Reviews from

Sonnets

Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Tricky Moonbeans"
A collection of Sonnets

28 total reviews 
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
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Shakspeare himself would be proud. You've written an excellent sonnet. You certainly have a way with words. They flow and are easy to read. The meter and rhythm are perfect.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 13-Nov-2017
    Thank you very much appreciated indeed my FS friend
    you visit with your kindness and encouragement has made for a great big smile
    ::))
    have a smiley day
Comment from c_lucas
Excellent
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The Moon and romance goes together hand in hand. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    tahnk you very much appreciated indeed my fs friend
    I am well pleased that you find it flowing fine
    have a smiley day
reply by c_lucas on 12-Nov-2017
    You're welcome.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent
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I cannot find the strength to bear decay
If fantasies refuse enlightenment
For wretched souls who dwell in death's bouquet
What tragic circumstances shall lament'
What a beautiful sonnet. My husband has written over two hundred and has a book out I myself cannot write them easily. This is stunning well done I am very admiring of the care it takes to write a sonnet and this is wonderful kind regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    you are so kind and I am very pleased you visited me
    your husband must be a very patient man indeed
    I am a beginner of Sonnets and I am mind boggled on this learning curve
    have a smiley day my friend
    Lorraine
Comment from Liberty Justice
Excellent
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Indeed, "a hauntingly beautiful image. Your use of metaphors is delightful to read as writer laments about love and longing. Talks about love lasting or passing away and the illusive moon will still shine long after. lol liberty justice

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    thank you dear fs friend
    I am pleased you dropped by
    you are insightful and encouraging
    have a smiley day
    Lorraine
Comment from evesayshi
Excellent
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In my opinion, a beautiful poem in both words and image - the rhyme and rhythm are fluid and sound smooth in reading it aloud, with the exception of one line, the fourth line in the second stanza...

 Comment Written 12-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    Ok I will take a look
    Have a smiley day
    and thank you my FS friend for dropping by with your encouragement
reply by evesayshi on 12-Nov-2017
    You are very welcome, and just a gorgeous sonnet...
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This speaks the inner glow, somehow it takes effect and the dreams appear true, hope regains even after the drops and falls, the glossy moonbeams ultimately show love prevails; I liked. (6-STAR)

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    Thank you my dear FS mystery friend
    You always are so real and supportive and inspire people to continue
    I am in awe of the six because I am on a Sonnet learning curve, well, a total learning curve
    you are a very insightful person
    have a smiley day
Comment from kiwisteveh
Good
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Excellent true rhymes throughout and I can find no fault at all in your iambic pentameter which flows smoothly. However, I am struggling to interpret meaning in much of the poem.

Stanza 1 is fine - you stand and look at the scene outside and the mind turns to love and life and death. The 'one' in line 5 takes away the personal touch a bit, I would be tempted to use 'I' instead. But the real problem here is 'twice or thrice' and why we need passion more than once - nothing here suggests an answer. Nor do you elaborate on why you have qualms.

Similarly in the next stanza, your lines sound impressive, but how on earth are they connected to the theme of the poem? What decay do you have to bear? In fact every line in stanza 3 presents another puzzle to unravel.

The final couplet is easier to work out - it is the familiar 'carpe diem - seize the day, or at least seize love - but 'bewails' I believe is a verb and you use it as a noun. The intended meaning of crass is also a bit suspect here.

And, it seems, those moonBEANS are indeed tricky. You might want to check your title.

Steve

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 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    My learning curve covers all aspects of poetry and story writing
    But my main area to improve is with Sonnets
    Reviewers on the site, like you, give good sound advice
    I make the habit of taking that helping hand on board and pop into edit if I can see how to fix a specific problem or error
    LOL
    I will do the same with your advice; I think perhaps it will take me a month of Sundays to get through this learning experience
    I will save your comments to "word" along with my sonnet and do my best to understand the errors and then fix the problem
    LOL see you next century
    thank you for your help and guidance
    have a smiley day
reply by kiwisteveh on 12-Nov-2017
    Well, like I said, you're well on top of the technical aspects, which a lot of people have trouble with, so you've got a huge head start. Keep at it.

    Steve
reply by the author on 12-Nov-2017
    ::))
    Thanks heaps
Comment from Jmf4119
Excellent
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This is a hauntingly beautiful piece that you chose for your beautiful poem.
Very nice sonnet rhyme and good use of alliteration throughout.

Well done and good luck in the contest.
Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    Thank you very much appreciated my dear FS friend
    have a smiley day
Comment from Brigitte Elko
Excellent
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This is an excellent entry for the contest. It is well written and descriptive. The reader can almost feel the splashes reaching out to touch the soul of the writer. The image you selected could not be more perfect to add to this entry.Good luck in the contest.
Blessings,
brigitte

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    your kind encouragement it very inspiring to me
    I am always pleased when you visit with your intuition
    Thank you very much appreciated my dear FS friend
    have a smiley day
    blessings
    Lorraine
Comment from Maria Jose Garcia
Excellent
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Dreams are so important, aren't they?
You're right, the image is hauntingly beautiful.
I envy you the ability to write a sonnet. I'm more of a prose writer myself. I only started writing poetry when I joined FS a year or so ago.
Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017


reply by the author on 11-Nov-2017
    You are very talented and your work in your confort zone and field of expertise is wonderful
    I myself think this is only my third attempt at a sonnet in several years during my huge learning curve
    and I am afraid that it is very amateurish still but I try one now and then
    the reviewers then get to read and they, as good writers of sonnets, get to tell me what they think and MAKE valuable suggestions and advice
    this way I post something medioca and it might with editing turn into something quite reasonable
    It is scary to try but I am not in the least embarrassed if they tell me heaps of things on how to learn and improve
    lol
    Thank you very much appreciated my dear FS friend
    have a smiley day
    blessings to you
    I hope you might like to try a sonnet one day and get the good folk to advise
    Lorraine
reply by Maria Jose Garcia on 11-Nov-2017
    I wrote some for school when I was little (in Spanish), but that was a long time ago...