Reviews from

Nightmare or Dreamboat

She saw him in dreams before they met.

5 total reviews 
Comment from MJ McIntire
Excellent
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This is a very charming story. I like the banter between the two. I like his sense of
humor. I think I found two little edits (you tell me, I don't like to assume)

"A favor?" He eyebrows raised in pleasant curiosity-His eyebrows? and the conversation with the mom. Should it be love him for who he is not who he isn't?

I like how you made the leading man a red head-most are blond or brunette.

We have a little thing in common. My first ever entry on FS back in July, my story included a law firm and the name of it was Jamison. Your red headed lawyer Jameson.

Enjoyed this story

MJ

 Comment Written 10-Nov-2017

Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
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Hi there,

It may be an idea to incorporate some additional line breaks into your work. Leaving clear lines between dialogue and paragraphs can make for a cleaner write which is more easily followed. Also, many folk simply skip over large blocks of unbroken text.

Nice twist on the usual romance with the premonition dreams.

"A favor?" He eyebrows raised in pleasant curiosity - His?

"Never ask you out? You mean for a date?' - change the closing speech marks to match the form of the opening one.

heartrending can be one word.

When she was twelve / when she was 14. - it's probably better to either use the numbers or spell them out consistently rather than use both presentation forms.

"O Ken, I thought you'd never ask!" - Oh?

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2017

Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Excellent
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Catching my breath, I confessed, "There's one more thing I have to tell you.
"What's that?"
"Last night I dreamed we had redheaded triplets. You can call it off right now if that scares you."
He sighed between kisses, "Triplets run in my family."
Awww how beautifully swet and romantic. I enjoyed this so much and I am miserable with flu. So this cheered me up. Well done an amazing and imaginative write with excellent characterisation and description, kind regards Meia xx

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2017

Comment from Don Alesi
Excellent
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Very well written. I have never read anything involving romance but since I joined this group I decided to try reading all types of Genres. Yours is the first. I found it quite interesting in the fact that some parts of it came a little to close to home. It involves meeting my wife over thirty four years ago.
I'm glad read this.

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2017


reply by the author on 07-Nov-2017
    Thank you for your comments. I'd like to hear more about how you met your wife.
Comment from Sharon Meda
Excellent
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This is a good story with lots of detail with the inevitable happy ending. True romance.
It was easy to read and follow the story line.
Well done.
Sharon

 Comment Written 28-Oct-2017


reply by the author on 07-Nov-2017
    Thank you Sharon. I do appreciate your feedback.