Reviews from

One By One

For my father who fought in WWI.

17 total reviews 
Comment from sfharper
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Thanks for this warm-hearted, touching Veteran's Day poem, or at least one that works well for the holiday and honor. The twist in the poem is subtle, it progresses well, starting from the personal, the experience of soldiering, then death, then the afterlife and then turning back to the personal. I like the use of rhyme and solid form. I especially like the opening line to the piper.

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017

Comment from Brigitte Elko
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow. Powerful to the point of penetrating the soul. Written vibrantly and explicitly. It is the perfect to read this selection, Veterans Day! The sadness of war is described vividly and encourages remembrance of those that gave their all.
Thank you for writing and sharing this piece.
Peace...where art thou...?

Brigitte

 Comment Written 11-Nov-2017

Comment from Dorothy Fennell
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Tom, this is a really good poem remembering those who fell in two world wars and all the wars that followed. Well written in good aabb rhyme form and I enjoyed the read. Relevant piece of writing for the 11th - Remembrance for the fallen. Warm regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2017

Comment from Boogienights
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a beautiful poem, a nice tribute for those who sacrificed themselves for their country. My father was in WWII and thank God he returned to us.He told us many stories of his experience for which I am grateful. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt poem.

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2017

Comment from dragonpoet
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Well written poem in honor of all the brave soldiers who sacrificed their lives for our freedom. It includes emotions of the soldiers and their parents and clear images of the battlefield. I like the way you loop the stanzas together by using the same word and the end of one stanza and the beginning of the other.

One problem I see is you don't include women soldiers in this. You could just put 'for their boys and girls who sleep.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017

Comment from GracieAnn
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Tom,
This is another well versed poem that flows with a lilting meter and strong words to elicit a somber, if not grieving, mood for the reader, It is a reminder to honor those who died in our stead. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017

Comment from Mustangpatty1029
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi, Tom;
Your piece that honors our Veterans of the second world war is full of love and regret that some of them left too soon, and now many of them are leaving from old age.

So many stories and so much wisdom they had to share. Thank you for sharing,

~patty~

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017

Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A very well-written poem about soldiers at war. They do their best to serve their country. But many lost their lives for good and others come back with mental an physical scars that will never again heal.

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017

Comment from rama devi
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Fine tribute. Sad and elevated simultaneously. Well penned with fine rhythm and rhyme. Good fluid enjambment, Fine phonetics, as usual, as well.


Most poignant lines:

Hear poor mothers wail and weep
For their baby boys who sleep.


A few spag suggestions for your consideration:

Brothers all(,) who heard the call,
One by one(,) each one would fall.

Fall no more(,) good soldiers wed


Sleep in peace(,) my gentle ones,



MOST ELOQUENT LINES (FAVORITE)


Angel wings on hillock knolls
Wrap around your silent souls.


Virtual six

Love, Sis

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017

Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a sad tribute to your father who witnessed deaths on the battlefield, such tragic loss of life and we have spent the rest of our history grieving over it. Do you think we learn by these wars? Your poem is sort of a loop poem with the last word of each stanza and the first word of the next being the same, I love this continuity which gives your poem that continued resonance, power and souful spirit. You speak for him beyond the grave, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 09-Nov-2017