Natural Light
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Wanderlust"contemporary poetry
13 total reviews
Comment from rama devi
I love this! Love the flowing enjambment, the exquisite tone and imagery, the closing AHA and the fantastic phonetics in phrasing, especially the S and W sounds and other poetic devices. Enjoyed reading this aloud.
Outstanding opening line:
Look for the roads that run off of the borders of maps
Drew me right in!
Favorite parts:
On the road beneath the moon,
All the footsteps that passed are lost
In the tangled grass,
On the wild wind,
With the restless birds
Suddenly springing to flight
From their perches in the uppermost branches
and these lines:
Those far away places, deep forests, lakes
Where the mountains you sought are reflected in the sky
And the sky spreads out beyond your outstretched arms,
And you know that you cannot turn back again,
and these:
Where the restless wind through the restless grasses
Gives shape to the clouds trailing off to the horizon
Spag suggestions for this part:
We turn our backs gladly on the familiar(,)
Well(-)worn paths of our walking,
Until all we have left is the mysterious earth,(no ,)
And the even more mysterious sky.
Absolutely outstanding. Alas, though, I've no sixes left.
******
Warmest Smiles,
rd
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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I love this! Love the flowing enjambment, the exquisite tone and imagery, the closing AHA and the fantastic phonetics in phrasing, especially the S and W sounds and other poetic devices. Enjoyed reading this aloud.
Outstanding opening line:
Look for the roads that run off of the borders of maps
Drew me right in!
Favorite parts:
On the road beneath the moon,
All the footsteps that passed are lost
In the tangled grass,
On the wild wind,
With the restless birds
Suddenly springing to flight
From their perches in the uppermost branches
and these lines:
Those far away places, deep forests, lakes
Where the mountains you sought are reflected in the sky
And the sky spreads out beyond your outstretched arms,
And you know that you cannot turn back again,
and these:
Where the restless wind through the restless grasses
Gives shape to the clouds trailing off to the horizon
Spag suggestions for this part:
We turn our backs gladly on the familiar(,)
Well(-)worn paths of our walking,
Until all we have left is the mysterious earth,(no ,)
And the even more mysterious sky.
Absolutely outstanding. Alas, though, I've no sixes left.
******
Warmest Smiles,
rd
Comment Written 04-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2017
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Thank you so much for the excellent review and for all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. Your continued enjoyment of my poems, and your support of them, has been very rewarding indeed. This is what its all about; sharing something of your craft with the world, and making it seem just a little bit brighter. Lord knows poetry is like a candle in a dark room in this world today. estory
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Thanks for your lovely metaphorical response, dear. Yay!~ Love, rd
Comment from Irish Rain
We have a full moon tonight, so this was especially beautiful to read, and imagine. I prefer the little, less traveled roads in life, you never know what you'll see, for me, it's always been the journey, rarely the destination. Just lovely, blessings....
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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We have a full moon tonight, so this was especially beautiful to read, and imagine. I prefer the little, less traveled roads in life, you never know what you'll see, for me, it's always been the journey, rarely the destination. Just lovely, blessings....
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting the poem. I am glad you enjoyed the sense of freedom I tried to create here, the attempt to capture the spirit of leaving the comfortable and familiar for the adventure of the open, unexplored road. estory
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, a captivating read, that held my attention and interest in its smooth and free verse flow. The construction is fluid and stunning, considering the absence of an image to enhance the beauty and form of the text - an ode worthy of Six Stars, which, unfortunately, I don't have to give...
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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In my opinion, a captivating read, that held my attention and interest in its smooth and free verse flow. The construction is fluid and stunning, considering the absence of an image to enhance the beauty and form of the text - an ode worthy of Six Stars, which, unfortunately, I don't have to give...
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2017
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Thank you for the excellent review and for all your wonderful comments supporting this piece. I am glad you felt I captured in a smooth and colorful language, a musical language, the spirit of adventure and freedom, the sense of leaving behind the familiar for the open, unexplored road. estory
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You are indeed most welcome...
Comment from Mitchell Brontė
Hi my friend
This was a great piece of writing that encapsulates the the thrill and beauty of hiking.
For me there is no better feeling than being in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nature not knowing what's around the corner.........excellent
Mitchell
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi my friend
This was a great piece of writing that encapsulates the the thrill and beauty of hiking.
For me there is no better feeling than being in the middle of nowhere surrounded by nature not knowing what's around the corner.........excellent
Mitchell
Comment Written 02-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the five stars and for all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I love hiking, and am I glad you enjoyed this and felt the poem captured the spirit of exploring, of enjoying the freedom of the wilderness estory
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your wonderfully-written ode describing the joys of exploring off the beaten path. I don't do much of that anymore, but I remember the thrill of being in a place few had ever touched.
~patty~
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi there;
Thank you for sharing your wonderfully-written ode describing the joys of exploring off the beaten path. I don't do much of that anymore, but I remember the thrill of being in a place few had ever touched.
~patty~
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the five star review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad it captured something of this freedom of the outdoors for you again estory
Comment from Pantygynt
This reads as a prose poem should, like a poem, but according to the latest definitions I have received should it not look like prose, and not be written in lines, complete with opening capital letters?
Whatever the answer may be it doesn't alter how this poem sounds when read aloud, as all poetry should be, even the prose poetry. And when all is said and done this sounds great.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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This reads as a prose poem should, like a poem, but according to the latest definitions I have received should it not look like prose, and not be written in lines, complete with opening capital letters?
Whatever the answer may be it doesn't alter how this poem sounds when read aloud, as all poetry should be, even the prose poetry. And when all is said and done this sounds great.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the five star review and for all your wonderful comments and suggestions. I am so glad you enjoyed the musical aspects of this poem, as well as the imagery, I strive to keep an ear to the music of language in writing poetry and this poem is about subtle off rhyme and echoing effects of sound within a natural flow of language estory
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hi Estory. My friend Mitchell does this kind of thing. He just takes off and hikes and runs around for a while and then comes back and writes something wonderful. I enjoyed this ode and I've often thought travel should be done while we are young ... Great piece my friend. xoxo deborah
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Hi Estory. My friend Mitchell does this kind of thing. He just takes off and hikes and runs around for a while and then comes back and writes something wonderful. I enjoyed this ode and I've often thought travel should be done while we are young ... Great piece my friend. xoxo deborah
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
Thanks so much for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this poem. Glad you enjoyed the spirit of the outdoors, the freedom of exploring the wilderness, that this poem is about estory
Comment from Asem.inspirations
Good morning, estory: As I was reading this poem I was seeing all the sights that you were explaing. I could envision the many variations of God's wondrous creations As I wandered into the adventure of the travel, alone and in the peace of the open roads and world, I grew more close to God, deeper in my appreciation of His love for all that He gave to us (mankind, humans) for our enjoyment. This poem made me realize the importance of giving myself the gift of travel. I stay so trapped in the regular routines of day to day life. I need to make time to smell the flowers, climb the mountains, lay on the beaches, walk through the parks and tropical ares. There is so much to see and explore. I hope I will one day get the time to make the time.
This poem is so awesome. I could tell you have been traveling. Thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Good morning, estory: As I was reading this poem I was seeing all the sights that you were explaing. I could envision the many variations of God's wondrous creations As I wandered into the adventure of the travel, alone and in the peace of the open roads and world, I grew more close to God, deeper in my appreciation of His love for all that He gave to us (mankind, humans) for our enjoyment. This poem made me realize the importance of giving myself the gift of travel. I stay so trapped in the regular routines of day to day life. I need to make time to smell the flowers, climb the mountains, lay on the beaches, walk through the parks and tropical ares. There is so much to see and explore. I hope I will one day get the time to make the time.
This poem is so awesome. I could tell you have been traveling. Thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 01-Nov-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the five star review and for all your wonderful comments supporting this poem. I am glad you enjoyed the spirit of the outdoors and the exploration of the wilderness that this poem tries to capture. Its always great, even necessary, I think, to get away from the city and lose oneself in the wilderness. New York is so blessed with so many beautiful places I have enjoyed over the years. The Finger Lakes, Lake George, The Adirondacks, the Catskills, so many places you can go within a short drive from the city estory
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I will look into theses places , thank you
Comment from Sharon Haiste
The wander lust is a powerful pull. Some sunny days I have to fight the urge to just keep on driving and see where I will end up.
Well written and well described.
Sharon
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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The wander lust is a powerful pull. Some sunny days I have to fight the urge to just keep on driving and see where I will end up.
Well written and well described.
Sharon
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks for the excellent review and for your wonderful comments supporting this piece. Glad you enjoyed it and found it so well written estory
Comment from RodG
The title is so appropriate for describing what the Speaker must be feeling as he lets his spirit wander into natural places "off the map." I especially like stanza one where I feel I am with him as he ventures on into what seems like pristine country. But you switch from "you" to "we" and this inconsistency in POV weakens the poem. Stars seem a bit inadequate. I give this a B-.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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The title is so appropriate for describing what the Speaker must be feeling as he lets his spirit wander into natural places "off the map." I especially like stanza one where I feel I am with him as he ventures on into what seems like pristine country. But you switch from "you" to "we" and this inconsistency in POV weakens the poem. Stars seem a bit inadequate. I give this a B-.
Comment Written 31-Oct-2017
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2017
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and for all the wonderful comments and suggestions. I will take a look at the pov and straighten it out. You are probably right. But I am glad you felt it captured the spirit of the freedom of the outdoors. estory
