. I kind of knew right away how the story would end but that's okay, it was still a well written story. During my growing up as the oldest of three boys, living in a neighborhood full of boys, this very type of thing you wrote about was a common thing. Funny how as time went on we all became great friends, despite having had occasional fights and spats.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I get where you were going with this piece but I think it has some flaws in it. If the children I work with got wind of a person in a position of authority and responsibility giving out sensitive personal information about them, they'd be straight on the phone to social services...
Mrs. Trumble,was explaining - spacing after the comma here.
John Charles grabbed his back-pack - backpack can be one word.
life at home,the fact - spacing here.
The teacher explaining John Charles' situation to Nathan rang bells for me. it wouldn't or shouldn't happen due to data protection issues and confidentiality. the teacher could very well lose their jobs over this. I get this is a story but the believability aspect is very important.
If they were doing a blind gift exchange, the odds two kids pulling out each other's names is very convenient.
Nathan said,"John Charles - spacing here.
said,"Yeah, I guess so - spacing here too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hi there,
I get where you were going with this piece but I think it has some flaws in it. If the children I work with got wind of a person in a position of authority and responsibility giving out sensitive personal information about them, they'd be straight on the phone to social services...
Mrs. Trumble,was explaining - spacing after the comma here.
John Charles grabbed his back-pack - backpack can be one word.
life at home,the fact - spacing here.
The teacher explaining John Charles' situation to Nathan rang bells for me. it wouldn't or shouldn't happen due to data protection issues and confidentiality. the teacher could very well lose their jobs over this. I get this is a story but the believability aspect is very important.
If they were doing a blind gift exchange, the odds two kids pulling out each other's names is very convenient.
Nathan said,"John Charles - spacing here.
said,"Yeah, I guess so - spacing here too.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
Comment from Mark Valentine
This is a perfect story to teach children the message of Christmas in a context they can relate to. I wish I had had it when I was teaching CCD at our church. By fleshing out the bully character you remind us that everyone has a story. What a cool tradition you have of writing new children's Christmas stories - I'd love to read more of them.
Peace, friend.
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This is a perfect story to teach children the message of Christmas in a context they can relate to. I wish I had had it when I was teaching CCD at our church. By fleshing out the bully character you remind us that everyone has a story. What a cool tradition you have of writing new children's Christmas stories - I'd love to read more of them.
Peace, friend.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2017
Comment from MelB
At school, the teacher, Mrs. Trumble,was explaining to the class that they were going to have a gift exchange - Mrs. Trumble,( ) needs a space
A wonderful story of giving and the true meaning of Christmas. I enjoyed reading it. I wish I had a six left to give this story. Well done!
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At school, the teacher, Mrs. Trumble,was explaining to the class that they were going to have a gift exchange - Mrs. Trumble,( ) needs a space
A wonderful story of giving and the true meaning of Christmas. I enjoyed reading it. I wish I had a six left to give this story. Well done!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from pome lover
this story has a good moral and I'm sure your children enjoyed it and your other ones. I was confused, at first, when you began with Nathan and then kept talking about John Charles. I couldn't tell who was the protagonist. I also think you could expand on this with more dialogue - show the boys' personalities - unless there was a word limit. But you do show Nathan's kindness, which is good. Another thing you might think about is beginning your story with a "hook" - an eye-catcher, for instance, you could begin your story with: "Nathan was scared." Right away, the kids' eyes would get big and they'd wonder why. Then, you could say, "He was scared to go to school."' And they would still wonder why. Keep them guessing for a few seconds and watch their faces. If you are Mrs Claus, you could have all kinds of wonderful facial expressions. Anyway, build suspense in your story. You might even ask the kids why Nathan was scared and see if they could guess. These are just suggestions - I hope you don't mind. I just saw so many possibilities.
pome lover
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this story has a good moral and I'm sure your children enjoyed it and your other ones. I was confused, at first, when you began with Nathan and then kept talking about John Charles. I couldn't tell who was the protagonist. I also think you could expand on this with more dialogue - show the boys' personalities - unless there was a word limit. But you do show Nathan's kindness, which is good. Another thing you might think about is beginning your story with a "hook" - an eye-catcher, for instance, you could begin your story with: "Nathan was scared." Right away, the kids' eyes would get big and they'd wonder why. Then, you could say, "He was scared to go to school."' And they would still wonder why. Keep them guessing for a few seconds and watch their faces. If you are Mrs Claus, you could have all kinds of wonderful facial expressions. Anyway, build suspense in your story. You might even ask the kids why Nathan was scared and see if they could guess. These are just suggestions - I hope you don't mind. I just saw so many possibilities.
pome lover
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from Joy Graham
- "he had only gotten a few hours of (sheep). - should that be sleep?
- "to buy one thing each from the hardware." - should that be hardware store?
I enjoyed this story today. I'd love to see a picture of you dressed as Mrs. Claus :) So nice of you to read your own story to the children.
Sincerely,
Joy xx
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- "he had only gotten a few hours of (sheep). - should that be sleep?
- "to buy one thing each from the hardware." - should that be hardware store?
I enjoyed this story today. I'd love to see a picture of you dressed as Mrs. Claus :) So nice of you to read your own story to the children.
Sincerely,
Joy xx
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A beautiful heartfelt story for Christmas of giving and selflessness, a warm write and I enjoyed it very much, I wish you luck with the Christmas story, love Dolly x
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A beautiful heartfelt story for Christmas of giving and selflessness, a warm write and I enjoyed it very much, I wish you luck with the Christmas story, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
Comment from Brigitte Elko
This was an excellent story to read, timely for this season. I wish I had six star to award because it was told perfectly and readers could relate to the concepts of struggles for whatever reason. It affirmed the old saying, " You learn what you live." Great job.
*Oops a typo "Had only gotten a few hours sheep," I believe you meant sleep.
Blessings,
Brigitte
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This was an excellent story to read, timely for this season. I wish I had six star to award because it was told perfectly and readers could relate to the concepts of struggles for whatever reason. It affirmed the old saying, " You learn what you live." Great job.
*Oops a typo "Had only gotten a few hours sheep," I believe you meant sleep.
Blessings,
Brigitte
Comment Written 06-Dec-2017
