Memorial Day Canoe Trip
Wet weather fails to dampen the spirits of family canoe trip23 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I've gone canoeing on the Allegheny River through hilly farmland and forests. Gorgeous place, just the lapping of the water and the calls of ducks and birds. There were several islands in the river where we would stop to make a fire and eat fish we'd caught. Good times. Great way to spend a summer day. I understand your love for it. :)
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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I've gone canoeing on the Allegheny River through hilly farmland and forests. Gorgeous place, just the lapping of the water and the calls of ducks and birds. There were several islands in the river where we would stop to make a fire and eat fish we'd caught. Good times. Great way to spend a summer day. I understand your love for it. :)
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. I am so happy you liked the story. Merry Christmas.
Comment from Sis Cat
Ha!
"The rain must have missed us."
This, Daniel, is an excellent story you shared about your family's canoeing trip. While some may wish for perfect weather for every outdoor activity, when it comes to rivers you really want to merge with its changing moods through the seasons and the weather. You allow your imagination to yield to the power of the river. You write:
There was never any place I'd rather be than on a river. Ever-changing and full of life, with times of peace and times of rage, the river has always had an intoxicating effect on me. Intoxicating, oh yes.
To those who pooh-poohed paddling in the rain, you write:
To me the rain represented the lifeblood of the river. For without it, we would miss the beauty and solitude the river has to give us.
This made me think of my walk today up a mountain trail in the Oakland Hills where I said to myself, "Even if it was raining, I would walk this path. I want to be out there, a part of nature, observing her ever changing scenery.
A touching scene was when you son analyzing the squawks of a Blue Heron Crane:
You all don't know how much it warmed my heart to hear my son make such a comment.
Ha!
As was the norm for the day, the rain quit once we were freshly "watered".
Your trip and story arrives at a joyous conclusion and realization:
And now that I think about it, all that grumbling at the beginning of the first rain drops seemed to have washed away. Happiness was written on the face of each and every one of us.
I noticed you used a lot of passive verbs like "was" and "were" in your story, but it would not have worked to use active verbs, because the whole mood of the your story is about yielding to nature and the weather.
A phenomenal essay. Thank you for sharing. I wish you much success with this fine entry.
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Ha!
"The rain must have missed us."
This, Daniel, is an excellent story you shared about your family's canoeing trip. While some may wish for perfect weather for every outdoor activity, when it comes to rivers you really want to merge with its changing moods through the seasons and the weather. You allow your imagination to yield to the power of the river. You write:
There was never any place I'd rather be than on a river. Ever-changing and full of life, with times of peace and times of rage, the river has always had an intoxicating effect on me. Intoxicating, oh yes.
To those who pooh-poohed paddling in the rain, you write:
To me the rain represented the lifeblood of the river. For without it, we would miss the beauty and solitude the river has to give us.
This made me think of my walk today up a mountain trail in the Oakland Hills where I said to myself, "Even if it was raining, I would walk this path. I want to be out there, a part of nature, observing her ever changing scenery.
A touching scene was when you son analyzing the squawks of a Blue Heron Crane:
You all don't know how much it warmed my heart to hear my son make such a comment.
Ha!
As was the norm for the day, the rain quit once we were freshly "watered".
Your trip and story arrives at a joyous conclusion and realization:
And now that I think about it, all that grumbling at the beginning of the first rain drops seemed to have washed away. Happiness was written on the face of each and every one of us.
I noticed you used a lot of passive verbs like "was" and "were" in your story, but it would not have worked to use active verbs, because the whole mood of the your story is about yielding to nature and the weather.
A phenomenal essay. Thank you for sharing. I wish you much success with this fine entry.
Comment Written 17-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 17-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Sis for your wonderful review. I am so glad you enjoyed it. You point out one of my biggest challenges in writing. The use of passive verbs instead present tense. Quite often I go back and forth. I agree that sometimes, present tense just doesn't work. Oh well, if it was easy, anyone could do it; right? Thank you again so much. You have a very Merry Christmas.
Comment from royowen
I can remember a trip to Ireland back in 1998, accompanied by our 15 year old daughter, my wife and I took a boat trip out to an island to view an ancient monastery. It rained incessantly, (as it it can in Ireland) and we got soaked, despite our rain "proofed" coats. I loved your river story, and meeting the fawn, (I just finished reading a similar one. Well done, excellent entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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I can remember a trip to Ireland back in 1998, accompanied by our 15 year old daughter, my wife and I took a boat trip out to an island to view an ancient monastery. It rained incessantly, (as it it can in Ireland) and we got soaked, despite our rain "proofed" coats. I loved your river story, and meeting the fawn, (I just finished reading a similar one. Well done, excellent entry, good luck, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 16-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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Thank you for your review Roy and your kind words. I am so glad you like the story.
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Most welcome
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
And now that I think about it, all that grumbling at the beginning of the first rain drops seemed to have washed away. Happiness was written on the face of each and every one of us. ' This was written beautifully and I love the whole story it is a reminder of how satisfying a trip into the great outdoors can be, I love camping and suchlike because it is great to be back to nature but that said I moan a lot at the time about discomfort, cold and damp lol typical woman I suppose afterwards I look back and realise I really enjoyed it plus you then appreciate the comforts of home! So well written well done and good luck in the competition Daniel, kindest regards Meia x
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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And now that I think about it, all that grumbling at the beginning of the first rain drops seemed to have washed away. Happiness was written on the face of each and every one of us. ' This was written beautifully and I love the whole story it is a reminder of how satisfying a trip into the great outdoors can be, I love camping and suchlike because it is great to be back to nature but that said I moan a lot at the time about discomfort, cold and damp lol typical woman I suppose afterwards I look back and realise I really enjoyed it plus you then appreciate the comforts of home! So well written well done and good luck in the competition Daniel, kindest regards Meia x
Comment Written 16-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much Meia for your review and kind words. I am so glad you could live this experience and enjoy the story. I really appreciate it.
Comment from Wabigoon
Daniel--
Really nicely and simply done. No extremes, just the thing in itself. I wondered where this was, saw, Michigan. Okay I will look up the Portage River as I don't even know if it is Upper or Lower Peninsula. I think Lower.
I am a lake fan. Rivers annoy me. They are hard as hell to fish and take a great deal of preparation to do so. But I appreciate your sense of them as more or less the arteries of the water system.
You could...personify the river more, maybe.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2017
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Daniel--
Really nicely and simply done. No extremes, just the thing in itself. I wondered where this was, saw, Michigan. Okay I will look up the Portage River as I don't even know if it is Upper or Lower Peninsula. I think Lower.
I am a lake fan. Rivers annoy me. They are hard as hell to fish and take a great deal of preparation to do so. But I appreciate your sense of them as more or less the arteries of the water system.
You could...personify the river more, maybe.
Thanks
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 15-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2017
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Thank you Jeff for your review. I am glad you like the story. This Portage River is near Three Rivers Michigan, in the lower peninsula. It's south of Kalamazoo. This is where I grew up. The Portage and Rocky River both pour into the St. Joseph River, all meeting in the center of Three Rivers. Yes, river fishing can be very hard.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
A very good story about a family outing. It sounds like a good time was had by all. I used to tka my family canoeing. Those trips are some of my best memories. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
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A very good story about a family outing. It sounds like a good time was had by all. I used to tka my family canoeing. Those trips are some of my best memories. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. Yes, I have canoed many rivers in several states. I have some great memories as well.
Comment from JDRBAR
A thoroughly enjoyable story, but the overuse of the word "weekend" in the first few paragraphs spoiled the reading. I envy the pleasure you get from life.
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reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
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A thoroughly enjoyable story, but the overuse of the word "weekend" in the first few paragraphs spoiled the reading. I envy the pleasure you get from life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. I will take a look at fixing that problem.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Another well-written adventurous story. To canoeing with the whole family down the river seems to be a great way to spend a long weekend, despite the initial rain pouring down.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Another well-written adventurous story. To canoeing with the whole family down the river seems to be a great way to spend a long weekend, despite the initial rain pouring down.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2017
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Thank you Sandra for your review. I truly appreciate it.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This meets the contest requirements nicely. You deliver a lovely narrative of the day that a little bit of rain could not dampen. You have a small typo to look at:
"I had on an extra layer on today" - one of the "on" needs to go.
All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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This meets the contest requirements nicely. You deliver a lovely narrative of the day that a little bit of rain could not dampen. You have a small typo to look at:
"I had on an extra layer on today" - one of the "on" needs to go.
All the best in the judging and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your review. Yes, that error has been caught by a few people. I guess I should edit the story and fix this. Thank you again so much.
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You should indeed fix it as the judges do and will count it against you :). Good luck!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a very nice write. Good tone and engaging.
"The rain must have missed us", - probably should have the comma inside here.
I had on an extra layer on today - delete one of the instances of 'on' here.
lifeblood can be one word.
ghostlike can also be one word.
Sometimes your tenses shift in the sentences from past to present and then back again. Watch out for that.
The fawn remained dead still.. - delete one of the dots.
mark our take out spot - takeout. (you spell it like this later on)
beginning of the first rain drops - raindrops?
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Hi there,
This is a very nice write. Good tone and engaging.
"The rain must have missed us", - probably should have the comma inside here.
I had on an extra layer on today - delete one of the instances of 'on' here.
lifeblood can be one word.
ghostlike can also be one word.
Sometimes your tenses shift in the sentences from past to present and then back again. Watch out for that.
The fawn remained dead still.. - delete one of the dots.
mark our take out spot - takeout. (you spell it like this later on)
beginning of the first rain drops - raindrops?
Comment Written 10-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for your great review. I really appreciate the analysis and providing exact examples of the error. It is reviews like this that keeps me here. Thank you again.
