Comment from evesayshi

Excellent

In my opinion, splendid rhythm and rhyme - well constructed in its sonnet delivery and sound. I can relate to sleep interruption and have written about it as well, but in free verse. I think perhaps the aging process has something to do with our sleep disturbances, but perhaps it is only I who suffer because of advancing years - sorry if I misspoke in your particular instance...

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2017

Comment from estory

Excellent

This poem, in a very rigid and traditional style, holds a surrealistic imagery of the contest and struggle between good and evil. We seem to be walking along that precipice on the edge of a cliff that drops to the darkness of hell and the light of heaven, and the forces of light and darkness pull us one way or the other. estory

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2017

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

EE,
Again, you have created a write that depicts the pure evil from the enemy of our souls. Hell has more references in Scripture than does Heaven, intentionally to warn us. The descriptive and powerful words create the appropriate fear and dread of such debauchery. God is always fair in His judgements. Well rhymed and metered. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

Comment from gramalot8

Excellent

Indeed, this is a very thought provoking poem. I will have to ponder, reread and think about your words. It reminds me of the poets of old in the style and words you have used. Nightmares can be very troubling, that's for sure. Even good dreams sometimes evolve into bad ones. Thanks for sharing your work with us. Gramalot8

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

Comment from Sanku

Excellent

"To sleep ,perchance to dream...."

Nightmares sucks out your vitality .The demons lurking inside us comes out at night to disturb us .hat is how I consider nightmares

I liked the poem written in even penta meter rhyme.

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Thank you Sanku. I am honored. tom

Comment from RGstar

Excellent

I really never see the reason behind mentioning meters in author's notes in such details for it does not change how the poem is read, only your efforts in writing it.

A poem should just be read and gathered from.

A slight Elizabethan style here, which is my favorite form of poetry. A nice mix in bringing forth aura with the modern.

The author battles with his dreams, and bring forth words to boot.
Nicely done.
My best wishes.
RGstar

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

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reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017

Hi RGstar. Well, I don't know if you are actually interested in why I and some others on site explain the meter utilized in a poem but I will try to explain my reasoning for doing so. I am a formalist poet who happens to believe that structured poetry must be understood if not mastered to some degree before a writer can produce a decent poem. Each meter has its own rhythmic personality and if you begin reading a poem knowing what meter the poem is written in then you can quickly pick up the intended rhythm. All the great free/form poets from Whitman on were first masters of structured poetry or classic forms. It helps to know the 'whys' of rhetorical nuance and semantic variances to fully appreciate good poetry. Yes, you can just "read and gather" from a poem but remember poetry existed for many, many centuries before it was written down. Poetry was performed by what were known as 'bards' early on and then were called 'minstrels' and their performances emphasized the musicality of verse which entails the rhythmic fluidity of each line sung. These are just a few of the reasons I and others make the effort to inform those readers who 'do' see the "reasons" for the information you seem to feel is a waste of time. And I am certain that it is a waste of time to you and I understand that completely but poetry in the words of Socrates,
Aristotle and Plato is the highest artistic form of communication and education yet devised by man and its intricate complexities are fascinating and require a lifetime of in depth exploration to barely scratch the surface of historical poetics. Thanks a million for the read and review. tom

reply by RGstar on 06-Nov-2017

Yes, I absolutely agree about spoken word. I actually take up a little of that mantle on my profile page.

If you hadn't put in your notes of it written in iambic pentameter, amongst other things, I would never have known...and knowing, if reading it again, I would not look for the clues, I would get from it, exactly what I got from it the first read, except for knowing you spent more time using that special technique. So, expected its difficulty, or effort, in writing to come into play.


Is it to show the difficulty of the work, or written that way to bring out the best of the work in terms of flow and smoothness of the write. I choose to think, to bring out the best, not to show how difficult it was writing it, which a few poets think will give their work higher ranking, but I cannot stress how much of a myth that is, for though a work can be written with the structure of the sonnet= da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM, if the words chosen are not of calibre in their following or elaboration of the theme, then you might as well have written a letter or or any other kind of poem down to your level or skill set. Many you see, still are deluded that as long as it is called a sonnet, then its good. They forget there own part to play as too, how they are themselves in the write. The technical attributes of the poem is too cause the poem to spin off the tongue in a particular way, by the way the vowels or phonetics work.

Luckily, I am one of those that write naturally in iambic pentameter without thinking about it. Now, that is not to say it is all iambic pentameter, its just to say I identify with middle English, and somehow becomes part of my writing vocabulary, all be it natural and perhaps a well aided mistake, having been brought up on Shakespeare and the interest for the period.

Most here will not read through to see if the work is in Iambic pentameter. If done correctly with the authors own ability to express, it should just sound right.

I admit, giving the author insight to what you have just written and how, in structure, should prompt that interest to have a look what it entails, if not knowing.

Yet, like I, even knowing what iambs stand for...it is what is written that will be judged, not what steps you took to write it.

There are so many forms of poetry, over 1000, and Sonnet, one of them.

Free verse is actually the biggest selling and most popular poetry in the last 50 years, by far.

So you write a mediocre sonnet, against a half good free verse, without pointing to it, I dare say, the free verse would be deemed better.

If a whole work is written in Iambic pentameter, and does not have quality in words and there ambiance, their projection, there placing, their power to elaborate and enthrall, though they may have the perfect structure, it will make no difference to the outcome, it will be a mediocre write.

This I have seen this many times where an author expects to get higher plaudits when the work, though structured, does not meet expectations.

You write very well, and when first finding your work, it was easy to see regardless of which technique or poetry you decided to use.

I wouldn't so much agree with you though, that the knowledge of iambs or another kind of poem makes someone a better poet...not at all. I learned the sonnet when I was 14 years old. Shakespeare was a must in six forms in England. Taught as part of the curriculum, yet. I have wrote maybe sis sonnets in my whole life, five of them for exams back then. No I believe, a poet will find a form suited to own eye, and thereby finding the platform to write. Now, it won't give them the success or license to be a master poet, that depends on other attributes in live, in the way of expression, artistry and other such, which we don't have time to list....or every person that put words in the order of ad DUM ad DUM ad DUM ad DUM ad DUM, would be a master poet.

I love the sonnet, but more for the time when written with words suited, archaic in nature.

The modern sonnets written with nature or love in mind are often beautiful as they always seem to incorporate a feel of old. A plus when written in the language of its time, even if only slightly, for that aura should always be there.

Nice speaking to you. You write very well.
My best wishes.
RGstar

Comment from Dean Kuch

Exceptional

Very...Poe-like in context, Tom.
As you may or may not know, I happen to be a HUGE fan of the once troubled poet's work.
Was this inspired by an actual dream you had, or is it merely conjecture?
Impeccably well rhymed, featuring five rhymed quatrains in iambic pentameter.
Exceptionally well done...

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2017

Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)

Exceptional

What sin have I that brought thee to my door?
My eyes can see but need your clarity!
I smell your Master's hell inside His whore;
A stench that strips the truth from sanity.

If force of evil fails this time to cope
With silver-winged destroyers from the skies.
Your evil Master then will lose all hope
For God will judge Him with all knowing eyes.

The banished beast is cast unto the vast
Eternity of blackness come at last. This blew my mind so I gave you my last six. Your writing is incredible and this is so chilling well done kind regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2017

Comment from Ben Colder

Excellent

This is poetry. At first I thought, Byron. Then Poe, then no, I see it gonging into awe. The fourth stanza sounds Biblical. Thanks for sharing. Well done poet. Not many here on Fan Story. Keep up the real work.

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2017

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

I can identify with this write, I sometimes have my sleep interrupted and then can't get back to sleep, and then a nightmare takes over! Best wishes, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 05-Nov-2017