When The Sun Begins To Rise
An encounter with a street preachin' man.31 total reviews
Comment from GWinterwin
Enjoyed your poem very much. It has perfect rhyming along with good word flow and a realistic message. yes I'm sure in san Francisco you could run into many of these preachers. Thanks for sharing, God bless, happy Thanksgiving.
  |
Enjoyed your poem very much. It has perfect rhyming along with good word flow and a realistic message. yes I'm sure in san Francisco you could run into many of these preachers. Thanks for sharing, God bless, happy Thanksgiving.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2017
Comment from Thal1959
Everything here is very well done, and I got the hint of the 60s syntax or lingo here and there. This is really why life is so screwed up. We tend to brazenly go our own way - often times into bars, drugs, rock and roll, etc., only to crash and then come back to reality, which is often voiced by the preacher... especially the poorer ones.
|
Everything here is very well done, and I got the hint of the 60s syntax or lingo here and there. This is really why life is so screwed up. We tend to brazenly go our own way - often times into bars, drugs, rock and roll, etc., only to crash and then come back to reality, which is often voiced by the preacher... especially the poorer ones.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2017
Comment from lyenochka
Superb! I really love this one. You created a live portrait of someone I know I have seen. And you don't make any judgments or alter the portrait because of your own opinions. And the meter is so smooth and conversational with its intermittent refrain:
he mixes metaphor and simile
with syntax all his own;
reversed conversion to simplicity
in freaky monotone.
Technically, it was more the "wilderness" instead of the hot, barren desert but that would throw off the meter. I do hope you meet Him!
 |
Superb! I really love this one. You created a live portrait of someone I know I have seen. And you don't make any judgments or alter the portrait because of your own opinions. And the meter is so smooth and conversational with its intermittent refrain:
he mixes metaphor and simile
with syntax all his own;
reversed conversion to simplicity
in freaky monotone.
Technically, it was more the "wilderness" instead of the hot, barren desert but that would throw off the meter. I do hope you meet Him!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2017
Comment from visionary1234
What's 10/6 metering please EE? Funny, when I first started reading it (muttering it aloud, as I tend to do with most poetry - it's my litmus test) ... the rhythm seemed almost anapestic, but then there were a few 'trips' along the way, so I had to go back and re-think it. But seriously, it would make a great piece of music/ballad - there's such a great air of mystery to the storytelling here. Well done! Great last line. Great story. :)Sharyn
|
What's 10/6 metering please EE? Funny, when I first started reading it (muttering it aloud, as I tend to do with most poetry - it's my litmus test) ... the rhythm seemed almost anapestic, but then there were a few 'trips' along the way, so I had to go back and re-think it. But seriously, it would make a great piece of music/ballad - there's such a great air of mystery to the storytelling here. Well done! Great last line. Great story. :)Sharyn
Comment Written 08-Nov-2017
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a stunning work, both for the story and fluid rhythm and rhyme - well constructed in its smooth movement - another superb write by this uniquely gifted and uncommonly wise writer...
|
In my opinion, a stunning work, both for the story and fluid rhythm and rhyme - well constructed in its smooth movement - another superb write by this uniquely gifted and uncommonly wise writer...
Comment Written 07-Nov-2017
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem flows well though the stanzas don't have the same meter. It seems to say that the poet and the prophet can be alike in that they tell the truth but not always in easily understood language. This could almost be a song.
Keep writing
drgonpoet
|
This poem flows well though the stanzas don't have the same meter. It seems to say that the poet and the prophet can be alike in that they tell the truth but not always in easily understood language. This could almost be a song.
Keep writing
drgonpoet
Comment Written 07-Nov-2017
Comment from estory
The music in the poem is nicely rendered, and in a determined, reverent kind of tone, and I liked this image of the man in the desert at the sunrise at the end. You paint a picture of a simple, bare bones man, the substance in the spirit, just like John the Baptist, or Jesus himself. And it the tenacity of this message, the simplicity of it, the honesty, that reaches us. estory
|
The music in the poem is nicely rendered, and in a determined, reverent kind of tone, and I liked this image of the man in the desert at the sunrise at the end. You paint a picture of a simple, bare bones man, the substance in the spirit, just like John the Baptist, or Jesus himself. And it the tenacity of this message, the simplicity of it, the honesty, that reaches us. estory
Comment Written 07-Nov-2017
Comment from Kaye Ouston
Hello
I enjoyed this very much. You have captured the characters perfectly and I can see the preacher clearly and I can see you too. I love the beat and rhythm and it was a pleasure to read out loud as I do with all the poems I review. I like the way you have taken me back to a different time and place.
Kind regards
|
Hello
I enjoyed this very much. You have captured the characters perfectly and I can see the preacher clearly and I can see you too. I love the beat and rhythm and it was a pleasure to read out loud as I do with all the poems I review. I like the way you have taken me back to a different time and place.
Kind regards
Comment Written 07-Nov-2017
Comment from sandy montgomery
I iike this poem. The repeating stanza lends weight and anchors the piece. The rhythm is perfect as are the rhymes which are not forced but flow from line to line perfectly. This is an exceptional poem. It deserves a six star rating. I just have the five to give it though. This is a very well written piece.
|
I iike this poem. The repeating stanza lends weight and anchors the piece. The rhythm is perfect as are the rhymes which are not forced but flow from line to line perfectly. This is an exceptional poem. It deserves a six star rating. I just have the five to give it though. This is a very well written piece.
Comment Written 07-Nov-2017
Comment from GracieAnn
EE,
I enjoyed the meter and rhyme, and more importantly how the authenticity of the man of God came through with more than just charisma. Truth is able to cut through all the smoke screens we can muster.
John the Baptist was a former Essene which were a group of isolated scribes and keepers of Scriptures literally and in life. They lived as simply and isolated as possible so as not to be distracted by the worldly enticements. The practiced self denial. John came out from among them to announce the coming of one much greater than he. The Voice crying in the wilderness, for sure. Nicely done. :0 GracieAnn
|
EE,
I enjoyed the meter and rhyme, and more importantly how the authenticity of the man of God came through with more than just charisma. Truth is able to cut through all the smoke screens we can muster.
John the Baptist was a former Essene which were a group of isolated scribes and keepers of Scriptures literally and in life. They lived as simply and isolated as possible so as not to be distracted by the worldly enticements. The practiced self denial. John came out from among them to announce the coming of one much greater than he. The Voice crying in the wilderness, for sure. Nicely done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 06-Nov-2017
