Reviews from


Where is everyone?

2 total reviews 
Comment from giraffmang
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

Some nice tension and a solid point of view.

of heat blast me instantly; instantly knocking me to the ground- maybe come up with a variant for instantly here rather than the repetition.

The only response was a wafting odor coming from the freezer aisle. The smell was almost painful to inhale, I expected to find corpses in there, but it was just the smell of spoiled meat. - this is very unlikely. If it's only three days, the frozen food would in all likelihood still be edible. Given it's in a freezer it would take at least 24 hrs to defrost and would probably still be chilled for a bit. It would probably not have gone off that quick. Some freezers will keep the stuff frozen for 48 hrs with no power.

I walked to the strip mall that I lived by and frequently when I needed to get out. - this doesn't read right. Maybe frequently should be frequented or you need to add in some words like frequently visited?

liter blowing in the wind - litter.

Millions reduced to liter and empty cars. - litter.

I road, covered with obstacles was easy enough to get around - The road.

you also have a lot of sentences and paragraphs that start with I. It is hard to et away from in this type of write.

I'll need to exchange it for a truck if my plan would be successful. - different tense here.

Maybe I worked so hard to drown out the silence - of course, could have just pilfered some batteries, a cd player and some cds... I have to say I was surprised the fella didn't at least try the radio stations on car radios to see if anyone else was around...

one day near the beginning of September Is a family of deer - I saw rather than is.

I stared feeding them - started.

I passed the sings a few more times - signs.

My thoughts raced as I dodged incontinent vehicles - this is a very odd expression. Do you mean they were leaking fluids?

I got the whole feeling of I am Legend here but the ending(?) left me entirely flat, almost like I'd been cheated out of a conclusion to the story.

The other big issue is that at the start the main character is writing all of this down so the ending doesn't really work.


 Comment Written 01-Nov-2017

reply by the author on 01-Nov-2017
    I'm sorry you felt that way it was more of an coming to terms with what he wanted versus what he felt like wanted; the story was more focused on the chance of finding an answwer. Thanks for the tips.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This speaks about finding a way out, searches could not help find out the way right to the destination, at last the windows gave a hope and author guessed to find the way; I liked.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2017

reply by the author on 31-Oct-2017
    I'm glad you liked it.